Your phlegmatic temperament has much to offer your children and family and here’s why. This is installment 4 of 4 of the four temperaments and how each of them bring life to their family.
If you’ve been waiting all week to get into why you, the calm steady mom, are a great mom then wait no longer.
You are calm and steady.
As an introvert, you are content at home with the kids and able to take things in stride. Even when things get chaotic, stressful, or the kids get out of control you remain easygoing.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
As a Calm + Steady mom you’re nearly immune to anger. Your fuse is very long and it takes a lot of pressure over an extended period of time before you blow up. Ever patient and long suffering, you can remain cool under pressure.
You can get down to the kids’ level and just be with them. They feel that you truly pay attention and that’s because you do.
You are able to focus intently on what you are doing, and the kids will often look to you to play a game or watch their new trick because they know you’ll focus on them.
The Calm + Steady mom is a peacekeeper by nature. You don’t function well when situations are full of turmoil and drama, and seek to keep your home a place of rest and relaxation. You’ll be quick to diffuse high tempers and to reconcile everyone to a place of relational harmony.
Whereas other temperaments tend towards anxiety and worry, you live fully in the present and avoid situations that are likely to cause you stress. You like to think before speaking or jumping into something and will often take a long time before starting something new.
You will be predictable in certain areas of motherhood and your children will find security in that.
The Calm + Steady mom will likely teach her children empathy and kindness. Instead of focusing on punishment, you will be quick to explain to your children why a certain behavior is preferable to another. You truly care about the feelings and well-being of others and want your kids to feel welcome and safe in your home.
“Nice” is a word often used to describe you. It’s not for lack of more descriptive words, but because you truly personify the adjective. You are kind, thoughtful, respectful, and caring. As your children age they will find you an excellent listener.
You won’t jump in to offer help when unasked, but offer positive supportive feedback when you know it’s desired. Children of the Calm + Steady mom will use your shoulder often and know you care about what they are going through.
You are easygoing.
People feel at peace around you.
You create an environment of harmony and rest.
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Her children arise and call her blessed.”
Proverbs 31:11-12, 20, 28
The Calm + Steady mom’s family are blessed by her steady, kind, and calm demeanor. She brings peace and harmony to her loved ones.
What's in this post...
Leave a comment if you are Calm + Steady and tell me what your best strength is!
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
Click on the descriptions below and it’ll take you to that post. I recommend reading all 4 before you determine which temperament you are!
I am the calm+steady mom…peaceful phlegmatic and popular sanguine and I think that my need for the kids to understand more than getting handed a punishment is definitely my big thing. I want them to know why they should be doing the things we are telling them and why they are important.
Krista, your kids are so lucky to have a relaxed and thoughtful mom!
I’m the calm and steady mum. And yes, kindness and empathy are very important to me. I also like my peace, so I do want my home to be a place of rest. In short you’ve described me accurately LOL. Good to know that my children would appreciate these qualities *smile*. Another thing I appreciate is the way you broke down the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman. I always wondered how any one woman could attain all those qualities! Glad to know that each temperament contains the good qualities listed in Proverbs 31.
Sabine, thanks for your encouragement and I’m so glad that YOU were encouraged :). Yes as I was typing I thought PROVERBS 31…. someone once told me that scripture actually discouraged them because – hello – look at all she does. I thought it would be encouraging and enlightening to break it down that way. We most definitely cannot – and are not made – to do it all!
This is totally my BFF! Sending it to her now!
Ahh, Tiffany! Love that, which one are you?
I have a little of all of them in me! But mostly I am a mix between calm & steady and strong & deliberate.
Yes, glad you could narrow it down. REading about the struggles may help make it clear too!
yes, good to be a mix, means you’re balanced :)
I am the calm and steady mom. I have a long fuse and it takes a lot to push me over the edge.
Your lucky children :)
I am a cross between calm and steady and the enthusiastic, energetic mum. Very glad to know that as your article says we bless our families with our different temperaments! How wonderful to have that relief of knowing there are many sorts of mums and all have their good points!! Also that proverbs 31 identifies all different sorts!
