Here’s how to get your newborn to sleep without all the drama and fluff. If you are in the early phases… check out my Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week by Week for all you need to know. You can start some sleep routines, wind down routines, and settling strategies with your newborn as soon as you leave the hospital. This will help baby sleep well from the very beginning. And, lucky you, if you follow these things, you’ll probably never need to “sleep train.”
Some newborn babies sleep all day and night.
Some newborn babies sleep all day and are awake all night.
And some newborn babies are awake nearly all day and all night.
I’m prayin’ for those mamas.Â
There are a few habits you can start in the newborn phase that will help ensure your baby continues to sleep well long past the time they are super duper sleepy.
I’ve found that the first month or two it is hard to keep the newborn baby awake.
This phase can be deceiving as you sit there, drinking the coffee you may have deprived yourself of during pregnancy, and think you are destined for a quiet life with a child who sleeps well.
Many babies just feed, sleep, feed, sleep, and it comes easy. Others, of course, not so much.
Read: Life Changing Advice For New Moms (That Your Dr. Won’t Tell You!)
Even for babies who sleep well, though, something happens at the 3 to 4 month mark. Your baby starts to “wake up” and you find they aren’t sleeping so well anymore.
They go through some developmental changes and their sleep starts maturing.
This is because this is the point at which the training you’ve done – or not done – starts bearing fruit.
If you’ve trained the baby to sleep well then by 3 months they generally sleep hours a day, go down without a fight, nap well and are well on their way to (if not already) sleeping through the night.
If the motto has been “live and let sleep” then at this point you’ll begin looking for ways to get your baby to sleep because their extreme drowsiness will begin to be a thing of the past. Babies who fell asleep out of nowhere often end up needing more tricks, feeding to sleep, or nighttime shenanigans.
Here are some things you can do from birth when you put your baby to sleep that’ll help your newborn sleep well in the beginning and keep doing so as they grow older.
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
Related Reads:
- Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week By Week
- Printable Newborn Feeding Chart
- A Newborn Feeding Schedule You (And Your Baby) Can Follow!
Here’s how to get your newborn to sleep well ASAP
While you’re working on this, use our daily baby logs to help you keep track of what’s happening. It’ll get it out of your head and onto paper so you can look at trends.
Note: I’ve done these habits and strategies with all 5 children and had the same results so, trust me, they work.
1. Swaddle from the beginning
I swaddled from the first day in the hospital until I weaned them months later. I never gave them an option to “like it” or “not like it”
Basically, I just did it.
And, because it just was how it was, they all were used to the swaddled and loved them. It became a positive sleep association. All five of mine liked being swaddled of which I was happy about.
Swaddling serves a few purposes.
First, it helps guard against their reflex to jerk their arms up towards their face which, inevitably, wakes them. This is called the startle (Moro) reflex. If baby is in a passive sleep cycle then the startle reflex can often wake them.
Most babies will rarely sleep long periods unswaddled and definitely not after the first month or two. Swaddling also helps signal that it’s time to go to sleep. This called a positive sleep association.Â
If you unswaddle them during their wake time and swaddle them to sleep they’ll understand what’s happening and it’s a great way to get some routine and consistency in early. The more we can do regularly, the better.
Read: Cocooning a Newborn & 7 Reasons Why it Can Be Good For The Family
Zips from the bottom, stretchy yet snug, and has swaddle weaning arm holes built in.
Learn MoreThe above swaddle allows you to unzip from the bottom so you can keep baby swaddled at night while changing diapers.
The swaddle (a bestselling woombie) helps keep baby drowsy and not wake fully at night.
2. Feed unswaddled during the day and swaddled at night
This helps communicate the difference between night and day.
During the day, I unswaddle the baby to feed and cuddle and play. Then I swaddle and put them back to bed. During the evening, I keep them swaddled to feed them and this works miracles.
Note: I’ll often change baby’s diaper before feeding at night, then re-swaddle and feed and right back to bed.
First, it keeps them drowsy enough that they barely wake to feed and then are basically comatose by the time the feed is over and you put them back in their crib to sleep.
By leaving them swaddled you are communicating that it is not the time to wake up, but time to keep sleeping. This is particularly helpful for the 5:00 am feeds. If you are not careful your baby may think this feed means wake up.
Don’t give up, mama, you can do this and you won’t be a tired mom forever.
If you keep the baby swaddled, lights low and feed them put back into the crib they will understand that is still too early (unless you also wake then and like the day to start early).
