We already have some good tips for quieting the noise in our homes. We also know a great calm down trick for excessive hyperactivity. Now let’s talk about what to do when your child talks nonstop… and it makes you want to pull your hair out.
We must all understand the irony of this…
I am a nonstop talker.
Well, to be honest, I talk less than I used to. Mostly because with these kids, I can’t get a word in. But I used to talk all the time.
When I was nervous.
When I was bored.
Maybe because I’m a lonely only (Birth Order Matters) and I never had a sibling around to take the edge off my talking. Either way… I’m getting back what I paid in. In spades!
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
I recently had a reader write and ask this. I’ve paraphrased (because I can’t find the email) but this was the gist.
“I love my daughter to pieces, but she talks nonstop. She is constantly asking me questions and trying to get my attention while I’m doing things and it really drives me nuts.
I know it’s not good to ignore her or get frustrated, and I want her to feel she can talk to me, but she talks nonstop and it’s making me crazy.
Any tips?”
At the time, I sent one or two tips, but I hadn’t really had direct experience with this, and now I do.
But before we move on… I know you are all thinking of this quote. This beautiful true quote that is also guilt inducing if your talker is doing your head in.
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn More
Let’s agree that listening and engaging with our kids is good. It’s possible to be a present parent without losing it.
It is also possible, however, to pretend your talker doesn’t drive you nuts and then – when you can’t take it anymore – explode in frustration with something like “Shut up!” or “Can’t you just stop talking for like 5 minutes?”
Really… those reactions are what we want to avoid.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
What's in this post...
What To Do When Your Child Talks Nonstop (And You Want to Pull Your Hair Out…)
Having a child who talks a lot and wants to engage with you is good, let’s figure out how to make it good for everyone.
Make Time For Talk
So the first thing we need to make sure we’re doing is to actually engage with our child. My Talker wants to talk all the time so it seems like we talk all the time… but when I thought about it we don’t really.
I’ve tried to make purposeful time for conversations throughout the day, or at least a good run at bedtime, so I know there is true talking happening.
This can be ten minutes while you prepare dinner, a nice cuddle in bed at bedtime, or talking in the car while running errands.
The key is to be engaged and present, not absent. To make sure your child knows you are actively engaging in the conversation. This will also help with your mom guilt.
Trying to work through some mindsets that hold you back? These cards will help you get focus on the right things.
Learn More
Make Eye Contact and Focus
When you’ve decided it’s Talk Time, make sure you are focusing. I’ve found it so hard to focus on anything throughout the day when the kids are all running free.
Just today as the kids were doing chores and vying for our attention and being loud, my husband looked at me and said…
“We live on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.”
?????
That said, when I’ve decided I’m going to fully listen, it’s much easier.
To make sure you’re engaging you can:
- kneel down at their eye level
- put down your phone, book, or task at hand
- repeat what your child has said (active listening) before responding
- ask questions they can’t answer with “yes” or “no”
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
Make Time for You
Here’s the kicker. You need to find time for you (if you’re bad at this, I’ve created a printable workbook for you). If you are consistently at the end of your rope you’ll not react well to your children.
You’ll become an angry mom with a lot of triggers. You’ll be unreasonable, then regret it.
Find time for yourself in the everyday. Then, if that’s not enough, prioritize it. This could be one evening a week. It might mean giving your bathroom a face lift so it’s a spa like retreat for you in the evenings.
Perhaps you could buy some books to help unwind (here are some good books for moms). Whatever you need to do to get centered and unwind, do that.
Trying to work through some mindsets that hold you back? These cards will help you get focus on the right things.
Learn MoreChoose Helpful Phrases
Yesterday my husband was swimming in the pool with two kids. He said they were constantly talking, asking questions, nudging, nudging, asking questions, and he nearly lost it.
And for him, “losing it” means withdrawing from the family.
Afterwards we talked and he decided he needed to instruct them to give him space, not simply close his eyes and try not to blow his lid.
