Newborn Mamas, Drop These Expectations For More Peace

As a new mom, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. A new baby will do that all in itself but when you add in other obligations, relationships, and peoples opinions- that’s another story. Here are some things that moms with little babies do not need to do:

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We love our babies so bad that we put immense pressure on ourselves to be the best mothers possible. To do the most healthy and long term beneficial thing that can be done.

We aren’t necessarily even sure what that is, but we want to do it.

The issue is, this gives us a lot of stress, burden, and pressure. And mamas of newborn babies… you don’t need any of that. Let’s talk about some expectations or things you don’t need to have in this season of life.

Don’t feel like it’s necessary to accept everyone’s advice.

I remember when my first baby was born. All of the sudden, everyone had tons of advice to offer. Some of it was welcomed, but some of it was unsolicited.

Moms with little babies would absolutely loose their minds if they tried to follow the advice of every good intended family, member, friend, or online source.

Seriously… we would lose our minds.

I believe that a good rule of thumb to follow with new moms is this: don’t offer advice unless they explicitly ask for it. Sometimes we are just venting. Other times, we get bombarded by others opinions and it just confuses everything.

It honestly comes down to this: You’re the mom. You get too make the decisions. Follow you gut and intuition before any one else’s advice.

You don’t have to follow every “hyped” up trend.

Women have been having since… well forever. Yes, there are lots of “improvements” in toys, technologies, etc.

Does that mean that you have to have all the newest or best of the best? No.

Now, if you want to… then have at it! On the flip side, if you prefer to keep it simple there is nothing wrong with that.

You are not “cheating” your kids of the finer things in life by using hand-me-town rockers and baby gear. Life probably won’t be that much simpler if you buy the $1500 stroller vs. the $500 one. Or it may be. It all depends on YOUR situation.

Moms with little babies don’t need to feel guilty about resting a lot.

Rest is amazing… especially for a tired mom.

I’ll go further than that. Rest is absolutely essential.

Your life has dramatically changed. You are up throughout the night. Even your mental awareness has been heightened. This takes an impactful role on your tiredness.

It is normal to be extra tired.

That being said, don’t feel guilty about sleeping with the baby sleeps. Even if it’s at 2:00 in the afternoon and there are loads of laundry. Moms with little babies do not need to feel guilty about resting when the baby rests.

Don’t feel like you need to force your baby to show physical affections like kisses or hugs.

Not only is it not completely safe, but it’s a little weird to allow everyone to kiss on and hug your baby. I mean, your baby can’t say, “No, thank you.”

I have seen this sort of thing happen as kids grow a bit and become super cute when they give kisses, etc. The young child is forced to go around the room and kiss everyone goodbye.

To each their own, but I don’t think that moms of little babies should feel the need to force their children into physical affections to appease the crowd.

Instead, a mom has the right and obligation to teach their children:

• safe ways to show affection,
• how to manage their own personal boundaries,
• and who they are allowed to kiss/hug.

If you’re feeling protective (or cocooning maybe) then that’s fine. You don’t need tons of visitors, outings, or anything else. It may be a season where you just spend a lot of time at home.

Moms with newborns don’t need to feed them according to anyone else’s persuasion.

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million tomes. Moms do something they want to do and others criticize it. It’s easier if your method works, others will align with you soon enough. But if your preferred method doesn’t really work well, the criticism will be even worse.

A new mom is frustrated at their in-laws, siblings, or whomever decides to give their baby something or do something not approved by them.

Moms with newborns do not need to feel obligated to feed them according to anyone else’s persuasion.

It’s simple really- you are mom and you know what is best. Stick with your guns and don’t worry too much about upsetting anyone’s feelings. They will make fun of you later and that’s ok…

Don’t feel like you should adhere to anyone else’s standard of sleep intervention

Every baby is different. Anyone who has had multiple children can attest to this fact.

Some mothers cannot handle lack of sleep and work on good healthy sleep skills from the beginning. If this is you, good for you! There are a lot of ways to encourage healthy sleep habits with little ones from the get go. I’ll add some here, but have many posts on this topic.

• no snacking
• keep baby awake during feeds
• drowsy but awake in the crib if possible
• feeding with lights on
• napping and sleeping in dark
• wind down routine
• good routine that meets all needs before crying is necessary

If you’re having difficulty getting your newborn to sleep then I recommend my newborn settling guide, which I link to below.

You don’t have to completely lose your identity.

Let’s face it, moms with little babies can completely lose their identity in the first years. It’s easy to do.

You are selfless, giving, sacrificing, and fully committed to giving your little one your best.

These are all wonderful things, for sure. However, you don’t have to completely lose your identity. Don’t feel guilty about keeping up some of your hobbies or interests on the side.

I know it’s challenging, but you should not give everything up. Unless, that’s your wish.

Try to:

• balance your time wisely
• get enough rest
• hold onto your self-worth
• keep up with your self-care habits
• and maintain your relationship with those you love

Moms with newborns don’t need to always say, “Yes.”

Moms are superheroes.

There is no one that works harder in her home and has the ability to hold her family together more than a mother.

Moms with little babies are maxed out just with the new baby. And that’s ok. You may not be able to keep up with everything that you did last month, last week even.

Take however much time you need on the NO train to take care of yourself and baby. The extra obligations (outside the home) can wait until you feel

I have spoken with mothers who feel shame and useless because they had to neglect their positions or obligations before a baby.

Don’t feel shame or guilt. There will come another time down the road where you can say, “Yes” to all the extra things you want to help with.