Jacquie, yes I thought it so important for moms to know that all the temperaments have such blessings for their families :)
I feel that I can see myself in a couple of these but I’m leaning towards the string and deliberate mom. I am a mom of 3 (6 year old, 4 year old and a 5 month old)! I’m looking forward to reading more in the days ahead. I’m always looking to better myself as a mom and wife. So thank you for this!
Angela, so happy to have you joining in :)
Calm + Steady describes me perfectly. I have one baby girl who recently learned to walk. For the entirety of these nine months with her, I don’t think I’ve ever “had enough” of her. (Granted, she is not a toddler yet. But she can still be a handful). Even when she screamed all night one night and we couldn’t figure out why, and my husband was on the verge of a meltdown himself, I just had this PEACE inside me. I held her and tended to her and never felt any sort of frustration or anger start to form. I often feel that I am the rock in our family, steady, calm, full of quiet confidence and love. When motherhood overwhelms me I am able to continue steadily until everything is right again or I can take a nap.
Abigail is a delightful child, and while I will always brag about her sweet and joyful spirit, I know that I am partly responsible for her happy demeanor. We have shared so many connecting moments that her smile mirrors mine – nose scrunched, half laughing. I am proud of my ability to teach joy and gentleness to her and hope that I can have as much of a connection with all my children. Thank you for this post! It made me so warm and fuzzy inside.
Amber, what an absolute blessing for your household. You do sound like the calm and steady mom to a tee! :)
I am definitely the calm and steady mom. I believe the most important thing to teach children is love. So I definitely teach that and kindness all day every day! I find joy in being a peacemaker and teaching my children why to do things a certain way. I still punish but teach them why and what to do instead so learn from it. I am very patient and give them my attention as often as possible. Thank you so much for wiring this! It really is beautiful to see the positive qualities that each type of mother has to offer. I know that it gave me peace of mind so I am sure the other mothers have felt the same!
Thank you for tying in Proverbs 31 and breaking it down for us! ❤️
So they learn a lot from it***
Hi Montana, I’m so glad you were encouraged and I believe your personality is the one who can teach about love and grace the easiest :) Your lucky children!
I’ll be honest – I feel like my personality doesn’t match any one set. After reading through all of them, I realize that I’m a little bit of everything, with strengths in some and weakness in others. So like a personality mutt? ? Anyways, I loved reading through these. I found my heart wished I was stronger in all areas. But God created me the way I am, and any changes in the way I act is because of Him. Which I need to remember daily.
Amy, I wonder if you are Strong + Deliberate? I only say that because that is the one personality that most often says they cannot identify with one. HA. But anyway, labels only matter if they help so who cares. And I agree with you, so much of the ‘negative’ parts of my personality have been softened and molded, praise God. I’m not there yet, but it’s better than it was.
This seems like me, thank you
Please, could you help me define which one describes me best?
I have lost my mom when I was fifteen and have since basically been raised by my sister. Now I live abroad with my husband and we have a sweetheart Son of 11 months. I have changed in many aspects and am constantly looking for who I am. Also, I read so much about motherhood that all sounded logical to me that I changed my view on Some things and I question everything about my upbringing, which was done by a mom who did More than her best and I think that even though she was so kind, she fitter More in the first strong personality type.
So this is how I am with my Son now:
I Try to give him a good schedule in a day, I make his food myself and breastfeed him and when someone tries to give him sth to eat or drink with added sugar or salt, I never fail to stop them and explain it is bad for his age and inappropriate for his health and brain development. I try to never get mad at him But I do say ‘nooo’ when he tries to touch sth dangerous or bad like the toilet. He shows me with a sad face that he doesn’t like me saying no and being mad and that makes me melt and then we laugh, But I do my best to stay consistent. I pay a lot of attention to his emotions and feelings and Try to give him As much attention and quality time As I can in a day, yet I like to let him play and walk around on his own when I do the dishes or other chores. We recently went to the library for the first time and i absolutely loved it and he liked it too. I also pay a lot of importance to his intellectual development and would love to stimulate his senses and have him explore things. I basically want to give him everything before I die. Now we look into a book every day and we talk about the ball and the lamp, Because these are the things he likes now. I do want to introduce him to new things because i know he can keep up, yet at the same time I want to respect his tempo and learning and developping pace. When we read a book and he just want to play with the cover while I’m still turning pages, I therefore try to refrain my enthusiasm and let him have his way with the book. As long As he shows interest in books, i’d rather let him achiebe their love at his pace than force it onto him, Because that would make no sense to me. I wanna keep it fun for his young age. Yet when he’s close to puberty I would like to focus on his responsibilities and make achievements and hard work interesting through biographies of pious and noble people who lived before us. I also want to teach him to be absolutely respectful and conciderate and be kind even to insects and leaves.
