Does Ignoring Our Needs Make Us More Selfish?

Moms want to do everything in their power to be the opposite of selfish. We go to the extreme when it comes to putting our kids first and sacrificing our own needs and wants. Does ignoring our needs make us more selfish?

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It may not feel like it…

But…

When you put yourself aside and ignore all your feeling, needs, and emotions…. it actually makes you more selfish.

It’s true. Let’s talk about why!

My goal for you is to stop feeling guilty taking time for yourself or sticking with your boundaries.

The Needs Call Out

When we ignore our inner needs and emotions for too long, they call out to us. Sometimes out needs get so strong that we can’t refuse them.

I know some moms have almost falling asleep walking down the stairs, while driving, or other dangerous situations.

We will go to almost any length to make sure we’re not being a selfish mom, but these needs cry out to us. They are like “hello, you haven’t showered in 5 days…”

If you feel this intense need to be alone, but refuse to listen to it. You may be ignoring yourself because you feel like you need to put your kids first. In fact, you are causing more damage.

When you ignore this need, you get to a place that even when you’re with them…. you’re scrolling or in “Lala land.”

Don’t think that if you just ignore your personal needs they will go away. Nope, in fact you’ve lost grip on what is really happening.

We Become Bitter & Resentful

Ignoring ourselves and our boundaries will cause us to become bitter and resentful.

Martyring observes and pretending that our needs/want don’t matter is not the answer. Sometimes we do this in order to serve everybody else… but we forget to take care of ourselves.

We can even get into the mentality that it’s our job to rescue everyone around us, then become resentful when nobody comes to “save” us.

We’re adults and so it’s our job to take care of ourselves.

Yes, we’re taking care of our children as well. So, we’re responsible for their safety, wellbeing, and all other areas.

But who takes care of us? Nobody is responsible for us, except for us.

Being completely selfless leads a mom to feel like because she sacrificed all to take care of the kids, someone should swoop in and take care of her. Well, this doesn’t happen. So, she becomes resentful for her selfless acts of service.

• “I was tired and nobody helped.”
• “Life was so bust last week, and nobody helped it.”

When we deny ourselves the right to take care of ourselves we can become bitter. Bitter towards the ones that have “taken away” our ability to take care of ourselves.

This happens subconsciously. Consciously we’re saying, “I’m forgetting about myself because I’m a mom now.” However, subconsciously we’re actually saying. “I’m still in here and I have needs.”

Jus because someone becomes a mom, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t exist anymore. She still has to deal with the needs of that pre-child personal as well.

I’m talking about basic needs. If her basic needs haven’t been met, she is:

• “anti-ok”
• A-OKAY
• Not, OKAY!

Nobody is going to show up and take care of us. We’ve got to take care of ourselves. Bitterness, resentfulness, and anger are big signs that we’ve ignored our needs.

Desperate for Escape

Ignoring our needs makes us more selfish because when we consciously refuse to meet out needs, we begin to want to escape our life.

This may be happening if you find yourself continually trying to find ways to escape. For example:

• the kids are occupied so you’re hiding from them in the house
• you are quick to put them on a device so you can be alone

I did this a couple of summers ago. You remember the longest spring break in the history of the world? The kids were out of school and everything was shut down…

Well… but the time the kids were ready to go back to school, I was past it. I called up my mom to come get all 5 of the kids. Then, I informed my husband that I wasn’t coming home for an undefined amount of time, and I disappeared to a beach cottage.

I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was only a couple of days away, but I needed it so badly. It was great that I could do this and my family could support this.

My point is this- don’t let yourself let it get this bad. It’s what happens when we completely ignore our needs. We will eventually crack and want to escape our lives.

Needs Met by Others

When we don’t place a priority on our own needs, we’re putting the control of our needs on others.

In essence, we place our own wellbeing into the hands of someone else. We may even be hoping for the right time, or thing, or circumstance to come and rescue us.

This is not how it works. Things just don’t happen in your favor to make you “OK.”

By doing this, we have passed on the responsibility for our happiness onto someone else. We get to the point where we are like…

• “If my kids would act a certain way, I would be ok.”
• “If they stopped waking up a million times a night, I would be ok.”
• “I would be ok if they stopped arguing all the time.”

What we start to see is that when we’re not ok, anything they do will start to drive us crazy.

Without realizing it, we become so triggered by the little things that people do that our entire wellbeing and nervous system is hinged upon what other people do.

We need to give ourselves permission to do the things that you need to be OK.

It’s Life Stealing

I’m not talking about being so selfish that we’re putting out life and ambitions in font of our family. Of course, this isn’t what I’m saying.

I’m talking about when moms ignore their basic things just in an effort to be a good mom.

When we try to ignore ourselves to be a good mom, it’s life stealing. It’s life stealing because when were are…

• tired,
• depressed,
• stressed, or
• worn-out,
• we end up feeling guilty because we feel bad.

We end up feeling horrible- twice!

As you can imagine, this brings tons of negative energy and emotions.

The result is going to effect the whole family. You can’t carry all this guilt and emotions inside and have genuine happiness towards your kids. They won’t buy it.

Kids know when you’re not genuine.

When we’re negative it sucks the life out of the room. Furthermore, when you don’t have peace, you can share that peace with your kids.

You are going to make an environment in your home based on what you’ve got on the inside.

If you’re living…

• stress,
• irritability, and
• frustration…

This is what the environment of your home is going to be like.

I want to encourage you…

When you ignore yourself, you think it’s going to help the kids. But actually it makes you really unwell. Which in turn, makes you unable to be the mom you want to be.

Please stop ignoring yourself. Don’t do it. Take care of yourself because you deserve it… your family deserves it.