These phrases can help you to communicate your need for space to your child without being rude or causing them to feel rejected.
The effects of rejection in childhood are real and, where possible, we always want to communicate acceptance while we keep our boundaries.
- “Give me a minute.” Kids can learn this.
- “I need some space.” Before you need the space, explain what this means.
- “No talking for a minute or two.” As long as you don’t test them beyond their self-control levels, this works.
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn More
Let Them Talk… and Let Go of Guilt
At the end of the day, some children talk more than others. Sometimes they go on and on and on and on and it’s not only annoying, but maddening.
Ultimately, we want our children to talk to us freely and willingly, but we also have limits.
This is particularly true for introverted moms.
If you must, just let them talk. You can even tell them they are free to talk, but you can’t respond right now. It’s okay. You don’t have to feel guilty you aren’t able to engage in active conversation 24 hours a day. Kids can learn when it’s a good idea to talk to you or not.
Engage with your child.
Be present when you’re present.
And give yourself a break when you need a rest.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
FAQs:
What if my child’s talking disrupts their activities or routines?
Acknowledge their enthusiasm and assure them that you love hearing what they have to say. Then, set clear expectations for how they should do a task. If your child understands the concept of time, tell them how long something should take or use a timer to keep them on track to complete a routine. Creating clear communication zones can help, such as: “While we are doing _________, we need to be focused on the task at hand. Then, we will have some time to talk.”
How do I teach my child about conversation etiquette?
By modeling conversation etiquette! Model active listening, engaging in conversations, taking turns, using eye contact, and asking open-ended questions. If your child is struggling with dominating conversations with their talking, help them understand that conversations are shared spaces. Guide them to balance sharing their thoughts with listening to others.
How can I encourage meaningful conversations with my kids during Talk Time?
Oooh, I love this question! Create a judgement-free zone where kids feel safe and heard when they share. On a lighter note, share stories, use their interests to drive conversations, have some conversation starter ideas handy (“would you rather” is a great one for kids!), ask open ended questions, and have fun!
“Kids will actually help around the house!”
I have to admit, it works yay! My 10yr old boy talks constantly, non stop wanting my attention 24/7 so I say to him you can either wait till I’ve finished cleaning the house, or, how about you help me then that way we get to talk all about the things you want to talk about plus mummy gets the house cleaned quicker because your mums little helper which mean we can talk more after! Sometimes we have a major talking session while cleaning up together but on other occasions I’m left alone to get on with it lol.
Yes, Sue! I’ve heard someone say often that if you get alongside your kids and DO something that often a lot of good valuable conversation will come out. So you can kill two birds with one stone there ;)
I often say, I’m not able to give you my full attention so hold that thought and we can talk about it tonight (or at dinner, bedtime). When I’m in stressful traffic or feel my attention is split I’ll just say, “hold that thought, mommy has to concentrate while I’m driving”. It has worked well for our house.
“Hold that thought” love that phrase!
Sometimes when I need quiet from my son (who constantly makes noise, not necessarily talking) we play the “Quiet Game” where we both can’t make a sound. The first one who does loses. Sometimes we try to make the other laugh and other times we just enjoy the quiet. It started when I was so desperate for quiet I told him I’d give him $5 to be quiet for 5 minutes. Honestly, I didn’t think he could do it but he did. Best $5 ever spent, lol. We don’t play for prizes any more, just the challenge of being the quietest.
Hahaha $5. That’s an awesome idea. Ha. I bet this would work super well for a more competitive child too. I bet competitive children actually talk a lot anyway!
I am SO glad you wrote this post! We have 5 kids 5 and under. Our daughter just started kindergarten and while she used to be the 24/7 talker, it seems our 2nd has now taken over that spot. Every time we try to ask her about school, he HAS to talk over her. We’ve been trying to create more space to listen more and give our 3 big kids individual talk time, but it’s new and so far, my husband and I just seem at the end of our ropes all the time with moving to a new country and him starting a new job and then me trying to figure out school for the first time…I’m not proud of it, but it seems like we barely are surviving our days. I’m hoping we can start creating some grown up spaces so we can then focus on the kids better and not be so touchy and overwhelmed all the time. It’s a challenge, though, especially with 4 month old twins who constantly need something.
