Inside if a review on the book Why I Didn’t Rebel. I hope you find it helpful! Post contains affiliate links.
As a mother of 5 I do a lot of thinking about the future.
And I know, of course, that with parenting there are no guarantees.
It is a comfort to me that we can do our best to minimize the chances of our children going off the rails, but ultimately our children will make their own decisions, live their own lives, and do whatever they decide is best for them.
And yet we still have a great responsibility as parents. We have an opportunity to make parenting choices that help children feel accepted, loved, and part of something greater than themselves. And these are the things that help children make good choices.
More or less.
What I Learned From The Book Why I Didn’t Rebel
To write this book the author Rebecca interviewed a number of people and found some common principles that reigned the homes of those children who didn’t rebel. Here are 3 main ones that stuck with me. Why I Didn’t Rebel goes into much more detail.
Give Reasons, Not Just Rules
For smaller ones this will look different than tweens or teens, but the principle remains. If you can explain why your rules exist in an age appropriate way, do so. And be willing to let go of rules that don’t actually serve a purpose. Just because you always did it growing up doesn’t mean it’s a morally necessary rule now.
It is not “losing” to drop rules that don’t really matter. By having rules that make good sense for your family – and explaining those to your kids – you increase the chance the kids will consider the rules to actually be important and valuable.
Be A Team, Not A Club
One aspect Rebecca touched on often – as did those in the case studies – is that having a strong family culture contributed to good choices in the teenage years. Kids who felt they had a good family life and actually had fun with their parents made good choices when faced with hard decisions. Why? Because they had an alternative to the “good time” that others offered.
But interestingly, it wasn’t just the families with just a strong culture, but those who had a culture of service and care for others. So families who were not an exclusive club in themselves, but who made a point to love others as a family. Giving to others feels good, and when kids were exposed to this at an early age and throughout their upbringing they were more likely to think about others and not just having a temporary good time.
Be Real, Not Perfect
She was quick to point out that those who didn’t rebel weren’t from “perfect families” with “no problems.” They were just real, genuine, and able to speak honestly. We all know authenticity is a buzz word these days, but for good reason apparently. Kids don’t need perfect parents, they need parents who are able to be real with them. To laugh and cry with them and learn from their mistakes.
And – this is important – to actually admit their mistakes.
Then to apologize.
My Why I Didn’t Rebel Review
This book was a super interesting fast read. Even if your little ones are only toddlers or preschoolers, it’s relevant and encouraging. It’s never too early to put into practice the simple and easy to understand concepts from this book. It should definitely go on your reading list! Check out Why I Didn’t Rebel here.
Susie Barnes - Suddenlyonline says
Hi Rachel, a great little read with lots of thought provoking points! I certainly endorse the three pointers that you raised. Interestingly, both my husband and I didn’t rebel, yet some of siblings did (not massively – but in comparison to ourselves they did). Yet we were all brought up in the same way, my parents were no different with me than they were with my brother – or were they? I always thought not, but I’m curious if the book makes reference to the older/younger sibling argument or even the son/daughter factor? I like to think that I treat my two girls exactly the same – in reality I guess I’m a lot more lenient with my youngest than I was with me eldest when she was a similar age! I shall get the book and read for myself! Thanks for this!
Rachel Norman says
You know it doesn’t mention birth order or anything like that so much. But that’s a great point!! i do think birth order plays a large role.