I originally wrote this post some years ago and, since then, have had multiple children who did NOT go to preschool enter into school, make straight A’s, and excel. So this isn’t a “you should” but a “there might be another way” type of post.
From Kindergarten to Senior Year, kids will spend around 11,700 hours in school. And that’s a conservative estimate.
Kids gotta learn, right?
Of course they do.
They’ll learn to read, write, do math, and (hopefully) name all 50 states in alphabetic order through song. They’ll learn about crushes, friendships, and how to handle homework.
They’ll think about clubs to join, getting their driver’s licenses, taking standardized tests, which college they want to go to, and figure out what they want to be when they grow up.
One day we’ll be packing up and sending them away to start life on their own.
But that day is not today because my daughter is only 4 years old.
We hem hawed about preschool. Visited preschools (on two continents), talked about it ad nauseum with anyone would listen (or pretended to listen) and debated.
How many days should we send her to preschool?
Should we send her for just the morning or for a full day?
Two days in a row?
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreBeing from a small town, there actually weren’t many options.
Most preschools were 5 days a week or, if you wanted to go less, you pretty much paid the same amount.
I know preschool is great for some kids. I know most people send their kids to preschool.
And, I know it’s even seen as a ‘rite of passage’ to some. I get that and believe wholeheartedly that each family is different and knows what’s best for them.
After all, we can know if we’re making wise parenting choices and we can remind ourselves of this if we’re feeling false guilt.
But after talking, thinking, praying, and budgeting we decided that we won’t send her to preschool right now. And… I’ve committed in my heart to do some other things instead.
(Note: Hands Free Life helped give this decision legs).
So what will we do instead?
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
What We’ll Do Instead Of Sending Our Child To Preschool
These are just personal to us, and part of our family culture. What you would do if you didn’t want to send your child to preschool might be different.
And that’s okay.
We’ll sleep late and snuggle.
My kids wake up around 7:30 am each morning and have since birth. It is possible to get your kids to sleep later, and it’s so nice. We will (and are) starting the day slow.
The older kids have to “make” their beds before they come out of their rooms in the morning, then they come to our room.
Lets face it, we all laze around on the bed and tell the baby how wonderful he is, we talk about things like dreams, plans for the day, and what they’d prefer for breakfast.
It is SO nice not to have to start the day rushing.
Related Reads:
- Routines That Help Keep A Home Tidy With Kids
- Modern Life Is Too Busy: How To Slow Your Family’s Pace
- 7 Phrases To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn More
We’ll have laid back breakfasts.
This’ll be my last year without having to worry about rushed mornings.
No hurried “get dressed” and “finish your breakfast” or “where’s your backpack?“
We can mosey on down to the kitchen by 8 a.m. and drag out breakfast until nearly 9 o’clock.
In our pajamas. And, if inspiration strikes (or maybe if it doesn’t) we can stay in our pajamas most of the morning. Not because we’re lazy. Or because we are slobs.
But… because this is a super short season of life where we won’t “have to.”
Related Reads:
- How To Encourage Imaginative Play In Toddlers And Preschoolers
- 5 Handy Things Mothers Of Preschoolers Should Know
- The Real Reason Moms Never Have Enough Time (HINT: It’s Not Because They Waste It)
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreWe’ll spend time with family.
There are family members who are already retired, and we’re going to spend time with them. Just yesterday my aunt made biscuits and tomato gravy for her farmer husband’s lunch, so we all piled up, went over, and visited.
My daughter won’t be able to do that next year, except on weekends, so we’re going to take advantage of spontaneous “I’m making your favorite meal, want to come over?” phone calls mid-day.
Related Reads:
- Surprising Benefits Of The Grandparent / Grandchild Relationship
- Family Identity: The Things Tight Knight Families Have That Distant Families Don’t
- 5 Things To Do With Your Preschooler If You Don’t Send Them To Preschool
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
We’ll be busy outside.
We’ve started a garden a ways away from the house. We treated the soil, set up the sprinkler, and are busy growing seedlings in the barn before we transplant them.
One day we spontaneously made a scarecrow (seen below) and most days we walk around quite a bit. I try to get my steps in which means we’ll just wander aimlessly but fast.
We will look in the pond, at insects, and the kids will get filthy and dirty. I love it.
Related Reads:
- Gardening Jobs For Toddlers And Preschoolers
- Outdoor Play Tips To Get (And Keep) The Kids Outside
- Tips For Taking Preschoolers On “Educational” Trips
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn MoreWe’ll enjoy long naps.
Afternoon pickup: the death march for baby and toddler naps.
Instead of waking up 3 kids to do a preschool pickup… we won’t.
Some days the kids sleep until 4, 4:30 or even 5! If they nap late we might move back dinner and bedtime a bit. There’s no rush to do this, rush to do that.
Related Reads:
- The 3 Year Old Sleep Schedule That Minimizes Meltdowns
- How To Get All Your Kids To Nap At The Same Time
- Real Chores Preschoolers And Toddlers Can Do Well
We’ll do school for fun.
My kids love ABCmouse.
The kids get to create their own learning path and do lessons that are interactive, fun, and suited to the child’s level.
My kids think it’s so fun they’ll watch each other play. The standards are up to public school level and it’s a great way to add in a bit of learning without the drama.
Psst… Get one month of ABCmouse free by clicking here.
Related Reads:
- How To Cook With Preschoolers And Not Regret It
- Homeschooling Pros And Cons: The Ultimate Guide To Help You Choose
- A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
We’ll read a lot.
My daughter is quite bright. Okay, okay, don’t we all think that?
Because of that I know it’s good to challenge her, but I also know that she challenges herself.
We bought this Amelia Bedelia set for her first chapter books and we’re already looking forward to the next books. Kindergarten will start and with it homework and then lessons and units. For now, we’re going to read for fun.
Related Reads:
- The Best Christian Children’s Books
- How To Read To Kids Who Won’t Sit Still
- How To Increase Small Children’s Reading Stamina
We’ll do life together.
As the kids get older life will inevitably get busier. More scheduled. More involved.
More will be required of the kids and therefore of myself, so this year we’re going to just do simple life. I’ll teach her (and the others) how to do more cooking.
We’ll go grocery shopping. I’ll make sure they continue doing chores, cleaning, and I’ll teach them some more personal hygiene skills. Of course kids learn throughout the entirety of their childhood, but this year we’ll do these things in a relaxed way.
Related Reads:
- Life Skills For Kids By Age (With Printables!)
- How Moms Can Work Themselves Out Of A Job (Step By Step)
- How To Raise Cleaning Machines
- 5 Dinner Time Hacks To Simplify (And Sanify) Meals
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn More
We’ll try our hand at nothing.
If we wake up to a dreary rainy day and feel like doing nothing, we will.
Or if we wake up and get a wild hair to do something fun that day, we will.
Whereas in future years we’ll have to go to school, honor our commitments, and do the work, right now we don’t. She doesn’t have to go to school.
