Reasons why you should cuddle your kids even if they act like they don’t like it.
When Mother Teresa received the Nobel Prize, she was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” She answered “Go home and love your family.”
So in that vein, here are 9 reasons you should cuddle your kids. Like all the time. It’s an easy way to love your child. Whether they like it or not.
1. They are squishy
Kids, particularly small ones, are so sweet to hug. It’s like cuddling a teddy bear, except your kids can make cute noises. You can’t, however, put your kids in the washing machine. Anyway, hug your kids while they’re squishy because you’ll never be able to say “you are so nice to hug because you’re just so squishy and soft and cuddly,” to anyone else ever.
2. It makes them smarter
Research shows that children whose parents demonstrate love to them verses children whose parents don’t actually have bigger brains (source). Good to know that if you love your child it’ll make them smarter, eh? By providing your children with a loving and safe environment (ahem, this requires more than cuddling) you are directly affecting their development.
Hugging may not raise their IQ, but it’ll help them get the most out of it. And that will be good for them, their future family, and the spheres in which they will move as adults.
3. It releases good chemicals
Physical contact releases a certain chemical in the brain that promotes happiness and lower stress hormones (source). Cuddling and hugging can literally put you in a better mood. And pretty quick at that! If you’ve had a tough day, or if your kids are pushing the envelope and you to your limit, a good way to stop and reset the home atmosphere is to cuddle.
4. They will be comfortable with physical affection
Have you ever tried to hug someone who doesn’t like physical touch? Awkward. Physical touch doesn’t have to be your love language for you to appreciate the connection and thought it implies. If parents never touch their children they will be deprived affection. If your kids are deprived affection they will seek it elsewhere. Believe me, you will not like where else they seek it.
5. It’s good exercise
I probably burn around 400 calories a day (I have a calorie calculator in my head I am quite sure is accurate) trying to pin down my 18 month old. I chase him, I hold him up in the air then bring him down, I hang on to him when he giggles and tries to pull away. He’s walloped me in the ribs, the face, and my teeth. It’s like kickboxing. But with chubby legs and squeals. And less sweating.
6. It communicates love
While adults are able to determine how they feel best loved (5 Love Languages), young children are not. If you look them in the eye, give them attention, smile at them, and show them physical affection they feel good. When they see you like them and that makes them feel good, they feel loved. If kids are naughty and you still hug them, they feel secure with you. If they break something valuable and you hug them, they know their position in the house isn’t in jeopardy. If you get flip out in anger, ask for forgiveness, and seal it with a hug, they understand about conflict resolution. It is one way – out of many – that confirms your love for them.
7. It establishes a connection
When we’ve had a busy day, had lots of guests, or I’ve been preoccupied with work, cooking or life, a good way to reconnect with the kids is through a big hug. It says, “I’ll slow down and just be with you.” If you have company over and your kids feel slightly overwhelmed or shy, a cuddle says, “Even though I’m focusing on others right now, I haven’t forgotten about you.”
At the end of a long day, a good schnuggle (as my son calls it) before bedtime says, “After all is said and done, I am here for you.” And on the flip side, sometimes a hug is the only way little ones can express appreciation.
8. Kids need it
Everyone, but particularly younger children, need to be cuddled. They need physical touch. They need comfort. They need a safe place close to their real life heroes when they feel scared or nervous. I know not every parent finds physical affection easy. I know some mothers and fathers struggle to give lots of hugs and cuddles. My advice?
Do it anyway. And do it often.
9. We need it
Some days I don’t want to hug my kids. Some days, however, I do want to squeeze them. Very hard until it hurts. Okay I’m kidding. It’s the hard days when everyone is cranky, people are sick, heart attitudes are not what they should be, and we feel at the end of our rope that we most need to get back to the basics. When I’m frustrated with one of my kids and on the verge of losing it, I will often grab them and give them a big tight hug. In my heart I’m saying, “You are driving me crazy and if I don’t hug you I’m going to yell at you.” What I do say is, “Mommy gets frustrated sometimes, but she loves you very much.”
In short
Kids want to be cuddled.
They want hugs when they’re happy.
They need hugs when they’re sad.
Kids want proof you still love them when they’ve been difficult.
Moms need affection too.
We also want hugs when we’re happy.
We too need hugs when we’re down.
And we need to know we’re still loved. Even when we’ve screwed up.
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Lauren Tamm says
We are a very cuddly family around here. I’m convinced that if I smother my son enough now, he will just think all this cuddling non-sense is the rule of the roost and he will just cuddle me forever! Is that wishful thinking?
Rachel Norman says
Ha if it is we are both wishful! !!
The Comeback Mum says
I love this piece, so lovely. My mum wasn’t very affectionate and when I questioned this she said that it was because I had rejected her cuddles as a two year old! Crazy. To make up it for it I cuddle my daughter a million times a day – best feeling in the world. There isn’t a better way to show love! x
Rachel Norman says
So sad about your mom! But that’s a great point and reminder that we shouldn’t take their rejection of our cuddles too personally. And I”m with you, a million cuddles a day!
Anne Bennett Brosnan says
Normally, I hate parenting blogs as they get a bit preachy but I love this. Love, love, love. Grazie mille, quanto sei brava! Anne
Rachel Norman says
Thanks, Anne :)
Anon says
Fair enough, but if your child has expressed to you that they do not want to be hugged then you should respect that. I speak from experience, we do not all enjoy it nor do we all crave it. You are teaching your child that their boundaries are not valid. We don’t all need or want hugs. Please remember that. There are other ways of expressing affection :-)
Rachel Norman says
I do see your point and hear you out! Did you not like it because there was a breach in relationship with your parents? Not to pry, of course, but while some kids aren’t super touchy naturally, it seems that if they are spurring affection there’s an underlying reason?
