Moms Are Miserable Because They Do These Things

Don’t make yourself miserable by being a martyr mom. If you’re feeling this way, you may be doing one of these things:

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Modern moms are miserable because we have moved into an alternate reality.

Let’s talk about some modern things that we have absorbed into our parenting and lifestyles that are making us miserable.

We are connected more than ever.

Nowadays, we are daily connected to everyone on the planet. In times past we were connected to:

• our neighbors,
• people around us, or
• what we read in the newspaper.

Now in our hand, we can look and easily see…

• “That one woman that I don’t really know but she has really cute shoes. She is on a cruise with her kids… I’ve never taken my kids on a cruise.“
• “That one lady I follow from a different country. I don’t know her but I love her decorating style. She just did her bathroom for under $2,000. Our bathroom is so ugly.“

We’re just so connected to everyone that we’re either always comparing ourselves to someone or fighting not to.

Even if we don’t care to compare, we still have it all these examples of “the good life” in our face.

Then we look at our own life. Where we have to cook, and clean, and everyone needs us.

Read: True or False: If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

We think a good connection with our kids means they won’t do wrong.

Now, don’t send me hate mail. But, we think that all we have to do is have a great connection with our kids and they will do no wrong.

Do we need to spend time with them? Of course! Do we need to be connected to them? Yes!

Does this mean that they will always act right?

NO!

Sometimes our kids just act naughty because they wanted to. Kids are going to fight and misbehave sometimes. It’s just part of it.

Now did this happen because you didn’t play LEGOS with them for ten minutes before this started? No.

We’re wanting to be so positive and focused on connection that we’ve actually started to blame ourselves for their childlike behavior.

If I didn’t really look them in the eye and listen to their twelve minute monologue about Pokemon, then that is the reason why they went to school and cheated. No it a’int!

They just did it because they don’t have all the skills to make great life decisions yet. Because they are human.

This leads me to my next point…

We think being permissive is being positive.

This is probably an unpopular opinion. But, I need someone to agree with me.

We don’t phrase it like this, but our actions show that we think being permissive is positive.

This could be because the pendulum has swung. Some parenting things from the past were “real bad” so we swing our ideas way over to the other side.

We wouldn’t admit that this is happening but we may say:

• “I’m going to give you a seventeenth chance to make a good choice right now. If you don’t then I’m going to have a very disappointed look on my face while I hand you your tablet and let you play for three hours.”

We have become super permissive because we think that keeping a boundary is mean. Unfortunately, we think that if we actually have to respond to a behavior then we are doing them wrong.

Oh no, my child just ran out into the street and said a bad word. They hit someone, or whatever. But I don’t want to have to deal with this. So what will be better for them if tomorrow we go spend some special time together at the park and I’ll get them some ice cream. Then they won’t act up… hmmm…

We’ve abandoned natural law.

The sun rises. The sun sets. Our bodies, soul, and mind need certain things.

We have decided that we can do whatever we “decide to do”, even if it’s not good for our bodies.

Mom’s have just decided that certain amounts of sleep don’t matter, etc. But what happens is that we’re actually over taxing ourselves. This causes us to be come dis-eased or even diseased.

• adrenal issues
• thyroid issues
• hormonal issues
• other stress-related disorders

We become so stressed because we have forgotten that not everything is mind over matter. We have limits.

When we ignore our bodies to do whatever we think we need to do, we are hurting ourselves. This isn’t how it works. We are- spirit, soul, and body.

If we abandon any of them, much less two or all of them… we become miserable.

We do things we don’t want to do and then blame other people.

When we do this, it’s called boundary bending. If you get to place where you’re like “ok, I’ll do it” because you’ve been pressured, you get mad. You’re resentful and eventually blame them for being miserable.

But, you’re the one that bent the boundary.

Mom’s are:

• doing all kind’s of things that don’t make sense for them
• keeping crazy scheduled they don’t like
• having a hard time saying “no”

Doing these things anyway make a mom miserable, mad, and resentful.

We may blame other people for our unhappiness when this happens. For example, you may blame your husband because he “doesn’t like your crazy ideas.”

Do this:

• Get a notebook (or an app).
• Start to think about the things you don’t like to do.
• Make a list for your recognition.
• Did you give in to your kids demands?
• Did you agree to go somewhere you didn’t want to go?
• How often do you go against your God given instinct?

Job says it like this: “Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind?” If you’re going against this, you’re going to be miserable. Trust yourself a little bit and know the kids are going to be ok.

You can’t spend all day doing things you don’t want to do and going against what you need and be happy. It is going to make you miserable.

We repress our feelings until we feel the need to escape.

“I’m stressed but I’m not going to feel that.”

“I’m annoyed at that but I’m not going to feel that.”

Ahhhhhh…..

What we do is begin to feel angry at ourselves for feeling upset or annoyed. When in reality, you should be annoyed that your child just interrupted you for the 79th time.

• Some moms fall into the trap of believing that if they were just a more gentle parent, their kids would behave better. In reality, children will be children. They make bad choices and just do them sometimes.

If we are always trying to repress what we’re feeling about everything, then eventually we stop being able to understand how we’re actually feeling. Then, we find ourself in a place where we are out of touch with what we like or even need.

We are literally going through our days – stuffing everything down.

I talk about this a lot in my book. It’s called the emotional basement. What we do is stuff and we stuff until we explode. Then we yell and feel guilty about it.

Bonus: We think that in order to keep the kids “ok” we have to do all their wants and whims. If it goes against what what I’m feeling or wanting then I need to completely ignore myself.

Well, I’m gong to give you a spoiler alert- this isn’t going to make kids more adjusted. It’s going to make them entitled and selfish.

Don’t spend your whole life erasing yourself to do whatever they want. I know this opinion is unpopular but I’m on everyone’s side here, and it’s the truth.

When mom’s happy and at peace, everyone else has a better chance of being at peace as well.