What's in this post...
Inside you’ll find an awesome trick to help your toddler afraid of the dark.
Pitch black.
Until my kids were around 18 months old they all went to sleep in pitch black and didn’t make a peep. So naturally, I thought I had this motherhood gig figured out.
Pfft to those people whose kids were scared of the dark. They clearly were doing something wrong and I was doing something right.
Night after night I laid the kids down in pitch darkness after our wind down routines, and off they went… to dreamland.
It didn’t occur to me that fear of darkness was actually developmental. That no matter what I’d done in those first two years… that the little ones would eventually go through a phase where they were afraid of the dark.
So when my son started saying he was afraid of the dark… I initially just thought he was stalling bedtime.
You know… when they want water and a kiss and a cuddle and 12 hours of Deep and Meaningful conversation right as you are about to kiss them good night and go.
But when, night after night, he kept saying he was afraid of the dark… I realized he wasn’t stalling. He was actually afraid. So I bought him a nightlight and put it in a prominent plug in the room.
Voila!
Problem solved, I thought.
Read: The Common 2 Year Old Sleep Regression: How To Overcome
The Night Light Did NOT Help My Toddler Afraid of the Dark
I would say over and over again, “What do you mean it’s dark? There’s a night light!” This didn’t seem to matter. It made no difference. He still went on and on being afraid.
The truth is, I didn’t want to sit there and use fake spray at the monsters for 3 hours, but nor did I want to leave him to deal with fear alone.
And then it hit me… the reason the fear set in.
It wasn’t that the night light didn’t make any light. And it wasn’t that the room was too dark… it was the transition from light to dark that made mt toddler afraid of the dark. him start feeling fear.
Read: The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule
The Reason Night Lights Alone Don’t Work
At some point during the bedtime routine, after getting on jammies and reading books, we had to turn the light off. And, when we turned the light off, the transition from light to dark seemed so drastic.
It turns out, according to science, that the eyes actually go blind for a few seconds immediately after the lights go out. This is called dark adaptation.
Dark adaptation is how the eye recovers its sensitivity following exposure to bright light (source).
Read: 5 Truths About Parenting Toddlers — That We Tend To Forget
Pull out these fun questions to share some laughs with your precious ones. Use them out at meal times, car rides, or any time the day is getting chaotic and you need a reset to connect.
Fear sets in before the light can work…
In those few seconds while the eyes are adjusting, the fear sets in. Once the fear has set in, that night light doesn’t really do much to ease the fear.
If night lights aren’t working for you, don’t ditch them just yet. If may be that there’s another element that needs to be addressed in conjunction with adding the night light.
Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!
Here are some top rated night lights that you can use to help you toddler afraid of the dark:
The Trick to Help Toddlers Afraid of the Dark
One night like the many other nights I was trying to convince said 3 year old his room would not be dark because he had a night light… an idea came to me.
In a flash, I told him that I had a 10 second trick to help the room not feel as dark. He was already lying on his bed so I told him to close his eyes.
As soon as he closed them I flicked off the light then walked to him.
I put my hands over his eyes and said, “Okay, let’s count to ten!”
One Mississippi… two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi, seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi!
Read: The Top 10 Indicators It’s Time to Sleep Train
“Open your eyes,” I said excitedly. “Look!“
He did.
“Wow,” he said, “It’s not so dark!”
Without knowing it at the time, I’d helped him go through the dark adaptation. In contrast to the pitch black of shut eyes, the night light seemed quite bright in a dark room.
He went to bed afterwards without being afraid!
Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule
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Learn MoreHow To Make It Happen
The key is helping your child’s eyes go through the dark adaptation without their fear setting in. Once fear sets in, it’s hard to remove.
You know that feeling, right? Worrying about something as soon as your head hits the pillow and you can’t get it out of your mind?
Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime – Calm Solutions For Peaceful Sleep
Follow these steps for dark adaptation…
- Step 1: Ask your child to close their eyes. By dong this, they’re making a choice. They feel in control!
- Step 2: Stay with them and count to ten. This ishelping their eyes get accustomed to darkness, still their own choice.
- Step 3: After you’ve given their eyes time to adjust to the pitch black, you remove your hands and let them open their eyes.
- Step 4: They will realize that at this point, a darkened room with a night light seems cozy, not scary.
These steps are a combination of teaching self-reliance and a tool (the night light).
Get my cheat sheets (newborn up to elementary aged kids) and find your family’s groove. Use them for nap times, meal times, bedtimes, chore times, play times AND more!
When we did this, I helped my toddler understand why it seemed so dark. I made it a nightly tradition. And I didn’t make him feel bad for being scared.
Even now, months later, I use it on any child that feels nervous at bedtime and it works every time.
Like a charm.
Or a trick.
A trick of the eye.
::
Amazing, thank you@
Hi Rachel, that’s a very good trick, thanks! But perhaps just having a dim light during the routine would help as well? Then the transition isn’t so bad either..
Lisiane, I definitely do that as well! Even one lamp instead of the whole room lit. Much easier on them
Awesome post. Thank you for sharing your trick. I currently have a seven year old who is afraid of the dark, monsters, ghosts, etc. I may try it on her, or my four old; both! Thank you!
Yes! I truly think it’s that immediate blind few moments that FREAK them out!
Rachel this is great! My son hasn’t yet started to fear the dark, but he has started saying “It’s really dark in here” or things like that so he is very aware and this little trick will definitely come in handy if/when the fear kicks in! Thanks for another great article.
Yes, I hope it works for you like it does for us!
“I am quite a nurturing person, but I am not great with being compassionate when something seems silly.”
I laughed out loud when I read that. This is SO me!!
;)
Genius! Absolutely genius!
Any tips on irrational fear of tornados? Haha! :-)
It’s never to late to learn something new to me! Thank you! >
It works with grownups, too. When I’m going to my room in the evening, the light switches in the nearest room are at the other end of the room. So when I turn them off, I stop and close my eyes for 10 seconds, and when I open them I can see my way to my room easily and safely. The important thing is to have your eyes totally closed or totally covered so that they will dark-adapt, I do this anytime I am going into an area darker than where I have been.
Love this, Lin :)
Great article,Thank you !!
Oh boy, I’m so glad to stumble upon this trick and can’t wait to try this tonight. My child was suddenly complaining about being afraid of the dark, I’ve been creative with the nightlights but to no avail. Thank you for sharing this!
Oh report back!
Perhaps can you share what kind of night light you use?
I use quite a few but currently on the cheapest ones Wal-Mart has ;)
Hi Rachel, I found this article fascinating. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m hoping you can point me in the direction of any research that may have been done into this. I super curious to know more information. Xx
Great Post! As always! Thank you for the idea – will try this with my 2 year old.
This really helped me tonight Rachel! Thank you so much for your post. My poor son went into full panic mode about being in the dark. Nothing I was doing or saying to soothe his fears was helping. I was able to come up with a good night saying I will recite every night to help ease his mind, while covering those little eyes to help get adjusted to the night light.
Life Saver!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did I not think of this. I am a nerd/mom. I saw this done in Mythbusters. This is fool proof logic. Thank you
What do you do when it goes beyond being afraid of the dark? For example, its not the dark that scare the 5 year old but the separation from mom and dad? This separation isn’t new to him. He’s always had to sleep in his own room but for some reason, the separation has started bothering him. And on top of that, all the sudden the almost 3 year keeps getting out of bed constantly. Help!
Were there any big life changes recently?
Can a fear of the dark start as you ge as 18months?
Yes, it definitely can. That’s when separation anxiety can set in too. https://amotherfarfromhome.com/separation-anxiety-bedtime/