Life Skills Kids Learn When They Don’t Get Their Way

Kids should be given opportunities to fail, face challenges, and know what it feels like when they don’t get their way. Here are some of the life skills kids learn when they don’t always get what they want:

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It is super hard on a mama’s heart when our kids are upset.

Whether they’re crying, whining, melting down, or simply having an emotional reaction to our choices… it triggers all kinds of feelings inside mom.

• guilt
• anxiety
• shame
• anger
• resentment
• bitterness

Sometimes it’s actually a good thing when things don’t go our kids way. It isn’t that we manufacture experiences to make our kids have to handle disappointment. But, when these experiences occur, we can rest easy knowing our kids are learning great lessons.

Conflict Management

Conflict management is basically boils down to being able to disagree without losing your cool. When we say “no” to our kids, we are training them to accept that things will not always go their way.

You don’t always get what you want.

This is a principle that we know and understand as adults, but are we teaching this life skill to our kids? If you are always bowing to their every wish, you are not preparing them for this reality. Of course, we can be flexible and take into account our children’s preferences and opinions, but sometimes our decisions won’t please the kids.

Stand your ground when your kids get upset. They have to work through it… they need to learn how to manage their emotions (with you) so they can manage conflict with others.

Coping with Failure

Failure is inevitable. Failure is growth. If this is true, why do we always try to avoid allowing our kids to experience failure?

Oh, I know! It’s because failure hurts.

Failure hurts because it’s embarrassing and humiliating when we don’t get things exactly the way we want them. This emotion is the same for children and adults. It’s simply no fun…

But, we all have to learn to cope with failure.

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

Robert F. Kennedy

I want to propose to you that when kids are placed into situation where they experience things they don’t always enjoy, there’s more of a chance they may fail at it. Or maybe they don’t like things because they are not that great at them. This is also normal.

One of my sons doesn’t not like physical activity. It’s just not his cup of tea. When it comes to pick up games, he fails miserably behind other kids.

I neither force him to do these activities he doesn’t like nor do I purposefully protect him from natural situations where he’s with other kids and they’re playing.

Being able to cope with not being great at everything is a good life skill.

Listening Effectively

When kids don’t get their way, they tend to shut off their listing ears. Teaching kids to listen when it’s the hardest for them is a great life skill.

This goes beyond just following directions.

When kids are in the midst of a meltdown because they don’t get their way, it’s important to get their attention and teach them how to express themselves in an effective (and calm) way.

• Sometimes that means listening to the other party.
• Sometimes this just means listening to how I’m really feeling and removing myself from the situation before it gets too much for me.
• Often kids needs need to learn to calm down then be able to have a talk about what happened. Adults who walk away from every argument or confrontation never win.

How to Negotiate

We all know those types of people that can talk their way out of anything. I’m not suggesting that we teach out kids to be “smooth talkers,” but I do think that negotiating is a life skill kids should practice.

• Think through what you want to say first.
• Don’t base your argument on emotions.
• Express yourself clearly.
• Try to view the situation from other sides of the argument.
• Come up with a solution that benefits all parties involved.
• Stop and re-group thoughts when necessary.
• Accept defeat or victory graciously.

Negotiating and critical thinking skills are actually close in relation. Critical thinking skills are used when learning how to speak with intention and to a point. So, learning to negotiate effectively can be a great life skill to have.

How to Be A Team Player

Nobody likes playing with someone who gets upset every time they don’t get their way.

Sometimes we tend to look over kids when they act this way. It starts when they are young and then we just become passive.

When we help our kids work though the emotions associated with frustration we help them learn how to be a team player.

Team players understand their place in an activity, know how to be flexible, and stay optimistic. When we allow kids to experience situations where they aren’t always getting their way, we are building this skill set in them.

Motivation

Kids learn motivation and drive when they don’t get their way. It’s the way we are.

It is when we are challenged that we build the life skills necessary to overcome hardships.

• If we are challenged, we learn to overcome things.
• Our strength and endurance is built through difficult times.
• We find the motivation to continue when we are pushed to have to do so.

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.

Albert Einstein

Motivation is a life skill that is bred through life experiences. As children, we should be given opportunities to have to cope when we don’t get what we want.