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
3. Change diaper after a feed during the day
Whether or not you change your baby’s diaper before you feed them, be sure to change them after you feed them.Â
This helps wake baby up so they can have some awake time. Then, you will put them in their crib awake but drowsy, and this helps teach them to sleep on their own.
I had a hard time getting all mine to wake up for the first month or two and so changing the diaper helped. Cold air. You get the picture.
- If you find baby sleeping through feedings and napping all day, then being awake at night, they are likely day night confused.Â
- If you want to get your newborn to sleep at night, then you’ll have to do the hard work of sleep training during the day.Â
- The habits baby learns during the day pay dividends at night
Tried-and-true *hands on* newborn settling strategies that even the most fussy (or wide-awake-sleep-refusing) newborns cannot resist!
Learn More Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
4. Change diaper before a feed at night
I swaddle using the Woombie and absolutely love it. The woombie zips from both the bottom and the top enabling you to change diapers at night without breaking the swaddle of the upper body.
This also communicates that it’s nighttime, and you want your newborn to sleep.
If the baby rouses enough to make some noises and you know they want to feed, change them quickly from the bottom up and leave them swaddled. Then, with the swaddled baby, feed them a full feed.
➡️ All five of mine fed peacefully like this and were back to sleep at the end of the feed.
You can gently put them back to bed and that’s it.
If your little one is having a difficult time settling down, offer him this pacifier (it’s the absolute best!).
The American Academy of Pediatrics goes so far as to say that pacifiers will help reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and it’s a good sleep association, to boot.
Anything that lowers the risk of SIDS and helps baby get more hours of sleep at night is a win win.
5. Turn no lights on at night
This can be a bit tricky, but is golden.
Use a flashlight on your phone if you need some light, but keep it dark.
➡️ Humans were created with the innate need to sleep, and babies are tiny humans. They will learn to settle and wind down at night, but turning on the light sends mixed signals.
After their days and nights are straight you don’t want to do anything that will unnecessarily awaken them in the evenings.
If you can, help them latch on or find their mouths with the bottle then that’s light enough. This will also help you go back to sleep after the feed.
Related Reads:
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
6. Natural light during wake times, darken the room for naps
When you wake the baby up for a feed (or if they wake up on their own) then open the blinds, turn on the lights, unswaddle and feed.
This signals very clearly “daytime” and will help your newborn wake up.
Then, as you want them to go for a nap, close the blinds and the blackout curtains and dim it enough that you’ve created a distinction between day and night.
Sure, babies will sleep in the daylight, but that’s not the point. The point of dimming the lights is to, again, signal that it’s time for them to nap. You decide the time, then you give the signals, then you let them get at it.
Related Reads:
Create sustainable sleep habits for your little lamb so the whole family can sleep peacefully without the stress, drama, and tears.
Learn More7. Encourage your newborn to take a full feed
If you’ve opted to breastfeed then you will run into the baby wanting to snack.
Snacking should be avoided for a number of reasons, but as we’re talking about sleeping, snacking is a good nap’s worst enemy.
- When a newborn feeds for less than 15 minutes at a time, this is usually snacking.
- When baby sleeps through a feed and thus doesn’t get enough milk, they will wake up early to snack again.
First off, snacking means newborns aren’t full enough to stay asleep because when they transition from active to passive sleep (typical baby sleep pattern) they will wake up.
If your baby falls asleep during a feed, then wake them up. A cold rag, rub their feet, strip them naked, do what it takes.
Newborns need to eat a lot to nap well and if they haven’t had enough milk during the day you can bet they’ll wake up a few extra times in the night to make up for it.
➡️ If you want baby to sleep for hours at a time at night, give full feeds during the day.Â
Related Reads:
- What To Do When Baby Is Feeding Every Hour (& Not Sleeping!)
- The Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week By Week
- A Newborn Feeding Schedule You Can Follow
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
8. Avoid having an overtired baby
With all my newborns, from the time I feed them until I put them down for a nap was never longer than one hour and 15 minutes. Including feeding time.
If I fed at 1 pm then by 2:15 pm at the latest (sometimes 15 minutes earlier), they were swaddled snuggled and down for a nap.
With my third son, at just shy of 3 months, he still went down around 35 minutes after I started feeding him. As in, 1 pm I feed him and by 1:35 pm or 1:40 pm he is down for a nap.
It seems crazy, but it’s true.
