Here are some tips that every mom needs to know in case of an intruder. Think about these things and help prepare your family. Post contains affiliate links.
Facial astringent.
Facial astringent in the face is what saved the mom of my childhood best friend from an intruder who walked into their home while they hid in their rooms.
$8,000 in cash on the counter.
The bank bag on the kitchen counter was enough for another intruder to sneak back out of another friend’s house in the middle of the night without going upstairs. He broke in, took the money, then left while they were sleeping.
And these are just two people I know personally. We like to think that living in an affluent relatively safe country with great technological advances – and nothing more to worry about than whether that celebrity couple is really splitting up – means something like this won’t happen to us.
Except things like this happen all the time.
So why am I talking about this? Well, first of all because I have a Bachelors degree in Criminology. So let’s just say it interests me. Second, because I’m from a rural area where the mentality that you need to know how to take care of yourself is still pervasive. Thirdly, because it’s good old fashioned common sense to prepare (even just mentally or with a family talk) for this situation because home robberies are on the rise.
“Two simple things you can do to prevent home invasions are get a security alarm and get a large dog. These two things should reduce your attractiveness as a target house/apt significantly.” (source)
I’m not trying to incite paranoia or fear, but I think we all (myself included) need to think a little more about an intruder plan and we need to share it with the kids. If you have older children then that’ll be more straightforward, but with smaller children there are simply different considerations.
1. Make a plan and practice it.
Before discussing anything with your children, you should make an intruder plan. While you’re at it make a fire plan as well. A plan simply consists of the precautions you want to make, the actions you’ll take in the evening something happens, and what you want each person in the house to do or not do. One thing I’ll mention here is to create a ‘code word’ if you have older children.
If you know there’s an intruder you can use the code word to alert other family members. Speak sparingly, however. More on that later. Once you’ve created a plan, write it down, and put it in your family binder.Then practice it with the kids. If they are toddlers then they won’t understand, but having a few run throughs will help everyone prepare mentally.
2. Choose a safe room and a backup.
If an intruder comes into your home you should not seek him out. Police and crime stopping organizations suggest you remain hidden in a safe room and only engage the intruder if they come to you and force it. So instead of going to find them, you want to find a safe room that you can lock from the inside and, hopefully, wait it out. If you have small children you’ll likely choose one of their rooms as a safe room.
You’ll want to gather the kids into that room quietly as possible. Choose a room with an escape outlet, like a window. If you want to prepare further, keep water, snacks, and something you can use for self-defense (see those options below).
3. Know how you’ll call for or get help.
The experts suggest keeping your car keys by your bed so, in the event of an intruder, you can push the panic button which should work from anywhere in the house. Also, while productivity and sleep experts tell you not to keep your phone by the bed so you won’t use it, it is a good idea to have a way to call 911 in case your home phone line gets cut. This day in age, I’m not so sure cutting the home phone line would be their plan A since many people don’t even have one, but there you go.
Also, when you call 911 leave your phone on somewhere hidden, but where it can catch the conversation. If you end up being engaged by the intruder and having to defend yourself, it’ll be recorded. Also, if you have an alarm system and the trigger will signal a phone call to you, have a code sentence with your alarm system. Something like, “No, we’re not interested at this time,” or some other innocuous phrase.
After you’ve called 911 remain hidden with your children until the police arrive and announce themselves. Even if you think you hear the intruder leave (or see them leave through a window) stay until the police knock and come in to get you in case there’s another person still in the house.
4. Take care of basic precautions.
There are a few things you can do to help prevent intruders or to take precautions. First, if you have an alarm key pad, make sure that a stranger is not able to tell if it’s activated or not by looking through the front door. Decorative glass surrounding the front door can often reveal the alarm’s status. Bad bad bad.
I don’t mean to strike paranoia in the hearts, but often the people who come to your house to fix plumbing, paint, do renovations, set up cable, etc. are sometimes those who return to rob or are connected with others to whom they give information. After you have a stranger come into your home to perform a service, double check all windows and doors to be sure they’re locked.
If you’re from the South like me, that’ll be tricky, but it’s a good idea to vet everyone who knocks on the door. Burglars will nearly always knock first to see if someone’s home and then, if not, break in. Get into the habit of vetting before the door’s open because intruders will exert extreme force in those first few moments if that’s their intention. If you feel someone has come by unbidden, simply don’t open the door. Innocent people will not be offended by this.
