• Home
  • About Rachel
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleep
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Mom Life » Pregnancy » The Pros to Finding Out (and Not Finding Out) Your Baby’s Gender

The Pros to Finding Out (and Not Finding Out) Your Baby’s Gender

Updated February 15, 2021

414shares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Inside you’ll find pros and cons to finding out the gender of your baby.  I’ve done it both ways and this is where I’ve landed. Post contains affiliate links.


“If we have a girl… I have no idea what we’ll name her,” I said in between contractions.

The nurses in the delivery room began telling me their own children’s names for inspiration and there were a few I liked but nothing really stood out. It didn’t end up mattering…

A few minutes later, after one big push, I delivered my baby.

Immediately, without saying a word, she flipped the baby upside down so I could see the bottom…

pregnant mom holding blue and pink pairs of baby shoes

“It’s a boy!”

Our fourth baby, our first gender surprise.

And now that I’m pregnant again (and we know exactly how pregnancy feels) we are going to be surprised again.

Because I love it.

Because it’s fun.

At this point, with 5 kids in 5 years – we don’t need any baby gear and we have clothes of both genders.

Should You Find Out Your Baby’s Gender?

If you’re asking yourself, “Should I find out the gender of my baby?” then it sounds like you’re questioning your gut. Sit with it for a while, you’ll know the answer.

There’s no right or wrong answer, as they say…

When can I find out?

You can usually find out your baby’s gender by about 20 weeks, give or take, depending on when they schedule your scan.

The earliest time to find out the gender of your baby is a blood test and it can be given around 8 weeks.

pink flower against a blue sky

What are the Pros to finding out baby gender?

Many people want to find out because otherwise they’ll miss out on having a gender reveal party. You can still find creative ways to throw parties during this season, however.

With our first three children, we found out the baby’s sex.

We were “surprised at the ultrasound” as my friend says.

Here are pros we discovered when we found out- with our first:

  1. You can prepare down to minute detail | I’m not really one to go overboard with these types of details, but it’s nice to be able to buy headbands, clothes, shoes, gender appropriate blankets, and all that kinda jazz. Blue car seats. A pink Bumbo. You get the idea. As long as they don’t end up being wrong about the gender (which does happen)
  2. You just know already | With our first we were applying for visas, moving overseas, and in a state of upheaval. In that moment, I couldn’t stand the thought that one more thing in our life was unknown. I wasn’t sure where we’d deliver the baby and, when she was 3 months we didn’t even know where we’d be living. If I could know, I just wanted to.
  3. You can prepare your nursery | If this baby is your first or second, this is a common reason people find out. They want to deck out their nursery in a theme or style that matches the baby’s gender. It’s definitely a stressful thing to be trying to put together a coordinating and sophisticated nursery when you, ahem, have the newborn. You may be barely mentally surviving the newborn stage, so that might not be an option for you.

Read: When You Feel Like You’ll Be Pregnant Forever

blue and pink boy and girl

More pros to finding out baby gender…

  • You can get things monogrammed | Oh, come on. I had to say it. I’m from the South and we love personalization. Whether it’s crib sheets, swaddles, diaper bags, or nursery room decoration, people like to know a name and put it on things. This would backfire, however, if you saw the baby and felt the name didn’t really go. This also happens.
  • You can pick a name | You know the gender, you aren’t splitting your focus between boy and girl names. I mean unless you want a name that could go with either gender in which case it’s probably still the same amount of work. This book is the most comprehensive baby name book ever.
  • You aren’t “disappointed” | This is a reason many people give. That they don’t want to hope for one gender for 10 months then be disappointed at delivery. They hope finding out the gender at the ultrasound will help give them time to come to terms with the gender before the baby is born. I’ve never been one to care about the gender and currently have 1 girl and 4 boys.
  • You can feel more connected to baby | By being able to speak to, pray for, and think about your baby specifically as a boy or girl it can help foster a connection or sense you already “know” your child a bit.

Read: Pregnancy Fitness: Your Ultimate Resource Guide

baby monogram items

What are the Pros to NOT Finding Out Your Baby’s Gender?

Finding out the sex of the baby cannot be undone, so if you are on the fence… just tell them you don’t want to know.

If at any point you decide you do want to know, they’ll tell you. 