A general rule of thumb is this:Â put your newborn down to sleep no later than an hour and 20 minutes after you started feeding her.Â
Read: The Baby Sleep Myth That Backfires Every Time
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
9. Establish a pre-nap and bedtime routine
A great wind down routine helps your infant wind down and start producing sleep hormones.
- Swaddle baby
- hold your baby upright for a few minutes
- sing a special song (I always made up my own per child)
- turn on a night light and your white noise machine
- put your baby down in their crib gently
- then leave the room quietly
At bedtime, it may be different and even include reading (yes, even for a newborn), but the basic baby schedule should remain the same.
Whether it’s bath, a story, diffusing essential oils in the room or singing a song, keep it simple.
Routine before sleep signals the baby what you expect of them. They will quickly, quicker than you realize, understand that sleeping follows the ritual.
10. Shelter your newborn infant’s sleep
This might be unpopular. Or cocooning may be all the rage, depending on your circle.
In fact, it might be unnecessary.
Unless your baby is overtired and fighting sleep.
➡️ If the baby is asleep in their crib, swaddled and snoozing away, for heaven’s sake, don’t wake them up just so someone can hold them.
Once in a blue moon, of course. Special occasions, yes. Done regularly, however, this is a very counter-productive baby sleep habit.
If someone comes over without calling first and expects to get to hold the baby smack dab in the middle of a nap… they might just be disappointed.
Sheltering also means having them far enough away (not every nap, but most) from other loud siblings so they are not likely to be disturbed.
If someone is running around their crib screaming, baby may sleep through it for a month or two but not at 4 months or 6 months and definitely not at a year.
Defend their sleep as a favor to them.
Read: How To Get Through The 4 Month Sleep Regression Fast
Learn how to space naps, how many a day per age, best times, etc. and get your nap game ON!
11. Choose an awake time and regular feed times
From the start, you need to choose a time you’d like your baby to wake up in the morning, and when you’ve done it, always feed him at that time.
With my five kids – based on my own personality and our family culture – I chose 7:30.
From birth each morning, I made sure to feed them within that 7 to 8:00 am period. 30 minutes on each side, if I could help it. Their body metabolizes to that time and they begin to awaken naturally at that time. Here’s how to encourage sleeping in.
Sometimes the baby will wake hungry and need to eat early, which is fine.
It goes without saying, but always always feed a hungry baby.
However, I highly recommend choosing a window of time each morning and always feeding them then because that will create a “wake time” that their metabolism will remember.
Whether you choose to do a routine or not your baby will likely fall into one on its own.
➡️ It’s good to create a routine and stick to it when possible.
Sources:
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Great points! I don’t want to sound creepy, but if you lived near me, we could totally hang out! I often have people tell me, “Well, you just have good sleepers.” Like they just popped out like that. I can tell you that only 1 of my 3 was “born” a good sleeper. The others took intense work. One was awake for 8 hours straight at less than a week old. No joke. Anyway. Good article. :-)
What state are you in? I am sure we would have a lot of fun and commiserating! Oh yes I can’t stand when hard work gets called an accident. Although I think it is a compliment that something you worked so hard for seems natural!
The great state of Virginia…for now… The Navy has kept us hopping around quite a bit. My current claim to fame is having three babies in three states in three years. :D
Oh man I bet not many people can beat that stat at dinner parties. .. even other military families!
I think you hit them all! :) We follow BW, but I think my son started sleeping through the night early on because whenever he woke in the night, I changed him quickly with the lights off (a small night light on), nursed him and didn’t engage, and laid him right back down. He has (fingers crossed) never woken in the night wanting to play…I think he just knows it’s time for sleep.
Yes I do that too. my husband sometimes tried to help change diapers but took so long the baby woke up. He says “how can you do it so fast?” and I said “when it is the difference between being awake or asleep at 3am… you learn speed! “
Great tips! We did all of these things. There were times when my parents thought we were nuts (particularly about not waking her just so people could hold her, and about swaddling – my dad in particular thought it was so mean) but it all panned out. My parents went from saying, “I don’t know why you can’t just get her up,” and “It seems like swaddling hurts her,” to telling people, “She’s such a good sleeper because they respected her routine and that swaddling just works like magic!” I think she was a naturally good sleeper, but there were times around 7 weeks to 3.5 months of age that were very trying. I felt like all I did during that time was work with her on sleep, but it paid off big time.
