If you’re feeling like a truly discouraged mom right now, this mindset shift will help you to feel more positive, joyful, and content.
There I was, 11 weeks pregnant. Haggard. Worn out.
Tired and nauseous.
The kids had watched too much TV, the house was a mess, I had no clue if we had food to eat for lunch, much less dinner. And I just didn’t care.
I couldn’t care.
I felt so physically ill, mentally stressed, and completely overwhelmed that I was such a failure as a mom that I couldn’t even think about more than just getting through the day.
Truthfully, I was such a discouraged mom I felt I couldn’t even consider thinking about “solutions.”
Even though I knew this was a result of pregnancy, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d morphed from a productive woman into a sloth like couch potato who was doomed to ruin my children.
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
It was in this moment, and moments like these, that I found encouragement in the only way I knew how.
By reminding myself of this truth…
Life is like a video, not a photograph.
One moment does not define your life, it is made up of a huge string of moments.
You might be a discouraged mom today, and an over-the-moon mom tomorrow.
Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days
Encouraging Strategies For Discouraged Moms
Trying to work through some mindsets that hold you back? These cards will help you get focus on the right things.Learn More
It’s not always easy to get out of that moment when we know we’re not living up to who we are or what we want to happen in our homes, but here’s how we can do it.
Focus on the average of your days, not one bad day
Just as you are a combination of body parts to make a whole, the entirety of your actions make up your character. Your knees aren’t as pretty as your eyes, but together they all function.
You may not be perfect at one thing, but you surely make up for it in other areas. You may not always cook a healthy dinner, but you do regularly and try to limit junk food.
Of course, you may yell on occasion, but overall you are a positive mother who affirms her children. When you’re feeling like a discouraged mom remember, no mother never yells.
You are your average, not one isolated moment.
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!Learn More
Keep a long term perspective
There are seasons that are harder than others. Pregnancy, newborn phase, job loss, moving home, relationship struggles, and loss of a loved one are examples.
You will often feel discouraged during these times.
You won’t always be able to respond perfectly in every scenario and sometimes life’s stressors are more than you can cope with at once in your own strength.
Remember, cliche phrase that it is, this too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
Accepting your discouraged feelings without judging them
Covering up what you feel won’t make you feel better.
Saying “It’s not so bad, I don’t mind the house a mess, chaos is fine.” when it’s not true won’t make you feel better.
You won’t feel better because – to you – it’s not true. A more honest and effective phrase is
“The house is a mess, it bothers me, but it won’t be like this forever. I can cope for a time.”
It’s not allowing a pity party nor is it minimizing the failure or frustration you’re feeling.
Don’t end the day with anxiety, stress, and a full mind.
This evening brain dump journal sheet will help you get in a peaceful mindset so you too can sleep peacefully through the night.
This was actually the best advice I received pre-marriage. From my hairstylist who did my updo for the wedding.
Acknowledge some days don’t go as planned.
Be honest with yourself about your needs.
Admit unhappiness. Not about your whole life, but about certain situations.
And then get up and bounce back.
Or, if you can’t yet get up, admit that it’ll take a bit to get up but that you will do what it takes when the time is right.
Thanks for the reminder! It is so easy to let the bad days make us forget about all the good days. This is the kind of encouragement every mother needs.
Rachel Norman says
Rachael, thank you so much for your encouragement and I do hope it helps a lot of mothers realize they ARE doing it. We give undue weight to not shining moments sometimes, don’t we?
Yes! I’ve been shifting towards more positive thinking in the moments I take a mental snapshot. Housework is my personal challenge. I don’t have a home washer and dryer and I don’t like staying at the laundry mat for another thirty minutes for folding after I’ve been there nearly two hours. Unfortunately, more than I’d like to admit, the laundry doesn’t get folded sometimes for a few days. I used to beat myself up about it before I’d get to it, which if course never helped. I’ve been working on not only less procrastination, but less berating of myself as well. I’m getting better with promptly folding the laundry, and even more pleased to say I’m getting better at self-encouragement! Being depressed about it never did anything. I also appreciated your hamper system post!
Rachel Norman says
Holley, YES you are too right. Sometimes it’s a combination, we gotta push through something we hate and at the same time let go of our ned to have it all done perfectly. I just can’t be!
Thank You so much! I am also in my first trimester and feeling very discouraged about the state of my house and how I feel I’m neglecting the children due to exhaustion and nausea. Thanks for the reminder that this too shall pass, and yes, I can cope with this for a short period of time.
Rachel Norman says
YES YOU CAN. I feel you and I am 28 weeks and feel similarly. I’m dreading the feelings of guilt and “neglect” (of course not real neglect, but you know) the kids may feel in the next few months.
I am so glad I found this blog. I have been struggling so bad. A baby, starting a new business, running my home, still struggling with ‘post pregnancy weight etc. It’s just so overwhelming and sometimes I feel like I could do better.
Recently I stopped going to my home church because it’s quite a distance from home and by the time I get back home it’s already late afternoon. So I decided to go to another Bible believing church close to home to make it easier but I sometimes feel guilt. However, reading alot of posts on this blog makes me feel I am not alone and other women are going through similar issues .
It’s not easy but with platforms like this and God helping me I believe things can only get better
Rachel Norman says
Elohor, you are most definitely not alone. False guilt speaks to us and tell us we’re never enough or we’re doing wrong… if you are trying to juggle life and still seeking God and spiritual fellowship you are doing so so right, friend.
Your blog is really very helpful I found myself relieved thank u very much fr sharing your views
I’m going to start following your blog! This is exactly how I feel.
6 kids, 14 weeks pregnant, I work full-time, I’m exhausted and can hardly eat, let alone meal plan.
We live in Tanzania and right now I cannot stomach local foods. It’s so frustrating, and I hate how my exhaustion keeps me from being active with my kids.
I needed this reminder and encouragement. Thank you!
emily Amner says
I usually have a fall out about every 4 months,, and it usually occurs as the same time as a sickness or my body falling apart or hormones getting really wild or something else physical circumstance in nature. I had one the last three days. Gosh ive been through these so many times, again i thought to myself how could i let this happen, how could i become this mom who is so fed up with doing the same difficult mundane chaotic selfless things every day and why cant i just love my life and love doing them?! Well, thats when i got to this post– it was seriously sent to me by God because I could never find this on my own, I never blog post surf. But seriously, the phrase life is like a video and not a photo spoke to the deepest part of my soul, I needed that so so so so bad and yes this post is gonna be a life changer. Thank you……
Rachel Norman says
Emily, praise God that He led you to that phrase on the day you needed it. A week of fallout every few months still makes a beautiful video, doesn’t it?
Your post is so relevant and encouraging with all that is transpiring due to the pandemic. Thank you for sharing strategies. I have three school age kids and a toddler and I work outside the home. It was a lot before I also took on the role of full-time cook and teacher. Your blog is so full of helpful information.