• Home
  • About Rachel
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleep
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Mom Life » Pregnancy » What’s The Real Difference Between A Midwife And A Doctor In The Delivery Room?

What’s The Real Difference Between A Midwife And A Doctor In The Delivery Room?

Updated June 9, 2020

1.5Kshares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Ever wondered what the difference is between a midwife and a doctor as it relates to pregnancy, labor, delivery, and after care? Here are some things to consider if you are deciding between using a midwife or doula or a doctor.


Of my five births, the first two have been with midwives and the last three with doctors.

For my first birth I was in Scotland, and midwives are the norm.

For my second birth I was in Australia, and midwives are also very common. 

For my third, fourth, and fifth births, I was in a rural area in the US and midwives were fewer and further between.

I decided it would be a good study to see the differences in care, expertise and experience between the two and – as it turns out – in my experience there was a huge difference.

Read: How To Choose A Baby Name That’s Meaningful To You

pregnant woman in pool

Before we get into the nitty gritty, let’s remember these things…

  • Midwives are not only for fruity, crunchy granola type moms.
  • Midwives are also not only for the women who want a drug free childbirth.
  • Generally, mothers who want a more natural birth will prefer midwives, but that doesn’t mean no pain management.
  • Geography will often determine which you end up going with due to availability of the midwives and the proximity to the hospital, which is a deciding factor for some.

Read: The Undeniable Benefits Of A Birth Plan (And A Printable)

The Differences Between Using A Midwife Or A Doctor

If you are reading this and currently pregnant, congratulations!

Read: 5 Things You’ll Use With All Your Babies, Every Day, For Months

Midwives are nurses, and they behave as such

When you go to the OBGYN, who is the first person you see?

A nurse. 

Then, after a bit, the doctor comes in for a minutes or two then leaves and you’re done. When you use a midwife, she does it all.

With my first two births I never saw a doctor one single time.

I loved the doctors I had with my last three births, but nurses took on support roles during these births, so it was more like a larger team.

With a midwife, you have a one stop shop. 

  • Doctors don’t tend to be as personal or nurturing simply because of the volume of people they see and their role as the ultimate authority.
  • Midwives (at least the 6-10 I’ve been seen by in my time) take on the roll of the authority and the nurturer.
  • If you imagine nurses wiping patients foreheads with cloths and saying kind words, this is how midwives tend to be.

Related Reads:

  • When You Feel Like You’ll Be Pregnant Forever
  • The Pros To Finding Out (And Not Finding Out) Your Baby’s Gender
pregnant woman heart on belly

Midwives seem to focus on you whereas a doctor is more solely focused on the goal

Obviously the doctor’s goal is for a healthy mother and baby, and I am in no way disputing that.

In my experience, it’s been like doctors aim for a healthy baby and mom, but in a more impersonal way. 

Midwives focus on you and your baby and you really feel as though they are in it with you, even emotionally speaking. Not that a midwife befriends every patient, but it is has felt for me that the dynamic is one of a type of temporary partnership as opposed to a medical professional/patient.

Midwives are also more focused on your choices and preferences in the birthing process. Not that a doctor ignores your wishes, but it seems they go a little on autopilot and just do what they do. With all my midwives I sat down, discussed my options, asked lots and lots of questions, and wrote out a birth plan.

For both of my first two births, we went with the birth plan fully. For my second delivery, when the doctor kept circling outside trying to give me some pitocin to speed things up my midwife ran interference and kept him at bay since she knew I didn’t want drugs.

I didn’t even find out about this until later, she was protecting my plan and me at the same time.

pregnant woman in pink clothes

Midwives think naturally if possible, intervention if strictly necessary

I think generally speaking epidurals are the norm.

At least they were with the OB/GYN group I was with. I don’t mind them one bit because, as I’ve said before, I’m not against drugs on principle.

➡️ However, I am against drugs if they are pushed on me or if anyone assumes I will take them, or be pressured to take them, simply because they are the norm.

Chicken is also the norm and guess what people, I can’t eat it!

With both of the midwife groups I’ve been with natural is very common and it is not the norm to induce childbirth unless necessary.

