• Home
  • About
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A Wife and Mom
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleeping
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Practical Personality Tips » Birth Order: Why You (And Your Kids) Are The Way You Are

Birth Order: Why You (And Your Kids) Are The Way You Are

Updated June 9, 2020

2.7Kshares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Birth order helps explain so much about family dynamics, personal temperaments and personality, characteristics, and our children’s quirks.


The first time I heard about Birth Order, I nearly fainted.

It was so spot on for me – a lonely only – that I *knew* they were onto something.

Not that each of us and our personalities are set in stone, mind you, but that based on where we are born in the family (first born, middle child, baby of the family, or anywhere in between) certain traits are common.

And honestly, it makes so much sense.

The oldest child is asked to help out more.

The youngest is babied more.

The middle child learns to go with the flow.

And so on.

oldest child and baby of the family taking walk with mother

General birth order characteristics

A. manipulative, charming, blames others, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, precocious, engaging, affectionate, loves surprises

2. little adult by age seven, very thorough, deliberate, high achiever, self-motivated, fearful, cautious, voracious reader, black and white thinker, uses “very”, “extremely” “exactly” a lot, can’t bear to fail, has very high expectations for self, more comfortable with people who are older or younger

D. perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list maker, well organised, hard driving, natural leader, critical serious, scholarly, logical, doesn’t like surprises, loves computers

last. mediator, compromising, diplomaic, avoids conflict, independent, loyal to peers, many friends,  maverick, secretive, unspoiled

(a, 2, d…ring a bell? okay… maybe I’m the only one who watched Home Alone 593 times that year…)

Which describes your personality and temperament the most?

siblings

Birth Order Book Review

Statistically speaking…

A is the baby of the family. 2 is the only child. D is the first born and last is the middle child. 

I’d hazard a guess that many other Type A moms out there are either first borns or lonely onlies like myself. Who is with me?

The Birth Order concept is super interesting. Did you know over half American presidents were either first borns or only children? Most comedians are babies of the family. Politicians are often middle children? I’m sure I don’t have to go into all the reasons why because as you begin to think about it, it becomes obvious.

Firstborns and only children tend to be perfectionists.

Middle children often try to find their relational needs met outside the home since they feel unnoticed. Babies tend to get…well.. babied and do not often leave the house with responsibility and life skills their other siblings do.

Here’s why I think birth order matters

Of course this is NOT the case in many homes and with many children. There’s no formula for humanity. But I do think you can use this idea in many ways in your home and here’s how.

You might discipline differently, depending on your child’s place in the family

I’ve found that my firstborn is authoritative, confident, and strong-minded and I think that’s a good thing. It also means that at times she’ll really push the envelope.

However, if I try to “dictate” over her she will push even harder. If I come alongside her with instructions (not wavering in what I ask of her but in how I ask it) she’ll nearly always obey.

Get your own copy here

Quality time needs may differ depending on your child

It’s good to know that middle children tend to fade in the background. I always try my hardest to watch that the middle children don’t fall into the cracks.

Older children or babies may need to take a step back as they might naturally attract more attention. It’s just something to keep an eye on.

Gifting can be obvious in some birth orders, and less obvious in others

We’re all born with different gifts and talents and that’s a good thing. The author really goes into typical careers or gifts that each birth order has.

Of course this is not an exact science!

But still, it’s good to know which types of personalities tend to gravitate towards which types of things. And to know that with middle children, perhaps, you may have to work harder to see and notice their giftings. They may not demand the same amount of attention.

Buy the Birth Order Book

two little kids

The birth order book has some super fascinating information.

Your career may be improve if you know how to read people

Did you know that some sales people actually look for clues of birth order so they’ll know how to pitch someone? Firstborns don’t want their time wasted and want to get straight to the point.

Middle children need to be eased in, and babies want the excitement, the why, the fun of it all.

If you have quite a few children then I think you’ll find this book super fascinating. It won’t describe your family to a perfect tee, but I think you’ll be shocked how accurate it is.

I plan to keep it in my arsenal for my family.

the birth order by dr. kevin leman

Other Book Summaries And Reviews:

  • Her Mother’s Hope & Her Daughter’s Dream Book Review
  • An Honest Review of Large Family Logistics
  • Birth Order: Why You Are The Way You Are
  • How to Be The Parent You Always Wanted To Be Book Review
  • The 5 Love Languages Of Children Book Review
  • Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours Book Review
  • The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mom Book Review
  • Nurture Shock Book Review
  • Clutterfree With Kids Book Review
  • A British Book List
  • Books To Decompress A Stressed Mama
  • The Selection Book Review
  • 2 Books Moms Should Read Right Now
  • A Yearly Reading Plan For Moms

I’ve created a free email series just for you! I believe our personalities dramatically affect how we parent and mother. And that’s a good thing! No more feeling guilty you don’t seem to have the strengths of Mrs. Stepford or Mrs. Jones. You are unique and you have specific strengths you bring to your family!

After this free series:

  • you’ll know your unique personality and what strengths you possess
  • coping strategies to overcome your own parenting and motherhood struggles unique to your own personality
  • you’ll kick mommy guilt to the curb because you’ll no longer be a slave to the comparison trap

Click here to sign up for my free email series or simply click on the image below.

Mommy Strengths Opt in With Free

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

2.7Kshares

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Practical Personality Tips25

« DIY pizza box crafts
The best parenting advice I ever received: start out how you can hold out »

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Off Duty Mom says

    I am very interested in this concept and I thank you for this review. I will be sure to check out this book for sure!

    I actually have wondered about this concept myself. http://offdutymom.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/the-making-of-a-well-adjusted-grown-up/

    When I initially wrote about it, I wasn’t sure birth order really had THAT much control over one’s personality. I’ll be interested to hear what an “expert” has to say about it!