5. Learn how best to engage with an intruder.
Again, don’t engage with an intruder if at all possible. Don’t yell “I’ve called the police” from your location if they aren’t actively trying to get in because then you’ll just give away your location. Do not act like a dumb girl from a movie. Go get your kids and take them to the safe room, but don’t look for the intruder’s exact location.
If they are attempting to come into your room then say, “We’ve called the police” even if you’re alone. Staying in the safe room is the best idea, but if the intruder comes into the safe room try to remain calm and cooperative. Avoid eye contact – which may be viewed as submission – and do not aggressively confront.
Self-defense kits and products
1.Stun gun // 2. Self defense stick // 3. Military flashlight // 4. Self-defense bag
6. Think about escape options.
Many sites actually suggest you teach older children to escape in the event of an intruder. If your kids are old enough to sneak out and you’re willing to help them practice, then have a code word that signals their need to leave and call the police.
Again, choose a safe room that has an escape option, even if it’s an upper window. You won’t be able to shimmy down the side of a two-story home with a baby in your arms (unless you have a sling, I suppose), but do the best you can. If you feel it’s impossible to escape, remain where you are and wait for the police.
7. Decide how you will “arm” yourself and know state laws.
I’ll not tell you how to arm yourself, that’s a personal decision, but you should have at least something in your safe room to defend yourself. I will say, if you choose to have a gun, then you need to accept from the beginning that children will 100% find the gun’s hiding place. Hiding is not a safety precaution. Keeping the gun locked up and not loaded, with bullets in a separate location is a safety precaution. Anyway, there are plenty of other options for you that I’ll link below.
Whether you want to remain completely weapon free or not, you may end up having to use force to defend yourself and your kids. Know the laws from your state so you know what you are legally allowed to do or not. Self-defense laws are generally in three categories: (1) stand your ground laws, (2) castle doctrine, and (3) duty to retreat. Google these laws in your state, “[state] self-defense laws.”
To recap….
- Create an intruder plan.
- Explain then practice this plan with your family.
- Teach rules about letting in strangers or answering doors.
- If you sense there’s an intruder, go to the safe room with your kids and remain quiet.
- Call the police and leave your phone on.
- With small children, the best course of action will nearly always be to remain in a safe room in the opposite corner of the door so you can monitor the situation.
- Only use force if you feel your life and the life of your children are threatened.
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Related read: How to protect your children in an active shooter situation
Roadside Emergencies… What every mother needs to know
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These are all great tips. Practicing your emergency plan is so important! So many things could go wrong and you may think you know what you would do, but if you’ve never practiced it, more than likely, your escape plan won’t play out like it does in your head. Thanks for sharing.
That’s a great point!!! The practicing is always what takes it from theory into memory isn’t it?
This is a great post! Lots of information that I hadn’t thought of. I’m curious though, with little kids, what is the best way to practice a emergency routine with out scaring them? One of my girls is super sensitive sometimes and I don’t want to scare her but feel like it’s stuff we need to be teaching.
Also, if you have a toddler, or a baby, what is the best way to help them stay quiet if something were to happen? My toddler is pretty loud and I can’t imagine her being quiet if she was stuck in a room or closet.
Hi Jenny, great questions! I’ve had to talk about some “scary” stuff lately with the kids, and the way I do it with the older ones is to use basic simple words – not deceptive but simple – and have a calm steady tone of voice. So in this case I’d say something like, “Now… we really pray no bad man ever comes into our home, don’t we? But in case he does, let’s practice what we’d do. First, we’d….” Then I’m sure they’d repeat it all day long to me trying to process it. I’d say ” no one ever has before” and “we need to be brave” type things.
With the loud thing, goodness me. I hear you. My 2 year old has a lot of trouble. Lately I’ve been using the timer to practice quiet time. I think, after you wrote this, I will do it more. SEt the timer for 1 minute where no one can talk at all. After a meal is finished but before you get down? I will do today and report back. Ha.
What is vetting? And for this: “Avoid eye contact – which will be viewed as submission – ” are you saying avoiding eye contact is considered submissive or giving eye contact is considered submissive?