Here are pros we love about NOT finding out the baby gender:

  • It’s fun | It is exciting to look forward to delivery. There are so many things about delivery that cause fear about labor so this is one thing that you can look forward to. Not just holding your baby, but finding out what God has gifted you with. After having been surprised at delivery once, I think it’s an absolutely amazing experience you’ll never forget.
  • It’s back to the basics | For those who embrace natural, this is another way to get back to how things were done a long time ago without technological intervention. You were pregnant, prayed the baby was developing normally, had it, then knew what you were working with. Culturally speaking, some countries find out the gender far less than others. In both Australia and Scotland where I’ve given birth, I’d estimate over half did not find out the gender.
pink blue belly
  • You can make a poll | Instead of having a gender reveal party while you’re still pregnant, you can have fun with people trying to guess the gender. Family members can have a good time guessing and making bets.
  • You don’t get misinformation | My Scottish midwife told me that by policy the NHS (National Health Service) does not tell parents the gender. One too many people got misinformed, made major life changes (like buying a new house so a boy and girl didn’t have to share), then sued. If you don’t know you can’t get told wrongly.
  • You get to partake in the mystery of life | How many things in life that are precious are truly a mystery? It almost has a sacred feeling, that something so important is having in secret. And truthfully, it’s worth the wait.
newborn baby in mother's arms

If you don’t find out the gender, you’ll need to be prepared!

There’s still a lot that can when it comes to preparing for a “surprise” baby!

As I’m sure you’re aware of, a new baby requires lots of fun planning and preparations.

  • Get neutral newborn onesies and swaddles | Get light green, white, orange, or yellow onesises and swaddles. Get enough to last you a week or two and then you can buy more later in more gender appropriate colors if you need. It is hard to find neutral type clothes, but it’s not impossible. I’ve bought a pack of these to get me started.
  • Forget about everything needing to be gender appropriate | If my boys blue crib sheets are dirty they sleep on pink ones. Do the blue bibs are in the wash they use their sisters old one? I don’t care one tiny bitty bit. They will survive and what we already own is already paid for.
  • Create a neutral palette that can go either way | If you have a room and really want to be surprised, you can decorate in neutral greys or beiges until the baby comes. Have your decor chosen for both genders (save it on wishlists) then click ‘order’ when you are enjoying some peace and quiet in the hospital recovering away from your other, louder, children. Ahem.
  • Have a party or shower afterwards | Instead of having a shower before the baby is born, have a party afterwards. Just because it’s not the most common thing, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. You can do whatever you want. You can even have a blessing shower and bring the baby so people can meet the little tyke.
pregnant lady in pink dress

Sweet baby on the way!

Just the other day (around 35 weeks pregnant) when I was getting a soda and some M & M’s (yes, healthy baby food) from the gas station, a man who looked both high, homeless, and not quite normal came up to me while

I was in line. He smiled at me, I smiled back, and he asked…

“What are you going to name your baby girl?”

“I am horrible with girl names!” I said, “But I think you’re probably right about the gender...”

Only time will tell…

Related Reads For Your Near Future:

  • Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week By Week
  • Sample Newborn Routine
  • Printable Newborn Feeding Chart
  • Newborn Feeding Schedule That Works

FAQs about finding out (or not) baby’s gender

At what point can you tell the gender of a baby?

Typically, your ultrasound between 18 to 21 weeks will be able to tell you the gender of your baby. However, there are tests your doctor may possibly do as early as ten weeks to determine the gender. It’s not typical, though, and certainly not a necessity.

Is it easier to tell if it’s a boy or a girl?

If you’re at your 18 week scan, the ultrasound should be able to tell pretty easily depending on the angle of baby, how full your bladder is, and if baby moves. The nurses will often tell you to look away if you want to be surprised, so you don’t see.

How do you deal with gender disappointment?

Cry, journal, mourn your dreams for having that particular gender, and then turn around your perspective to being grateful for having a healthy baby.

Are more people choosing to wait until birth to find out if they’re having a boy or a girl now?

Yes! At my last birth (5th baby), we were surprised and my techs and doctors said it’s getting more and more common. So much in life right now is obvious and lacking mystery so this is one way to tune in to the mysteries and joys of life.

::

Want to skip the newborn exhaustion altogether?

Get my ultimate newborn sleep schedule and learn how to have a sweet and peaceful sleeper from the very beginning.

Click here and get it sent straight to your inbox! Or simply click on the image below.

