How to help your daughter “grow into” her curls

Does your daughter have curly hair? I had a big mop of curly hair growing up and it actually took years before I was able to grow into it. Or at least before I was able to fully appreciate it. Here’s how you can help your daughter to grow into her hair.

I used to say that I should have been a grown up in the 80’s. I mean really. Some of those ladies worked hard to get their hair to look poofy, frizzy, and wavy. All I would have had to do is brush my curly mop! From when I turned 5 or so, my hair was always just very… big. It was bigger than my head and different than my mother’s and neither of us knew how to do it. It wasn’t until I became a teenager that I realized the most important curly hair rule in the book

You don’t brush curly hair. 

When I finally learned how to do it, I actually started to like my hair. Unless it was super humid, I actually enjoyed having curly red hair. And I think part of it was maturing and part of it was because I figured out how to make it look nice.

So far my daughter is not taking after me. She’s blonde and her hair is straight. Her hair is easy to do, brushes smooth, and she walks out the door. And that’s part of the pain if curly hair… you actually have to do it or it doesn’t seem to look right. But, when you find out how to wrangle it, it’s so beautiful. And not only that, it’s special.

Here’s how to help your daughter come to terms with her curls.

1. Give the “grass is always greener” talk

There are straighteners because curly-haired people want straight hair. And there are curling irons because straight haired people want curly hair. The grass is greener if we let it be. Encourage your daughter that it’s normal to look at others who are different and think that’s somehow “better.” But the key is not to get too bogged down in this and stew on it. Also, if she’s fixating on her hair then give her something else to focus on. When we are focusing on others slowly our vanity gets put into its place.

Does your child have curly hair?

2. Help her learn how she likes it

If you have straight hair and your daughter has curly hair then you may have trouble knowing how to care for it at first. But don’t worry, there are tons of resources for curly haired gals to get to know their hair. Here are some of my top tips for caring for your curls.

• Don’t brush it, ever, unless you’re planning on blow drying the hair or bringing back the 80’s mane. Brushing separates the curls and makes hair frizzy instead of curly.
• Create her desired part in the shower. Then later when air or blow drying, don’t mess with the part. This helps prevent separating the curls.
• After showering, use the towel to blot dry your daughter’s hair, but avoid putting the head upside down and loosening and separating all the curls.
• If her curls look great drying naturally with no products – hallelujah! If they need a little something, find some good curly-haired products that can bring out the best. Dove Hair has shampoo, conditioner, and lots of other products for curly hair here. I’ve used the products (pictured below) and love both their smell and texture.

3. Show her pictures and people

If your daughter is struggling with her curly head then show her photos of other women with beautiful curly hair. Curly hair – like red hair – may not be the norm, but it’s certainly not rare. Point out women with curly hair you know she’d appreciate. If she likes art, find curly haired artists. If she’s into sports, find sporty girls with curls. You get the picture. Help normalize it and give her someone who embraces their hair to look up to.

4. Speak positively about curly hair

Dove Hair did a study and found that only 4 in 10 little curly haired girls thought their hair was beautiful. And this discontent obviously increased with age because only 10% of women with curly hair feel proud of that hair. Who knows whether it’s the current hair trends or not wanting to “stand out” as curly hair can make us do? Either way, it’s important that you speak positively about your daughter’s hair. Don’t complain about how it’s hard to do, hard to brush, unruly, wild, or crazy. It will make her feel even more insecure and she’ll spend her days hating it.

Create your own curly hair book

When I received my package from Dove Hair, I began using my products immediately and still am to this day. While my daughter doesn’t have curly hair, we spent time looking through the book and talking about her own hair. She just wants it long enough to put in an Elsa braid so, she’s not quite at the age where she is comparing her own appearance to others.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.