Anyway, thanks for writing this! Reading your posts always gives me good ideas and reminds me that part of being a good mother means I have to figure out taking care of me, too, somehow. So thanks for all that you do! I know you’ve got 4 kids and one is a newborn right now, too. Thank you for all that you do to help the rest of us out!
Kaitlin, I am where you and have changed countries twice while being a mom. Moving and having babies are huge life changes, please don’t feel that you aren’t doing a great job. It takes so much adjusting and the kids will be alright. You are a good mom! If you weren’t, you wouldn’t even care.
In our house, 4 girls (8,6,3,1) these things help: Background music (concentration music, classical), side by side work, voicing our problems (i can’t listen and do this task, please play with this…puzzle, blocks, books), listen to audio books, adopt an elder to visit with your children either in person or on the phone, if old enough phone a friend, relative, write a letter. My 3 year has verbal diarrhoea, she talks because she’s an extreme extrovert and this is how she processes the world. Set a timer, I will play with you in 10 minutes (set it again for limit of play if need be). I let her chatter and chatter and try to keep my sanity by asking her siblings to play with her for 10-15 min. increments while I do a task (like phone calls, emails, blog responses lol). Find their favourite busy task and use it! My 3 year old loves to wash walls with a damp rag and “dry rag”. She will do this for 30 min and talk about how she is “washing this wall, that wall, this window…” on and on she goes lol! Keep children outside as weather permits, nature has a calming affect on mental processes. Keeping a diary or journal for older students are great too! Hope these ideas help!
Yep, I was so shy in school that I saved up all of my talking for home. I literally talked my mom’s ear off! I used to get so hurt that she would run off out the garage door to change the laundry when I was in the middle of talking. Now that I am a mom, I totally get it. Things have to get done and I never gave her a break in the conversation to pop out. I had 3 sisters, so our dinner table and car rides were often a jumble of speed talking, squealing, and laughing – a lot of noise. Now my oldest son is quite the talker and he LOVES to talk right before we go out the door for school. Really!?! He’s ready, but little sister and brother are not, so I am trying to get them on task (or myself ready, if I had to help them more than usual) and he wants my full attention. I am definitely going to use these tactics to ensure I don’t get frustrated with him.
It’s funny being a talker and having one!!!
Oh my gosh, my little son does talk a lot! So the tips in the article, as well as the tips in the comments, are great! I will have to try them all. He’s 2.5 y.o., so I’ll have to see which work well with him. Thanks!
:)
Thanks for the tips. My adorable 5 year old daughter is a chatterbox. We home school and I’m very introverted (INFJ) so it’s hard for me to not get many breaks. I’ll have to try your tips as I love that she wants to communicate verbally, something I’ve alwsys struggled with, but her 10 000 questions a day are exhausting!
Dove, I bet as an introvert it can be so exhausting to the point of mania. I’m an ENTJ and it exhausts me too! In fact, I exhaust myself when I talk too much. Ha.
Oh my goodness! I needed this 3 years ago! My daughter is 6 and she talks ALL the time. When she isn’t talking she’s singing. I have to remind myself constantly to just let her speak her mind. She has something to say and she needs to know that someone will listen to her. Just now we actually just had a conversation about brushing her teeth and I kept telling her no and she kept saying “let me talk!” This is a great article!
Hahaha sounds exactly like my daughter :)
I love this ! I have two that don’t stop! Most of the time at the same time ! Thanks for the reminder to take time to listen !
Ha, you need some silence.