I don’t have to make her.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
We’ll make sure she’s prepared.
My mom works in a school and understand what my daughter needs to know before starting. She knows letters, numbers, colors shapes, how to write her name, and she’s even started sounding out letters to read a bit.
She can sit still, pay attention, and obey instructions.
If she misses anything, I’m sure she’ll pick it up.
We’ll enjoy this season.
This is the major thing I want to do. Right now I have an overwhelming sense we need to relax and enjoy this season of life. If you have not read Hands Free Life, I urge you to do so.
Next year life will be different. Next year my daughter will be one year older. And next year I’ll have school lunches and homework and pickups.
It’ll be awesome in its own way, but I’m not going to rush it.
Preschool is great, but it’s not a necessity.
Learning is a must, but it comes in many forms.
Each family has the freedom of choice, and we are happy with ours.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
Preschool Or Not FAQ
Do kids have to go to preschool?
No. Kids are not required to go to preschool. In fact, preschool was started to give under privileged children support so they could begin Kindergarten on grade level.
In fact, in some states, children aren’t even required to go to Kindergarten! If you teach your child the basics of counting, letters, colors, numbers, and how to sit still and pay attention, then they will be able to pick up what they need in Kindergarten.
Will kids be behind if they don’t go to preschool?
From what I’ve read, children who have gone to preschool can have a leg up on the other kids for a few months. And then, as usually happens, basic IQ, intelligence, and effort will even things out. A child might be slightly behind at the beginning of school, but be above other students after a month or two.
My daughter never went to preschool and at the end of the year scored the highest score on the standardized test in her whole class. I don’t live or die by standardized tests, but this proved to me that our decision to not send our kids to preschool was right for us.
Do your own research, but know that if you are reading with your child and teaching them the basics, they will be just fine.
Is it against the law if my child doesn’t go to preschool?
No. Each state has different requirements, but preschool is not one of them. Some states don’t even require children to go to Kindergarten, so do research for your particular state or country.
Will kids not learn social skills if they don’t go to preschool?
This depends.
If you have an only child and they never play with other kids, and skip preschool, they may be more shy and have an adjustment in Kindergarten learning to play with the other kids.
However, if you have play dates with others, go to youth or children activities at your church or in your neighborhood, and your child is used to other kids, then they will learn social skills. I personally think that a lot of the socialization that happens at school is quite negative, so the idea of socialization isn’t an end all for me.
We are 95% sure we are not sending our 4 year old to preschool this coming fall, but I am terrified going to kindergarten next year (full days, 5 days a week) will be a huge shock/hard transition. Any advice?
This is a great question!
I was worried about this myself with my child who didn’t start Kindergarten until he was 5, nearly 6. In fact, my first 3 children all did NOT go to preschool and then started with 5 full days. And, you know what? They all did just fine.
They were mentally, emotionally, and developmentally ready for Kindergarten, and were able to transition well.
What are some academic skills that we should focus on if we skip preschool?
Some academic skills you could focus on include: letter sounds, identifying letters and numbers, counting sequences up to 20, and identifying colors and basic shapes. Non-academic skills are also important to practice such as: following instructions, emotional regulation, social skills, being a good friend… the list goes on!
How can I provide a structured learning environment at home if we skip preschool?
Routines are key! We are prioritizing play, connection, and reading above structured preschool activities in our home. However, if you choose to have structured learning time, find a routine that works well for your family and stick to it (think: time of day, activities leading up to and following learning time, etc.) Try it out for a week and adjust the routine if it isn’t working. Try working in a separate place from distractions and make it engaging and specific to your child’s needs and interests!
::
You will never regret your decision.
Enjoy those long, lazy mornings and all those snuggles!
I chose not to send mind to preschool, either. We cuddled, read books, went to the park or the zoo whenever we wanted, and enjoyed our time together. The year she went to kindergarten she was ready; she knew her letters and numbers and how to write her name — because we played school at home on the days she wanted to. They only have one childhood, and you only have this one chance to enjoy every moment.
Thanks for the encouragement, Christina. I agree with you :)
I want to thank you for this, I have actually cried thinking I was a bad mom for wanting more time with my 4 year old. I am 45 and have raised two beautiful adult children. So I want my time with her but I get ( why is she not in preschool) why don’t you want time to yourself. She is my last and almost died having her so I want her with me to have fun and be a 4 year old. Thank you so much for your encouragement.
Daniece, don’t you feel guilty about that. ENJOY THE TIME WITH HER! She’ll be in school for the next 15 years!
How did the transition go for your child into Kindergarten and being in school 5 days a week, all day?
All mine did surprisingly well since we didn’t do preschool. They have not had any issues!
hello!
what age your kid went to kindergarten?
thank u
This is probably from a long time ago but I am so grateful to find this whole post. As I began reading it, I thought it was going to tell me all the things I “SHOULD” be doing if we decide not to go to pre-k. Practice getting up at 6am, start a strict schedule, practice lessons, etc. I’ve been struggling with a lot of guilt…thinking our current days are lazy and not beneficial 😢 and thinking I’m not doing enough to get her ready for those long days. This post has shown me that what we are doing IS beneficial and special and I most definitely want us to have another year of all these things together. Thank you guys so much. I feel so much better about the decision to keep her home with me and keep doing what we are doing. We are happy and loving it. ❤️
Wow all you mums must be so happy you clearly don’t have a job to go to. What a luxury. This article is just a load of self indulgent crap.
LOL I was thinking the exact same thing. It must be nice to be able to laze around and do absolutely nothing with your children! Oh the privilege
Nice! I only went to preschool because both of my deceased parents had full time jobs. I imagine they would’ve wanted to spend the time with me instead, most likely the same way you would with your child. No need to be so negative because someone may have a different lifestyle or schedule than you. I hope your kids learn empathy and compassion and positive reinforcement somewhere.
Yeah that’s nice if you have lots of money and a big house and a garden…
But most people don’t have those things. So the parents have to work and there kids must go to school
You try to make us feel guilty by making out your special . Your not special … your just lucky enough to have lots of money..
Actually as a SAHM, my husband and i do not have lots of money as to why we cant afford daycare. I stay home because my paycheck would be going straight to daycare. Just because we can doesn’t mean we are rich. Im on medicaid because my husband is the only one who works. Im wondering the same about not sending my 4 year old to preschool for many reasons not just to slum around, which we don’t do. Most SAHM cant afford daycare let alone a private preschool, which i would love to do because i was blessed enough to go to one, but i also only went 2-3 days a week. And my mom had her retired grandparents to rely on to watch me. Now everything is much more expensive and lets just say shes not retired and if she was is not the kind of grandma to watch my kids if i had a 9-5 job. This is crazy to think you think just because we stay home with them means we are rich.
This is your own mindset. Be more grateful that you have the opportunity of preschool to begin with. If you could you would probably make the decision to be with your child more as well. I am sorry you feel so negatively about your situation but some parents are just looking for the reassurance that they’re not doing the wrong thing by NOT sending them to preschool. There is nothing wrong with sending them to school, it’s obviously the more common and socially acceptable option these days.