Hi Natalie, vetting those who come to the door means asking them pertinent questions they answer before you open it. If you don’t know them, ask through the door. I’ve read over to avoid eye contact. Look at the ground or at each other.
Honestly I don’t believe it’s at all safe to take your eyes off of an intruder and looking them in the eye will actually show them you are less afraid of them. Not to mention if you don’t look at them how will you give an accurate description to the police? It’s your home and your family, STAND YOUR GROUND!! They have no right to be invading you and they should know it… It’s this namby pamby attitude that allows criminals to keep breaking into people’s home and getting away with it. If someone breaks into my home they will NOT be walking away! They will either be immobilized or taken by the police. Fear is what gives them power.
Thanks for your opinion, Kim!
The tip you included about practicing your escape plan is so important! Thank you for sharing. You may have a plan, but if you don’t run through it, you may fail to see flaws in said plan.
So true, thanks for mentioning that again!
Once you’re in your safe room, move the heaviest furniture in front of the door.
Good piece of advice, Sue!
Great article! I’m so glad I came across this. My question is , what happens if you know an intruder has entered the house in the middle of the night and everyone is asleep in their beds. I can’t imagine it would be easy to gather them all up and put them in the safe room while the intruder is in the house. Not sure what the best thing to do would be!
Christy, I also struggle with this. If you hear an intruder and are able to gather one or two then meet in the room of another child, I think that’d be best. I can’t imagine you’d have ANY peace whatsoever not being with your children. Also, if the intruder is making noise they’ll wake up anyway. However, if you have multiple small children like I do, I think it’d be a judgment call based on the exact circumstances. I’d still probably gather them all but I’m a paranoid person. I’d hate to be barricaded in by the intruder without my littles :(
My house is one big room with my room on one side and my baby’s room on th other. I’d literally have to walk into the intruder to get my baby. In this case what would be your plan?
Is it too odd to think of putting a lock on her door from the outside and I have a key or have one of those app locks?
June, this is an excellent question and honestly I’m not quite sure… What is the app lock?
Great tips! What I didn’t see suggested was escaping, if possible. That’s the only conversation I’ve had with my kids: if you hear someone in the house go to the nearest exit and go directly to (a specific ) neighbor. Mine are upper elementary, middle, and high school age. I see now that I need to establish a safe room, but is it ok to leave?
Thanks!
Amy, from what I’ve read you shouldn’t really leave until the police arrive and can establish the intruder is gone!
How to keep a toddler quiet during an emergency…. Lollipops, chocolate, pudding, or any treat they don’t normally get, and have an endless supply in your safe room. This IS an emergency, and not time to worry about junk food.
Lisa, that’s a great point actually. Definitely something to add to the safe room!
My husband is in law enforcement, he’s taught me how to shoot a gun and we have one hidden in our home. I always think about if this ever happened to my family. I joke with my husband because if we had an intruder at night he wouldn’t know it (he’s a heavy sleeper) until I was done handling it!!! It’s sad you have to think and plan for these things- but it’s a different kinda world now and I believe it’s only going to get worse. It’s not smart to live in a bubble and be nieve and think,”that would never happen to me”. We live in the country, our closest neighbor is like a mile from us, I have a baby and a 3 yr old- I feel like it’s up to me to take care of the situation for I won’t have time to wait for the police to arrive. Thanks for sharing these tips…
Hi I’m a single mom of 5 girls ages 4,7,9,16,17 and we live in Canada! We do not have a security system and I also have ,y elderly parents living in a granny sweet in the back of the house can you share any insights that are different for us Canadians? My 16 yr olds bedroom is on the main floor just outside the adjoining granny flat and. All of the other bedrooms are in the basement ?
Meghan, unfortunately I don’t know any laws that pertain to Canada :(
Wasp spray is the best defense spray.
Very accurate up to 20 feet and the antedote is only found at the hospital.
Very interesting, Dustin, thanks for sharing!