I don’t mean this in a rude way at all, but when it gets a bit much, try to stop and be thankful that your child has a voice and wants to communicate with you. My eldest son has autism and is non-verbal, and we are working constantly with him to help him try to express himself and interact with us. I have another son who talks all day long, so I can completely understand how it can be exhausting at times, but whenever I start to get frustrated I remember how grateful I am that he can actually ramble at me all day long. I would do anything to let eldesy have the same chance, and this in turn helps me to keep my sanity with my youngest. At the end of the day you will miss that little voice when they are older and have lives of their own, so cherish the now :)
Nic, you are very very right! In fact, I often tell myself “Later they may not want to talk if I don’t listen now!” Thanks for this positive reminder
This has been helpful thank you. My son Is 10 and never stops talking and feels like he’s the expert on every subject it’s been difficult teaching him to say “this is what I think” rather than is “how it is” I’ve always said it’s easy to encourage a shy child but what do you do when you child is not shy and very confident too opinionated I feel there is a fine balancing act to work with there. And he’s been like this from birth
Oh yes I have a few kids like this. I think teaching boundaries around you talking, not interrupting, etc. And also teaching him what is socially acceptable and not. After an “incident” perhaps you can explain what he said, why it wasn’t okay, etc.
How many years of trying to teach boundaries around talking, not interrupting, listening to others, accepting and practicing socially acceptable behaviours with speech and language does it take for a child to respond?
Yvette, that’s a great question. Maybe some kids very quickly and maybe some kids when they leave the house?
Mine too, Shan! My boy is 10 and does the exact same thing! I love your tip on teaching him to say “this is what I think” instead of it’s my way for sure. I’ll need to teach that to my non stop talking son too. His conversation is 96% all Minecraft and I want to roll my eyes everyday and put on headphones!
:)
As much as the non stop chatter drives you insane, cherish those moments. They are special and they just might say something hilarious. I’m the flip side for every parent who wished their child would stop talking, there is a parent baby and fighting for services to help their child talk. when my son, who has apraxia starts talking non stop, that will be the day I’d cry tears of joy.
Esther, I’ve heard many moms comment on the same thing when I posted this! You are too right to know that it’s a blessing, a HUGE one when they care enough to even talk to us :)
My son is a TALKER. But, it’s not just talking. It’s constant NOISE. Like a motor boat, followed by screeching tires, and then just random noises, or screams for fun, or whatever. And he cries all the time, and whines, and then talks, talks, talks. He’s super smart for a three year old with an enormous vocabulary for a 3-year old, but man. He’s exhausting!
I do agree that taking the time to connect and snuggle (he loves snuggles) makes a huge difference. And bonus: I enjoy the snuggles and giggles too.
Katelyn, girl, I got one of those and he’s LOUD :)
Thank you for posting this! Your son sounds exactly like mine – talk, talk, talk and then lots of noises, motor sounds, etc. Have any of these tips helped you?
My sister is very sick and I’ve been taking care of her kids for about a month or so. One is 9 years old and she is so physical and so needy. She talks and talks and talks, and when she isn’t talking, she’s jumping on you, grabbing what you have in your hands or asking you to see what she’s doing. She’s driving me crazy and I end up saying things to her that hurt her (like, please be quiet for 10 minutes or to stop being so irritating). What can I do? Is this normal behavior or there’s something wrong? I talked to her father, and he says that’s just the way she is….but is this okay or she’s in need of something?
I think she’s probably highly stressed due to her mom being sick and so she’s feeling insecure and is exhibiting these behaviors that make it tough for you all. I pray your sister gets better!