You’re*
Thank you for this. Wow some of the comments from parents who work is so sad. Angry and bitter. There is definitely this assumption that if you stay home with your children that life is easier. That is not the case! All my friends went back to work by choice and commend me for staying home with my kids. They said they wouldn’t be able to handle not having a break. Each parent is different but you certainly shouldn’t judge a SAHP because you couldn’t stay home. My husband and I personally worked two jobs each and rented a room in our house to pay all our debt off before we had children so one of us could be home with them. People sometimes make big sacrifices to be home. So tired of reading the shaming for stay at home parents on blogs because working parents may be envious. It’s a form of bullying.. set an example for your children.
This is absolutely the most inspiring thing I’ve read in a while!! I have the Hands Free Mama book and I love it as well! My daughter is also very advanced and at 3 yrs old she not only knows her alphabet, numbers, shapes and colors but also way more than she should in every day life. We have decided not to put her in preschool, but I have created lesson plans for every day of the week to encourage her learning. After reading your thoughts, I’m trying thinking I should trade a step back a reconsider what’s important at this age. Thank you for these inspiring words and God bless!!
Toni, what a sweet comment! I was so hoping people would feel encouraged in their decisions or give pause to think. My daughter is the same as yours, well advanced and I just really want to hang onto this time!
Thank you so much. I feel like God brought this to me tonight as I sat here feeling so guilty about not sending my 4yr old to preschool. We haven’t been much for daycare and every one of the preschools seemed more glorified daycare than anything else. It also gave me more ambition to find more things to do together.
Why does she need to know advanced subjects etc? She’s only 3. She shud be climbing, baking , crafting, running, playing with dolly’s, laughing instead!
You’re setting her up to be bored around other kids her age. Because she will be bored if you’r forcing her to learn things only 5-6 year olds need to learn. Other 3 year olds won’t be at her level and why should they unless they have pushy mums?
Your pushiness will mean She will become messed up and rebel when she’s a teen. I’ve seen it happen a lot!
Shame on you
Love this! Sounds like a beautiful time in which the learning will just take place naturally.
I hope so, Jennifer!
I am so glad that I came across this forum. You have made me feel so much better about not sending my youngest son to Pre-K. I know the advantage of being able to send them off if you are a working mom (props to you by the way.). But I am so grateful to be able to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. With my first couple of sons I was a working mom. But once I had my 3rd son, my husband and I decided it was best for me to stay home with them. My first 3 sons started school when they were 4 years old, Pre-K. But with my 4th son I was hesitant to send him. I thought that I was being selfish, at first. But, like my other sons, I had already taught him his letters, numbers, shapes, etc. All kids at that age are very bright by the way! I was on the fence about sending him to Pre-K since he was my last baby. Mostly because I felt guilty for not sending him. Ultimately, I decided to wait until he starts kindergarten. I want to thank you for helping me realize that I was making the right decision for us. There is no one way to raise a child. As long as we support them, they will succeed!
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I agree. I really don’t think that children need preschool.
they need to be home with their mother and/or siblings getting personal attention and caring.
They can learn everything and get caught up in kindergarten and first grade.
That’s What me and my wife think too. My wife works from home part time and we got a couple of boys, i’ve done alot of research and seen both ways the benefits. My thought is this: My boys after this year will be in school for the next 13 to 15 years of there life. This is a precious and once-in-a-life time to have both my boys as babies at the house. The years are already flying by, we have a whole monastory crate of things we are teaching our boys, we will enjoy them at the house, and have them ready for next fall.
Agreed, I am very grateful for this article! I needed the positive reinforcement and the encouragement to be the most present I can be with my daughter right now. I am a working mom, fortunately with a flexible schedule and a wonderful partner who helps me with her while he’s home. She learns a lot and is above and beyond all her milestones. Preschool was for working parents when I was growing up in the 90s and I feel that, given the opportunity it’s important to let your child express themselves and grow and learn at their own pace. I am worried about socialization with other children but this motivates me to be more active in that department on my own while I have the time. To each their own, and being that I can, I prefer to wait for formal school until absolutely necessary. Until then, I feel that maybe dance classes, play dates, birthday parties, kids programs, etc. can help her with expressing herself with other children.
Thank you Rachel 🙏💛
Things are very different here in the UK. Kids start school at 4 or just turned 5, depending on what month their birthday falls. As our youngest was born on September 3rd, she’ll have to wait an extra year to start school and will be the oldest in her class.
That said, we’ve signed her up for pre-school, next September, when she turns two. It’ll be really sad to see her go, but I want her to get out there and mix with other kids and learn lots of exciting things.
If it doesn’t work out, we can pull her out, as we did with our last daughter, who then stayed home until it was time to start school.
I miss the lazy mornings and staying in our jammies (all day if we feel like it). I miss spontaneous days out, eating bowls of ice cream for lunch while watching movies, jumping in the car and heading to the forest to climb trees, and spending the day baking. We get to do this for six to seven weeks over the summer and for either a week or two weeks five other times during the year, but it’s not the same.
When you’re picking the kids up from school in the pouring rain or sitting in traffic at 8am, you long for the days when you could do what you liked when you liked.
Yet at the same time, the kids greet me with a hug every afternoon and tell me about their day and it’s lovely. We then spend the afternoon either doing homework together or watching a movie or playing at the park, and it’s brilliant. But it’s also limited, and it’s bittersweet.
Stace, you are too right that each family needs to do what’s best for their child. Ultimately preschool – unlike school school – you can always pull them out if it doesn’t work. And you are TOO RIGHT that the UK starts so early! I remember looking at these tiny bitty kids in uniform going to school thinking what on earth?
I adore this article! We are contemplating preschool right now and I can’t help but cry at the thought of already launching my newly 3 year old off into the rush of life. We have 10 month old twins and I yearn to simply life for a little bit longer, while we still can. Thank you for this beautiful reminder to slow down and enjoy this season.
Sarah, thanks so much :) I wanted to be sure everyone knows there’s nothing against preschool in general, but against the feeling you “have” to send your child. No. No you don’t!
could not agree more, and am doing exactly the same thing with my four year old. Just moved to Ireland from the UK and kids don’t have to start school until 6 here (although most of them do by 5) so I may even do this for the next two years!
We are seriously debating this with our 2nd daughter for the upcoming school year next year. She would be able to start pre-school but it just feels too early for her. We started our 1st daughter at this age, and while she did fine with it, it’s almost sad to witness the innocence fade away so early from what they learn from the other kids. We have had many conversations with her that we never thought we would have to explain things about at this age, it’s horrible! So for that reason we are thinking of not having our next daughter go.
Love your approach to this subject! Thanks for the insight. :)
Yes, I know it’s not bad in and of itself. Of course not, but I realized it was a sense of “guilt” for NOT sending her that was making me consider it. When we thought about her we just knew it was a no go. We may choose differently for my sons, but I doubt it!