Pregnancy Newborn Sleep Routines

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

414shares

Filed Under: Pregnancy21

« Quick Guide: Teaching Table Manners to Toddlers & Preschoolers
The Dangers of Present But Absent Parenting »

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Katie says

    we have three kids and haven’t found out for any of them, and I have to say, i LOVE not knowing!! There is really just no better surprise than finally having that baby and hearing “it’s a boy” or looking to find out for yourself :) And since I’m not a huge planner and don’t love pink/blue for my kids, I really wanted to keep everything pretty gender neutral anyway. Plus it’s fun to have something to guess about throughout the pregnancy. Although, I’ve been wrong on the gender with my kids every. single. time. With the third, I really thought she was going to be a boy, and was to the point where I figured that since I thought a boy, it would probably be a girl, and of course, she ended up being a girl :)

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      With my third I thought it was twins. Ha. so yeah… I’m 2/2 when I “knew” and then two where I had no clue. :)

      Reply
  2. Miranda says

    We found out with our first three, then were surprised with our fourth. And I realized something during that fourth pregnancy, that even knowing the baby’s gender doesn’t tell us anything about who they are going to be.
    I’m a fiery, passionate person, my husband is calm and patient. Pregnant with my first, a boy, I kept imagining a boy like my husband. We got a boy like me! So fiery he would throw a towering tantrum if his toast was cut in the wrong shape!
    Then we were pregnant with a girl. I kept imagining a girl like me. We got a girl like my husband! So patient and calm she’s almost abnormal!
    Then we were pregnant with another girl. I thought I’d get another like my first girl. Nope! I finally got my little girl like me.
    I learned that gender isn’t the thing that’s going to matter most as I’m parenting the growing child.

    When we didn’t find out the gender of our fourth child, every time I thought about the baby and didn’t know whether to think “he” or “she”, that reminded me of all the other things I didn’t know about this wonderful little person. For me, personally, it helped me to be more humble, more open to receiving whatever gift God had in store for me.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Miranda, what a beautiful perspective :) That is true of our kids as well!

      Reply
    • Ingeborg says

      Love this perspective, i dont wanna know the gender for all the above reasons, just couldnt find the words myself ❤

      Reply
    • Kimmy says

      Currently 13 weeks with my first child and i feel like I’m torn in both directions whether to find out or not, my husband doesn’t want to and i think your post has really opened my eyes up and i think it’s clear we won’t be finding out because your right no matter if it’s a girl or boy we still don’t know all the other wonderful little things about this tiny human, so thank you.

      Reply
  3. Julie says

    I found out – I just HAD to know to be more connected with my baby since he was my first experience with the whole baby thing. But I had a feeling it was a he, and was right. But a friend of mine was told wrong. She first was told it was a girl, and found out much later at a 3D ultrasound that was not the case. Had to change everything last minute.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Yes, that is one reason some in other countries are reluctant to tell. Imagine going completely all out in pink and monograms and names and all the rest and having a boy. But, at the end of the day, it’s a healthy baby that’s the goal right? :)

      Reply
  4. Jessie says

    We didn’t find out with our first which seemed to be acceptable to all the friends and relatives who asked. And there were a lot of them. With our second, people seemed almost annoyed when we told them we were waiting to find out. They kind of feel entitled to know. Makes gift buying easier, I guess. But I felt that people were so used to knowing the gender before birth that they expected it from us. Anytime we told people we were waiting to find out they asked “why?” With our third, I got tired of the bewildered/disappointed response from people when I told them we hadn’t found out the gender yet. So toward the end of pregnancy, I did find out. It was our first girl. And it was fun to tell people (and buy girl clothes). But I still think a surprise is cool and I don’t ask anyone who is expecting about gender. It’s not my business.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Jessie, yes it’s so weird how people feel like they are entitled to know things about the gender or name, etc. I think there’s some type of ‘urgency’ to have a monogrammed gift ready and waiting in the nursery. I’ve found, “It’s our baby, we don’t want to” seems to work okay. Ha!

      Reply
  5. Natalie says

    My hubby and I just had our 3rd baby in early May. We have boy, boy and now girl! We don’t find out the gender ahead of time and I love it lielike that! There’s nothing like finding out the gender at birth and then getting to instantly hold that little boy or girl! When people tell me they could never wait because they’re too impatient or need to plan out everything I want to rolls my eyes. I feel a like saying, “yes, of course you COULD do it! Remember, for the majority of history there was no other option” ;) Guess it’s just another sign confirming our instant gratification society. Haha!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Ha, yes, it’s actually not as hard as you think once you’ve “decided” you’re just not going to do it. It’s the deciding that’s hard. After that, it’s amazing how little you really need for the first few weeks anyway. That said, all we’ve got is white onesies for the firs few days because here in the States finding gender neutral is hard!

