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Home » Practical Tips for the Home » Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering » The (Non Obvious) Reason Your Home Feels Chaotic

The (Non Obvious) Reason Your Home Feels Chaotic

Updated May 21, 2020

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Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Inside: Do you ever wonder why your home feels chaotic and disordered? Here’s a very common sense (but not obvious) reason your homemaking efforts feel like failures. Great read for stay at home moms.


It started around 7:30 am in the morning. All the kids get up around this time, including the baby. I wanted to feed him in solitude with nice cuddles. You know, ease into the morning.

Then one child would come out to say good morning and go back in to make their bed and clean their room.

Then another, then they’d get to chatting, then the third child would start screaming from his crib for mama and by this time the baby was loose finding expensive things to throw into the toilet.

I had no makeup, whack hair, and didn’t get out of my pajamas.

the non obvious reason your home feels chaotic

I went from room to room and made sure things were in order as the kids ran around and laughed and played and got distracted from their task. Then I got breakfast ready as the baby whined and fussed for food and I still had on pajamas.

And then I needed a Diet Coke before I went any further and from then on.. until everyone had breakfast in front of them… it was utter chaos.

At least, it felt like chaos to me.

The kids weren’t being disobedient and I wasn’t yelling or super frustrated… but it was clear what was lacking in my morning routine and our morning routine. It felt out of control and it was taking its toll on me.

If your home feels chaotic and out of control, what you are missing is good working systems. 

I knew what I was doing was Not Cutting the Mustard so I read some books, thought about what worked and didn’t, and started making changes. For the past week, things have been exponentially calmer and more peaceful in the mornings. I’m not as frazzled and things just work better.

Read: Common Habits Of Organized Stay At Home Moms (With Printables)

How to Get Good Systems That Work

It won’t happen overnight. In fact, it shouldn’t happen overnight. You need more than 24 hours to find and fix the disordered times of your day.

Pinpoint what is Just Not Working

You probably don’t have to think too long and hard about this. Is it dinner time? Bedtime? Naptime (or fighting naptime)? Breakfast, the hour after nap, etc. Take a few days and really think about the times of day your blood pressure goes up and you start to feel stressed.

These are the times you are lacking in good systems or routines. You probably already have a routine going, it just isn’t working for you.

Pinpoint the reason it isn’t working

After you realize which times are stressful, figure out why. My mornings were stressful because all of the kids had a few things they needed to do and they all had to do them independently. That is great in theory but they were 4, 3, and 2 years of age.

This means there was a lot of “checking up” and while that happened they got off task and it was chaos.

Since then I’ve started doing two kids at a time and leaving the other two in their rooms to wait. I’ll get two up,  cleanup supervised, and then at the breakfast table with food and drink. Then I go back for the other two.

In that middle time while the second two are doing their tasks, I get dressed, do hair, put on BB cream, and feel more presentable.

We’re still all at the table at the same time but without the chaos.

Want some 15 minute projects that you and the kids can do to get the house in order quickly? Download and print here!

Brainstorm Ways to Minimize the Confusion and Chaos

I knew I needed some inspiration out of my own head since my own plan was not working.  I Googled and read readers comments and just prayed God would help me clear a path that would cut out the crazy.

Brainstorm yourself then ask friends or more experienced moms for some input. It’s amazing what things seem “common sense” when someone else tells us that we’d never thought of on our own.

These printable chore cards will help your children learn responsibility by carrying out the home systems. Download, print, and watch your children work hard. 

Get organized and make a plan

Now, you don’t have to go creating a moment by moment spreadsheet and tacking it to every room in the home. But by identifying what isn’t working you’ll be able to create a system that does. Then, organize your area for success.

I realized I needed to move some things from some places in the home to other places to prevent the kids from running from one end to the other.

Small changes make a big difference.

Make the plan have a fighting chance

If you aim too high you won’t reach it. If you feel like things are not working at all, you can just tweak a few routines or make baby step changes. Also, give your children an overview of changes that will happen.

For example, if you are making the dinnertime routine different, explain very clearly and very often what you expect now. If they don’t know what you expect you’ll all end up frustrated and throw out the system before it has a chance to shine.

Work it (if it works) or change it (if it doesn’t)

Give the new system time to settle in. See what parts work and what parts don’t. You may find just a small change makes a huge difference. Getting up 15 minutes before the kids, say. Or you may find a change makes things worse.

Giving an hour of play before homework time. Realize that having an efficient system is always a process and it’ll take some trial and error.

Want some 15 minute projects that you and the kids can do to get the house in order quickly? Download and print here!

::

You are NOT lazy, disorganized, or unmotivated. The fact is, if your home feels chaotic,it’s your systems. With easy efficient systems, habits, and routines you can start to have the home (and home atmosphere) you crave without working yourself into a frenzy.

Take this quiz to see how well your home systems work then get free and easy hacks to help make your home more tidy, peaceful, and organized.

Rachel

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Filed Under: Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering, Practical Tips for the Home4

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I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

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Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

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Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

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“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

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I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

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Tami K.

Comments

  1. Keth Dzedins says

    You’re my favourite parenting page because I feel so supported when I read your advice, part of a group of people experiencing similar things; not chastened for having been “doing it wrong all this time.” The advice is either simple, or you make sure to mention it’ll take time and that it’s okay it will. Thank you, I’m feeling excited about the new school term now, instead of fearful.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Oh my goodness thank you for noticing. I do that ON PURPOSE so that anyone can take that and use it but not feel discouraged. This feedback means so much :)

      Reply
  2. Emily Weathersby says

    Just a practical question: when do you shower? I’m not really a fan of showering at night because my hair doesn’t lay well the next morning, and my 2 year old and 7 month old are early risers (and light sleepers) so it’s hard to get up before them. I usually get to it around 9:30 after I get the baby down for a nap, but it would be nice to get ready for the day before that. Any tips?

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Ha! Great question :) So I do it in the evening usually but if I’m too tired then I do it in the morning, sometimes if the kids are occupied or if I get up early.

      Reply

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Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

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