Inside: Here are some encouraging words mothers need to hear on mother’s day. If you feel sad or down on this down, take heart with these words.
Mother’s Day is coming up soon again. The day where moms all over the country get breakfast in bed, pretty flowers, mani/pedi certificates and maybe a nice scarf.
And those things are nice, of course, mainly because it’s just plain nice to be thought of.
It’s the day that pastors ask mothers in the congregation to stand and be honored.
And then also asks women who might be mothers or who’d like to be mothers or who know a mother to also stand just so no one gets left out…
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Mother’s Day Can Be Rough
Children make Cute Crafts at school for their moms and everyone posts photos on Facebook about how blessed they are to be mothers.
We agree that all of this is true and good… Except I’m going to propose that’s not what mothers need most on Mother’s Day.
This year, let’s make it the year of truly giving from the heart…
The year we celebrate our mothers’ deep desires, not just the superficial and material. These things can’t be masked by presents, although presents aren’t entirely bad. I believe that more can be said about what a mother truly wants on Mother’s Day!
What Mothers Actually Need To Hear On Mother’s Day
From the heart…
1. Mothers need to know they are doing a good job.
First of all, you need to know that no matter what your strengths or weaknesses are, if you’re doing the best you can then you’re doing a good job.
Some days you may be tired, cranky, or impatient, but you love your kids and they know it.
Secondly, its reality that some days your kids may look like little American Doll models and others they may not put clothes on until bedtime. The truth is, this is not what makes or breaks you.
Every mom needs to hear this at some point: there’s no invisible white glove angel (or demon) going around the neighborhood inspecting houses then releasing the results in the local newspaper. You don’t have to be perfect!
Furthermore, there’s not a competition. You Love Your Child and you make decisions for their good! You know what?
You’re doing a good job.
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2. Mothers need to know their grief is remembered.
Last year on Mother’s Day I wrote to some of my friends who had lost children. I wished them a Happy Mother’s Day with their families and said I know they are not all smiles on this day, and that I was thinking of them.
I had not forgotten. Mothers need to know it’s okay to feel loss when they’ve lost something. You can joyfully celebrate the beautiful children you have while still mourning children you’ve lost.
Honestly, that’s exactly what motherhood is. It’s good days and bad days, triumphs and defeats, and the best of times and the worst of times.
If you know a woman who has felt the unimaginable, don’t be afraid to talk about it. It’s not as though she’s forgotten. When I reached out, every single friend wrote back and said they were genuinely moved.
There can be (false) shame in acting sad on a day such as Mother’s Day. Let’s not make it all about a flower corsage at church. Instead, offer real love and support to each other.
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3. Mothers need to know that somebody sees them.
So much of our parenting energy is focused into raising children who will hopefully turn out a certain way. We plant, plant, plant and often never know when or if there will be a harvest.
At home, day after day, night after night, we are busy being moms.
In short, we are changing diapers, calming fears, wiping bottoms, feeding hungry babies, cleaning dirty dishes, cooking dinners that may or may not get eaten. It’s relentless… and I didn’t even mention laundry.
Meanwhile, many mothers have spouses who don’t even appreciate what they do.
You are seen… here’s an example
Well… I have something to say to you, girl. Somebody does see you.
In the Old Testament Hagar fled her home after being treated harshly. She encountered an angel in the desert sent by God who encouraged her so much that she gave God a name.
This is the place in the Bible where we see a beautiful attribute given to God. That is to say, she called Him El Roi – the God Who Sees.
Just as important, he see’s you! Mommy, when you are up for the 12th time at night, He sees you.
When you try your hardest but still lose it, He sees. Don’t Fret, when you think that nobody appreciates how hard you work or how much you sacrifice, He does.
“So like…all the mothers of the world, my mother was again (or rather still) a “quiet servant of necessity,” doing the work no one would thank her for – no one, that is, except Him to whom it could be offered as a daily sacrifice of love.” Elisabeth Elliot
He may not physically wrap His arms around you and give you Mother of the year awards, but you know what?
He can use us to celebrate each other.
So let’s do something different this Mother’s Day. Instead of just posting pictures of ourselves and our color coordinating families (since it’s on a Sunday and you know we all want to look cute for the photo,) let’s start celebrating each other now.
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
Let’s be real and be loving and be honest.
Tell mothers they’re doing a good job.
Let’s let them grieve if they so desire.
And tell them that we see them.
Lauren Tamm says
I appreciate this post, but what I often think is why must we always wait for one day out of the year to say these things to mothers. I think these are such important things to keep in mind year round. Similar to only saying something really special and loving on Valentine’s day, when they should really be said so much more. My husband and I have been working really hard to encourage each other in our parenting. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to regularly hear, “hey, thanks for being a good mom.” Is it totally awful that what I really do want is a day of self-care away from motherhood? I would totally take the mani-pedi :)
Rachel Norman says
Ha, girl I’ll take a mani/pedi any day ;). And I completely agree that an attitude of thankfulness all year round is just good manners and common courtesy. We do the same here, always trying to be thankful! But for the record, you know how I feel about day(s) away. Mwahaha!
Thank you for sharing this! Mother’s Day is really a time to reflect and appreciate mothers and what they do. I love the crafts for younger kids because art is really an outlet for there emotions. But, really, when my girls get older. I just want to spend the day with them doing nothing planned because without them I would never have had all the great memories as a mom that I do. This post is lovely. Thank you!
Rachel Norman says
Thanks, Ali! I agree, sometimes I look at them and am like “How could I ever forget this moment?” and yet, we do.
I wish I could re-post this on my blog! it is so true that we often forget these things in he ‘Hallmark hubbub’ of the holiday. You made your points beautifully.
Rachel Norman says
Thanks so much, yes I think so too. We can even feel guilty for our feelings because of that hubbub.
I loved this article! I would add something to the part about grief though. Let’s also reach out to the women who have a hard time on Mother’s Day because they have lost their mother.
Rachel Norman says
Kara, thanks so much for mentioning that. I hadn’t thought to put it, but you are too too right.
shumaila khan says
rachel how collectively u have written the things on what each mother is going through…