Dustin – perhaps you didn’t get the memo. Wasp spray is for wasps. Most will have very little incapacitating effects on people. The toxins in wasp spray could make the person very ill — after a while. But you need to stop them NOW, not in a few hours. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Uy9MnQfk_0
Pepper sprays will work, but within an enclosed area that spray is likely to affect you too. Some of it will remain airborne and can be blown towards you by ventilation systems. Or it could waft into the children’s room(s). And if anyone in the home has respiratory problems they may need help evacuating from the sprayed area or home.
As far as the wasp spray is concerned, I’ve heard it is a good option but should not be your only one. I’ve heard to spray them in the face/eyes because it can cause disorientation, respiratory distress, and temporary blindness. I’ve not researched this personally, but it’s what I’ve been told.
If you use wasp spray as an option, be prepared to find yourself in hot water legally. It’s a federal violation to use wasp spray in any way other than it’s intended use. It even says that on the can. Wasp spray is not as effective as pepper spray, and could have negative ramifications. Please don’t use wasp spray!
Thank you for this article. Really! I was afraid someone was in our home a couple of nights back, and we had no plan of any kind. It was nothing, in the end, thank heaven, but it opened my eyes to how little prepared I am to protect my children and myself should that kind of situation arise. So many of the things I’ve read on this subject seem to be written with the intent of scaring the readers instead of empowering them. This made me feel empowered. Thank you so much!
I am so glad that is how it made you feel!
This is a great list! Each time I read these, I find a new tip that I had never thought of before. Your warning to stay put even if you think the intruder has left is so important! Thank you for sharing.
Stun gun by the nightstand, pepper spray in every room, guns in the gun safe and a very large dog :) with my husband being at the fire house half the week I have to be ready to protect our family. The stun gun and pepper sprays I have are much prettier than the ones shown with the same punch. I love them and also carry a stun gum / flashlight combo while out and about.
I feel compelled to disagree with several of your suggestions. First, I don’t know what your sources are, but, from what I read, whether it’s a home intruder or a public mass shooting incident, if you can escape or get out, go!
Secondly, I don’t agree that making eye contact is seen as submission, unless I’ve misread. In fact, it is seen as aggression. Not making eye contact is seen as weakness, submission. For myself I wouldn’t be able to NOT make eye contact. I firmly believe a good offensive is the best defense.
Also, wasp spray is much better than pepper spray or mace. That’s why there’s a can in every room of my house.
Hi Lucy, thanks for sharing! I have an active shooter post which agrees with that, to get out. I wrote this based on quite a few sources, I need to link them up!
I have an item that can be used as a weapon in every room. An intruder could be anywhere in the house by the time I hear them, so each room needs to be able to be at least a self defense position. My girls are now adults but still live here. One can and will use a firearm, the other would not as she does not feel comfortable using one. Both have a baseball bat close to their bed, and both have a secondary door to escape. I got lucky with that.
Since I have a large dog, he is intimidating enough, (German Shep/Great Dane mutt) and my pitmix rarely dislikes anyone-other than UPS-so she is just another deterrent. My chihuahua will bark at my stepson Every. Single. Time. he comes in. SO, no surprises since she will rouse me from a dead sleep with her explosion of noise. Granted, this is mostly a false alarm, but if the other two are barking, growling or restless in the middle of the night-my butt is up and armed before I am fully awake.Habit. Practice.
We used to play a game with a toy gun. My girls knew what real ones look like, all sorts. We practiced with the toy-I would hide it in a different place and when they found it (randomly, not set times) they were to run to me and announce they found it. They would get all excited when they found it and felt very grown up reporting it to me. They were never allowed to touch it. My dad kept loaded guns around his home, and I needed them to be prepared to find one and know what to do. My daughter found one once and ran so fast to me I laughed! She was so ernest in her reporting! She got fawned over, praised, blah blah blah to let her know how well she had done.
Thanks for sharing, Chris, you are right that being prepared is truly the only way to go!
Another great idea to protect yourself from someone coming at you in your home is to spray them with a fire extinguisher. This gives you an opportunity to get away from them without getting too close
Oh that’s a good one!
I love your article. I would like to point out that perhaps in place of mace, keep wasp spray on hand. It has a locking mechanism just like mace, but it shoots up to 20 feet as opposed to mace’s 5 feet. You don’t have to get close to the intruder.
This is an excellent comment, thanks so much for mentioning it!