What a sweet article! We tried a part-time Spanish preschool with our three year old to add to the Spanish we do at home together and help him have friends his age. After 3 months of teary drop offs and a lot of anxiety from my toddler, we pulled him from preschool. I’m excited for all the time we will have together now!
Well said! Childhood is short enough as it is. I don’t agree with putting young children into school. But I am also speaking from the perspective of having grown up in a small town where everybody played with everybody and that was how you got your social skills
Yes, Judy! I see how it’d benefit a child who had no peers or family to play with. I’m not against it, per se, but just don’t see it working for our family with a lot of built in playmates anyway.
Thank you for this!!
Good for you making the right decision for your family. I completely agree with your thoughts about school which is why I work for a play based co-on preschool. The parents are very involved and the emphasis is on play. At the age of 2-5 they learn all the skills they need from play. Numbers, letters, come later, they WILL learn and we don’t need to rush that. One big difference with being at school vs. Being with mom is learning to be with other. Learning to share toys, to communicate your needs, learning to make friends, these are life long skills. I understand not everyone has these options. Hopefully when your son is ready to go you will have a place near you that focuses on play because you’re right, they have years of studying ahead of them.
What an awesome program! Again, I never want anyone to think I am anti-preschool, far from it. I’m sure many kids are gaining valuable skills there and you are too right, it’s play that matters most!
I get not sending your child to preschool. Early childhood goes so quickly. Enjoy time with your daughter but don’t forget to help her with social and self help skills before kinder. Sharing waiting for your turn. Keeping your hands to yourself are all important skills. Teach her to put on her own shoes jacket and keep track of her belongings. Enjoy this time with your little one God bless
Charlene, great points and reminders. I’m glad you mentioned those actually because some of those things she’ll have to do in school she’ll simply not be used to doing at all. Thank you!
Here in NYC they made 4 year old preK free, so I felt foolish about having so many reservations about sending my son. It’s 5 full days a week. Ironically, if you want a part time program, you have to pay for it! But I also hate the idea of rushing in the morning and waking up a toddler and a baby to pick up in the afternoon. I’m hoping there is no attendance policy so we can go 1 day a week if we feel like it. What’s the worst they could do…expel us from preK?
Jessie, that was what it was here. It’s free here in many places but every single day. I understand that is a godsend if you work, but when I’m at home… that seems extreme plus I’d have to wake EVERYONE up to do pickup. Ummm, no. Some of the private ones were $400 a month for every day or one day. HA!
Hi, Jessie!
I found your comment, and I, too, live in NYC. I feel silly not sending my son to school and was wondering if I could get away with not sending him every day. Five days per week/six hours per day just seems like too much!
Did you send your child every day? How did they do? I’m having so many reservations about this and orientation is a couple of days away.
Thank you!
I have been debating and crying about this especially the feeling of being a bad mom! from those asking me why she not in school and this and that (since she was in the belly I made up my mind to keep her until she is 4) now that she is 3 I plan on sending her when she is 4 so she can get the social skills from it. After reading this it makes me feel like I am not the only one and my decision is not a bad one. Thank you so much!
I love this post! I’m struggling with the decision myself. I would love to play school with my children (1&3) instead of sending them to a structured program. But I work out of the home on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I’m not sure I’ll be fully available to do that. What are your thoughts on how I can make it work?
Ashley, I am with you on this struggle although I work from home in the cracks. I think, if I’d established set work hours, morning school would be a good option. Thus far I’ve managed to make it work, but we’ll see what happens in the next few years.
I am seriously struggling!! I really want to stay at home with my 3 year old but feel guilty most days that she is not getting enough social skills. She is quite shy and finds it hard to stay with others when i am not there other than grandparents and I worry that this is because i haven’t sent her to preschool. I thought that a more attachment approach would increase confidence. Will this confidence still come by school age do you all think? It is hard to arrange social meetings with other kids in a big city and it can be quite ad hoc and I often feel like the pressure to play can be too much!! Is it ok for me my 3 and 1 year old to mostly potter about by ourselves, with the odd cousin meet up or play in the park with other kids?? That you all
Laura, I am no psychological expert, but in my opinion children learn security, self-confidence, and skills at home. Yes, they practice those and fine tune them with other kids, but I think if our kids NEEDED to be in large group settings with other kids to learn necessary skills we’d be in a world of hurt. Some of the most eloquent and confident kids I know where on the mission field with their parents – with barely any other kids.
So if you don’t want to send her then don’t send her. Maybe even a play group once a week or two? My oldest seemed very shy since she wasn’t around kids much and she started Kindergarten this year and has ZERO issues!
That’s my opinion for what it’s worth. Other may disagree and I’d love to hear their opinions as well to make the convo richer!
It’s ok to have a shy child. In a society that praises the extroverts for confidence & being outgoing & go-getters, its hard to raise an introvert to value their own personality, & their contributions can be easily overlooked. I think that in allowing introverts to be tthemselves, that builds more confidence & their sense of self-worth far more than trying to get them to be something they’re not. An introvert can have social skills and still not be comfortable in large crowds or large group settings. I realize this comment is coming much later than the original post. We’re all doing the best we can. Peace and blessings to you & your little ones. :-)
These are excellent and true points, Marissa. Thanks for adding them to the conversation!
I really loved this article. These are all the things on why I didn’t send my 4 yr old to preschool. I have even got shamed on by other moms. I honestly thought I only thought this way.
I have 1 problem maybe you can’t help. When my 10 yr old started school this year me and my 4 yr old would do some school activities. She was really engaged. All of a sudden she doesn’t have any interest. I have told her let’s play teacher. She says I don’t want to play teacher. I have secretly start righting on a board to get her to see like cat, dog, ect. But she goes mute.
I don’t know what happened. She was loving that she was recognizing her numbers and writing her letters. (We got up to the letter D.)
She knows alot she just don’t know how to recognized her letters, numbers and write her name. And don’t know her sight words.
I’m embarrassed to send her to school and she be like the only kid that doesn’t know that stuff.
Any suggestions?
Andrea, you know do you think it could be insecurity a bit? Maybe you could have her do a game like ABCmouse or something so it’s a game and it involves learning?
I am not sending my 4 year old to preschool either. I’ve worked in one of those $800 a month chain preschools and what I witnessed was heart breaking. I believe most children are better off attaching securely to parents at home until age 6 or 7. Doing fun things and bonding is better than getting yelled at for not sitting on the carpet the right way or not lining up straight. Most preschool teachers are overworked, underfunded, and not highly skilled. It becomes exhausting looking after 20 children for 8 hours straight. It’s hard to keep a happy face taking care of children that aren’t yours. The best thing about preschool is the friendships the children make with others. But that can be done outside of a preschool. This blog is right. Enjoy the childhood while you and they can. The innocent time goes by so fast. It’s probably psychologically healthier to strengthen that bond with mom, dad and the family. After all, why do so many psychologists ask their patients how their relationship with their mother is? And most psychologists say emotional health is the biggest factor in success. Stay home and develop that bond. The only time preschool is better is when things at home aren’t so great, like the parents aren’t into it. In that case preschool is probably a better option but obviously it’s different for every family and each will have to do what is right for them.
