A Mother’s Connection to her Children {and how it caused my water to break}

A couple of weeks ago I had my third child. The circumstances leading to labor were very different from my previous two pregnancies and I was even induced by my doctor {though in a natural way, I suppose} without my consent! More on that later, I’m still trying to figure out how that even happened. It’s been on my mind lately how we mothers are connected so deeply to our children and how that manifests itself in various ways.

I had a friend who once told me she was a light sleeper since her daughter (then 18 years old) was born. She said her ears attuned to hearing the slightest cry or movement and since then she hadn’t looked back. While I sincerely hope that isn’t in the cards for me, I feel her pain. When, in the middle of the night my son even moves in a way that he hits the side of the crib, I wake out of a dead sleep. Boy do I feel it.

But, since my bold declaration that this connection actually broke my waters, I’ll spill it. I’m not sure what science says, nor do I really care, but all I can say is that after that moment, I will be forever convinced that there are few stronger ties than those between a mother and her children.

So, the morning after my 38 week check-up, I put Pickles in the playroom for Independent Play. I laid down on the bed to rest for a little while {not to sleep, I wouldn’t go to sleep with my daughter playing on her own} and then thought I heard her voice outside. “Weird”, I said to myself, “isn’t she supposed to be in the playroom?” Note: the playroom was only a few doors down and I had just heard her in there. I walked down into the sunroom and saw her standing over the edge of the pool. Immediately I had a surge of adrenaline and thought, “Oh my goodness, she somehow got out of 3 sets of doors and is trying to get in the pool.” BHAM. My water broke.

Then, I saw my grandmother with her and felt relief. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have felt relief since my grandmother doesn’t actually swim, but it meant that my grandmother had gone and gotten her out of playtime to be with her. Honestly, at first I thought I peed in my pants from the fright. Then after a few steps I realized that, in fact, my water broke.

Who knows if it was adrenaline, a hormone surge, or my protective mama bear instincts coming to the surface. Maybe it was a coincidence. Even though I’m an extremely practical person, I somehow doubt it. It was just one more validation of my ‘theory’ that mothers are connected so strongly to their children, even in ways they wouldn’t anticipate.

(1) Cries and my heart rate. 

When one of my children wakes in the night or falls or otherwise sounds their cry of distress, before the first cry {literally, the first cry} has finished, my heart has already started pounding. Even if they are dreaming and that one cry was the first and last, I often lay in bed and marvel at how my heart started racing and woke me out of a dead sleep in something like half a second. Half a second!

I’m not trying to get wacky here, nor do I know how long it takes sound to travel, but I often wonder how I can be woken from a dead sleep, jump out of bed, and be at their side within seconds when I hear a scream. Now, a normal cry this doesn’t happen. But an ‘injured’ or ‘in pain’ type scream, it always does.

(2) Protective mama-bear instinct. 

I guess I never knew I was a protective person until I had children. This is probably partly due to the fact that I’m dramatic and partly due to the fact that I’ve been perpetually pregnant and therefore hormonal, but I often sit down and think about just how far I’d go to protect my children. The other day my husband and I talked about whether we’d be able to hurt someone who was trying to hurt our kids.

I felt like some kind of undercover psychopath when I said that I thought I wouldn’t have any trouble maiming someone coming after them. I try to promote independence, even at a young age, in my children. But I think that when they are in their 40’s I’ll still feel the same way.

(3) Self-sacrificing behavior. 

I referenced this idea in How Mothers Save Lives, but I think that becoming a mother means that you naturally do things for the good of your kids. When they are newborns, you sacrifice your sleep. When they are toddlers, you sacrifice your sanity. If they get sick, you sacrifice your savings. We love them even when they act like they don’t like us. We take care of them, clothe them, feed them and play with them even when we’d rather be reading a book alone.

This mother/child connection, to me, is one of the only relationships on earth where you are willing to give give give and expect nothing in return. Oh sure, you will get paid back full in relational dividends later in life, but for many years there is just pouring out. If a boss made you do this, you’d quit. If your spouse had you do every single thing for them and they gave very little in return, you’d feel cheated. But with your kids, it’s just something we know has to be done. And so we do it.

(4) Spirit, soul and body. 

My post on nurturing children spirit, soul and body goes into detail about how we can love our kids holistically. I think that we mothers are connected to our kids in each of these ways as well. Pregnancy is pretty much the most connected to another person you can get. They are literally attached to you until the cord is cut. What you eat, they eat. Your body nourishes their body. The emotional and relational connection is also a strong component between a mother and her children. And, of course, a father and his children.

I do not discount that at all. My husband is a great father and he has seemingly endless patience playing with them. When my children feel joy, I feel their joy. When they are in pain, I am in pain. Not that I am living vicariously through them, but that they have been put in my protection and because of that I watch carefully over them. Spiritually I watch over them as well and I know that whether or not they go on their own journey with God will be largely determined by my own journey with God.

So, it’s safe to say I’ve got this phenomenon on the brain these days. I told the doctor about the circumstances of my water breaking and, though she had the courtesy to not tell me I’m crazy, she seemed intrigued. I’m not so naïve to think that the involuntary induction didn’t have a little something to do with it, but the whole thing is just too close for coincidence. What do you think? Have you ever had an eerie experience that showed how truly connected you are to your children?