  • In both Scotland and Australia (during the time I lived there) they won’t induce until you’re at least 10 days overdue and even then they will try natural methods first, such as a membrane sweep.
  • In the US, my doctor did a membrane sweep at 38 weeks without asking which induced labor. My son was born two weeks early.
  • My midwives didn’t encourage drugs to speed up labor, and I felt that just generally had more of a “people deliver babies all the time, women in China come off the rice patty, deliver, stick the baby in a sling, and go back to work” mentality.
  • In fact, with both midwife pregnancies, I never had an internal check to see if I was dilated or effaced until I went in for delivery.
newborn baby on mom

Midwives don’t do things without asking

As I mentioned here, my doctor in my most recent delivery did a membrane sweep at 38 weeks while doing a routine internal exam.

She said “whoa the baby’s head is very low” and did a membrane sweep.

This is actually a natural form of induction.

And, in fact, I had the baby the next day. While I can’t say I wanted to go another two weeks being pregnant because I felt like I’d been pregnant forever, this is still shocking.

A midwife’s mentality is less “let’s get this baby into the world” and more “things happen in their own time and way, no need to push it.”

Additionally, during delivery after a pushing contraction was finishing and I was leaning back to relax, my doctor did some kind of “helpful” maneuver where she attempted to widen the opening a bit so the next push could be more effective.

It hurt like hades and I said (more meanly than I normally would in a non-labor situation) “what did you just do?” She was genuinely shocked that I even noticed or felt it since she’s used to patients who can’t feel anything.

She apologized and didn’t do it again, but I’d never had that happen before.

Related Reads For Your Near Future:

  • Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week By Week
  • Printable Feeding Chart
  • Newborn Feeding Schedule That Works
  • A Sample Newborn Routine That Works Everytime
  • How To Survive The Newborn Phase 
  • How To Get Your Newborn To Sleep Well From Day One
mother with newborn in teal onesie

Midwives can come to you

This will depend on where you are, but in both Scotland and Australia my midwives visited me at my home.

In Scotland I went in to the office once a month and then at the end, once every two weeks.

After the birth, they came to the house every few days for a couple of weeks and then again upon request for a few months.

Can you imagine the level of comfort and security this brings to a first time mom?

In Australia my midwife came to my house throughout my pregnancy for the routine checks and I only went in to the hospital for ultrasounds (two), the glucose test, and to deliver.

Now, if you’re having a home birth you would go in even less. Afterwards the midwives came to the house to check me and the baby. I have to say this is an amazing thing. Here in Florida where I delivered my last baby I had to drive an hour for every appointment, which is once a week near the end, and there are definitely no visits. Visits aren’t mandatory, but they are so convenient.

I mean really, who wants to leave the house with a newborn to drive an hour for a five-minute appointment?

So to recap…

So, this isn’t a technical list nor will it mirror everyone’s experiences, but I have to say that I prefer midwife delivery. I liked my doctor and would recommend her to others seeking a doctor, but if you are at all keen to try a midwife then I’d suggest you go for it.

Midwives help you feel in control of the situation and less dependent. After all, you are doing the work.

  • Midwives give you a confidence that you are doing it all and in control and they are simply there to catch the baby.
  • I am a proponent of natural birth – though I have nothing against drugs – and I have found that midwives are more confident and used to delivering babies without drugs so they don’t naturally push things on you.
  • With a doctor I almost felt that I had to justify my preferences.

So, as you may have guessed without having to read this whole post, going with a midwife felt more natural and having a doctor felt more medical.

But either way at the end of the day, a healthy baby is – in fact – the goal!

::

Want to skip the newborn exhaustion altogether?

Get my ultimate newborn sleep schedule and learn how to have a sweet and peaceful sleeper from the very beginning.

Click here and get it sent straight to your inbox! Or simply click on the image below.

Pregnancy Newborn Sleep Routines

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

1.5Kshares

Filed Under: Pregnancy20

« How To Organize, Downsize, & Store Toys So The House Isn’t A Mess
5 Problems That Are Solved By Rotating Toys »

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Amy J says

    My midwife didn’t attend my delivery, because it was a public holiday. Labour Day. Go figure.The women’s clinic I go to only has 2 midwives, both of which were apparently on holiday… So I had a doctor who did a similar thing to yours- just randomly, she would grab my perineum with two fingers and yank it as hard and as wide as she could. She wasn’t even watching me or the contraction monitor to see if I was ready to push! So I’d be in between contractions, trying to recover slightly and gather strength for the next one and she’d just yank and take away my breath and any focus I had! SO painful and a bit rough, really!
    Ultimately, yes, I have a healthy baby, but my recovery is kinda painful, as the doc seemed unnecessarily rough and dispassionate toward me as anything other than a job to be done.
    Am tempted to have my next baby in the UK or Australia, so that if my midwife is on holiday, there’ll be more than one possible replacement before getting a doctor!!