Yes! I love how even skeptics turn for the better when they see the results. They can’t help it :)
I like the tips and will certainly try to apply these things as soon as our little man is born. I’m also a planner and I like a certain ammount of structure. That said I also want to be flexible. It’s our first so I like to be able to take him outside during the day (for a stroll,grocery shopping, lunch or familie visit).
How do you apply these tips without getting to rigid. I want the little man to also fall asleep in the stroller, car seat and used to noise so that I can take him with me.
Thamar, I have to say that since you are having your first PLEASE DO GET OUT DURING THE DAY! It gets progressively harder to do when you add more children, more routines, and more “hassle.” I’d personally probably choose one nap that day and be okay with sort of missing it, or having it not go as “normal.” So, feed and immediately go out and do your thing so when you come back you can feed and put him straight to bed. I mean that’s what I did with one. Now with 4 I so wish I had gotten out of the house more because it’s NOT worth it to me to drag 4 kids out!
When do you stop swaddling? I mean, do you start releasing the swaddled around six months or so, gradually so that when they are one or older they still sleep on a schedule, but minus the woombie?
Stephanie, I usually let them sort of signal they are ready to stop weaning. For example, if they start rolling over and I often find them on their bellies, I begin to swaddle by taking one arm out of the woombie then the other. I don’t really want them swaddled if they roll over well. But, if they are around 6 months and still not rolling I’ll usually swaddle by then!
Hey,
I have a two month old son, last week he slept from 10pm-3:30/4am but twice this week he has been waking up 12/2am; also he has started crying when put to bed. I feel guilty when he cries so I don’t think I can do the cry it out thing, I tried swaddling during the first week but did not continue with it. Do you have any other tips beside swaddling to let him know its time to sleep? I keep the room dark but when he wakes up before “wake time” what do you suggest? I normally feed then put him back to bed but I’m hoping for a long nightsrest for both of us.
Yes I am a first time mom looking for answers… Lol
Hi Christal, my first thoughts when reading this are that he just may be overtired and/or hungry? If he used to go to bed well and has started crying when being put down it could be likely that he’s overtired (meaning a bit too tired to go to sleep easily). Try moving bedtime up 15 minutes or 30 and see what happens? Also, I think just a nice rock, singing or praying, sitting still for a few minutes, rubbing his head, etc. those are good indicators of sleep if you do them regularly. And when mine wake up before I usually would feed them (based on their normal habits) I’ll leave them in the crib to sing or talk. If they aren’t singing, but are crying, I’ll usually get them and see how they are when I’m holding them. For example, my 5 month old usualy feeds around 11. If he wakes and cries at 10:30 I’ll go get him and most of the time when I’m holding him he stops crying and is happy. So in that case I’ll just wait until 11 when he normally feeds to feed him since he’s okay.
Hope that answered some of your questions :)
I loved reading this article, because I needed all the help I could get, when I was a new Mom. I’m finding myself doing my research all over again now to prepare for my next LO. I don’t think I will be swaddling this time around though, since I think the Zipadee-zip is an even better option.
Yes, I use a woombie which isn’t really swaddling with a blanket, per se, but helps stop the reflex. Best of luck… little babies are so yummy!
Hi Rachel – I have 6 week old twins who have just become horrible sleepers! They were born practically full-term and were fantastic sleepers in the beginning. In the past few weeks it’s started taking us 1hr to 1.5 hrs to get them settled and down for a nap or bedtime and even during the night sometimes. We follow the BW routine as much as possible (though definitely feed if they seem hungry out of cycle), but they’re beginning to fight sleep like it’s their job. We bottle feed which usually takes 20-30min. I normally do 10-15 min of activity time after the feed but by then they seem to be over tired and fight sleep. I’ve even tried starting the nap routine right away after a feed (to rule out over tiredness) but they still fight it. We have swaddled from the beginning and always put them down for a nap or bed in a dark room with a sound machine. Because they are eating every 3 hours (on the nose!) sometimes we actually go through 2 feedings before they get a good nap (more than 5-15min)! Sometimes they will fall asleep in my arms but then wake as soon as they are transferred to a crib. I usually wait over 30 min to transfer them to ensure they are really out but they still wake up. Any idea what we’re doing wrong? The sleep deprivation is really starting to take a toll on me!
Oh Lauren, what a trial you are going through with two little ones! How long are they staying awake after you start the feed? I wonder if it’s their formula, does it seem to bother their tummies?
Hi Rachel!
