Baby sleep problems are one of the hottest topics among moms of small children. You’re a tired mom, and when you don’t get enough sleep you’re an angry mom. Not to mention how your poor baby is suffering.
Little babies are born doing nothing but sleeping, eating, and needing diaper changes.
After the initial postpartum recovery, it seems like no big deal to go out and about since the baby will probably fall asleep in the stroller or car seat anyway. And so, you carry on as is.
And so you run errands.
Go to the park.
Go to the mall.
Keep appointments during naptime.
Bring the baby to the cafe.
And playgroups.
And bible studies.
And all over.
And soon you realize, the baby only sleeps in the stroller. The baby screams when you try to put them down to sleep in their crib. They are tired, fussy, and irritable and you aren’t sure why. Here you’ve been laboring under the assumption that the more exercise or activity a baby gets, the more tired they will be, and, therefore, the better they will sleep.
That’s one of the biggest baby sleep myths.
Read: Tips For Swaddling Baby At Night
The idea that wearing a baby out will help them sleep better.
In fact, wearing a baby out will make them sleep worse. The more tired they are, the worse they sleep. The more tired they are, the harder it is to fall asleep. The more tired they get, the more they fight sleep. An overtired baby will wake up frequently through the night as they transition sleep cycle because they are uncomfortable.
On the contrary, a well-rested baby sleeps more. A well-rested baby goes down easier. A well-rested baby wakes less during the night.
So how do you know if your baby is sort of… worn out and overtired all the time?
Here are some of the most common symptoms of overtiredness:
- Frequent fussiness
- Sleeps very little during the day and has short naps
- Fights going to sleep
- Gets progressively fussier as the day goes on
- Gets startled easily by things in its environment that bring it to tears
- Frequently falls asleep at the breast, in the stroller or the car seat (after the first few months in which case this is very normal)
- Finds getting to sleep difficult and wakes easily
- Acts ready for bed at 5:30 or 6:00 pm
- Wakes near midnight crying in an inconsolable manner
How to prevent over-tiredness and over-stimulation
While you can’t avoid stimulating environments or tiredness completely, here’s how you can help prevent over-tiredness.
Keep a good routine
If your baby has regular naps and consistent bedtimes, they will not likely get overtired. Barring sickness or occasional routine deviations, keeping a consistent routine will ensure your baby is well-rested most of the time. This means they will be able to cope one a late bedtime, a missed nap, or an overstimulating morning without becoming super fussy or irritable.
Two or three days in a row of major routine deviation, like a vacation, and you’ll notice a considerably more fussy baby. If you need something to help you keep the routine then you can use these printable routine cards for bedtime routine.
Printable Routine Cards for Morning, Evening, and Bedtime Routines
Avoid screens and craziness right before bed
Screentime is not recommended at all for babies and early toddlers. However, if you do allow a bit of screentime, be sure it’s not immediately before bedtime. Your baby will become overstimulated and the wind-down process will take longer and be more difficult.
If they are watching something, 20 to 30 minutes before bed, either turn off the screen or remove them from the area so they can begin releasing the happy sleep hormone.
Have a good wind down
An essential part of the bedtime routine is the wind-down time. This is where you incorporate time into your routine that is just for getting calm. This can include singing, rocking until drowsy (not until asleep if you want them to fall asleep on their own), reading a book, and sitting and cuddling in a dimmed room.
You’ll want to do a good part of the wind-down routine in your baby’s room, away from loud siblings or other disturbances. Turn on the white noise so they aren’t disturbed by toddler squeals, and then put the baby to bed.
Read: How to get creative with sleeping arrangements if you don’t want your baby to room share
Move up bed or naptime
Since we realize it’s a myth that wearing your baby out allows them to sleep better, the best way to help an overtired baby is to put them to sleep earlier. If bedtime is normally at 8:00 pm but they are always Past the Point then, move bedtime up earlier. We wrongly assume putting them down earlier means they’ll wake earlier, but if they’re overtired the opposite is true.
Sleep begets sleep. The more restorative sleep they have the more they will sleep.
Learn the 3 Main Reasons Babies Don’t Sleep And How To Fix It
Guard their sleep
This is a big one. I often see mothers out and about with their babies who are fussy. Now, babies get fussy and this is life. But, if you’re having to pull out all the tricks to get them to sleep every day, and are standing around with blankets over your baby rocking them just so they get some shut-eye, they are overtired or have a sleep prop.
Of course, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. Still, this type of thing can turn into a problem quickly.
Your baby needs, at least, one consistent nap a day, preferably more if they are still very small. It’s a very short season and teaching them to sleep early on will benefit them throughout their early years. Guard their naps by staying home when they are tired, putting them to bed early even if it means taking a few minutes out of family time, or by declining an invitation that comes on the heels of two or three more that week.
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I’ve created a free email series just for you! There are truly only a few reasons why babies and toddlers have struggles sleeping… really, I mean it. I am going to teach you the main 3 reasons and how to start making small changes to help your baby go from:
- fighting sleep to embracing it
- night wakings to sleeping through
- needing you to jump through hoops to going to sleep on their own
Click here to sign up for my free email series or simply click on the image below.
Rachel
New to this community? Start here, friend.
