If you’re new here, you’ll want to read all my Type A wife and mom posts. We really gotta stick together.
“I’m going to go play ultimate frisbee with the guys today at 3,” said my husband.
“Sounds good,” I said, thinking it’d be good for him to get some outdoor exercise.
After church we ate lunch, put all the kids to bed, and I laid down.
Soon enough, he went to play frisbee.
After an hour or two of napping, I started to feel ill. Not horrible, just unwell. I was looking forward to my husband’s return so I could rest a bit longer before dinner without all 4 kids leeching on my leg.
And then he came home.
And I told him I wasn’t well.
And then he told me…
“I’ve got a migraine coming on.”
Many wives would have felt great pity at this remark. Laid their husband down with a warm towel, some drugs, and ushered the kids to the other side of the house.
But not me.
I got mad.
I got mad because I’m a Type A woman and we hate to be inconvenienced
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Typical, I whispered to myself. I knew he’d be pitiful for a few hours so I rallied my too-swollen-to-be-only-27-weeks pregnant body and took a walk around our pond for fresh air. The kids played outside then we ate dinner together. I did not feel good, but it wasn’t all that bad.
I let the kids run around squealing in the house near my husband without giving it much thought, and sat in rocking chairs with my mother and grandmother.
My mother said, “What’s wrong with Matt?“
“He’s sick.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“I told him I didn’t feel good, so he got a migraine.”
My grandmother had a good laugh at this cause she was married to my grandfather for 50 years and, well, she knows what I’m talking about. I told them men don’t even let you get well before they announce they are afflicted with much worse.
I can be critical because I’m a Type A woman and we don’t like weakness
My mother, who’s a saint, helped with bedtime. We got all 4 kids got to bed without anything shattering or being throw into the toilet, and all the kids even got bedtime snuggles, kisses, and the songs I made up for them.
As I settled down to start reading a novel, my husband comes out of the room. His eyes are a tad red, but it’s clear he’s rallying.
“How convenient,” I thought, “the migraine is miraculously is cured when the bedtime routine is over.”
I didn’t say anything because, though I am opinionated, I’m not stupid. I went on about my business. But I was annoyed.
I am easily annoyed because I’m a Type A woman and we need things to go to plan
The next morning something fun happened. A video crew came over on behalf of Miracle-Gro to shoot a promotional video of the kids and I in the garden. I was prepared for mayhem and mania and was pleasantly surprised the kids were on their best behavior and actually enjoyed the whole thing.
Then it ran a bit long. The kids had fun, but were worn out. We were outside in the heat, then late for a rest which meant the kids were overtired and… well… they didn’t nap. And I couldn’t sleep. And then…
Lo and behold…
I got a migraine.
My first one ever. Nevermind that I had stuff to do and can’t take proper headache medicine since I’m With Child. I nearly had a panic attack in reaction to getting a migraine. Why?
I’m a Type A woman and we hate things derailing our productivity
A few minutes later my husband comes home. I tell him I have a migraine.
“He better not instantaneously develop scarlet fever,” I thought to myself. This throb was Serious Business.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he brought me the baby for a calm cuddle.
And he kept the big kids away from my room.
Then he cooked dinner so I didn’t have to get on my feet.
And he told me to go to bed in the dark room so I’d feel better.
He didn’t judge me because he’s Type B and he’s quick to give the benefit of the doubt
He put all the kids to bed with the help of my mom, who’s a saint, and let me lie in dark peaceful silence. He didn’t huff, puff, or give a guilt trip. He got annoyed with the kids because they’d been abducted by aliens and returned completely unruly, exhausted, and Past the Point. But even then, he didn’t come get me.
All the kids got to bed and the house grew quiet and there were no expectations on me and then, something miraculous happened.
My migraine went away.
It slows to a dull ache and I emerge from the dark bedroom ready for the dinner I’d missed. And what do I get from my husband?
He’s just happy I feel better.
But I don’t. I feel bad. I feel bad because I’m a cold-hearted Type A woman who needs the world to work her way or she loses the plot. Sure, I love deeply and affectionately and cry at the drop of a hat and would do anything for my family… but when it counts, I have a long way to go.
No, I still can’t abide Man Flu.
But maybe, just maybe, I’ll start to give others the benefit of the doubt more. Maybe I won’t assume people purposefully do things to give me an eye twitch. I’ll try to do better.
And I probably will… because Type A women do what they set their mind to.
I hope you know I don’t think all Type A women are really heartless. But if you can’t admit you’ve got a stubborn fiery streak, you’re probably a blessed Type B :). But did you know there are four main temperaments?
Loosely speaking, two different Type A’s and two different Type B’s? Each has their own strengths and struggles, and each are a blessing to their families.
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
I’ve created a short e-course for moms to help you learn your own personality, see why it’s a good thing, how it blesses your family, and give you some tools to help you overcome your struggles. Click here or on the image below and sign up for free :).
