Kids are loud. They are awesome and fun and wild and crazy and flipping loud. We love hearing loud squeals of joy and delight from our kids, but our nervous systems can only take so much noise. And if you’re nervous system is sensitive to loud noises, then you’ve got to have some tools in your toolbelt to help get the kids quiet. Here are some ways you can get that noise down when it becomes too much for you.
My husband laughed when I told him.
“I’m a highly sensitive person.”
It’s rare for him to give me a look like that.
You see, I’m a Type A wife and mom, and we are generally not sensitive. We are, in fact, quite the opposite. But that wasn’t my point. I’m not talking about being sensitive towards other people…
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But sensitive to my environment.
I have great patience for many things, but screaming/squealing/yelling is not one of them.
In fact, it is like a trigger for me. In fact, it’s a super common parenting trigger.
When I hear screaming my heart starts beating very fast and I start feeling angry. I know. It’s weird. Luckily, this has toned down a bit since having children… 5 kids in 5 years means there is a lot of noise in our home.
But still… the noise gets to me. Especially if it’s loud whining, screaming, or unhappy squealing. So, in an effort to be a calm mom, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
Read: 15 Ways To Keep Kids Busy When You Need To Get Things Done
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Daily Strategies, Tips & Consequences When The Kids Get Too Loud
“Relax time”
When things are getting out of control, everyone is yelling, the baby is making paths with toilet paper, and I am Past the Point, one of my first “go to” tricks is to have Relax Time with the kids.
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I talk about it at length here, but the gist is this: have your kids take a seat, get some books, and read them quietly. This even works with my 2-year-old son.
Read: A Calm Down Trick That Works Wonders With Toddlers
Independent play time
We are firm believers that kids need to learn to play on their own.
For various reasons. Children learn to use their imaginations, develop problem-solving and decision-making skills, and are essentially train themselves not to get bored so easily.
When your kids are all fussy fighting, and whining a good tool is to give them independent play right then and there. Or, schedule a daily Quiet Play Time into their routine.
They can go to their own rooms or, if they share a room (a must read for small ones room sharing), one can go outside or even to your room with some toys.
This will bring everyone nearly an hour of peace and the kids love it since no one is taking their toys!
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Learn MorePractice “give me a minute”
Kids are not really born knowing you’re about to lose the grip on your emotions. They see you fly off the handle, sure enough, but they don’t really know why until we train and explain.
I have worked hard to teach my kids what I mean when I say “give me a minute.” I need a bit of silence, some time alone (even if it’s in the bathroom with my Bai), and for the to refrain from whining, fussing, or fighting.
Once they’ve understood, they really do get it.
Read: Modern Life Is Too Busy – How To Slow Your Family’s Pace
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Send the kids outside
I am a huge proponent of outside play.
It’s open, free, and the fresh air does everyone good. During rainy weeks, the winter, and seasons where we just get outside less, I find some good lengthy time outdoors helps to calm everyone down.
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Learn MoreWe have a fenced in area just for the kids to play in, and I’ll often send them outside to play while I watch from a window inside. They get to be loud, I don’t have to hear it. Win win.
Read: Tips To Get (And Keep) The Kids Outside
Have a crazy “get it out” fest
When things are tense and you’re all about to lose it, why not have a concentrated time of yelling and screaming just to get it out?
You can use the timer and say “for 3 minutes we’re going to make as much noise as possible then we will….”Â
Let them bang pots, yell, scream, jump up and down, and make a big racket. Then tell them that’s enough and you mean it.
Use the timer
The timer can be a mom’s best friend. Since we children respond well to boundaries and actually become more insecure the more open ended things are, a timer works wonders.
You can say “Okay, for another 10 minutes you can play freely and then we are going to do xyz.”Â
You can tell everyone to sit still for 5 minutes until the timer goes off to collect themselves. You can send everyone to their rooms to cool off for a set time. The possibilities are endless.