I’m so very thankful for finding your blog. As I’m about to embark on this thing called motherhood here in a few weeks and having some sort of a plan helps me feel a little more like I “sort of” will know what to do when she arrives :)
I did have a quick question on the second #3 concerning changing the diaper before feeding her at night. I understand the principle and think its great, but do you ever find that even if you do that, feed, and put her back down to go back to sleep, that nature takes its course and she’s in the need of yet another diaper change? Will she be so comatose at that point that changing her diaper again won’t really matter too much and wake her up a lot? What is your experience with that?
Thank you!!! Danielle
Hi Danielle, great question! I’ve found that it depends on your baby’s personality. My oldest would be so comatose that I could change the diaper after and she’d stir slightly, but not wake. My sons, on the other hand, would often wake during diaper changes, particularly if it’s a bit chilly or winter. So I changed beforehand and then changed again the next feed. And, as soon as I could, I stopped changing just for wet diapers because the sooner thy can go a few hours at night the better. Hope that helps!
Can you elaborate on #6? How long is a normal feed? And, when are regular feed times? I have a 3week old :)
Well I guess it’d be normal to your baby. But all 4 of mine breastfed for at least 10 minutes more like 20 to 30. If you go to the menu bar > routine > sample schedules you’ll see ALL mine :) Ha! Let me know if you can’t find them and I’ll help.
Hi there! I’m on my second baby, he is 4 weeks and he literally eats every hour all night long. I’m wondering how you know if they’ve had a “full feed”. Also he’s currently sleeping in a bassinet next to my bed because he’s so gassy when he grunts and moans I pat him back to sleep (bad habit). With my first he was in his crib from day 1 and is a great sleeper. How do I transition my little one to his room if he grunts all night and needs to be patted to go back to sleep.
Catelyn, I wonder if he wakes up every hour all night if he’s actually hungry? How long does he feed for? I know the term “full feed” can be annoying because who knows. But I’ve found that all my nursing babies fed for at least 15 minutes in total, sometimes 30 to 45. If he’s only 4 weeks I’d say he’s likely waking from hunger or pain. Does he burp well after feeds?
Thank you for sharing some survival tips for the newborn phase and early stages. I have a breastfed snacked on my hands… Any tips how to get her to eat a full feed rather than 10mins here, then ten min break and that can go on for an hour. I’ve had a few days it went on now for an hour and a half. I have another child so being a constant milking cow is taking its toll on me :-(
Snacker*
Does she actally refuse to feed or does she nod off in sleep?
She nods off or tries to use me as a pacifier.
I would try using the pacifier, shushing, or if you know she isn’t hungry but wants comfort. Also, I’ve bene known to strip the baby down and use a (warmish) towel on them to keep them awake during feeding. Seems weird, but they are so much more content and sleep much better if they have a full tummy!
Thank-you for the tips, your article is very helpful. My 6 week old continues to wake up at 4am and grunts until 6am until I give up and get him up. He seems to be fighting his swaddle. The only time he hasn’t done this is when we had a late bed time. Any tips for getting him to sleep past 4am?
Janine, what do his naps look like during the day? One suggestion I would make is to feed him well at 4am in the dark then put himb ack to bed. Does that not work? Also, do you think it’s gas?
Hi Rachel. Thanks for your reply. He usually has a good feed at 4am, still swaddled, but then won’t go back to sleep. His naps during the day are generally good. I try to keep to less than an hour waking time between naps. His afternoon nap he is swaddled. I usually wake him up around 5:30 so I can start bed time at 7pm. His morning naps are a mix of at home and on the go given his other siblings schedules. He is definitely exhausted in the morning and sleeps while the others get ready for school and he naps during school drop off. I thought it was a bowel movement at first because he poos after 5am but he hasn’t had such big bowel movements lately and he is still grunting for 2 hours.
How old is he now? (Sorry can’t find your original comment) I used to do this when that happened, I’d set my alarm and wake up about 30 minutes before my baby’s habit and fed a lot. Hopefully the baby remained asleep without having to wake up so it wasn’t an “awake” feed, but a night one. Could you try that?
Thanks Rachel, I will try that tonight. He is 7 weeks tomorrow. Here’s hoping for a little more sleep tonight!