I know not all preschools are like this, but my babysitter worked in a daycare/preschool and it was EXACTLY THE SAME.
Hello,
I came upon your article after I googled “should I send my 4 year old to preschool”. Great read! Truth be told, I would like to send him to preschool, but right now we just can’t afford it. So I’ve been feeling a little guilty, afraid it’s going to hold him back in some way. But he had been in daycare from 3 months old to just before he turned 4, so he’s familiar with a school setting; we moved to a different state for hubby’s new job, and instead of going back to work, I wanted to try the stay at home thing. Long story short, like you, I’ve been finding ways to help him learn at home until he goes to kindergarten next year. We do play dates. Parks and the library. So it’s nice to know I’m not alone on this! Thanks!
Emily, he will be COMPLETELY FINE, girl. No no no to guilt!
Just what I needed to read…I have always been a single mom to my now 3 year old son. I had him at 39, and he is my one and only. I love spending every minute and second of everyday with him because I know as he gets older he will need less of me. When my son was 2 my parents and others pressured me to place him in preschool. I placed him 2 days a week. It was horrible for both of us. Up to this point he had always been with me or my parents. I did like they said drop him off, kiss tell him you will see him soon, and leave. He would scream for me and cry, but I would keep going to my car. Yes, I cried myself as I know most moms do . This went on for three weeks. After about 2 hours they would call me to come get him. I would find him standing alone in the classroom crying his eyes out, and tearing the door down to get to me. We both were miserable! This was a 9 am to 1pm program. It got to the point he knew where we were going and refused to get in his car seat. This is when I said No more! How can this be a learning and fun experience for him! He hates it! Against everybody’s wishes I took him out. I am an RN and changed jobs to work every Saturday and Sunday so that for now I am with him Monday to Friday! Prior to his preschool experience we went to parks, zoo,picnics, day trips, painted, worked in our gardens, played at waterpark, played in the woods, etc. So when I changed my schedule and took him out of preschool we continued to these things and more. I joined Gymboree for 50 dollars a month! Gymboree is an inside gym for kids from babies to 5 years old. Moms stay and kids play on the gym equipment which is rearranged every 2 weeks and they also have an activity every 15 mins. Such as bubbles and parachute, music time, story time, art time. You can go everyday or one day a week. It has been great for me and my son! He get social skills with others and plays with kids. The rest of the time him and I sleep in, and do whatever we like the rest of the week. He is smart. He knows his colors, shapes, and numbers. Sings songs and has a great imagination! We do painting, act out movies, go to parks, water parks, zoo, free hx places, we sing , garden and cook together, dance, iPad kid learning activities,etc. Sometimes we do all this just at home in pjs all day. Childhood should be magical, not a bunch of schedules or deadlines. He has years of that coming up! I seriously doubt I will ever enroll him in preschool again. For us this works and we both are happy!
I applaud you for following your instinct and doing what’s best for your family. Preschool is NOT a necessity. Certainly if your son doesn’t even like it. Did you know preschool was initially “invented” and became widespread as an effort to give the children who did not have involved families a chance to sort of “catch up” before school starts. NOT SAYING preschool is bad, clearly, but your son will not be behind just because he didn’t go.
Thank you for this, it made me cry. I feel totally alone on the matter. I am a fire wife you see and my 4 year old is all I have. I did go to 3 preschools but decided I do more here. We read, write, do math, spanish, signing etc. I know one day, she will be gone, this time will pass. I felt like a horrible bad mom, most judge me for my choice, this opened my eyes. I am not alone after all. Thank you, thank you!
Girl, you are not alone and don’t you feel guilty for one second. My daughter (who I didn’t send) scored the highest of her entire class on the big state tests. And I did NOTHING regimented with preschool and just played, read, and taught her good manners. You spend that time with your baby because those preschool teachers won’t remember her but YOU’LL never get that time back!
Hello I am still struggling here as a mom. My daughter is 3 and can barely count to 3. There is nothing wrong with her educational wise but she does have a speech delay and very active which makes it hard for me to teach her. She has been in speech therapy since she was 2, but I can’t help compare her language to other kids. The things she says no one can understand. We read to her often and have tons of books but if things are getting better it is very slow. It is hard not to blame myself since I stay home with her. We don’t qualify for headstart and can’t afford preschool. I have been doing my best to get online resources but she just isn’t interested in any of it. Even ABC mouse, which has been difficult for us to do. She is just not picking it up. Even now I sit here with tears in my eyes because I just don’t know what to do. Any help or suggestions? And she turned 3 at the end of June.
Hi, Kim. I am an elementary and mild to moderate special education teacher who now stays home with my 3 (almost 4) year old son. I highly recommend reading “Better Late Than Early.” SO many things are developing for kiddos this age, and there are many reasons that are non-worrisome that may be contributing to what you described. Early intervention can be important, but waiting for readiness is critical. Focus on play, nature, your child helping you in fun ways around the house, talking, singing, rhythm, etc. It really is okay to take a break from letters for now and just read together for snuggles and connection. “Reading” signs around town is also a fun, no-pressure way to introduce kiddos to the concept of symbols having meaning. Keep prioritizing play and responding to her interests. It builds connection, trust, curiosity, and security. Above all, her secure attachment with YOU is critical and will provide a secure base for future learning and life down the road. (Another book I highly recommend is called “Hold Onto Your Kids” about attachment and peer vs. parent orientation.) Lastly, anything by Dr. Barbara Sorrels is AMAZING. She is an early childhood specialist and author with a podcast called Nurturing the Heart of a Child. And keep listening to your mama’s heart!
THank you so much for writing this. I am a preschool and kindergarten teacher turned stay at home mom and all the moms in my area send their kids to “preschool” or “moms day out” at 18 months!!! My oldest daughter is 2 and she’s literally the only 2 year old in our moms club that does not go to “school” 3 days a week from 9-1. I feel like it’s insane and everyone thinks I’m strange for not sending her away to get a break. But I love this time with her and plan fun learning activities and she’s so smart! We will be moving soon and the kindergarten is only half day in that district so I’m really excited about that!! I may send her to four year old preschool two mornings a week but I’m still not convinced I need to! Excited to read more of your blog.
Girl, I’m one of the only ones around here too and it’s like people send without thinking and I AM THE CRAZY ONE. Ha! I simply don’t want them gone that much, I miss them. Call me a sap but I don’t mind :)
I know is this post is old but I still want to say thank you.? My daughter will be three soon and I’ve been agonising over the question to send her to preschool or not. She sounds quite similar to your daughter in that she’s very bright and even communicates in multiple languages with little problem. The thing is that she’s very shy outside of our bubble, especially with other children. I’m embarrassed to say I looked at 11 different pre-schools, we’ve chosen the one we think is best but I’m very sceptical as she is so attached to me, even though it’s only for two afternoons a week. My poor husband is so sick of me needing to talk it over all the time!?
