It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s what your family needs in order to run smoothly. Because we all know that If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
If mama ain’t happy- ain’t nobody happy.
This isn’t a threat.
It’s actually the truth. Let’s figure out why so we can make some changes.
If we’re not “OK,” all our effort goes to fixing it.
Nobody is really happy in the family if mom isn’t ok. This is because if moms is unhappy, she goes into fixing mode. If she is…
- in crisis mode, or
- having some real issues going on
but maintains that mode of “gotta do what I gotta do” it can really weigh on her. It doesn’t stop even though all these things are happening (diapers, dinner, school, etc.). If mom isn’t ok… it’s still the main thing mom is using her energy on.
Mom is using all her energy to not explode on everybody.
All of her energy is being spend on maintaining an image of “okayness.” It’s like all of her energy is being used up on trying not to crumble or explode.
I’m not going to talk about how to be ok… check out my book for that. In this post, I want to get you to understand that it’s ok- not not be ok. Also, some reasons why you’re not.
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If mama ain’t happy – all her mental energy goes into fixing it.
When we’re unhappy, we can’t be responsive to people’s needs.
If we’re not “ok,” you can’t really be responsive to the kid’s needs. This is a reminder that you have to start taking care of yourself.
If you notice that you’re not ok… let’s do something good about it.
We have to take care of ourselves because when we have unmet needs, we don’t have the space to help our kids with the things that are important to then.
Take for example, when you are stressed, anxious, worried, or upset- do you have the mental space to deal with your children’s needs when they are arguing over a little toy?
No! This is because we don’t have the space for their “little” issues with our “big” issues looming over us. This stops us from being responsive in the way that we want to.
We may loose our patience of get in the habit of creating a fake response. This happens when we find it hard to be present because of our own needs.
If we find it difficult to offer the normal/healthy responses to our kids needs, its an invitation for us to start taking better care of ourselves.
If mama ain’t happy – she can’t be as responsive as she wants to be.
Kids take it upon themselves to make mom happy.
When we’re perpetually unhappy, kids take it upon themselves to make mom happy. Now, we don’t really want this. Irregardless, it happens subconsciously.
Kids start to think, mom’s not ok…
- I must have done something to make mom unhappy.
- I’m going to go into overtime to try to make mom happy.
Kid’s start to take on this role on for themselves. So when we ignore our problems and pretend that everything is ok, we’re just making things worse.
The reality is that the kids know when wer’e not ok. They don’t buy the facade. It should be our responsibility, but the kids take it upon themselves. It’s not their burden. So…. they go into overdrive.
I’m not saying this so you will feel ashamed or beat yourself up. I want you to use this as an invitation to Strat taking care of yourself.
Ready to try and deal with this temper of yours? Let this checklist help you get a handle on it.
If mama ain’t happy – the kids stress out trying to help her.
Everyone feels like they have to walk on “eggshells.”
Nobody is really happy if mom is strung out. This is because they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us.
When we completely put ourselves aside, our needs don’t go away. We can do out best to be the “positive parent” and pretend that we’re always happy… but they know.
Going back to my first point – we start to use all of our energy to maintain our facade. We may have a cheesy smile, but deep down inside it feels like we’re drowning.
Because of this, everybody feels like they have to be careful not to upset us all the time.
You’ve got to learn to take care of your spirit, soul, and body. I don’t want to make you feel bad but I want to reveal a pattern to you and help explain why it’s important to take care of yourself.
We don’t want our whole family walking on eggshells around us. Our family should be able to be themselves around us. Nobody should have to be doing the “stealth maneuver” around mom.
Now sometimes, situations lend themselves to this type of thing:
- Maybe it’s a stressful life season.
- A relationship crisis.
- A health crisis.
- We’re moving.
- We’re pregnant or have a new baby.
Life will be life, and sometimes stressful situations will cause this to happen. It could even be a great thing that is going on. It if’s difficult it can cause stress for a determined amount of time. But, we want to be sure our emotions are in check for the season of life we are in.
If mama ain’t happy – everyone walks on eggshells.
It’s hard to stay focused on what matters.
We can’t really focus on loving and serving if we’re just miserable. It’s not possible for us to maintain a positive creative energy for our family if we’re unhappy.
It becomes a negative suck. Erasing and martyring yourself can actually make you more selfish. If we’re not ok, we’re trying to suck our being “okayness” from somewhere else.
- I’ll start a hobby.
- I’ll be happy if I start this new business.
- It’s time to take on another job.
- I start relying on others to make me happy.
- Others become responsible for my mental “okayness.”
- I’ll always be looking for someone to rescue me.
If mama ain’t happy – she can’t focus on what really matters.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
You can pour into your spirit, mind, body and soul. And.. it isn’t selfish. You can take care of yourself.
You can do this! It isn’t just “take care of me.” It’s everyone’s needs on the table. How are we going to make them all work?
Go looking for your win/win.
How can you meet your needs and your kid’s needs at the same time? It may time some changing and re-working but you can totally do it!
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