Inside: Here are some super important mindsets for being a mother that will save your sanity.
Isn’t it amazing how we learn so much day after day, year after year, and yet we always end up feeling like there’s more to know?
That’s how motherhood is.
You hit your stride then BAM some chemical jerks in your child’s brain and you’ve got no idea what’s gotten into them.
We can feel untethered, stressed, and worried we aren’t good enough as moms.
It’s a common bond we all share.
This is for the others who feel there is a Best Way and a Perfect Way and yet who cannot seem to meet their own standards.
4 Timeless Truths Being A Mother Teaches You
It’s amazing how being a mom is one of the biggest learning experiences of our life. Here are some truths that we can take to the bank.
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
Now Is Not Forever
We are not that different from our kids.
To a child what’s happening NOW is what’s happening forever.
right now = always
not now = never
Read: Do-Overs to the Rescue! (read part 2 for more info)
If we are worn out from night feedings, tired from all the hyper-vigilance, and haven’t showered in a few days or worn makeup in like a month… we can imagine that life will always be this way.
They will grow up and be able to deal with their own hygiene.
Then, they will get old enough that it’s not hard to find someone to watch or hang out with them so you can go out.
They will eventually be able to stay home alone (legally).
They won’t always need you for milk or a snack or even – dare I say it – dinner!
When we are struggling it’s easy to say that how we feel NOW is how we’ll feel FOREVER. But that is a heavy burden.
➡️ Plus, it’s just not true!
Good Enough Is Good Enough
A boss I had years ago told something I’ll never forget.
“80% is good enough.” CEO, Board Member for numerous charities, and Entrepreneur Helen Wiseman
And I was her research assistant. She actually told me – seriously – that I didn’t need to aim for 100% because it still wouldn’t be perfect and it’d take too long. So 80% is good enough for her.
Welp, ladies, I’m here to tell you. Aiming for 80% is a great place to start.
Here are some things you aim to get perfect, but that will never be perfect.
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!Learn More
- Laundry | Why aim for an All Clean And Put Away policy when five minutes later someone has pooped on the bed or thrown up and now it’s not done. Just get it done so everyone has clean underwear. Also, wear your jeans 10 times before washing. My Madewell jeans all say – inside the pant leg – that washing every time breaks them down. Tell yourself that!
- Clean House | Now, I’m all for doing [thrive_2step id=’17923′]Pajama Projects[/thrive_2step] and getting things done. But the trouble with gettings done is that new things always come back to take their place. So instead of thinking about Getting It All Done, just think about it like Doing Things.
- Obedience | The truth is, your child will not do what you want or say 100% of the time. If your child does what you say most of the time and occasionally doesn’t, this does not mean your child is out of control. Don’t hold your child to a crazy unrealistic standard that you yourself can’t achieve because that’s demoralizing. Get on their side, stick to your boundaries, expect resistance, and have a bit of humor about parenting.
Read: The Ultimate Guide To Having A Mother’s Helper You’ll Love
Aim For Real, Not Perfect
It’s very hard for us when our role models seem perfect.
We think that So And So has it all together and does everything well. Then we compare ourselves to her and we feel inadequate, less than, and bad. So guilt sets in. And self-condemnation. Before you know it anxiety and depression tag along and life starts sucking.
Or rather, our internal thought life starts sucking and it plays out around us.
Luckily, one of the biggest things we can teach our kids is something easy to model.
Saying we’re sorry.
Admitting we aren’t perfect.
Being okay with 80%.
- Apologize | Kids are extremely forgiving. Admitting when we are wrong and saying we’re sorry is a huge thing for kids. They see that when they mess up, it’s normal! This will help prevent perfectionism and Never Enough-ness from coming up in your own kids.
- Lead By Example | Use any opportunity you can to show your kids that you aren’t perfect, but you work hard. Don’t be overly sensitive about your performance. Be open to admitting that you worked hard, but it still wasn’t perfect. This is extremely helpful and – although you might feel like it – does not promote mediocrity.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Taking Care Of Yourself And Treating Yourself Aren’t The Same Thing
➡️ Treating yourself is NOT the same thing as taking care of yourself.
Treating yourself to a mani-pedi or a weekend away or a ladies night is all good and well and lovely and fine. And a PLUS, but not a necessity.
Taking care of yourself is absolutely necessary.
- Taking care of yourself is what you do, day in and day out, to contribute to your own physical, mental, and spiritual health.
- Treating yourself is what you do occasionally to spice life up. Icing on the cake!
– Taking care of yourself is sleeping 8 ish hours a night all the time.
– Treating yourself is occasionally having a few nights away to sleep sleep sleep and try and make up for your normal exhaustion.
– Taking care of yourself is eating the types of foods that don’t make your body revolt, back up, cause migraines, or lead to ill health.
– Treating yourself is indulging (not daily or it’s not a treat, it’s a habit) in rich, tasty, out of the ordinary awesome foods.
– Taking care of yourself is doing the normal hygienic practices that keep you feeling at your best and your body cared for.
– Treating yourself is getting a mani or pedi once a month.
I could go on, but you see what I mean.
We’ve misunderstood (or been sold a bill of goods) that Treating Ourselves will make us happy, peaceful, and content.
Don’t end the day with anxiety, stress, and a full mind.
This evening brain dump journal sheet will help you get in a peaceful mindset so you too can sleep peacefully through the night.
But it won’t.
Taking regular care of ourselves will. And we’ll actually want to treat ourselves less because we won’t feel we need to constantly escape our own lives.
So there we have it… four things we learn from parenting.
Life has seasons, and none last.
Good enough is good enough.
Perfection is impossible, genuineness is attractive.
We’re the only ones who can take care of us.
Trying to work through some mindsets that hold you back? These cards will help you get focus on the right things.Learn More
Julie S says
What great encouragement! I’ve been learning these things and absorbing them slowly over the last couple of years, and this reinforcement is just what I needed to hear.
Love everything about this post!
Thank you for your post!
I laughed (with you) when I read about the spiderwebs… I saw a pile of loose curry powder somewhere in my kitchen cabinet and I was just like oh gosh, forget it.. (but felt shitty immediately afterwards). This was after putting away yet another pile of clean laundry and clearing toys, and unpacking stuff from a night’s stay at the in-laws. I was exhausted #pregnantagain
Your words resonated with me and I felt kinda relieved. I know tomorrow morning I will fret about the rain-speckled glass windows (it rained over the weekend when we were away so I could not bring down the shutters, WHY? D: ) and the pile of winter clothes I have yet to pack away (and in 2 months it would be winter again, so hoorah??). Never-ending stuff…!
Thank you again~ Happy fun times, fellow mom.
Rachel Norman says
If you feel bad about your windows, come look at mine. HA. We can’t stress about it all! :)
Wow, I was just saying “I want to enjoy being a mother again instead of feeling like everything is a chore.” I’m a mother of 5 with my last 4 all under 6 years of age so sometimes I do want to scream into a pillow lol. Thanks for this!
Rachel Norman says
Ha, screaming into a pillow is exactly what we want to do sometimes :)
I especially appreciated the comment about not aiming for perfect obedience out of my kids. It’s really what’s been stressing me out today and it was just what I needed to hear.