    :)

    Reply
    • curriedoll says

      I am sure everything won’t resonate but I found it so entertaining and am still thinking about it during conversations, interactions, etc!

      Reply
      • Off Duty Mom says

        I suppose not every book will be full only of things that resonate. That doesn’t mean it won’t be a good read!

        Thanks!

  2. Leonard Marks says

    great post

    Reply
  3. Jake's a Girl says

    Very interesting. I’m a middle child and that accessment is spot on except for the many friends. I don’t let enough people in
    to have many friends. I tend to stick with family and a rare few outsiders. Trust is a big issue with me and I don’t trust easily.
    My son is an only and that hit pretty close to home for him. I use exactly a lot but that’s just me wishing at times I was an only
    child. :) Off to check this book out. I’ve seen some good choices in this list.

    Reply
    • curriedoll says

      I am an only child and hit spot on as well. I know personally trust can be tough, but that is often less to do with our birth order and more to do with our life experience!

      Reply
  4. DIYHomeStagingTips (@HomeStagingDIY) says

    I love these kinds of books. I’ve heard about this theory, and now I’m more interested in learning what you learned from the book. So, thanks for the review. I’ll put it on my list.

    Reply
    • curriedoll says

      It’s great, you’ll love it and find yourself trying to guess people’s birth order regularly afterwards!

      Reply
  5. Nana says

    I need to read the book when I am visiting with you at Christmas.

    Reply
    • A Mother Far from Home says

      It’s a great book! You are DEFINITELY a middle child :)

      Reply
  6. Crystal says

    Sorry this article was completely wrong. My husband and I both took it. Where did you get your info?

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      The book Birth Order Book! You were both wrong? Ha, that’s crazy! Almost everyone I know who has taken it gets it correct. Of course, no personality type test is an exact science. You two are unique and broke the mold ;)

      Reply
  7. sunshine says

    What might account for those that are totally finding this off, is that sometimes we get out of our birth order. For example, I am firsborn and I am a mix of things from the first born and middle child list because of the way we grew up. Most that didn’t know me until I was a teen believe I am actually one of the middle children since the second born (one year younger and the oldest male) is seen as the firstborn to many. As the oldest (and only girl) I was a “little mommy” and perhaps as the only girl, I had to be peacemaker as well. The oldest boy sort of took my place as oldest child, and it doesn’t bother me that people think I’m his younger sister. :) While he is not more mature, he is much more of a leader and more outspoken, daring and commanding than I am. Since he is one year younger, he wanted to do everything I did and do it first, faster, and better. Ha ha! He is more competitive, and I let him win because I am not really concerned with winning as much as with getting along and having peace/fun (which is where being like the middle child thing comes in). My middle brother and I are most alike, and I like the way we are and who we are the most too. :)

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Thank you for this explanation and you are too right!

      Reply
  8. Amy says

    I match both 2 and D, but I am the second of eight children. I am the oldest girl, so I think that is where some of the first-born tendencies come from, but honestly, the only child traits are me to a T!!! I find it pretty hilarious that it would be that far off!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Amy, I didn’t write it here I don’t think, but the oldest two children (if they are different genders) often exhibit both firstborn traits. :)

      Reply
  9. Cs says

    I am a middle, with older sister & younger brother. From some of the description you gave, we are off. My sister is manipulative but not an achiever. Total opposite, more like a baby; everyone owes her & has to take care of her. I’ve always been an A+, top of the class, overachiever, hate to fail, black & white type. She’s always had a hatred for me because of these differences. Brother is a teen still, but very much a dependent baby who has little life skills.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Interesting… of course it’s not a science science but it’s good to hear. I actually know of some siblings who are kind of describing like you are, the oldest being manipulative and secretive and the second being the most successful.

      Reply
  10. ST says

    I match 2 to a T, but I’m the youngest of three. I admit I was babied and the other two have far better social skills than me, but I’m still very much the overachiever, straight A, fearful, big reader, most cautious child. I think the reason behind it is b/c I wasn’t spoiled at all. My parents spoiled their oldest most (she’s very much A) and got kind of tired of parenting when it came to me. So that’s swapped. The description for middle child fits for the most part though.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      ST, so interesting these birth order things!

      Reply
  11. Emelia says

    I had a counselor that had studied birth order and she had said despite being the younger of 2 children I had grown up as a psycological first born with a touch of middleness (despite there being no middle! Lol). This was because my brother had been favored in a way and I kind of just stepped back and took care of my family where I was needed. I was my brother’s protector and took care of him, not the other way around. Now because of an accident that has handicapped my mom, I’m in my late 20’s being expected to become our next family matriarch long before I wanted to! So I guess if I was a true baby, I would not be as naturally equipped to handle such a responsibility. God has a plan all the time, if you don’t match your natural birth order, there is likely a good reason!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Emelia, thank you for sharing your story about birth order. We know it isn’t an exact science, but it’s so interesting the insights you had!

      Reply
  12. Caitlin says

    How did you prepare to raise siblings yourself? I’m due with our second child (they will be 33 months apart) in October and as an only child I have no idea how that even looks or how to foster that relationship.

    Reply
    • Roux says

      I am the youngest of eight, raising a (one year old) only! I have no idea of what *that* is supposed to look like 😜

      Reply
      • Rachel Norman says

        Ha! Woohoo! baby of the family :)

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x

Discover Your Unique MOM Strengths

In this free series you'll...

  • Discover your temperament and how it blesses your family
  • How to overcome your personality's struggles (perfectionism, anger, passivity, etc.)
  • How to STOP comparing yourself to others and feeling guilty
x