It’s something we don’t want to think of – home is supposed to be a safe place, a sanctuary. But it’s important to know how to protect our families during those “just in case” situations. Thanks for sharing these tips! I honestly had never given much thought what I would do in such a scenario but I’m certainly thinking about it now!
Hey! Stop! You all forgot something!!! Be sure, VERY sure, that you know how the pepper spray/mace/wasp spray/fire extinguisher will leave the can. I’m not sure about the others, but many pepper sprays come out in a cloud-like formation instead of a stream like wasp spray does. And some that come out in streams quickly disperse into clouds. The reason you need to be aware of this is because if your safe room is small then that cloud of poison intended for the intruder can quickly become a safety hazard for you and your children.
That is not to say that you should not have those items available for self/family defense, I’m just saying that you may need to add further details to your plan about how the spray will be used (i.e. through a crack in the door, around corner, kids will go into the closet if mom needs to use spray, etc.,)
Just a thought!
GREAT ADDITION TO THE COMMENTS. I didn’t know this, so glad you shared :)
We had an alarm system installed. This was many years ago but short afterwards Steven left on a business trip and the kids and I were home alone . I woke up because my daughter who was about 8 at the came to my room and said that there was a man outside her window . Sure enough I sneak over to the window and looked out and was standing under the night watch man stare at her bedroom window . So I grabbed her and started turning on lights all through the house hoping that would scare him away . Then we heard foot steps on our back deck . And that when the alarm company called . He said notice they lost a sensor on one of the doors . I told him what was happening. He told us to lock ourselves in my bedroom and he was calling the police . We could hear him walk past the bedroom window and then he was trying to come through the side door off the kitchen . Luckily our two dogs Gilbert and Garrett broke out of their kennel . Because I guess the sight of two German Shepherd made him change his mind . I was gone by the time the county sheriff arrived. Needless to say the dogs stayed in the house with us after that . The alarm company sent out a service tech the next day . The guy had cut the wire that went to that door . He said that who ever it was knew what he was doing and to put a lock on our crawl space door
Oh wow, Kim, that is so scary and thank goodness you had those dogs and some good sense! So glad you guys were okay
Great suggestions! My house is split with the living room, dining room, and kitchen in the middle. My two boys bedrooms are on one side and the master is on the other side. I dont know what I would do if someone came in the middle of the house. How I would go about getting my kids out. One is 8 but the window in his room is too heavy for him to lift to escape and the other is 4 so he would not be able to do much. Any ideas?
Angie, this is a tough one and a common set up in a Florida House (as they’re called here in FL). Another commenter above you mentioned a certain type of door in this scenario you can get, or a door reinforcer? Check the comment above… but I’m not really sure other than to try to get to your small one. My husband was very bothered by this when we slept on a different floor than them too!
Overall a relatively good article. But the best way to keep intruders away is to make your home an uninviting target. It doesn’t need to be complex or expensive. But you should “layer” your defenses to discourage intruders or burglars.
Keep shrubs around your windows trimmed down so they do not offer concealment to people trying to use a window to get inside. The addition of motion-detector floodlights under the eaves can deter intruders close to the house and alert you if you see they are turned on. The same lights over the garage/driveway can deter that approach. Putting crunchy crushed rock beneath windows is decorative but can alert you to someone prowling outside too.
If you have a garage door opener, thieves may be able to gain access through the garage door in just a few seconds. The fix is easy. For a more info, see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnadsRjWb-0
For every exterior door you have, check the screws on your hinges, and the door’s latch plate(s) for the lock or deadbolt. These screws should be longer than 2″ with 3″-3½” screws preferred. This will make it harder to kick in the door. The weakest part of the door is where the lock’s bolt comes out next to the lock. Get one of the kits to reinforce the area around the locks. It prevents the wood from splitting. Other kits will reinforce the door jamb too. Don’t forget to update the side or rear garage “people” door too.
If you have sliding glass doors they can be a vulnerability. Often they’re pried open. Sometimes just smashed with a hammer. Ask a glass door company about shatter-resistant films that can be applied to your door. Back doors/kitchen doors often have windows that can be broken and they can reach in to unlock the door. Ask your window/glass dealer about options such as shatter resistant polycarbonate windows.