It’s like you’re in my head, Rachel. From Type A to Type A, keep up the great posts!
Love you, friend :)
Thank you for the post. You don’t know it but this is really helpful for me especially right now going thru a situation that has made me feel badly about the type of person I am. Hearing that there is someone else like me really does make me feel better.
You are so definitely not alone!
I’ve never thought of myself as Type A but whilst reading your post, I found myself feeling the same way as you did. I would be mad and I get terribly annoyed too if plans don’t go my way. I have no problem telling close ones how I feel either. Gosh, I sound like a bitch :p
:) We all have our struggles but don’t have to keep the bad parts. Ha!
I don’t normally get sucked away down a Pinterest rabbit hole but when I read your title I knew I needed to read this article! And, I felt like you were perfectly describing me and my husband!! Great post and thanks for sharing :)
Ha, Sam, you perfectly described the rabbit hole. I love how there are many of us kindred spirits afar :)
Its all so true! lol. I am so a type a woman and my husband a type b man. Reading this made me feel better
Misty, feel better, you are not alone :)
You described us perfectly! I’m LOL’ing as I read. Thank God for our Type B husbands :)
Ha! ;)
So Type-A women cover the vast majority of women today in this “me first at all costs” society? Comforting. That’ll explain a lot of their selfish behavior and later regrets when they begin collecting cats in their late 50s.
hahahaha…so true.
I don’t think qualities like getting mad because you’re impatient and being critical are qualities that should be seen as something the be proud of ??♂️
Thanks for your input, Charlie. Are you A “Type B” man?
It’s lovely that all of you women are so supportive of each others bitchiness. “OMG I’m a bitch to!” “me to!” “oh the struggle we share”. WOW I just find it amusing that the article and these comments all acknowledge personal bad behaviors, but nothing is said about stopping. “I’m trying!” Are you ladies not in control of yourselves? Once you acknowledge a behavior you can’t alter it easily? It’s really not hard to be nice. If you know you are type A, and your brain starts running it’s mouth about something your man did that really shouldn’t make you so angry, tell it to shut up. I’ve only ever dated one woman who was in complete control of herself, and she was amazing. But the point is I know you can control your “Type A” habits, I’ve seen it happen. It not lasting was my fault, I got lazy. That tends to be men’s issue, we love, we get comfortable, we get lazy in regards to relationship upkeep. But it would benefit everyone if instead of getting mad and going cold and silent or in some cases cheating, women said “hey babe, stoke the fire it’s going out.” Fire keeps the cold away. I think what you all need to ask yourselves is, are you a Type A……or are you just not as happy with your life as you’d like to be and go cold over every little thing? Having a Type A personality is not an excuse for bad behavior, and yes even when you only get angry or annoyed to yourself, it’s still bad behavior. All that being said, I’m a type A man, and one of the things that really irritates me about women is in general, most women will dance all around accountability but never accept it. There is always a reason, cause, excuse, personality type. yadda yadda yadda. How about, “hey I realize I’m being bitchy, I apologize.” But in my experience women would rather avoid the accountability of an apology, and instead choose to not give a shit how it affected the people around them, and they do so by rationalizing to themselves why it’s the better choice using weak ass off the wall reasons to convince themselves it’s ok to be cold hearted. Women refuse to feel guilt or accountability, not sure why. I feel proud when I am accountable for my self. I feel like I’m being a good person. It’s pretty evident here most of the women are aware they act like assholes, and none care or feel sorry about it. Do you know who else has impaired empathy, remorse, and avoids accountability…….psychopaths and sociopaths, they also often have type A personalities. But really it has nothing to do with being type A, and I think you know that. But the good thing is you are all acknowledging the behavior, thats the first step, lets continue that. This was a great article, very emblematic.
what about if a girl specifically claims to be cold-hearted, and then once is time to say goodbye cries a bit and then still wants to hang out with you?
I really like that girl but don’t know if it’s worth it to try this since shes from 1000 miles away! the connection i had with her was the biggest of my life
Cold-Hearted people are the worst personality type (they’re just closet narcs) and make life a pain for everyone around them. Your productivity can go jump off a cliff for all I care. Sick sick people…
Haha you women today are sooo pathetic, it is unbelievable, you are consist of 50% Doublestandard and 50% pure dumbness and overestimate yourself. In reallife a A-Type Chad is crossing you and everyone of you bitc**s forgot about your standards again because this man turns on your tingles and your twisted nature so much. This is sooo twisted, you hate each other in work, university and everywhere else, talking bad about others behind their back, yet pushing each other in a radiculous unfounded point of view.
I do not even want to know women anymore, allready with 25 yo I gave up those monsters called “women”, you make us weak, nature made nobody of you think normal, nature made you immune to criticism and that is exactly what we can read here, women are such a shame for every human beeing on this planet nowadays.