What's in this post...
Birth order helps explain so much about family dynamics, personal temperaments and personality, characteristics, and our children’s quirks.
The first time I heard about Birth Order, I nearly fainted.
It was so spot on for me – a lonely only – that I *knew* they were onto something.
Not that each of us and our personalities are set in stone, mind you, but that based on where we are born in the family (first born, middle child, baby of the family, or anywhere in between) certain traits are common.
And honestly, it makes so much sense.
The oldest child is asked to help out more.
The youngest is babied more.
The middle child learns to go with the flow.
And so on.
General birth order characteristics
A. manipulative, charming, blames others, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, precocious, engaging, affectionate, loves surprises
2. little adult by age seven, very thorough, deliberate, high achiever, self-motivated, fearful, cautious, voracious reader, black and white thinker, uses “very”, “extremely” “exactly” a lot, can’t bear to fail, has very high expectations for self, more comfortable with people who are older or younger
D. perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list maker, well organised, hard driving, natural leader, critical serious, scholarly, logical, doesn’t like surprises, loves computers
last. mediator, compromising, diplomaic, avoids conflict, independent, loyal to peers, many friends, maverick, secretive, unspoiled
(a, 2, d…ring a bell? okay… maybe I’m the only one who watched Home Alone 593 times that year…)
Which describes your personality and temperament the most?
Birth Order Book Review
Statistically speaking…
A is the baby of the family. 2 is the only child. D is the first born and last is the middle child.
I’d hazard a guess that many other Type A moms out there are either first borns or lonely onlies like myself. Who is with me?
The Birth Order concept is super interesting. Did you know over half American presidents were either first borns or only children? Most comedians are babies of the family. Politicians are often middle children? I’m sure I don’t have to go into all the reasons why because as you begin to think about it, it becomes obvious.
Firstborns and only children tend to be perfectionists.
Middle children often try to find their relational needs met outside the home since they feel unnoticed. Babies tend to get…well.. babied and do not often leave the house with responsibility and life skills their other siblings do.
Here’s why I think birth order matters
Of course this is NOT the case in many homes and with many children. There’s no formula for humanity. But I do think you can use this idea in many ways in your home and here’s how.
You might discipline differently, depending on your child’s place in the family
I’ve found that my firstborn is authoritative, confident, and strong-minded and I think that’s a good thing. It also means that at times she’ll really push the envelope.
However, if I try to “dictate” over her she will push even harder. If I come alongside her with instructions (not wavering in what I ask of her but in how I ask it) she’ll nearly always obey.
Quality time needs may differ depending on your child
It’s good to know that middle children tend to fade in the background. I always try my hardest to watch that the middle children don’t fall into the cracks.
Older children or babies may need to take a step back as they might naturally attract more attention. It’s just something to keep an eye on.
Gifting can be obvious in some birth orders, and less obvious in others
We’re all born with different gifts and talents and that’s a good thing. The author really goes into typical careers or gifts that each birth order has.
Of course this is not an exact science!
But still, it’s good to know which types of personalities tend to gravitate towards which types of things. And to know that with middle children, perhaps, you may have to work harder to see and notice their giftings. They may not demand the same amount of attention.
The birth order book has some super fascinating information.
Your career may be improve if you know how to read people
Did you know that some sales people actually look for clues of birth order so they’ll know how to pitch someone? Firstborns don’t want their time wasted and want to get straight to the point.
Middle children need to be eased in, and babies want the excitement, the why, the fun of it all.
If you have quite a few children then I think you’ll find this book super fascinating. It won’t describe your family to a perfect tee, but I think you’ll be shocked how accurate it is.
I plan to keep it in my arsenal for my family.
Other Book Summaries And Reviews:
- Her Mother’s Hope & Her Daughter’s Dream Book Review
- An Honest Review of Large Family Logistics
- Birth Order: Why You Are The Way You Are
- How to Be The Parent You Always Wanted To Be Book Review
- The 5 Love Languages Of Children Book Review
- Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours Book Review
- The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mom Book Review
- Nurture Shock Book Review
- Clutterfree With Kids Book Review
- A British Book List
- Books To Decompress A Stressed Mama
- The Selection Book Review
- 2 Books Moms Should Read Right Now
- A Yearly Reading Plan For Moms
I am very interested in this concept and I thank you for this review. I will be sure to check out this book for sure!
I actually have wondered about this concept myself. http://offdutymom.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/the-making-of-a-well-adjusted-grown-up/
When I initially wrote about it, I wasn’t sure birth order really had THAT much control over one’s personality. I’ll be interested to hear what an “expert” has to say about it!
