If you’ve just had a baby and feel a bit stressed, never fear. Here are some tips on how to mentally and emotionally survive the newborn phase.
Well I’ve done it. I’ve had 5 babies in 5years and I’ve lived to tell about it.
I’ll not say every moment was sunshine and sunscreen, but here I am. Alive to change 3,567 more diapers and say “No, you can’t have mommy’s coffee,” for one more day.
Each mother is different (which is a great thing) and some fare better with different phases than others. I find the newborn phase delightful, but don’t particularly enjoy the early toddler (12 – 24 month) phase.
They are all full of challenges and joyous moments, but I believe that many mothers really struggle during the very early days.
Particularly if you’re a first time mom.
And if your baby has days and nights confused.
Or has colic.
And you’re having breastfeeding issues.
You know. Life.
I think the newborn phase – though stressful – can be one where you lay some great foundations in your new bundle’s life that continue to reap benefits for months and years to come.
So, how can you survive and even thrive during this phase?
Here are my thoughts.
1. Start out how you can hold out
My grandmother has always given me wise advice. One of the first things she told me after I had my firstborn was to “start out how you can hold out.” Simply put, don’t start doing things you aren’t willing to keep doing.
Now, obviously there are things you do with a newborn you don’t do with a 1 year old. Or conversely, start habits early that you’d like to continue.
If you nurse, you may want to know how to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle so you can have some breaks here and there.
However, if you find yourself doing elaborate things to get the baby to settle (because you’ve got a whiny baby) or you are running around in circles to do simple things, it’s time to step back and weigh, test, and measure.
In the sleepless newborn fog it’s easy to do things that don’t make sense.
By doing some hard work on the front end you’ll save yourself a lot of stress later and you won’t have to break multiple bad habits.
Read: Start Out How You Can Hold Out
2. Work on the sleep
Newborns are going to wake up all night long to feed because they need it. This is unavoidable. However, you can help them develop good sleeping habits from the beginning that will transition naturally into babies who start sleeping through the night and who nap well.
You can use these baby sleep checklists to help troubleshoot baby sleep issues.
Read: End Baby’s Witching Hour — In 4 Simple Steps
It is for your own sanity that both you and your baby get adequate sleep.
The goal is not to deprive them of food so they sleep through the night, but that you create an environment that encourages sleep and helps set your newborn up to be a well-rested baby.
And (I’ve got a secret for you) when other people’s 3-month-olds “wake up” and stop sleeping, you’ll have one who goes down for naps without fussing and who sleeps long stretches at night.
Related Reads:
- How to Get Your Newborn To Sleep Well From Day One
- The Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule That Brings Calm Days
- What To Do When Baby Is Feeding Every Hour (& Not Sleeping!)
3. Get some “you” time
When it’s your first child you will be able to nap when the baby naps. If you already have children and a newborn this doesn’t always play out how you’d like.
I do get a 30-45 minute nap daily even with 4 kids at home most days, but I have to fight for it!
Whether you have a family member, neighbor, or babysitter come occasionally, or you just maximize your time, it’s so important to have wind down and recharge time built into your schedule.
If you are like me (and you hope you aren’t) then it’s not a luxury to have alone time, it’s a necessity. You may have to move mountains to get it, but it’s worth the effort.
Read: Finding time for yourself in the everyday
4. Don’t fill your emotional basement
Baby blues and postpartum depression are a reality for many mothers. However, even without those you’ll still be experiencing a myriad of emotions post delivery.
New baby means new routine.
Older siblings will behave differently while adjusting. You’ll have to figure out how it all fits together. You may feel more frustrated, angry, lonely, or sad than normal.
Read: Want an Easy Baby? Then Use A Foolproof Baby Schedule
Whatever you do… don’t just say “oh it’s fine” and ignore it. That will not work out for you. You have something called an emotional basement and during the postpartum period you will be very tempted to fill it.
We actually need empty emotional basements, so you must be real with how you’re actually feeling.
Read: Healing for Damaged Emotions
5. Let your husband help
If your husband is home then let him help. Can he change diapers and bathe the baby or older kids? Let him. If he doesn’t volunteer, ask him. If he acts uninterested, pressure him.
Okay I’ll stop dispensing relationship advice, but do ask for help. If your husband works a lot then ask a family member or friend.
If you push yourself past the point of coping then you’ll end up having to get help anyway so… swallow your pride and ask.
Read: Why your husband isn’t doing you a favor by watching the kids and How to help your husband help you with the kids
Postpartum Phase FAQ
When do newborns get easier?