Jessica Ann Doerfler says
I hug Grandma on the weekends as my way of giving love.
Kim says
It is a good article also check this link:http://www.indiaparenting.com/child-development/262_6623/things-all-moms-of-toddlers-must-know.html
Rachel Norman says
Will go check it out!
Jessica says
Check out the healthy Diet Plan for 1 year old.
https://www.parentcircle.com/article/sample-menu-for-a-one-year-old/
B says
This is a great article. My mom never hugged me. I never felt loved, and I was right. If you live your child, HIG HIM or her. CUDDLE THEM as long as you want. It’s good for you both.
Joyce says
Your words helps a lot to me;)
Christina says
Thank you very very very much for this blog post!!!
Too many moms are caught up in the “why my kid won’t hug you” mentality. I know that the overall premise behind avoiding “forced hugs” is intended to prevent child abuse, and supposedly abusers are folks from the child’s own family. However, it has become SO overly hyped that some kids refuse to hug people just to be bratty and then the parents shrug it off and say, “OH WELL!”
My sister’s kids are not huggers and won’t hug people. At least not family. My sister cited that “no forced hugs” rule as her reasoning, but it turned out, she was really just using it as an excuse for her kids to be rude and not learn how to properly say hello when you walk into someone’s house. It REALLY hurt me as an aunt who only gets to see those kids once every few years. Soon they will be grown and I’ve never hugged my nephew or any of my nieces. And out of her five kids, I’ve only been able to hold one of them. Meanwhile, when my sister visited after my son was born, she immediately opened up her hands and expected me to let her AND her hubby and kids hold him. I was a bit taken aback by her different set of expectations for me and my kid.
I am a hugger. I was not always a hugger, but “forced hugs” while I was growing up DID help me to learn to become more loving and affectionate. And I was never abused by anyone I was forced to hug. However, I WAS sexually molested by someone who NEVER tried to hug me — which goes to show that the “no forced hugs” principle is NOT fool-proof.
I hug both of my kids every night before they go to sleep. I hug them whenever I’m gone and come home from work. I hug them whenever they come up to me and want a hug. I wish I could have hugged some of my relatives more. Neither of my grandmothers are still alive, and I miss them so much…. What I wouldn’t give to hug them just one more time!
In any case, I was really glad to hear that there are some moms out there who still believe in hugging as a positive aspect of childrearing. Too many parents today are so afraid of child abuse that they have banned something so essential to well-being — affection!!!
Rachel Norman says
Yes, I love hugging too! And that is sad about your sister and her choices. I think that idea that we shouldn’t force our kids to show affection is good in theory, but it can hurt feelings can’t it?
S Barry says
I think there’s some misunderstanding here. Letting kids choose who (and when) they hug is meant to instill in them that they have control over their bodies, and that they aren’t responsible for letting someone touch them, even if in refusing to be hugged, they hurt that person’s feelings. The goal is that when later, they find themselves in a sexual situation, they’ll be more less likely to feel obligated to go along with something they don’t want to do, because, in nonsexual situations, they’ve been taught it’s okay to say no, and they’re not worried about hurting their partner’s feelings. It’s not an indication that parents think the relatives that are going to molest them (especially since parents apply it to themselves – giving hugs when kids want them, letting kids say no to mommy’s hug when they don’t want them). It’s a larger lesson–you can say no to any kind of touch if you don’t want it. It’s not foolproof for sure. But it’s one way to teach kids about bodily autonomy.
Carrie Green says
Thanks for this beautiful article. I remember my parents spoiling me crazy by cuddling and hugging us all the time. Even I have grown to be an affectionate human being. Cant wait to cuddle my baby. Also, while researching on babies and mommy related articles came across whattoexpect.com which was very useful. Hope this helps your readers too. :)
Jerri J says
Please DON’T cuddle your kids if they do not like it. There are indeed people on this planet who hate hugging because they just, well, hate it. It doesn’t mean we are victims of abuse, hate our parents, have hangups about physical affection or any of those other reasons you cited. We Just Do. Not. Like. It. It’s an invasion of our personal space, and we don’t think we should have to “prove” we love you by letting you paw us.
It’s horrible be to be the private person in a family of hobby huggers. We dread every birthday, wedding and family holiday because we know our parents will pounce when we try to discreetly move away from the aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends and friends of the family friends who lunge for us with outstretched arms and salivating coos of delight.
We get it. You still see the pwecious, pink-cheeked weedle bweebwee dumpling you cuddled the day we were born. Grandma believes she is showing us how much she adores us when she pinches our cheeks, smothers us in a bear hug and rains kisses on the top of our head. We get it.
You love us. We love you, too. We are glad you feel that way. We just wish you didn’t feel a constant need to touch, touch, touch, touch and smother, smother, smother just to absolutely, utterly, completely positively prove that we are absolutely positively certain and have no doubt in our minds that you love us.
You are telling us we have no right to our own bodies. You are telling us we have no right to say no to letting others touch us whenever they want. You are telling us you don’t respect our privacy, our space, our personal wishes and our feelings don’t count for snot.
Please stop asking why we hate you – because we don’t. Please stop giving us Sad Puppy looks when we ask you NICELY please let go. If you respect our space, you may just find you get many more spontaneous, truly loving hugs from us that really mean something to BOTH of us instead of the “oh please God not again” silently-dreaded compulsory carresses you force on us.