I totally understand what your saying!!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! After a ten year empty nest, we have been chosen for round 2 of parenting toddlers. Due to the situation, the 3 year old chatters non-stop. And on top of a running commentary of every thought,movement and idea she has… we get the constant need of reassurance of our unconditional love and that we will always be here for her and never leave. I feel horrible for getting angry or annoyed at her for this constant need that was brought on thru no fault of her own and I am a very very very patient person (comes with age I suppose) but I am on the verge of screaming YES,WE LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS WE DID 7 MINUTES AGO AND WILL BE HERE FOREVER LIKE WE HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 514 DAYS!!! So, it’s not the same scenario as yours but I get the frustration… but what’s there to do but CUT OURSELVES SOME SLACK, and MAKE SURE THE GOOD MOMENTS OUTWEIGH THE BAD.. Easy words to type, but harder to live by. Remember, they survived the last thousand days, they will survive harder days, and if the good days outweigh the bad Now, they will only remember the good times NOW, even if you lose your S%!T once in a while. That’s the only way I can hold on to my sanity by my fingernails most days. But, again–easy words to type but YOU ARE NOT ALONE
This was the perfect read for this morning. Mom guilt is so real! I’m waking up at 4am to teach online classes, and then taking over parenting and home duties at 9 when I’m done teaching and my hubs leaves for his 12 hour shift at work☹️
These are easy and helpful tips that I’m going to try to implement.
I’d also love to email series on this but didn’t see where to sign up for this specific series. My email is: bg.mommingwithgrace@gmail.com
Breeanna, sometimes it just doesn’t show up but if your refresh it I think it should. I hope so!!!
My hubby, Miss 16 and Master 12 will talk non stop,loudly and always over each other. Miss 10 disappears quietly into her room as she can’t get a word in and because I’m busy doing EVERYTHING in the kitchen where the others are talking it just does my head in. None of them are listening to eachother and they’ll end up shouting at each other to finish what they’re saying.
Really wish it would be quieter and when they talked they listened to each other and that the rest of us could get a word in too. Makes for a chaotic household.
This is exactly what my household was. It was loud, uncaring, insensitive, and nonstop. Everyone felt like they needed to raise voices and use harsher words to get any sort on attention. It was awful. I’m 18 and have recently moved out and it is something I’ll never regret. I wish I could have better pointers for you but my household never got better. I think maybe if my parents would’ve been more of a team it could’ve been different. Maybe make time for each kid to listen to them? My mother would do this by taking only one kid shopping, or asking for help doing something in the yard. It was always nice to have 1 on 1 time. I wish you all the luck in the world! I hope it gets better for your family. <3
The child who goes on and on and on. That is totally my 13 year old. She is smart and kind and creative. She doesn’t even ask questions, she just talks about the things she imagines in her head. I have to be honest, she had given me a headache at times because I simply can not listen to her as much as she wants to be heard.
So, we have done, as you recommend here, there are times when I just let her talk. and you know what? It fine. She really just wants a sounding board. Glad to know I’m not the only mom out there who struggles with this!
This is an extremely frustrating problem to deal with.
First, the comments about “be glad your child can talk at all” aren’t really helpful. It would be as if I said to a parent whose child was mostly silent, “well, just be glad they don’t talk constantly for hours without interruption.” Dismissing these issues simply because there are children on the opposite end of the spectrum isn’t helpful.
Second, I really identified with Rachel (the commenter) who said that she was shy in school so she saved up all her talking for when she got home. That’s definitely where my Asperger’s/autistic spectrum son is. He feels awkward among peers and doesn’t appear to talk much, and so talks excessively when he’s home. It’s frustrating because you try to strike a balance where you want to encourage him to express himself so, hopefully, he will do it more frequently with peers, but on the other hand it is extremely distracting and we also don’t want him to go the opposite route and talk excessively to his peers.
Trying to help him steer his way to that balance has been a very frustrating journey.
One of the things I’ve tried, and works to some degree, is what others recommended as far as setting aside time for talk. My son and I go on 20 minute walks, and we might do that four or five times a day. It’s just us, and he can talk about anything he wants.
Often times, though, he wants to continue on and keep going once we’re done. If we let him, he’d sit there and read off Facebook top 10 lists to us for an hour or more.
Traditional cues rarely work, and I have to resort to telling him we’ll talk again later, because there are other kids and responsibilities that need attending. Those conversation are awkward because in normal social contexts they would not be acceptable given how direct they are.
