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It can be tricky to look on the heart of your child when everything seems a mess. In this post you will see how a parent who leads with balance and understanding is able to see their child’s heart, foster growth and independence, and train them in the way they should go.
We sometimes find ourselves going from strict to lenient.
Wanting to be compassionate, then knowing we need to draw a hard line even if it’s hard. Here’s how we can strike a balance and parent with understanding so our kids feel heard, loved, and prepared well for life.
Accept Your Calling
You are the most influential person to your child’s life. What a blessing this is! And I know… probably a bit nerve wrecking.
The first thing to understand is that you are exactly the person that God choose to parent your child. He knew who you were when he created that life entrusted to you.
Yes, he knew that there would be days when it would drive you crazy…
He knew that you would get discouraged. He knew that you would make mistakes. Everyone does. However, you are equipped, trusted, and created for this job called motherhood.
You can parent with understanding and balance to positively affect your child’s heart.
Ephesians 6:1-3 says:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.
When a child is born, a mother comes into existence as well.
So when we, as mothers, accept our calling- we have the ability and right to instruct obedience for our children.
We also have been given an honor that our children should respect. In teaching these principles, we are blessing them with the promises of God in their lives.
Our obedience to His calling will cause our children to be blessed.
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
Train Within a Foundation of Faith
Faith is more than just believing in someone or something. Faith is a core value that can build understanding and balance within a family. It works within our hearts to direct us in the right paths.
Faith is a heart issue. In training children- the heart is always in play.
So much of life revolves around our “want to” and desire to do good. The same is true for kids…
You see, faith is the principle that things in the future rely upon my decisions today.
Principles such as:
- When I follow God’s commands, He blesses me.
- When I obey my parents, they trust me with more responsibilities.
- I am studying the Bible, so I can grow in understanding of who God is.
- I am doing be best in school, so I can attain knowledge and grow.
- God loves me and shows me mercy & grace.
- I will love others by showing mercy & grace to them.
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Parenting with your child’s heart in mind deserves a look unto what role faith plays in their upbringing. Faith assists in parenting with balance and understanding.
Proverbs 22:6 says:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
This scripture both gives us a command and offers a beautiful promise of faith.
We are instructed to train our children in the way they should go. And, we are given the promise that they will not depart from it.
Now, that’s a promise I choose to have faith in!
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Admit Mistakes & Grow Together
A very wise person once taught me this: Don’t punish mistakes.
It’s true that sometimes it’s hard not to punish mistakes… and I am guilty of it. But, Unless you’re trying to raise a Perfectionist Child– you probably want to have a growth mindset instead.
That’s true for yourself too. Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake. Let’s face it- mistakes happen.
If you make a mistake, own up to it. Then, admit that you’re still growing… and move on.
How powerful is it for your children to see you growing through a mistake, instead of becoming hard around the edges. How insightful your children will become to know that growth happens through failures.
By taking ownership of failures and maintaining a growth mindset, you are parenting with balance and understanding.
Truly Look at the Heart of the Behavior
Kids can have good intentions and still make messy mistakes. Likewise, they can have bad intentions that lead to wrongdoings.
As a mom, I try my best to see past the mess in front of me and to the heart of what caused the behavior.
There have been moments when I have to dig deeper (past the behavior) to see what unsettled issue is testing in my child’s heart.
It is then, that I get to lead them through forgiveness and repentance of the wrongdoing.
Tips for heart matters:
- Watch for tell-tell signs – Is there something your child is harboring? What could be the underlining cause of this behavior?
- Look at the situation from their perspective – It’s possible that your child simply misunderstood the assignment. Could you have been more direct?
- Use it as a teachable moment – Some of the greatest lessons are learned through failure.
- Teach forgiveness and how to ask for it – Our greatest example said it this way: Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)
Marianne WilliamsonChildren are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called “All the Things That Could Go Wrong.
It’s possible that your child was hiding something awful, which caused the unwanted behavior. If so, unbury it and show them how to unpack those feelings of regret and shame.
It’s also possible that the behavior was simply a misunderstanding- which led to some mistakes.
Either way, you can parent with balance and understanding by looking at the heart of the matter
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
There’s a healthy balance between keeping an orderly home and having children with a happy-go-lucky attitude. Parenting with balance and understanding allows failures to be learning moments, as well as issuing consequences when necessary.
A parent who leads with balance and understanding is able to see their child’s heart, foster growth and independence, and train them in the way they should go.