At least now I know if it doesn’t work out it’s OK, my friends and family will just have to deal with it!!!
Niki xxx
OMG! I was chewing myself away until I read this for not being able to enroll my child in a pre-k program. Thank you.
We are in an area where pre-school admissions are such a hassle, especially if you want your kid to go to a place that is safe and seemingly nurturing.
Our parenting style is so similar. I also feel that kids these days just have so much on their plate that there is just no time left to be a kid anymore. So for now we are also taking it easy, mildly structured and keeping it fun with our little one.
Just what I needed to read. My oldest is a September babe now 3.5 and in a 2 year old program bc of the cut-off. I hate getting her and the baby out the door for drop off and pick up. And coming in from afternoon pick up we are all tired and cranky and needy and it’s a mess and throws us off schedule. It’s only 9-12 twice a week, but I feel like the whole day becomes about it…getting ready…adjusting naps, meals, etc. Like you, I’m realizing that once the oldest is in “school school” there is no turning back. I want to slow down and enjoy.
This is so refreshing to read. I am currently a head start preschool teacher and have been working in daycares/preschools for the past 10 years. I’ve had part day children and full day children that have stayed up to 10 hrs a day in our care. I understand parents need to work to make a living. I’m 26 and would love to have children of my own but right now I need the hours to catch up with myself and take care of some finances and that’s personally why I don’t have children yet bc I want to be able to have more time for them. And this is coming from being a childcare worker that I feel this way and have been patient with having children of my own, so please don’t take it as being judged for having a child now with a full time career. But if you are considering less time in childcare I completely support you! Some of these children really just need that extra time with their parents. It breaks my heart when I see parents pick up their children talking on the phone or rush them to get their things to leave and go to the next activity . I have children that say they miss their parents all day long and I’ve had children tell me “mom said she is coming early to pick me up today” and majority of the time it doesn’t happen and they are upset and disappointed. i feel like a lot of my students would be different if they had that family time. I’m not saying that I’m against preschool.its definitely great for socializing children, helping them manage separation from parents when needed, but in terms of academics(ABCs, 123s, shapes, literacy, language, etc. there are so many resources online that give you ideas on how to teach preschoolers these basic skills it it can be as simple as counting the steps you take to walk to the car, counting the number of kids at the playground, talking about the weather while walking, talking about the trees you are surrounded by, having your child’s name around the house, and so on. And when your teaching these skills at home they are being taught either one on one, or maybe there’s 2,3, 4 children with you. I’m working with 18 that come from all different levels, abilities, experiences, etc. ill be honest I have a lot of disruptive behaviors that unfortunately get more attention when I’m teaching a lesson on those academic skills so some students suffer. We have classroom management techniques in place but some don’t work for all and I’ll be honest again I’m so stressed most days that’s it’s hard to stay motivated in the classroom. It’s true what some above say. Childcare workers are underpaid and overworked. I wish so badly I could tell some of my parents what we have to go through during the day and with administration. So please if you are able to spend that extra time with your children take complete advantage of it! They are only 0-5 once!
It is so true. Our babysitter worked in a daycare and said it could be quite hard for the little ones. As you said, there’s no shame in working when you have to work, but there is CERTAINLY no shame in not sending your kid to preschool.
THANK YOU for this. My daughter is only 2 (2.5 in 2 months) and I am getting pressure to send her to preschool. I don’t want to send her even in the fall, when she’ll be 2 about to turn 3 in October. People act like I’m crazy and selfish. Part of it IS my anxiety but I also don’t think it’s right for her…she thrives at home with me, she’s a little sponge who soaks up so much new information every day, and I cherish this time I have with her. I am also expecting a baby in September so I can’t imagine starting my first baby in preschool, adding a second baby to the family, and acclimating to the lifestyle change, all in one month! It’d be too much for all of us. There are so many days where my daughter and I just stay in our jammies all day, curl up and read or watch a movie, go to the library, play play-doh, etc. It breaks my heart to think of those days being numbered. I don’t want to send her off to school. I don’t trust even the most conscientious teacher to keep an eye on my daughter when there are other kids…I’ve known toddlers to get bitten (to the point where blood was drawn) right in front of the teacher! I also don’t relish the thought of all the germs, especially with a new baby. In a nutshell, every maternal instinct is screaming that it’s not time even in the fall. But I second-guess myself. This post spoke to me and validated my feelings. Socialization and formal learning are important…and they will come. But this time between me and my precious daughter is important to, and it will pass. I want to keep her safe as long as I can, and pour her full of love and memories before she ventures into the world. I think keeping her home with me for one more year (so she’ll be 3 about to turn 4) is what’s best. Especially since in my state, Jan 1st is the cut-off for kindergarten, so we will definitely be keeping her a year to prevent her starting at 4! So she’ll still have 2 years of preschool even if she starts at 3 going on 4. This is so long, sorry. I just have to process all this, and your post made me cry and feel so much better. Thank you so much.
My son is 4 and speech delayed, with some fine motor delays. We are a homeschool family, but we decided to just do the public preschool to help his language. We have 2 more months of the school year, but we can’t take it any longer and are pulling him out. His behavior is becoming increasingly more aggressive since he started. He was actually learning more words at home. He has one hour to two hour tantrums when he comes home from morning preschool; which subside on every vacation. I found out from another parent that the teacher yells at them. My son says he gets grabbed and timeouts a lot, and possibly for just agreeing to things he didn’t do (which is common for him). We’ve had a very bad experience with preschool (yet oddly I feel guilt pulling him, but that’s because he enjoys the children). I think preschool had also ruined his relationship with his 2 year old sister, who he used to adore more
Hi thank you so much for writing this! All I have come across are articles that tell me the same. Unfortunately despite this mums judge me. I just don’t get why our UK govt is ignoring scientific facts and allowing childhood depression to be in the rise. Preschool has its place for parent/S who need help or if they children do not get attention at home but why should a child be seperated from home at an age when he can’t even understand when someone is being horrible to him. My son has grown up learning manners and nice happy stories. I took him to a preschool induction and 3 boys chased him from reception class and stood in his way repeatedly. I was also in the playground with the teacher and I drew her attention to it. She replied with those children are harmless and lovely. Yet I knew the body language was not great like clenched fists, arms crossed. Now my 4 year old didn’t understand he was being bullied and was trying to smile at them and move away. It took a 15 minute duration for him to get away from them and run to me to say mummy they are saying silly things to me. I was livid as I warned the teacher. Apparently they called him a big baby and a girl. They laughed and finally she had a word with them but it was all hush hush, my child was left out of this procedure. Then they ran off. My son went to play again. This time they chased him but then ran up to me in a cocky voice saying your son just said something silly to us! My son seemed oblivious and the teacher made a point to ask the other boys what hurtful thing my son had said. Apparently he said blobs. I explained he is just little and so playing with his words. What I really wanted to say is you have been tormenting him like he has never had to be before by anyone and he is bound to say something to calm his nerves! The teacher just smiled and said she’l use blobs at home! The kids stood infront of me looking at my son still with arms folded and clenched fists and she had another word and told them to go away but that’s after I pointed it out to her when they ran after my son again. Now my son is scared, subdued, wet himself twice outside! The total opposite of the happy boy that he is. The nursery teacher didn’t spot so many things that I could list and she didn’t handle the situation despite me informing her and now he has to fear the older reception kids on the playground. The only reason I wanted to start him this April was because he starts school this September full time and I thought 3hrs a day now might help make it a smoother ride. He’s a January baby. Does he start this September or April next year I’m not sure. Please can someone even a preschool teacher shed some light on what I should do?