This is a tough question, but I want to give you hope. There is no cut and dry answer, but by around 3 months of age, you and baby will likely settle into a routine. It all depends on why things are tough with your little one.
So, if baby isn’t sleeping at all right now, then a sleep schedule will probably help. If baby is feeding every hour on the hour, then know that will slow down as baby is able to drink more and eventually have solids.
If you find yourself feeding all day long, the key is to have a breastfeeding schedule you can live with that utilizes cluster feeding on purpose, not on accident.
Want some printables to hang up?
If you want routines and schedules for not only the 6 to 9 month age, but for the 12 month, 18 month, and on I’ve got great news. I’ve created a book chock full of routines that work.
Routines that keep babies well rested, happy, and content.
They also account for all the things you need to do and they are mom tested. The best part? The book comes with printable routines (3 choices for each age) that you can hang up and use!
So instead of having to reinvent the wheel every few months, you’ll have tried and true mom tested routines right at your fingertips.
Get your own routine book and printables here!
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Rachel
New to this community? Start here, friend.
Jennie Bean says
Thank you for this blog post! I really needed it. I am a new mom and I am having a tough time adjusting to the pure exhaustion of it all. I wrote about my postpartum brain fog on a blog that I created to help me express these feelings. I am going to continue to follow you, as I find your posts refreshing and your advice is very helpful!
Rachel Norman says
Thanks so much, Jennie! Bless you, these newborn weeks can be very trying. Will go check out your blog now :)
Chelsea Smith says
I really liked tips 3, 4, and 5! Tip 1 doesn’t really make sense….should I not breastfeed my newborn because I’m not planning on continuing once she’s older?? Yes it can be a lot of work, but if a mom would like to breastfeed, I think it’s important to do no matter how long she tries for. Babies change so much during the first year, so you can’t treat them like they’re a mini-adult from day 1.
Rachel Norman says
Oh Chelsea, perhaps I wasn’t clear about that. I nurse and have all my kids and of course you have to do that (and other things) that you won’t do later. You certainly can’t treat them as a mini adult. “Now, obviously there are things you do with a newborn you don’t do with a 1 year old” that’s what I was getting at with that phrase. Nurse awawy!
Camille says
I also am a new mom and trying to get my daughter to switch back to sleeping at night. She has got them switched. I find your tips very helpful and doable. I am confused about naps. How do you know when they are ready for a nap? My daughter snoozes off and on during the day. Should I be designating a nap time by swaddling her and putting her in her crib? Also, I have heard from many that their babies would sleep 12 hours at night. Did your babies do that? If so at what age?
Rachel Norman says
Camille,
MIne all sleep 12 hours at night buut interrupted with feeding, of course. Also, I put them down for a nap in between every feed. If you search “sample newborn routine a mother far from home” then you’ll see my routine about how often they nap. I usually know they are ready because I don’t let them go more than an hour awake at one time :)
Bethany says
Just wanted to say how grateful I am that you started this community. I’m fully convinced it’s a ministry! I had all the issues you listed “first time mom, baby boy had days and night confused, he was labeled as colicky, we had breastfeeding issues, AND I had one of the worst cases of postpartum depression the doctor had seen!” All of that to say i no longer think I’m a bad mom and realize what I went through is not the norm. I’m a part of your Facebook group and love reading everyone’s posts and I don’t feel alone anymore. I’m a perfectionist and your routines helped me maintain a sense of normalcy. I’m so grateful!
Rachel Norman says
Bethany, OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE.
Kayla says
My baby is 14 weeks old and still refuses to sleep in his crib. I know this is not recommended but he sleeps with me. I’ll put him in his crib after a feeding, bath, and rocking him to sleep at night but he’ll wake up 10-20 minutes later crying. He will not cry himself to sleep. He’s like the energizer bunny and keeps going and going. I’ve let him cry it out with frequent 10 minute checks to soothe him but he goes on and on. This is a battle every night. He sleeps through the night but only when he’s in bed with me. I’m not getting a good nights rest because he’s in bed with me. Any advice?
Rachel Norman says
When you say “refuses” do you mean that he cries when you try to do it? Does he cry if he sleeps with you as well?
Ericka Tristan says
I wish I would’ve found your blog with my first. Thank you for your tips. I find that my 4 week old stays up for long stretches at night. Last night was from 2-5am. I think it may be gas. Any advice on how to keep a schedule with tummy issues?
Laurie-Anne says
Hi Rachel!
First off, I love your blog and have been comming to read it on so many subjects… thanks!