Caitlin says
What age are you talking about here when you say that wearing a baby out doesn’t help them sleep? Because I would argue that in the first 3-4 months, babywearing was absolutely crucial to my own mental and physical health, was convenient and enjoyable for my son, and that, yes, it did help his sleep! It was the only place he would nap. We tried everything to get him to nap in his bassinet but nothing worked. He wanted to be held and bounced. He was born in the spring so I got out for lots of walks and didn’t mind it at all. It really helped me get back in shape and avoid PPD and PPA. And he slept 5-6 hour stretches at night, in his bassinet, from about 10 weeks.
I get really bothered when I see posts like this that think there is a one-size-fits-all approach for all babies. Does nothing except make moms feel guilty.
Rachel Norman says
Caitlin, I’m not talking about “wearing a baby out of the house in a baby sling” but “wearing the baby out” as in trying to keep them awake to keep them exhausted! And I agree, babies 3 to 4 months sleep all the time.
Anna says
Yes! The number of times I have said ‘sleep begets sleep’ to people is amazing, but SO TRUE. I think that the myth springs maybe from children around 3+ years who don’t have the same daytime sleep needs, and people either forget or don’t realise that babies work quite differently.
Rachel Norman says
That’s it, Anna. 3+ they really do need that physical exercise to be tired enough to sleep. Not like an overtired, tired, but a good physical tired!
Carolyn Weir says
For the first 6 months, my son wouldn’t sleep more than half an hour if he wasn’t lying on me. My husband made meals and I ate, lying on the couch, with my baby on me, nursing. It’s just the way it was. Even at night, he didn’t sleep longer than 2 hours in a row before he was 1-1/2. By the time he was 3, though, he was sleeping wonderfully all through the night. I didn’t ever put him through the torture of letting him cry (learned helplessness)… if I did, I’m sure he’d still be having sleeping problems now (at age 13). My son has now been diagnosed with mild Aspergers. I’ve learned sleeping problems are common with these guys.
Rachel Norman says
Good on you for doing what needs to be done with your baby! That’s the best thing a mother can do :)
Vic says
This is one of the few sensible things I’ve read about the topic of sleep. I have an 18-year-old who was unable to settle and sleep throughout babyhood and childhood, and still struggles with it today due to high anxiety levels. We did find that maintaining a routine, early bedtimes and not getting overwrought helped a lot, although it never really solved things completely. The screen time before bed thing is true as well – not that mine has screen time as a little one, but it definitely helps now not to do phones & tablets right before going to sleep.
Rachel Norman says
Vic, thanks for sharing your story here. I can totally see a child with anxiety finding it difficult to actually fall asleep… even when I’m feeling anxious at times I can’t seem to get my mind to stop either!
Loren says
Hi Rachel!
Thank goodness for your website!
I have a question about what you said here: “Frequently falls asleep at the breast, in the stroller or the car seat (after the first few months in which case this is very normal)”
Does this mean that after the first few months this behavior is normal? Or in the first few months the behavior is normal?
Thanks so much!
Rachel Norman says
Loren, sorry I was unclear. The first few months the baby will fall asleep anytime, anywhere, anyplace. I’ve found with my 4 (of course there’s no hard set rule) that after 4 months they are not quite as “sleepy” but if they frequently fall asleep when put in teh car or stroller it means they were tired and reayd to conk out immediately. When my kids are well slept and napped, even at 4 months, they’ll stay awake past naptime if they’re in those scenarios. Hope that helps!
Zane Tamane says
Any suggestions on how to “work” with 3 weeks old to not screw everything up? :)
We have no schedule yet – i try to extend nursing during daytime to 2,5-3 hour gaps and she has wake times around 30min if nothing troubles her. Some naps can be even 3 hours, most are 1-2 hours.
But then, there are periods with gas, tummy pains, reflux, burps stuck somewhere in throat, and these can last for 1.5h with a partly awake/napping baby but in need of comforting, pacifier, etc.
Having made a terrible mistake with my first son, who was waking frequently and nursing all through the night until 2 years, i really want to do it all differently this time :)
Rachel Norman says
Zane, here are two pages tat will help.
https://amotherfarfromhome.com/ultimate-newborn-sleep-schedule-week-by-week/
https://amotherfarfromhome.com/things-to-try-when-your-newborn-wont-sleep/
Marianne says
Ok so my 12 week old is waking up from the sleepy phase now and after her short morning nap she chases that second nap all day until she finally falls asleep around dinner. I have 4 other children so it’s hard to constantly be working on getting her to sleep. She will typically fall asleep nursing….I put her down and 45 seconds later….she’s awake. I’ve tried white noise, rocking to sleep without nursing, sleeping in her favorite (the car seat)….etc. So what are your thoughts? She is a super calm baby so even when she is fighting the nap she wakes up after 45 seconds happy and will sit in her bouncer smiling..::.thanks for your advice!
Rachel Norman says
Marianne, have you taken the free sleep course I offer? You’re going to have to get her to learn to sleep on her own. Search ‘a mother far from home 28 things to do if your baby won’t sleep’ and tat’ll give you ideas :)
Bronwyn says
Hi Rachel,
I have a beautiful 6 week old (born 4 weeks early, if the “preemie” status makes a difference…) and I’m trying to figure out the best way to work in stroller walks with him – once I’m not still exhausted myself! I also would like to wear him/have as much cuddle time as I can while it’s still ok and not going to effect his sleep. Any suggestions for when to take him in the stroller (time of day/for one of his naps – stop at a certain age?) and the same for wearing him/cuddle time?
Thank you!
Rachel Norman says
Hi Bronwyn, I think choosing a time of day for a walk is a GREAT addition to the routine. If it were me, I’d feed baby first thing in the morning then let baby sleep in the carrier!