Great article. I admit, there are sometimes when I just let my daughter talk even though I’m not really listening. During the times when she is just going on and on (and on) about a topic. But I zone back in if she starts asking questions. That seems to work well for us :)
Hahaha me too :)
Hi, it may sound rude but I just explain that other people need some space and sielence and ask if she likes if someone at school keeps talkingbto her and doesnt let her alone. And I send her to her games ( drawing, books etc) or ask to play with friends outdoors.
Have you thought about impact on siblings? They are developing, need some quite space for thoughts or just some sielence? We just concentrate on one kid and his emotional world but how about others – growing up and having someone who constantly chatters in one ear or says what/how and why to do this and that? He is nearly 8 and I think he should accept that.
I’ve read several articles now about the child who talks too much. What they all seem to lack is any discussion of the impact on the other children in the family. My 9-yr-old wants center stage to discuss (and re-discuss and re-discuss) her emotions, stories, impressions, etc. The other children need a chance to talk too. In a 10-minute car ride to school this morning, my daughter got angry at her younger brother for speaking when all he said was one sentence the whole ride. I see that your checklist includes teaching the child not to interrupt… I think that’s the whole point. How do you get your child to stop talking, to listen to others, and not interrupt? I’ve tried and tried and tried. But she is never satisfied and a lot of fighting and anger between the siblings ensues.
Could it be ADHD?
My son talks all day long and that doesnt bother me as much as the questions. They are non stop and even when i say, no more questions right now or i say ok last question for bit, he goes on and on. I stay calm for quite some time until i get extemely upset and raise my voice. I explain that his talking is not bad behavior but his not listening is what has made me so upset. Then… the guilt sets in and i feel badly for being upset with him but im still shaking with anxiety over it all. I have gotten some great ideas and different wording as well as techniques to try from this post. I am hopeful they will help us. I am feeling helpless and like a bad mom because I cannot function or focus throughout the day. Desperately seeking some direction and solutions.
This is actually so sad. As an adult who is a professional writer now, I’ve been told my entire life (since I was a child) that I talk too much and/or am long-winded. Do you know who the only person was who would listen my stories/updates/life events, no matter how trivial because I was a “kid”? My mom. She always told me that she loved hearing everything I had to say. Because of that, I felt more comfortable opening up to her as a teenager about who I was hanging out with or where we were going or who did what. Mainly because she listened, she never acted like she had more important things to do than to listen to me. She always made me feel like what I did was the most interesting thing she had to hear because she was genuinely interested in what I was learning, thinking, and feeling. What’s even better about having a child who is a talker, that means that they’re a wonderful social personality which deserves to be encouraged. I still talk a lot to this day; I’m long winded and I’ve rarely met a stranger. I’ve gotten feedback from friends and professionally consistently throughout my life that I have such confidence (and it’s true; I literally could give two shits less what anyone thinks because I do and say what I want.) I feel bad for anyone who has to hold it in.
Finally, I have a daughter who just turned 19 months and I guess I benefited her heavily to have an overly talkative and confident mother because she is literally the show stealer in her class daily and talks non-stop to us (her parents) and everyone else…. stronger vocabulary than anyone we’ve encountered at her age and she babbles all the time non stop and I love it and engage in every convo with her. Because she loves it. It makes her happy. And what she says is important, no matter how much she has to say. Because I’m her number one advocate. And there is NOTHING wrong with a woman having a ton to say and she should be encouraged to do so…. to talk, and talk, until she gets her point across.
That is all.
Obviously you never had a child that NEVER stops making noise or singing or talking or doing all three. Even in her sleep. It never stops. Literally. There is a time for talking but there is also a time for silence and unless we instill that wisdom into them either extreme can lead to lifelong difficulty socially.
Being a person who talks all the time is extremely self-centered. I’ve met many people in my life who will literally talk for hours, and I’m just thinking, “How can i possibly get out of here, without being offensive, because I have to interrupt mid-story to say I have to leave-because they literally jumó from story to story and never pause for even a moment, nor do they ask for my input.” NO ONE wants to listen to someone talk about themselves, their life, their opinions, their stories, non-stop for hours. And the people who do talk for hours are so self-absorbed that it’s hard for them to find long-term friends who tolerate them.