    Reply
    • Rachel says

      I am sorry for your experience with that. I flat out told the Dr. to stop!!! I have no idea why they think that’s helpful when you can feel it? It only lasted a second but that was surely enough. Thanks for your opinion on the matter, though! I guess it all depends on the doctors and midwives we have and what our goal is. But I have to say…. I’m a midwife all the way girl right now :)

      Reply
      • Erin says

        I have only delivered once, with a doctor at a hospital. I did so naturally, and will probably do so again and with a doctor, because midwives are rare where I live. I would love a hospital delivery with a midwife if I could! My hospital is an hour away, so it makes me nervous to deliver at home, because if something did go wrong, we would be too far away to get the problem addressed quickly. Anyways, I also had a doctor that pulled on my perineum. It hurt a ton! Almost just as badly as actually pushing out my baby. He was still a resident, and I was literally the first natural delivery he had ever seen. Crazy! Even though he pulled quite a bit and it hurt a lot, I also think it helped me not to tear, so I’m thankful that he did it.

      • Rachel Norman says

        Erin, I read this comment as though I wrote it. EXACTLY. I was an hour away natural with a doc in the hospital and no midwives in the area really. And I had a pull on the perineum and it hurt like hades. Ha ;)

  2. emiy says

    I LOVE my midwife. Love love love her but sadly she hasn’t delivered either of my babies :( My first one she was on vacation when I went into labor and my second one she was on maternity leave! I have already discussed with her my plans for baby #3 to make sure we aren’t pregnant together again haha! I agree with this post although i haven’t been as blessed as you have been with as personalized care, I do have my fav midwives phone number and have hung out with her outside of the office but it was out of friendship more than the patient/midwife relationship (she actually just recently bought my old tv from me haha welcome to small town life right?). Even though I didn’t get MY midwife to deliver, both of my deliveries were with other midwives and I was overall please with the experience. Where I live drugs aren’t just an option…they are pretty much forced on you. I have to literally FIGHT to have natural birth. Insane right?!?! They have a limit of only 3 hours once you start pushing then they will take you back for c-section :( The only experience I have had with a dr during delivery was when one peaked in to check on me since I was reaching the 3 hour marker in pushing with my first baby. Thankfully she okayed me to keep going past the “c-section hour” b/c I practically BEGGED! I have only seen a couple drs for appointments and had horrible experiences with them…I felt they were very much herding me like cattle! The experience with a midwife, for me, is exactly like you said where I feel like they truly care and talk WITH me not just TO me! Great post, as usual :) And I could write a BOOK about my feelings on this haha ;)

    Reply
    • Rachel says

      Love it! Can you believe there is a time limit on it? As though you will expire. Ha. But yes, as an informed person I appreciate it when they (be it a doctor or a midwife) talk with me and not to me, skipping important details, as though I had no clue what was going on! I even had one nurse tell me her license was on the line so it was out of her hands…geez.

      Reply
  3. Janice Schmidt says

    In general, the above is true–but check out your midwife to make sure she is the typical midwife as described above! I chose a (hospital) midwife assuming that she would fit the mold you describe above simply because she was a midwife. I couldn’t have been more wrong. She was just like a doctor, swept my membranes without my permission, wanted to induce me 1 week overdue, and didn’t explain anything to me unless I specifically asked… I just wish I hadn’t assumed that she would be a typical midwife just because she bore that title.

    Reply
    • Rachel says

      Janice, thanks for writing this! This is a good addition to the comments and so true. I always hate when any medical professional never tell me anything unless I specifically ask and then give me answers that show they don’t believe I can actually understand them! I’m sorry for your bad experience too. It is particularly sad when such a joyous event is preceded by annoyance and negative experiences!