Oh Janine, he’s such a tiny tyke. Yes, try that, waking up earlier than he does. Beat him to it so he doesn’t get in the habit if you can of staying awake. But jus tkeep consistent, he’ll push through :)
Hi Rachel,
I have a soon to be two month. He usually goes to bed around 8:00, we have a routing of bath time, bottle (given by dad while listening to light music), then I’ll swaddle him (I’m starting to wean him from this as he keeps breaking out), rock him, and try to put him down awake but sleepy. 9 out of 10 time he’ll fall asleep on his own He will normally sleep 4-5 hours and wake anytime between 12-1 am. I’ll change his diaper, nurse him, and sometimes give him a 2 ounce bottle. He will then wake up around 3:00 am, and I’ll admit I’ll be lazy and pull him into bed with me so he can nurse. he will nurse on and off from 3 until we wake-up around 6:30 or 7:00. Any advice to get him to stop the snacking/comfort feeding at 3?
During the day he take two one and a half hour to 2 hour naps. I also try to feed him when he wakes up, do about 30-40 minute activities, and then back to nap.
Thanks in advance!
Donna
Oh, we do supplement with formula (we had to due to weight gain, now he is over 10lbs, almost 3 pounds from birth weight.) I don’t really want to stop supplementing because honestly we all are happier with it!
Donna, don’t you stop if it makes everyone happy, totally agree!
Donna, my best advice is to give him a “dream feed’ around 10:30 or 11. Don’t wake him up up (he might sleep through it) but get him out of bed and feed him as long as he’ll take them gently put him back down. No diaper changes, etc. if you don’t have to. This’ll get him to sleep quite a bit longer instead of waking up at 3 as a habit.
Thanks Rachel,
I tried dream feeding last night at 10:30. How long do you think until it works? He only took two ounces and then woke up at 1:30, took another 2 ounces, and then up again at 3:30 (at this point all he wants to do is stay attached to me and if he unlatches will wake up within 30 minutes. This goes on until we get up for the morning. I have tried giving him a pacifier, he will take it for a few minutes then spit it out. One thing I have noticed is he is getting really bad gas… Any other advice?
Thanks!
Donna
Donna, if the dream feed doesn’t work it might not be hunger so much as just a bad habit. How old is he now? I’ve heard some say they pick the baby up, give them the pacifier, and then hold them through teh fussing. Even if it takes 10-15 minutes, you are not reverting to feeding back to sleep (unhelpful habit) but you know you’re comforting them so you don’t feel guilty. ?
He is 8 weeks right now. I guess I have tried to immediately feed him once he starts fussing. Last night what I did was when he started stirring around 12:30, I reached over into his bassinet and patted him until he settled again. He did fully awake at 1:30 and I fed him. (which gave a full 5 hours of straight sleep) and then he woke up at 4:00 which I fed him again and he laid with me until we all woke up around 7:30. Do you think this is causing a bad habit? I would like to move him into his crib around 3 months.
Thanks,
Donna
Donna I think at 8 weeks he’s doing GREAT! Unless you’re tryin to drop the night feeds quick, I think he’s doing fine. Don’t drop the dream feed or the 5 am one, but soon he won’t wake in the middle, then you’ll drop the 4 ot 5 am one, then the dream feed and he’ll still sleep until 7:30!
Thanks so much for your support. I have an older boy who is 6 and we got into a really big trap with him (only wanting to sleep on us) for almost 6 months. When he was 6 months we really started sleep training but it took a while to break the habit. He is an awesome sleeper now, I guess I just forgot everything in the past 6 years. I’ll keep trying to do the dream feed and hope for the best!
Thanks,
Donna
Hi Rachel,
My 5-week old (my first child) will only sleep on my husband or I at night. The second we put him down he screams endlessly, and the few times he hasn’t screamed he has only lasted less than an hour without screaming, and that is rare. My husband rocks him from bedtime to about 2-3am, then I take him and he pretty much feeds and snoozes on and off until morning. How can I get him into a routine and get him to sleep on his own?
Rachel, I have a baby sleep course coming out I think you will really benefit from. This is not as uncommon as you’d think, but with a few different habits you can set things to right in as little as a week!
This is very helpful, thank you! Two quick questions. What is BW?
Also, you mention if baby wakes early than feed him early, but then how do you ever get back onto the schedule in order to line up the right bedtime? You also mention you might need to feed baby earlier than wakeup time but then ur seems implied you also feed him during wakeup. For example if he wakes at 5:30 to eat, and your wakeup time is 7 am, do you feed again at 7 only 1.5 hrs later?
Erin, great questions! So… if the baby isn’t crying but is only minimally fussy but distractable, I try not to feed until nearer to routine time. If the baby is very hungry, of course I feed it. So it can be hard to get back on schedule, but I’ll just aim to get back on it with another feed throughout the day. Perhaps, if it’s not a growth spurt, they’ll sleep until the normal time next time.