No, we have to teach our children to respect others, to share the spotlight.
Thank you for writing this. All my four love to talk. When the eldest was little, we encouraged an atmosphere of discussion, sharing, etc. Although they all are capable of having good conversations with people of all ages, it is most tiring for us parents!! I’ll never forget what a dear older friend told me as she helped me with three babies, “although you want your children to talk with you, training them to stop taking is just as important! You don’t want your child following you around, and then grow to be clueless of inappropriate times to talk.” So her advice and yours helps a lot. I definitely don’t want to raise them unaware or inconsiderate.
Here is a magic trick I discovered with my non-stop talker when she was around 9. Since she was 2, she has talked my ear off, often telling me the same things over and over again. On a whim, I decided to try repeating back to her the things she said to me. I couldn’t believe it the first time I tried it…instead of continuing to talk, she said “yes!” And started talking about something else. I kept doing it, and the conversation moved through several subjects until she was actually done. Then I said, anything else? And she said, no, that’s it. Angels sang. And I’ve been doing this with her ever since. She 20 now, and is a better conversationalist, but still likes to talk it out with her favorite listener, and I’m glad it’s me.
So literally, your kid says something, and you repeatit back to them. They say, “I went to the park today” and you say, “so you went to the park today?” Then they say something else, and you repeat that back to them. And so on. I think my daughter didn’t feel heard, and wasn’t sure I was listening. Which I really was, and couldn’t understand why she kept repeating the same story.
OKAY so I’m reading this book about negotiating and one of the best things they say to do is repeat bback, even if only with a few key words, ha, and then that person feels very well understood and heard! Greatgreat advice here Rebekah!
Rebekah, I am going to have to try this. I’m an introvert, but all 3 of my sweeties are babbling extroverts who want to know everything about everything right now. It’s exhausting sometimes to the point I want to cry from all of the noise. I always try to listen so I can answer, but maybe letting them know they’re being heard may help. Thank you. ❤
Wow. I gotta try this. Im losing my mind..
I was more extroverted right up til I had kids at age 30. Now I feel I am introverted. I don’t go out and I don’t talk much nowadays unless in passing when running errands in town. Over the checkout at supermarket briefly or at the doctors all those typical things… now I have a 7 year old son who talks 24/7 unless he is sleeping. I will ask him please be quiet several times if I am preoccupied with something else… this after he asks me 20 times to look at what he’s building and giving me a break down every few seconds of what he is doing. I start to growl and say I am getting frustrated. Then I read this and Im like wow i must be using the wrong wording. I want my child to know they can talk to me about anything.. just not incessantly ALL the time.
I like quiet. My son is a very bright boy. I just geel I cannot keep up with the chatter.
Thanks for these tips! I’m a “highly sensitive person” and it’s really overwhelming to have a kid talking constantly! I wish I could listen to everything they say, but so often I have to tune out after 5 minutes. I have terrible mom guilt having to say “talk to your sister” but honestly I can’t handle it, and end up hiding & listening to ukulele music to recover. It would be really nice if I could just take an herb to fix it, lol. But I’ll try your tips here & focus on being present when I can. :)
Kayla, of course you feel guilty because you think that you should hear every single thing your kids say and appreciate it! But that isn’t possible and they’re okay. They will learn that we all have limits and, as they get older and you are able to listen more becuase there aren’t constant requests, etc. it may come easier!
I am a single mum of 2 (10yo boy & 2yo girl) my 10 talks constantly literally like a commentator… But it’s not just here and there about something important – he literally has non stop commentary on everything he does/sees/thinks – he can’t even pick his nose without talking about something >.< It literally drives me crazy but I wouldn't have him any other way …
But I'm posting not about my son – rather to give a giggle and point out the most ironic fact in every parents life long struggle :
EVERY PARENT SPENDS THE FIRST 2 YEARS TRYING TO TEACH THEIR KIDS HOW TO WALK AND TALK… BUT THEN, THE NEXT 16 YEARS TRYING TO TEACH THEM HOW TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP !
Hahahaha … A funny reality for all LOL!
Ha, that is so funny and so true for a lot of moms :)
Ive done all the tips you suggested bit my daughter just yaps and yaps all day long. Feom the moment she wakes up and even in her sleep (she makes her way in my bed almost every night even when I put her in bed upstairs, and proceeds to kick the crap out of me until i just go to the couch, talking and screaming in her sleep about all kinda of stuff). This girl picks the lock to the bathroom, bangs on my door all night, wakes me up at all hours of the night for fruit snacks or pop tarts, shrill screams at me until I look at her and if I dont she just beats the shit out of me or literally peels her skin off so I’ll pay attention to her. I cant take it. I actually want to kill myself because she wont stop. Ever. She doesnt stop. I cant sleep. She wont let me eat. She is keeping me from opening my business. I have to stay up until 3am to accomplish ANY task. Then shes back to smacking me face at 6 or 7am to make her food. I cant do this much longer. It’s been going on for almost 3 years. Please, I’m on the verge of suicide. How can I get my kid to shit the fuck up long enough for me to do ANYTHING.
Adam, it sounds like it’s time (if you haven’t already) to get some help and support for you! You need someone to help you work thorugh strategies for having you establish boundaries you are okay with so you don’t lose it!
It’s totally fine to, every once in a while tell your kid to politely shut it. This is all fine and good but you kind of have to be real with kids sometimes and it doesn’t make the kid not want to talk to you when they get older and you want to be nosy.
I think you’re spot on here, being real!
This is great! Thank you for sharing. I especially love some of the key phrases. I’m immediately going to try “Mommy can’t respond right now” but let My Girl talk away.
I have tried all of these practices ? but my 5 year old has me at my wit’s end still. Implementing these tips caused meltdowns- not tantrums-meltdowns. I’m at the end of my rope.
It’s SO HARD with these talkers. I have one too that will go on for 20 minutes about shark teeth, ha!
So my 8 year old, who also has ADHD and is on medication talks non-stop. There are sometimes I feel like I am being mean. I’ve even gone to the extreme of saying “I need you to shut up, your are talking way too much!” or “stop being a motor mouth!” I know I am sending him the wrong message. I don’t want him to feel like I don’t want him to talk to me, but lets face it….sometimes I need quiet. What are you suggestions? I feel like he doesn’t stop talking until I get firm and mean as opposed to saying “Baby, I need you to be quiet now.”
How about a non stop babblying 20 month old. He has lots of words and can string together the odd 6-7 word sentences now….but mostly he just repeats himself over and over. It’s obviously great! He’s developing! He’s practicing! I get that. But I want to pull my ears off at the end of the day! My nerves are on edge and I get irrational. You mention you are a talker and your kids being chatty is your karma. Well my husband is the non stop talker in our family and now we’ve made two more kids that take after him, yet I’m the one at home with them haha. I’m someone who needs a lot of quiet and alone time and that’s almost non existent as a parent as it is. The only time he is quiet is when he has a boob in his mouth or is using my phone. I know there isn’t really a solution and we weather these hard stages. Guess I just needed to vent sorry haha
Ha, bless, everyone is talking nonstop and your nerves are frayed. Girl, I’m a talker but actually my nerves are frayed by my 5 nonstop talkers to. You can always vent here :)
All good and fun but my kid is a boundary pusher and will push through “I can’t answer that right now” and “mommy needs space.” It’s always just “but this is the last thing!” And “it’s just this one thing!” And “fine I guess I’m not important!” Lol he’s clever. He’s 8. I have ADHD and can’t focus for shit. He de-rails all my trains &, summer time baby, most days I drink and cry in private 0_o I’ll be relieved when summer is over and he can get a lot of this out at school before he gets home to me.
Holy **** ladies….