      Reply
  4. Holley says

    Rachel, thank you for this post! I’m a huge proponent of natural birth, midwives, and home births. I was delivered at home and had my two children at home. My midwife for my second son was actually the same midwife who delivered me twenty-six years earlier! Thank God she came to me knowing that I was in need of midwifery care. I was currently under the care of a doctor, and had similar experiences as you. I enjoyed her care and would recommend that clinic for someone seeking a doctor’s care, but I was so blessed to receive my midwife’s care. Nothing less of a miracle! I feel, unless it is a high risk pregnancy or there is some reason a home birth is not possible, then having your baby in the hospital just isn’t necessary. A birthing center is a good alternative, too, because it’s similar to a home birth with that amount of attention and connection.
    On a side note: I ordered a birthing kit for my second son from a company called In His Hands. I couldn’t agree more!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      So awesome hearing your story! I nearly had a home birth once, but didn’t. I will say the midwife vs. doctor experience is really very very different!

      Reply
    • Holley says

      Fun update: We’re expecting twins in December or January! Because it’s twins a hospital birth is what I am more comfortable with. I am seeing my first midwife as my prenatal caregiver, since the doctor who will do the delivery will be whoever is on-duty/call and I won’t meet him/her until the delivery, anyway. I have more concerns with this delivery and the thought of doing it at home is extremely stressful. I’m actually looking forward to a hospital birth as a new experience in something I feel quite versed in. With a twin birth, for me, it is not worth any risk for anyone to be twenty minutes away from the hospital. Just knowing that I will be right there in the hospital in the event I need a c-section makes things easier. I know some hardcore home birth proponents have had successful twin home births, but I won’t one of them.

      Reply
      • Rachel Norman says

        Holley, how exciting and congratulations :)

  5. Lizzy says

    So very interesting the differences between Australia and USA. I didn’t realise that the USA was sooo medical with doctors. I’ve had both too, but my births were both a bit tricky so I needed them.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      I’m from a rural area, but the only midwife with a birthing center was impossible to get into. I mean she was so booked out!

      Reply
  6. Ada says

    I appreciate you sharing your experience. As a doctor who works in the UK I am sure things are different between our two countries. But I think stereotyping doctors as cold and impersonal , and midwives as warm and friendly , is untrue. Those sound like personality traits. There are probably as many friendly doctors as there are aloof midwives . Plus what makes someone friendly to you might be overbearing or insensitive to another person since we’re all different. It’s not really fair to label those as professional qualities and values. Example, lots of my obstetrician colleagues know that the ideal thing to do is to have as few interventions as possible – I’ve sat in on consultations with obstetricians who are extremely reluctant to perform surgeries because they think a natural birth is best, and only agreed anyway because it was what the mum wanted and she was anxious about a natural birth . At the end of the day it’s up to the individual woman to make a personal decision about her birth plan, bearing in mind all the evidence & her gut feelings .

    Reply
    • Ada says

      And I should also say that the decision might also be different if a woman’s pregnancy is high risk in any way.

      Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      You are very right, Ada. In fact, my most recent obstetrician was EXTREMELY friendly more so than quite a few midwives I saw! Thanks for your thoughts here, Ada.

      Reply
    • Odds says

      Thank you for this Ada. I am honestly sick and tired of the dead old narrative that doctors are impersonal and blah blah blah. I mean, really? You just happened to meet a terrible person. Don’t make that about physicians. It’s unfair to physicians who have literally given up their entire life to serve people only to be deemed cold and what not. In the end, a trash human is a trash human, be that a nurse, midwife or doctor. Also, you are comparing healthcare in two different countries and systems. This is not a parallel or fair comparison.

      Reply
  7. Jenn says

    I wonder if you doctor experience is country-specific or you just had a bad experience. I’m in Canada and being looked after by our family doctor who is also an OBGYN. I have never seen anyone but her when I go in for appointments, she is so kind and caring, and she takes care of me as a person, not just my baby. My care is personable and she is part of a collective of maternity doctors who are always available for questions and concerns at all hours. If you call the number, you will speak to a doctor, not a nurse, and they will talk to you (kindly) until you feel comfortable hanging up the call. No offense to midwives, but I never thought one second with trusting anyone other than my wonderful doctor with the health of my baby.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Thanks so much for sharing your perspective :)

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x

Newborn Sleep Routines That WORK!

Get newborn sleep hacks and routines that you can start from Day One that don't involve crying or crazy tricks. 

x