I just had my 4th baby, he is 6 days old. You would think I got it all under control by now, but no! I followed most of your advices for the two oldest (even tough I didnt know your blog back then…) and it went pretty well. I had my third child three years later and coudn’t remember everything I did (and thats when I found your blog haha!) So at first, she had a great first 2 weeks, with pretty good Naps and nights. After that, she Began to wake up a lot during nap, after the first 45mns and since she was so Young, I would put her in the strolley to help her finish her nap or rock her back to sleep. We also began to use the paci at that point. But all of this just made matters worse and she was never able to go back to sleep on her own after 45 mns, until around 5 months, where (for my own sanity) I had to do a bit of sleep training and take off the paci. I had a late postpartum depression oy maybe a burnout… Anyways, it was rough, and blurry and not a good memory.
All this (sorry it’s long !) to say that now, we have done it again and had another baby, 18 months later!!! Oh boy what were we thinking haha! And I have read all the articles about good habits, the newborn schedule week by week, mentally surviving the newborn phase, etc. And so far he has been a very good sleeper. But last night and this morning, he woke up a lot after 45 mns. I’ve given him the paci, burped him a few times. Eventually he fell asleep, but honestly, it has brought back this irrational fear of going trough months of not being able to do anything, except try to keep my baby alseep, with no sleep for me and not much patience for the other kids…
So Inwas wondering if you had even been trough that, and if so, what are good things to do to help baby sleep longer, without creating bad habits? If baby cries after 45 mns, and I know he has had a good feed and haven’t keep him up too long… then what do I do? Rely on the paci, and go 3-4 times to give it back? Or take walks, and hope he somehow doesn’t need them after a few weeks? Anyways, I’m just trying to take good habits even when the good naps don’t occur… if you ever had a baby that did that, what did you do and at what age, to help them have longer naps?
Trying to not go crazy and anticipate the worst 😝
Thanks so much for your time!
I don’t know if that’s
Avalon says
Hi Rachel, great blog! Quick question my five week old is getting confused with the 6 pm catnap. It is dark here by 5 pm so if I darken the room he thinks it’s bedtime. So he fights it because it’s too early. We have a 730 am start. Then I end up doing Beth and bedtime routine and stein he refuses to sleep. At this point we have to hold him in arms to settle ( which throughout the day or night I don’t do). Just this confusion for him. How do I differentiate the catnap before bedtime? Also your schedule said bath before catnap. Did that confuse your kids?
Kelsey says
I love your posts! I have a 3 week old who enjoys nursing to sleep and I am STRUGGLING with schedule. I will have to go back to work in 3 weeks and I need him to sleep at night as much as he can. I also have 2 other children, 3 and 5, and a husband who has a really hard time with order/schedules. Where should I even start?
Jennifer says
Thank you for writing this blog it would make the life of new mums easier. The first-week of mine at home with a newborn was crazy, all I’ve learned from my mum and online resources.
Amy says
We all can relate, things get hectic really quick and I thought I’d share this baby caddy which was a lifesaver hopping from room to room (plus it looks sleek)!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07TP7JQCK?pf_rd_p=183f5289-9dc0-416f-942e-e8f213ef368b&pf_rd_r=81PHPR0F4PPE8YPKJ19B
Marissa says
Hi. How do you encourage full feeds if having to bottle feed? Unfortunately
Breastfeeding isn’t working out for us and we are doing a combo of expressed milk and formula. Do you just ensure they are getting the recommended amount every 2-3 hours?
Rachel Norman says
If you are using expressed milk and formula to the normal amounts, I’d at least make sure he is getting that full bottle each time you feed. Of course, some babies may take a bit more or less, but if she’s (or he) taking it all and emptying it, maybe you could add a bit more and see!
Heather @ Embracing Chaos with Love says
Hi Rachel,
This is such great advice for new moms. I wish I had read this post with my first baby. I was one of those mom’s that was convinced something was wrong with my baby. She did end up having reflux but a lot of it was just me having expectations about what should happen. With my second I was way more at ease and my mind set was completely different so I expected the countless sleepless nights. It definitely doesn’t affect you as much if you are in the right mindset. Now I make sure to tell any first time mom I know to try not to stress the first 3 months. It’s going to be hard and exhausting, but before you know it, it’s over and you miss it. At least I did. Lol. Great post for what to expect with a newborn!
Heather
Rachel Norman says
That’s such a great perspective. More of a “it’ll be okay, go with the flow” type of mentality instead of freaking out about every single thing. Focusing on one or two things that’ll help you in the day to day will make the days so much better. Thanks for stopping by!