Rachel,
Thank you for your post. I have been debating preschool for the past 6 months and toured countless preschools. After all this, now that the time is growing nearer I have an overwhelming sense that preschool is not for us. Your post so perfectly sums up what I was feeling.
As the parent of a first-timer at school, you probably have apprehensions of how to get her started on this journey of learning. Here are some tips to ensure your child starts school on a good note.
https://www.parentcircle.com/article/how-to-prepare-your-child-for-preschool/
My son will be 3 and I was considering sending him to a 2 mornings a week Friends school. He is very social but unfortunately not around a lot of children. He will be an only child too. We thought about sending him here so he can meet other children and socialize with them. He loves other kids. Maybe meet a friend for life. I always think if I’m doing the right thing as of course I just want to spend all of these short years with him. But life with just me may be a bit boring. =) He wakes every morning at 4:30am unfortunately so some mornings are very boring as it takes me a while to wake up completely. I’m an older momma.
Jen, I’m sending my third child to preschool for JUST that reason! :)
Loved! specially the part of We’ll do life!..
Thank you a lot!
Carla
SHAM
Needed this ?
We live in Maryland and all of the schools in my county that we’re eligible for are full sooooo ??♀️ I was bummed and so was my son! I knew I needed to look at it this way, but I was having a hard time getting there. Thanks, boo ?
I put my twins in preschool for social in t 3 days a week. It’s play based (I think most of them are).
There’s also swimming lessons once a week, gym and art. I think they have a good time with the other kids.
I know people are going to jump down my throat for asking but…. Did you keep them out of school for yourselves? It sounds like a lot of moms having trouble letting go. And the hassle of being on a schedule.
I’ve been a nervous wreck, trying to decide if I should send my son (4) to preschool. I hear at every family outing, are you sending him to preschool etc. I’ve heard that it will be good for him, he needs to be socialized, he should be in day care etc. I have a headache d time letting go, so I feel guilty if I don’t send him. I torn, completely torn.
My daughter turned four, just in time for preschool this year. She is the youngest in her class, most of the kids turn 5 before the year is over. She loved her school the first week. Not anymore, she says one of her teachers is mean and yells. After speaking more than once to the school because she would cry everytime she saw the teacher I think I’ll be taking her out. But I feel so guilty. Like I’m denying her something.
She doesnt want to go and I’m afraid she wont be ready for kindergarten next year.
I’m also pregnant and due next month so maybe that hasnt been an easy change for her and feel she will be better if we stay together but again I’m afraid she wont learn what she needs to.
My daughter is 3 and is in a play based preschool almost full time. She likes it so much, she cries when I go pick her up and talks about it all the time. She made some friends she loves to play with and gets to do a lot of activities, a lot more that I would be able to offer her having to take care of her two younger brothers. However I feel sad because I miss her and I had wanted to do so much more with her. But I feel like it would be selfish to keep her with me more since she wants to go to school so badly. On the other hand when we go on an excursion together we enjoy it tremendously and she forgets all about school. I don’t know what to do. I signed her up for full time next year because I thought that is what she would like but I miss her already and I feel sad about it.
Hi God bless I have a little boy who is 3 and ive been dreading the idea of sending him to school 8 hours a day and getting a full time job but right now it seems like my only option I live at home with my mom our next door neighbors have drugs in their homes my mom is having her bf sleep over consistently something I have asked her not to do …. I am a single mom and have very little support but am not wanting to send my son but i need to get us a place where I can regulate who is and isnt coming into our home I am a single mother and have been also struggling wit depression I am also on welfare and feel bad for recieving it please any advice would help thank you so much and God bless
We are 95% sure we are not sending our 4 year old to preschool this coming fall, but I am terrified going to kindergarten next year (full days, 5 days a week) will be a huge shock/hard transition. Any advice?
Hello everybody!
My name is Veronika I currently live in Barcelona, Spain. My kid is 3 years old now and we have found a preschool for him. However inside I feel that he is not ready yet and me as well. Today was the first day of a preschool and as they said before it is kind of adaptation week. And I thought I could stay with him as long as I see and feel he is ready to stay without screaming and crying. However they said today that I have to leave in 1 hour and leave him or I can take him with me but I can not stay in the class. By that time most parents already gone and I saw kids in his classroom that were screaming and crying badly:( Even one boy was vomiting because he was crying and was so scared. However I was still in the class and they started to push me to leave and say goodbye and was trying to convince me that if he gona cry it is normal. I said to them I don t want to go unless he feels safe and not stressed. Finally I was trying to speak to him that I am leaving and he gona stay and play without me in a group but he started to hold me and said that he doesn’t want to stay alone. So I took him with me and we went home. After I spent one hour in a class with all those crying and screaming kids, teachers that were running from kid to another , and all that stressed atmosphere I feel so said and bad inside because on the one side I feel this pressure from the people and community that it is good to go to the school and in one way I think it is not bad however I can not leave my kid screaming and crying badly in a school with other kids that were totally exhausted. Sorry I am writing too much.. I just need smb support.
Moreover there was no too much contact with the teachers , so my kid even did not know with whom he gona stay… And now I am thinking if I leave him and he gona cry ,totally feel lonely his brain gona break and I will have more problems than I had before the school…
Right now we have this week kind of “adaptation week” and I want to speak with teacher tmr and tell her that I need to spend more time with him and little by little adopt him to the school unless he feels safe and won t cry.
However I think they won t permit me to do that… ??♀️
When I read your stories guys I also feel more confident in my thoughts however need a bit of support to stay calm inside and feel that I am not alone…
I feel so stressed right now, all things mixed up in my head and have tears in my eyes
?♀️
P. S. Sorry for this big spam
Thank you.
