When it comes to repairing relationships, we don’t often think of our children. But, maybe there are some powerful skills to be learned through this simple “do-over” trick. Try these things with your kids today:
Today Let’s talk about some important things that will make you feel…
- better about your patenting
- make your kids feel more understood, and
- help you get rid of mom guilt.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
What's in this post...
The Concept of A Do-Over
In Language of Listening, we talk about this quite a bit. So let’s dig in today…
What is a do-over?
Something less than perfect happens.
You’re not happy with the way things happened.
It could be that maybe you’re not happy with how you reacted. Maybe you’re not happy with how they reacted.
So, you’re just going to have a do-over.
So often we respond in a way we didn’t like and we sit on it. It eats us up in guilt. We may view situations as done and gone. Or, we may forget that we can go back to these situations and talk it out… figure it out… do it again.
It’s more than just apologizing (although that may be part of it). It’s more like re-visiting it, flushing it out, doing a better job.
Repairing relationships is a skill that can be taught through these actions.
Let’s take an example:
Want to help develop your child’s strengths Use these cards to dive into the character qualities and how your child does – and can in the future = exhibit them in their own life.
Learn MoreWhen you have do-overs… you get a lot of info out of your kids.
Do-over’s are a great way to dig a little deeper with our kids.
I believe that one of the most important things we can do as a parent is to model how to repair a relationship.
So, this might mean apologizing.
It is extremely valuable to model apologizing to kids. This models humbleness and forgiveness. It’s valuable for them to see this type of behavior in action.
Admiting that you are wrong… that’s a huge deal for them to see.
It’s kind of a big deal for them to hear you say “you know, I could have handled that differently and I’m sorry that I did it that way or hurt your feeling.”
A do-over is a great way to accomplish this.
Or maybe your child handled a situation in a way that was frantic and you want to model how to better handle a situation.
It’s almost like role-play.
Do-overs are free for alls. In other words, there’s no exact right of wrong way to accomplish them.
When Do I Do a Do-Over to Repair Relationships?
Well, I’m driven by guilt. And If you are also driven by mom guilt… welcome to the club.
- I said that wrong…
- I didn’t do that right…
- Maybe this is what she/he needed..
So with a do-over I really get to re-visit what happened and learn from it for next time.
What To do When Your Kid Talks Non-Stop
Here’s another thing you can do:
The book I read entitled Redeeming Heartache explains it this way…
Often when kids go through trauma, they give out crumbs. You don’t get a big picture until after a while. You don’t really respond or understand until there is enough crumbs to pick up.
Why Should I Do A Do-Over?
There really is no set rule as to when to do a do-over. But follow your mom intuition on when to repair relationships. Here are some situations that may merit one:
- You didn’t quite pay attention,
- got over the top frustrated,
- blew them off,
- teased, but actually hurt their feelings,
- yelled,
- lost you temper,
- or just feel like you want to talk it out.
Here’s something that I do in my house…
We have a start the day do-over. Like on the days where we’re all already awake and they are acting like aliens…
I literally have everyone close their eyes and I’m like “OK, we’re going to start the day over.”
Let’s imagine the light is streaming in the curtains and mommy is just waking you up. Now, when we wake up, we’re not going to treat our family like enemies.
I’ll do this at all kind of random times…
Instead of sweeping something under the rug (hoping you’re going to do better next time)… you go back to that conversation of situation. It’s a powerful thing.
You can say:
- I’m sorry…
- Can we do it a little different?
- Can we see how that might have gone different?
This is going to give them some really great communication skills and it simply models that we are all human.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
Not everyone knows how to humble themeless. Not everyone cares about that other person to squash their pride and admit that they are wrong.
It’s powerful to teach b y modeling that things can be handled differently.
This skill cannot be understanddded and it’s important that we give this to our kids.
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