      Reply
  6. Krysten says

    We found out with our first and tried to find out our second but she did not cooperate at the 20 week ultrasound. We had to have another ultrasound later in the pregnancy and decided not to find out and just be surprised.
    I am a huge planner and like having all my ducks in a row. The only reason that I was okay being surprised is that our first was a boy and we had loads of girl hand-me-downs from my sister-in-law. Even during my first pregnancy when we knew we were having a boy I got all my big stuff (bedding, swing, bouncer) in gender neutral colors.
    While there were parts of being surprised that I liked if I have another I will find out the gender. Washing clothes for both genders and then having to pack half of them away was just another thing to do that I felt like I did not have time for.
    I was correct both times guessing the gender of our children. I was convinced our first was a boy because I was starving all the time. When we still were not telling people I was hiding in a closet at work to sneak food out of my lunch box. We actually told people a week earlier than we had planned so I could stop hiding. With my second pregnancy I was not abnormally hungry and other things were different enough that I figured it must be a girl.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Love that you knew both times! :) I have known 2 of the 4 so far. 2 of them I just knew and was right. The other two I wasn’t sure and they were boys. This one I feel very certain it’s a girl but only time will tell!

      Reply
  7. Blessed Mama says

    It is fun to see so many people passionate about this topic, We also have 4 children in 4 years. My oldest and only girl just turned 5. I knew she was a girl through the entire pregnancy. I never had an ultrasound as it was a very healthy pregnancy and I delivered with a midwife. With my second there was a question as to my due date that had to be verified so had to have an ultrasound. I could not resist the temptation to find out since we were right there anyway, and yep our first boy. It was fun to find out since he was the first grandson who will carry on my husband’s family name. The third I knew was a girl. The pregnancy was just like my first, in almost every way. Again I had a healthy pregnancy so no ultrasound. Imagine my surprise when he was a very healthy little boy. We did not even have a boy name picked out I was so certain! OOPS:) Not infallible! With my last baby who is now 8 months, my daughter had been praying consistently for a sister even before we became pregnant. I had a strong feeling he was a boy and was afraid she would be disappointed, so scheduled an ultrasound. What an afternoon. Myself, my husband and 3 little children in a small room with a very patient ultrasound tech. She told us he was a boy early in the ultrasound and all but me were surprised and a little disappointed. Then she showed us some 3-D pictures and my sweet daughter started crying and said ” Oh mama its a baby!” What a sweet memory for this mama to treasure! No disappointment after that, only eager delight to “meet him on the outside”. It also made it fun to include my children in name selection. So I found out with 2 and did not with 2 and both ways are wonderful. We all have different seasons and desires. I do not assume every mama knows. We mamas have to stick together and support one another even when we make different choices.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Love this :)

      Reply
  8. Mina Edinburgh says

    I can agree with you when you said that one of the pros of knowing the gender of the baby is that we can prepare early and get the things that are necessary for their gender. Since my hubby is excited about the shopping more than me, I think it makes sense to know the gender of the baby. I will be sure to ask that during the ultrasound, but not now since it is too young.

    Reply
  9. Kristi says

    I’m solidly in the don’t-find-out camp. We didn’t find out with our first, but we did with our second. And honestly, it was much better waiting to find out. No random ultrasound technician telling me my baby’s gender can replace hearing my husband’s shaky, tear-filled voice say in the delivery room, “You got your girl.” I also think there are seriously good reasons you should keep your baby’s name a secret, too.

    Reply
    • Ally says

      Love this reason

      Reply
  10. Sabrina Addams says

    I loved reading that finding out your baby’s gender can help you to prepare better, buy gender-appropriate clothes, and set up your nursery. My daughter is expecting her first child and our first grandchild in October and is trying to decide if she wants to know the gender beforehand! It sounds like doing so could make it easier, so I’d suggest she find an ultrasound service in Mansfield, TX soon.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Awww so sweet to have your first grandbaby :)

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x

Newborn Sleep Routines That WORK!

Get newborn sleep hacks and routines that you can start from Day One that don't involve crying or crazy tricks. 

x