The holidays are upon us and it can be a stressful time. Calm mamas become stressed mamas. Even so, there is one crucial conversation we must have with our kids before the big day.
Ralphie: I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle.
Mother: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.
All around the world on Christmas day kids open their presents with gusto… and sometimes their responses are shocking and humiliating for their parents.
They don’t like the color.
They throw it aside without a word of thanks.
They say they’d rather have what brother got.
All this, right in front of everyone and you. Sometimes, let’s face it… Christmas ain’t so magical. The other morning I had a disturbing thought… what if all my children open their gifts, don’t say thank you?
What if they all act ungrateful? Entitled? Unappreciative?
As I was pondering calling the whole holiday off I realized… I haven’t ever told them exactly how I expect them to respond when opening presents.
They’re still young and it’s not like Christmas happens every other Thursday. They are used to getting normal things they like so what if their Christmas presents don’t inspire a natural response of thankfulness?
Kids Must Be Taught How to Respond
When children are little they primarily respond to situations with the limbic part of their brain – the part that controls emotional processing. Their responses bypass the cerebral cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) and jump straight into emotional response. This is why kids feel something and then go with it.
NOT THE RED PLATE!
I DON’T WANT TO EAT BROCCOLI!
SHE HIT ME SO I BIT HER!
This is the reason a lot of early childhood is spent teaching our children how to manage their emotions… so we can give their reasoning a fighting chance. We need to teach our kids the polite way (and the impolite way) to respond to gifts so they are able to draw on that when emotions are high.
Who can blame a child for being sad when got a sweater but wanted a truck?
No one expects a child to be perfect, but we can expect them to respond in a polite manner. In fact, we should expect them to do this. Children have a way of rising to expectations.
The Crucial Conversation = How You Expect Them to Respond When Opening Gifts
Gratitude is a nebulous concept to small child.
They know to say thank you and have manners, but learning to appreciate and be content… these are life lessons.
Lessons they learn bit by bit as they age. We teach our children to say thank you for gifts before they understand the meaning of appreciation. We teach them to use their manners before they understand the concept of being polite.
Children must understand what you need them to do before they understand why you need them to do it.
Our kids don’t need to pretend they’re over the moon for something if they aren’t, we aren’t teaching our children to lie, but simply giving them acceptable ways to respond to generosity from others.
- A thank you.
- A smile and eye contact.
- Respectfully handling the present.
- Not throwing one present aside in hopes the next one is better.
- A hug or high five to the giver.
By showing our children appropriate responses to gift giving, we give them a toolbox. If they open a present they aren’t wild about, they will remember what we’ve taught them.
This enables them to respond politely in the moment, even if their emotions are firing disappointment or dislike. By teaching our children positive responses we are giving them the gift of grace.
And, if you’re a particularly “mean mother” like me… you might also tell your children that you’ll keep every present they publicly complain about.
🎁🎁This also gets the message across. 🎁🎁
::
Rachel
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Vic says
Very good advice. I was kind of worried because I know a family member is going to give my kids something that costed him much but my kid wont necessarilly appreciate and I was very worried about that.
THANK YOUUUUUU
Lucy Clarke says
“Gratitude is a nebulous concept to small child. They know to say thank you and have manners, but learning to appreciate and be content… these are life lessons. Ones they learn bit by bit as they age. Ones that sometimes must be taught with consequences.”
This! Very valuable piece right here. What you wrote is a wonderful reminder of how we should help our kids understand that importance of being content. Loved this!
Tara says
Omg. thank you for this. I will now avoid the humiliation of a gift tosser. well we hope, right.
Merry Christmas 🎄
Jessica says
Thank you for this wonderful advice; what a timely reminder as we have added more kids and I don’t always remember that I haven’t taught the new ones the rules of the game! 🤗
Rachel Pelczar says
We practiced opening gifts this morning and it was so fun! I opened a fake gift ‘the wrong way’ and asked my kids what I did wrong. Then, they jumped right in to show me how they can do it right! ;)
Thanks for the reminder to teach this skill!
Summer says
So glad I ran across this! I had thought “What if they act entitled or ungrateful?” but I hadn’t thought, “Let’s have a conversation about it to prepare them beforehand.” I’m not really sure why I didn’t even think of it! But in any case, thank you for the good advice. :)
Amber says
Thank you!! My son is to typically good about being excited when opening presents. He’d squeal and smile if you gave him a rock! Lol. But because I haven’t intentionally taught him how to behave, I worry that ungrateful attitude will come. We will be having this conversation today. Thanks again!
Lauren @ Funky Monkey Children says
Such a great reminder. Kids are so truthful – to a fault at times like this! We are constantly working on this with my 6 and 5 year olds, but still have a way to go!
Vicki says
This is so true and works wonders with my 6 year old. She understands that if she says she doesn’t like or want something the giver may be upset. She told me the other day that even if she doesn’t like a gift she will say thank you. So proud of her for understanding this so young!
Amanda says
A nice reminder to remind them, thank you!
Monica says
So refreshing to know other strong mamas expect the best (not perfection) from their children. We must teach them to be appreciative.
This is sooooo on point!❤️
Rachel says
And, frankly, sometimes they respond in a way you didn’t expect — for better or for worse — despite all your preparations. But at least they know.
(It also helps when their first gift-opening experiences are around family who understands the unpredictability of kids. We at least know Grandma and Granddad aren’t going to be offended when the response isn’t what we’d coached.)