For the morning feeds, I will give a short feed at that early 5:30am time. So I won’t do a full feed because I’m actually trying to wean the baby from that then I’ll do the normal feed at 7 or 7:30 and try to make it full. Now, a good way to know they don’t “really” need that 5 am feed is if they just aren’t hungry at 7. I will give the paci or feed only for a minute or two.. Hope that helps!
Unfortunately I have not done anything you have written in your articles except for trying to set a routine at night before sleep that consists of a bath, eating and rocking my baby girl to sleep sometimes with the help of white noise and lately a pacifier. Now at 3 and 1/2 months her naps during the day are very short from 25-60/90 minutes at the longest and in the night I put her down between 9 and 10 pm and when I go to bed around 11-12 pm she is so agitated she constantly moves arms and legs and sometimes even whines in her sleep and I end up picking her up and have her sleep next to me in our bed. Please give me some advice! What can I do to help her sleep and get her rest?
Raluca, try to focus on the other tips there, giving her a good wind down, consistent meals and feeds during the day, set nap times,et. and let me know how it goes.
My 2nd is 3 weeks. We haven’t done cry it out yet. She cannot sleep during the day unless someone hokds her thru active into deep sleep. I have a toddler, so the baby gets overstimulated quickly (toddler spent the first week of baby at home screaming outside my door every time i tried to lay her down for a nap because she missed her little sister.). I’ve let her cry it out up to 30 minutes at many naps and she just gets more and more agitated and overheated. Suggestions? We have a nap routine. She’s content and drowsy but awake when i lay her down. I don’t have her awake for more than an hour, before laying her down. But she’ll cry thru or stay awake thru 2 nap cycles and then want to nurse to sleep at the next feeding. Agh!!! I’ve let her cry it out for up to 30 min several times. She takes a full feeding. At a loss!! Nighttime she does great.
Ellie, do you think it’s related to upset tummy? My son did this for a bit (still does sometimes) and I give him gripe water and then gas drops even to help settle his tummy. Also reflux.. could that be a possibilty?
We have a question. Our little boy is one month now and we just found your website. We are having difficulties with sleeping (nights and naps). And he’s got reflux which we just started meds for a few days ago so he has been uncomfortable for a while now. We have only been loosely swaddling with his blanket since he has seemed fussier with his arms pinned down. Should we start the full swaddle like you do or is it too late for that? And if we do, how do we handle the what seems to be “red headed temper” he has (grunts, growls and jerking himself straight almost like he’s stomping his feet in anger) when he can’t get his arms free. Thank you for your advice!
Lisa, I’d try full swaddles and see if he’ll get used to it. For the next four months you’ll be happy he’s swaddled so I’d at least give it a good go before deciding he hates it. Some babies do not love it, this is true, but they will get used to it when they realize it helps. My little guy has some reflux too and it’s SO HARD. Are you propping up the crib or getting a slanted crib mattress pad thingy?
HI Rachel- I am confused on expectations. I have a 12 week old. Bedtime routine starts at 7pm which includes a good full feed. She has some reflux so I hold her upright and rock for 15-20 minutes after she eats. She usually is out cold by 8:15 or so when I put her in her crib. I am not sure how to put her down awake as we need to give her that time to deal with her gas. We give her a dream feed some where between 11-12 and then she wakes up once more for a feed and rock back to sleep somewhere between 3am-6am ( this tends to really vary in time but usually is a 10-15 minute feed and another 10-15 minute rock) her final wake up and unswaddle is 7:30. She never asks to play during the night, but she does fuss and seem uncomfortable. She is always happy in the morning and takes 3 1-2 hour naps during the day.
I thought we were doing well. I know that goal is 12hours at night but is that with the dream feed? How many feeds is reasonable during the night? I am reading here that people with babies much younger are doing longer stretches.
Thank you!
YOU ARE DOING IT! I wouldn’t change a thing if it’s working. Reflux (mine have had it too) is a game changer and you gotta do what it takes to make baby comfortable. If baby is getting that much sleep even interrupted for a feed, I think you’re on point. I don’t even tsress about their long stretches until around 4 months personally
Oh my goodness, how I wish these tips would work. Our little girl is 4 days old and I am already at my wits end. Even with my mom and husband here helping 24/7, I think I have only gotten about 8 hours of sleep since she was born.