But a timer is a great way to transition from one activity (or lack of activity) to another one.
Read: Timer – A Mom’s Best Friend
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Put on praise music
This surprised me when it was suggested by another. Surely music won’t just calm everyone down, I thought. And no, any random music might not, but praise music works wonders here.
When mealtimes become too loud or I start to get angry because of disruptions or endless whining, I will turn on praise music.
And I’ll put it up loud. This serves two functions: it initially drowns out their noise and it gives them (and me) something to focus on.
FAQs
Routines help to create rhythms throughout the day so that our days have shape and structure. Structure and routines help to break up noisy activities, so they aren’t occurring all. day. long. Routines also create predictability and expectations for each part of the day.
Independent play, reading books, rest time, activities like LEGO or coloring, time spent outside. The sky is the limit here. Have fun creating activities that your kids enjoy and are invested in so that screen time doesn’t become the only quiet time in your home.
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I’m so relieved to hear, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Your articles are truly a breath of fresh air.
Oh Tonya, what an encouragement. You are not the only one, girl!
These tips are absolutely perfect! I have 7 children & one of my biggest “must haves” during the day when the kids were small, was “Quiet time.” If the kids were too old to take a nap, they had to read. So all the energy had to go somewhere before that time… I had them play outside or we had a dance party where everyone shimmied & shook to music. It was fun, it was exhausting, and it worked! everyday I got my quiet time & they had energy to get them through the rest of the day without being grumpy.
Holli, this is an awesome comment! I am so telling you that the noise is a joyful thing until… until it isn’t. Ha!
YES! I’m a highly sensitive mom who is not a merciful person – ha! I used to think sensitivity and mercy were the same thing. Just discovering that my 4 yo boy is highly sensitive and it describes me well too.
And I’ve never commented, but I appreciate your blog so much. Some nights when I’m super overwhelmed from a hard mothering stretch I just come and peruse through your articles to remind myself that what I’m feeling is normal and to get ideas to make things smoother.
Thanks.
Elizabeth, that is so incredibly encouraging! And I am very much like you in that respect, super sensitive to environmental noises and stimulants and it gets ugly if it’s not under at least a little control ;)
Wow. I feel like I found my long long sister. I am a highly adventurous but also highly sensitive person with 5 kids as well. Now they are 8,7,6,5 and 4 but rewind four years and I had 5 kids under the age of 4 for a couple months. Yes life gets flipping loud sometimes – and often I love it but then I hit a wall and I just need the quiet. I use pretty much all of the methods you listed as well. I’m looking forward to reading your other posts.
Oh, you’re a strong mama – 8 7 6 5 4. LOVE that!
*dries away a little tear* .. I thought I was being a bad mom wanting some quiet for myself. Thank you…
Nope. You are being a human mom. Ha
HI Rachel. Wonderful tips! I too am highly sensitive and didn’t realize when my older three were young. In those days I would cope with the noise until I ended up snapping at them and reacting in a grumpy way. Now I have three girls in their early teens – and a three year old. Some days the noise seems to go from 6 in the morning till 10 at night! Your tips are great reminders to me to be proactive and parent a little more intentionally instead of just reacting when the noise gets too much. Thanks for your fantastic blog.
Bridget, I completely relate to what you’ve said and thanks for the encouragement :)
Hi my name is Rachel I have a problem maybe you can help with. Everyone in my home work night shift and sleep during the day. I baby sit plus mine and then three more after school how can I keep them quite during the day so everyone can sleep.
Oh that’s so tough! I’d probably send them outside. Ha!
I really really really REALLY hate the winter. I want to kick my kids out for a while soooo badly. Course, on account of them almost maiming or killing themselves a couple times, I do feel kind of nervous if I am inside or round the front and can’t keep an eye on them. >sigh< I need a fort nox style fence around a huge grassy area with a few cool looking trees (maybe with 6 inch thick moss at the bottom as a catch net) for them to play in.