As a child I was always daydreaming and living in my head, so I was always slow at everything I did and I feel I was given up by caretakers Because of that. I wasted a lot of time being unproductive, laughing too much and not taking responsibilities seriously. Most things were done for me Because of that and I grew up seeking attention and approval by being As funny As I could.
In my mind I always thought I was special and had so much potential and philosophied about life and thought I was wiser that people my age ( i was the youngest in class), yet I felt no one took me serious and I wished I had a coach or sensei who would teach me discipline, hard work and martial arts to become strong and self-controling.
I want to give this special attention to my son, and see things he Doesnt say and teach him to expres himself and give him the space to do so, Because i Often thought if someone had been interested Enough in my ideas, i would have achieved a lot More. I also always noticed how other children were all good at something, But i was in no sports club or after school activity, so my senses and potential were not really Triggered Enough. I am the 3 of four children and the middle one of 3 girls, so i sometimes felt older and a big girl and sometimes younger and not old Enough to be in the big girls league. That also had me confused and looking for a group to fit in. I also always looked up to my sister who could do everything and felt frustrated that my younger sister never Seemed to look up to me and we always played or fought. So in our family i was the entertainer. When my mom died though i became serious and hated the person i was in the past. Later i became super emotional and now I’m becoming emotionally stable and mentally healthy.
My main goals are helping people in need, giving back to those who helped and gave to me, overcoming laziness, staying in motion withouten stress, being super organized and productive to make my house a home to my husband and Son and to all who comes in. I want to make home a place of rest, positive growth, achieving goals (i have strong and big goals for us) and a place of knowledge and peace.
I try to play and entertain my baby boy and find it absurd when people get too serious with a baby his age. I try to understand how his brain works and would rather always have something at hand to entertain him and keep him occupied, instead of punishing or getting mad out of frustration and lack of organization, preparation and creativity.
I want to always have a Back-up for my family and be present whenever needed and keep the house alive yet with a steady, predictable routine of good eating and sleeping habits and pay a lot of attention to high values and good character like no bad words which i would discipline for and be firm without hesitation. So i would be loving and explain, But there are boundaries and things that are an absolute no-no. I want to proceed wisely and improve myself every day and expect that of my family members too, so that we can work together towards our important goals to make a change in the World, starting inside our home and in our surroundings.
Sorryyyyyyyy for the book i wrote! I hope someone Will read it and if you could see what type of mom i am, please Don’t hesitate to tell me. Thank you!
Well I’ll tell you what type of mom you are… A FANTASTIC ONE :) I can tell you are super loving, attentive, and thoughtful. Your family is blessed to have you. If you’re having trouble nailing down then I recommend this quiz which is free and will help.
http://personality-testing.info/tests/O4TS/
Have you heard of the supine temperament? My husband and I took the quiz to find our our temperaments and I am mostly a supine.
By supine do you mean sanguine or is that a whole other test?
Rachel, I just want to thank you for your blog. I have 2 under 2 & a 7yr old w adhd & I felt like the Heavens opened up & angels sang when I came across this site! Please thank ur family 4 sharing u w us & tell them that u r as much of a blessing 2 us as u r 2 them.. At least u r 2 this strong & deliberate Mama who feels like she’s lost all sense of self & needed this so badly 2day. Thank u honey, thank u!
Thank you for the encouragement, Jenny!