We are exclusively breastfeeding and she is ravenous. I have been feeding her at least 10, usually more, times per day. Her feeds last anywhere from 45 min to and hour and a half or longer. She does fall asleep at the breast but I am doing everything I can to keep her awake to get a full feed. As soon as she is done feeding, we try to put her down to continue sleeping and she IMMEDIATELY wakes, starts giving hunger cues…tongue out, sucking on hands, smacking. This quickly turns to all out crying and she cannot be consoled unless she is put back on the breast. We are swaddling with the woombie which she seems comforted by, but not enough to sleep on her own.
The only sleep I have gotten has been when I turn up the white noise for MYSELF just so I can’t hear her cry anymore while someone else holds her screaming and we’ve both gotten a few minutes of shut eye if she passes out on my chest in bed after a nighttime feed.
Obviously I can’t hold out like we’ve started out and I am desperately needing advice. The sleep issues on top of very painful breastfeeding due to inverted nipple on one side has me at a breaking point!
Any advice would be greatky appreciated. Thank you so much.
Megan, do you think you have enough milk? Has this changed when your milk came in? Sorry it took a bit to respond!
Great article!! My son loved being swaddled and after a few weeks he was sleeping pretty good. At about 4 months after the first time he rolled over while playing, I stopped the swaddle slowly. Night time is a lot better as he seems to like his sleep sac, but nap time has been really difficult for about a month. When swaddled I could always put him down a bit awake after feeding/rocking/singing, but now it feels like the moment I attempt to lower him in the crib, whether he’s drowsy or out cold, he flinches as soon as I lower him, cries and cries, rubs his eyes. I’ve tried being tough and waiting a minute or two, but the cries get worse fast and then nap time is over. If I can get him down, the nap might only last 20 minutes. If I swaddle him at the very end of our nap routine before placing him in the crib, he does great- I just keep a close eye on the monitor to make sure he’s ok. He’s never rolled over in his sleep yet. Lately I’ve just been giving up and holding him for nap time because after a few tries without a swaddle we’re both upset and overtired.
I guess what my question is: is it ok to continue adding the swaddle to ONLY nap time for a bit longer? Will that risk messing up night time sleep where he isn’t swaddled? I do love cuddling with him, but its starting to take a bit of a toll on me and making the days a bit tough. I also want to help him get the best nap he can while recharging myself so I’m not such a tired, cranky mom haha!
Thank you so much!
I’d suggest swaddling him as long as he likes it. Mine now is swaddled and rolls on his tummy but the swaddle is very loose so he can move his arms but he still like sit. If I put him down without it he won’t sleep. I’d just go with what he’s doing. If he likes the swaddle, do it. If it becomes a big issue, take it away at both. Hope that helps :)
Hi Rachel, I really love your tips and blog! I swaddle my two month old with her arms down AND she likes to sleep on her tummy. I know this is completely frowned upon but it sounds like one of your LOs is also swaddled and rolls onto his tummy too? I’ve been having an internal battle about this but good to know someone else out there is also doing this.
Karrie, mine just got taken out of his swaddle one arm at a time because he just ends up on his tummy. I’m not going to roll him back kover every five minutes so I heard from my nurses that we put them on their back and if they roll, so be it. Of course we have to go with our own guts here!
Hi Rachel! Thanks for the tips! I’m just wondering with the 50 minute time period you have for night feeds, does this include burping? My 4 week old baby gets quite gassy and gurgling tummy/intestines but takes a long long time to burp! Would love to be able to put him back down within 50 minutes!?
I don’t even time it at night at all. I feed, burpu, feed, burp, feed, burp and then just put baby down when he’s very groggy or asleep. I also feed laying down which somehow I feel kinda helps with the burping at night?
Hi Rachel
I tried the routine with my 3 week old yesterday. I swaddled and used white noise. The daytime and evening were much better although getting him off for a nap is really hard work every time. He normally settles really quickly at night and is unsettled in the evening but after yesterdays routine he was really settled in the evening and very unsettled at night. He took 2 hours to get back to sleep after waking at midnight for a feed. I’m worried he didn’t get decent sleep in the day as by the time we got him settled it was sometimes time to wake him again. He also hated the bath- like screaming his head off hated.
I feel helpless as no idea what to do today to improve things.
Thanks
Kate
Kate, make sure that you’re letting him not take too long naps in the daytime so that he’s not getting all his sleep during the day and not at night.