I regret so much putting my son through preschool. For starters he already knew to read when he started preschool. The school itself wasn’t a good fit. He started 3 days a week and when it was time for Pre-k, the school did not offer part time option and the director insisted it would be beneficial for my son to go five days a week. My son did not like going everyday. He didn’t need to. Even if I chose to take him 3 days a week (which eventually happened) we still would have to pay full tuition. He was bored inside the classroom. He reads way above his grade level and wasn’t into arts and crafts. I regret listening to someone who claimed to be suggesting his enrollment on pre-k as beneficial for his social skills when in fact was just to fill up the student quota for the class.
I told my son That his best friend just started kindergarten like him but never went to preschool. His reply broke my heart -I wish I hadn’t gone to preschool either.
Now he’s going to forma education that truly requires Monday through Friday 8am to 2pm in school. Our chance to enjoy his days going to the park and learning in a more organic way are gone, save for the weekend. I am hurt. I wish every parent who can afford to choose whether to send their children to pre-k understand that it’s not a must to send your child to preschool and pre-k. The whole competitive concept of preparing your child for kindergarten and school is ridiculous. That’s what makes many parents choose to send their children to preschool as a way to give them a head start. It’s all business.
Alice, I am so sorry to hear that you sent your son to preschool and you both regret it. That’s so hard! Sounds like both he and you were on the same page. Making the best choice you could make at the time, but hindsight sure is 20/20 isn’t it? I hope your comment and this post helps other mothers to realize they DO NOT have to send their child to preschool by using the fear that they won’t be able to handle Kindergarten. I have found that they, definitely, can still handle Kindergarten!
I am an only child and never went to preschool. When it was time to start kindy, I was the one who wanted to start right on 5 (midway through the year!). My mother acquiesced and I fitted in perfectly well, making two best friends and having a wonderful first school experience. I really do feel many modern day mothers are overthinking the socialisation aspect. A child will be shy if that’s their inherent character and others (like myself) will be gregarious, despite not being “socialised” in the current sense.
I think the exact same thing. If kids are naturally shy, preschool won’t turn them into the class clown. If they’re naturally gregarious, they’ll be fine either way. I think having your kids around a lot of people naturally takes care of a lot of that!
Sometimes I feel guilty for not sending my 4 year old to Preschool. I don’t do play dates but she does play with her cousins maybe once every two weeks. I take her to the library reading time once in a while. She also plays with her younger sister everyday. It seems like now everyone has their kids in extracurricular activities or play dates since they are tiny toddlers. Were your kids involved in activities with other kids before starting kindergarten?
nope, no activities! In fact, we are only right now doing activities for our older boys and they are 7 and 6.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been worried that I’m doing wrong by my children by not sending my oldest to preschool. My MIL compares my boys to my SILs girls a lot and she thinks my boys will not do well in school because they’re not going to preschool. My boys are so smart and my 4yo remember the smallest details of things a lot of times. I have 3 kids 3 and under so a lot of days we are just surviving, especially with this pandemic. I literally googled, “will my child grow up stupid” ? and then i googled “is preschool necessary” and your article came up which was a God Send. Thank you from the bottom of my postpartumly depressed heart.
Oh no, my kids that didnt’ go to preschool are doing very well in school with both friends and in academics :)
I had to come back to this post many times, after crying many times on the decision to not send my 3 year old to preschool. She is very smart, knows all the basic and write her name and even a few letters of the alphabet, she can even read a few words and is social when meeting others. I have been panicking, crying, debating, overthinking of the fact that people are saying why is she not in school. I plan to send her to maybe pre-k next year. But reading this post and all the comments I feel I am not alone at all. Is preschool for 3 year necessary? Will she miss out on anything? Like am I doing a good job? These are all the things that’s been bothering me. So is it fine to have just one year which is pre-k to get the socialization that is needed? Sorry for such a long post I overthink a lot but I am happy I found this post. Thank you
Love this!! I am a preschool teacher. I love my job and the children I have the privilege to be with each day. It truly is a personal family choice. There is no wrong or right answer. Only the right answer for each individual child and family! Parents are their child’s first and most impactful teacher!
Love this post!!!! My daughter started preK last Wed. She was excited those days, rushing out the door, but Monday came and she’s been crying every night, every morning, that she doesn’t want to go. I’ve drop her off and she’s crying and I linger just to make sure she’s fine( but she’s not watching) but she’s crying or alone the whole time. The teacher says she cries on and off during the day because she misses me. That breaks my heart but think that was the right thing to do. I’m embarrassed of what others mom might think if I take her out of prek. And I know they are rushed to judge on how “some of us need to cut the cord” and that can be harsh. Reading your article helped me realize I’ve been doing the right thing for her here at home with out the need of prek. I think this might me be it for her for now. Thank you for inspiring us!
Love the detail you get into with this post. I remember how it felt when I was going through this with my son – kinda terrifying – yup, I can relate! I think you’ve covered it all, Love. My biggest add to this for parents who want to “do preschool” at home is to play (kids respond to this!) – in fact, play school is a more appropriate word in my book
Love your post! As a mom of 3 myself I can definitely relate to everything you said. Your post has motivated me to just start “doing” preschool with my older two children. Your suggestions are very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
I just came across this article at 12:30 in the morning, since I couldn’t sleep due to excessive worry.
My son is 4 and may be be going to a early head start pr head start program this fall. I’m really scared. I know he could use the interaction with other kids and learn great things. He’s such a sweet and friendly boy, who loves to go up to other kids and say hi. I worry about his speech articulation and pronunciation, as he has trouble due to his partial lip paralysis that he was born with. My husband and I were thinking of waiting an extra year before having him attend school. This article helped me relax, knowing that our initial thoughts were good ones. We just might stay with our plan and wait one more year, so we can work with our boy ourselves for a little bit longer.
This is a great blog post that contains a lot of knowledge. I want to add some more points to it.
My 4.5 year old is enrolled in preschool now- in a 3s class due to his September birthday. He actually loves it, but I have not been sending him, as I really miss him and have been grieving the missed time. He will be 5 in September (misses the kinder cut off), and eligible for pre k 4. I want to keep him home his last year before kinder. Am I wrong to do that? Will he be confused after being in school and then being home a year then back to school for kinder? And can I provide all a 5 year old needs at home? (We do play dates – although most kids his age will be in school, we go to the zoo, parks, museums, library, do learning activities at home, cook, read a ton, etc…)
My son will be 5 in September, but misses the kinder cut off. Next year will be his pre k 4 year. Am I wrong to keep him home? Is he too old for that?
I know I’m years late, but I just wanted to thank you for the great read. My 2.5 yr old just started pre-school, and we’re really pleased so far. However, it’s morning-only, 3 days/week, where full-day full-week daycare is the norm. The latter is out of the question anyway, but I’m reassured that this limited-time program is a good choice! He’s intensely curious, and we’re reaching the limit of our ability to interest and stimulate him for extended periods 😂. Kids (and trucks and dolls) are his favourite thing and…he’s an only.
I love this blog post! I’m not sending my 4 year old to preschool either and we’re doing great!
This is an interesting perspective on preschool education and it will be interesting to see how the author’s approach works for their child.