:)
I am sure everything won’t resonate but I found it so entertaining and am still thinking about it during conversations, interactions, etc!
I suppose not every book will be full only of things that resonate. That doesn’t mean it won’t be a good read!
Thanks!
great post
Very interesting. I’m a middle child and that accessment is spot on except for the many friends. I don’t let enough people in
to have many friends. I tend to stick with family and a rare few outsiders. Trust is a big issue with me and I don’t trust easily.
My son is an only and that hit pretty close to home for him. I use exactly a lot but that’s just me wishing at times I was an only
child. :) Off to check this book out. I’ve seen some good choices in this list.
I am an only child and hit spot on as well. I know personally trust can be tough, but that is often less to do with our birth order and more to do with our life experience!
I love these kinds of books. I’ve heard about this theory, and now I’m more interested in learning what you learned from the book. So, thanks for the review. I’ll put it on my list.
It’s great, you’ll love it and find yourself trying to guess people’s birth order regularly afterwards!
I need to read the book when I am visiting with you at Christmas.
It’s a great book! You are DEFINITELY a middle child :)
Sorry this article was completely wrong. My husband and I both took it. Where did you get your info?
The book Birth Order Book! You were both wrong? Ha, that’s crazy! Almost everyone I know who has taken it gets it correct. Of course, no personality type test is an exact science. You two are unique and broke the mold ;)
What might account for those that are totally finding this off, is that sometimes we get out of our birth order. For example, I am firsborn and I am a mix of things from the first born and middle child list because of the way we grew up. Most that didn’t know me until I was a teen believe I am actually one of the middle children since the second born (one year younger and the oldest male) is seen as the firstborn to many. As the oldest (and only girl) I was a “little mommy” and perhaps as the only girl, I had to be peacemaker as well. The oldest boy sort of took my place as oldest child, and it doesn’t bother me that people think I’m his younger sister. :) While he is not more mature, he is much more of a leader and more outspoken, daring and commanding than I am. Since he is one year younger, he wanted to do everything I did and do it first, faster, and better. Ha ha! He is more competitive, and I let him win because I am not really concerned with winning as much as with getting along and having peace/fun (which is where being like the middle child thing comes in). My middle brother and I are most alike, and I like the way we are and who we are the most too. :)
Thank you for this explanation and you are too right!
I match both 2 and D, but I am the second of eight children. I am the oldest girl, so I think that is where some of the first-born tendencies come from, but honestly, the only child traits are me to a T!!! I find it pretty hilarious that it would be that far off!
Amy, I didn’t write it here I don’t think, but the oldest two children (if they are different genders) often exhibit both firstborn traits. :)
I am a middle, with older sister & younger brother. From some of the description you gave, we are off. My sister is manipulative but not an achiever. Total opposite, more like a baby; everyone owes her & has to take care of her. I’ve always been an A+, top of the class, overachiever, hate to fail, black & white type. She’s always had a hatred for me because of these differences. Brother is a teen still, but very much a dependent baby who has little life skills.
Interesting… of course it’s not a science science but it’s good to hear. I actually know of some siblings who are kind of describing like you are, the oldest being manipulative and secretive and the second being the most successful.
I match 2 to a T, but I’m the youngest of three. I admit I was babied and the other two have far better social skills than me, but I’m still very much the overachiever, straight A, fearful, big reader, most cautious child. I think the reason behind it is b/c I wasn’t spoiled at all. My parents spoiled their oldest most (she’s very much A) and got kind of tired of parenting when it came to me. So that’s swapped. The description for middle child fits for the most part though.
ST, so interesting these birth order things!
I had a counselor that had studied birth order and she had said despite being the younger of 2 children I had grown up as a psycological first born with a touch of middleness (despite there being no middle! Lol). This was because my brother had been favored in a way and I kind of just stepped back and took care of my family where I was needed. I was my brother’s protector and took care of him, not the other way around. Now because of an accident that has handicapped my mom, I’m in my late 20’s being expected to become our next family matriarch long before I wanted to! So I guess if I was a true baby, I would not be as naturally equipped to handle such a responsibility. God has a plan all the time, if you don’t match your natural birth order, there is likely a good reason!
Emelia, thank you for sharing your story about birth order. We know it isn’t an exact science, but it’s so interesting the insights you had!
How did you prepare to raise siblings yourself? I’m due with our second child (they will be 33 months apart) in October and as an only child I have no idea how that even looks or how to foster that relationship.
I am the youngest of eight, raising a (one year old) only! I have no idea of what *that* is supposed to look like ?
Ha! Woohoo! baby of the family :)