If your home’s circuit breaker panel is outside, usually under the electric meter, secure it with a small padlock. Some thieves will cut the home’s power and hide to see if anyone comes out or looks out the windows.
Gathering in one room is good, but replace that hollow-core bedroom door with a solid wooden one for extra security. If your kids are old enough and/or family members are scattered around the home instead of being clustered together, consider a simple folding door lock on each bedroom door. These will slow down an intruder and make him break down the door while the child escapes via the window. Folding door lock: http://www.homedepot.com/p/First-Watch-Security-Satin-Nickel-Flip-Door-Lock-1840-SN/202799699
Whether you choose to fight or you are forced to fight, fight to win. An intruder in your home isn’t there to be nice to you. Remember you are fighting for the lives of your children. Don’t play nice. Don’t fight fair. Throw talcum powder in his eyes, use your son’s baseball bat or a hammer. Don’t think one hit will do the job and don’t stop if you knock him down. Keep striking until he flees or can’t hurt you. Turn your fear to the anger they want to hurt your children and use that anger. Unleash your tiger on them.
These tips are SO SO SO HELPFUL. Thanks so much for sharing them here!
My only plan in case of any emergency is to grab my son calmly & quietly and sneak out the fastest we can. I think it will work great in any circumstance, fire, earthquake, intruder, shooter, looters etc. My number one priority is to get my son and myself out of danger and then I can deal with anything. I’ve practised this with my parents for many years. The most important thing to do when in danger is to remove yourself from the situation in a calm manner.
Yep. Exactly!
You have some great ideas for safety! When our youngest daughter was five, we had a man who came to her window and talked to her. She told me the next morning that he was a ” nice man “… He spent the next several months trying to get into our house. We were renting and my husband ended up screwing every window shut. We ended up moving. It was honestly something I never thought about before because we lived in a town house before and her bedroom had been upstairs. People who do these kinds of things single people out before they get braver and more perverted.
It’s good to have talks about scenario’s and safety with our kids. I actually taught…step by step…how they could escape if he ever got in. It was a very scary time. That daughter is now 23 and she doesn’t remember the horror of it all but my older kids do. Great tips again. I would also like to add that when your kids are trying to tell you something odd about something they saw or heard, don’t ignore them or think it’s not that big of a deal. We had some minor incidents with noises that the kids heard and I didn’t take it seriously at first.
That is SO freaky. Oh my goodness. And the police did nothing? That’s basically like stalking!
Great post but I would like to interject one persons experience . I was a home working in the yard, when a car drove down the driveway. This may seem like a normal thing but we have two gates that are closed with no trespassing signs on them and contact numbers if some one wishes to get a hold of us. So right away I was on guard, and made my way closer to the door. A man with gun got out of the car and started acting crazy, asking strange questions, I moved closer to the house and mention to him he is trespassing. He pulled his gun and started screaming “I am in charge” over and over. I managed to make it to the house, lock the door, and call 911. I waited in the safe room for hours. When I finally came out, there was no one around. No knock from the police, no call back,,nothing. Police only care about shooting someone, not about protecting. In my opinion, police are just criminals with badges
That’s horrible no one came and so scary. Good on you for being aware of your surroundings!
Not sure how old this article is, but some of the comments ask how to round up kids. My take is that any adult who can escape should in order to get help, which is the most important thing. Riskier to all stay together.
Your article confirmed good points, the only area that will be greatly disagreed with is in regards to choosing a gun for protection. It’s a well confirmed fact, by trained officers, that when the heat is on and the adrenaline is flowing judgement and accuracy is challenged, even for them. When you are in a desperate situation with an intruder you will be hoping everything goes according to your plan, and that you will be able to think of and perform all tasks without a hitch. Time will be everything to you because your intruder may get to you quicker than you planned. The last thing you need to be doing is spending precious time retrieving your gun then retrieving your bullets and then frantically trying to load it while the bad guy is trying to bust your safe room door. The intruder needs to be shot at before he he can take the gun from you. If you plan to have a gun and never touch it until the occasion requires then your a fool and just as dangerous as your child with it. You need to plan and practice practice practice or your gun may turn against you. But when you reach for your gun in a time of need it needs to be ready to fire right now. You won’t find police loading their guns when it is time to fight.