• Home
  • About
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Character Training
    • Helpful Phrases for Kids
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Biblical Living
    • For the Kids
    • For the Parents
    • Finding the Time
    • Prayer
  • Home
    • Cleaning
    • Cooking / Eating
    • Essential Oils
    • Health + Wellness
    • Recommendations
    • Toss Downsize Organize
  • Motherhood
    • Books to Read
    • Encouragement
    • Far from Family and Home
    • How I Do It
    • Natural Childbirth
    • Pregnancy
    • Type A Wife and Mom
    • What I Learned
  • Routine
    • Kids Close in Age
    • Sample Schedules
    • Why a Routine?
  • Sleeping
Home » Practical Parenting Tips » The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

Aug
29

The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

164shares

My Rhythms, Routines, & Schedules book and printable routine cards are on sale for 50% off today. Grab yours now!

We all want our kids to feel secure and be happy, but do we want to spoil them? Well, there is a difference between spoiling them and spoiling them rotten. Why Modern Moms are Raising Victims (And How to Stop)


Grandparents ain’t the only ones who want to give their little loved ones every good thing.

I constantly find myself wanting to do/buy over the top things for my children.

I don’t want to do it because I think material things make for a better childhood, as cheesy as it sounds, I want to do it because my heart swells with some overwhelming emotion where I want to make them the happiest children in the world.

And, that’s okay.

There’s a difference between spoiled and spoiled rotten.

Good read for mothers of toddlers, preschoolers, and young children. Can you spoil a child without making them rotten? Well... let's find out.

But because I also know disciplined children are by far happier than undisciplined ones, I try to temper my spoiling with character building. If their attitude moves towards stink on the rotten scale, I examine my recent efforts at discipline and make a change.

How do you know your kids are over-ripe-headed towards-rotten? Ask yourself these questions.

  • Do they expect something special every time you go to the store?
  • Do they say thank you when you do something special for them or complain it wasn’t what they wanted?
  • Do they pout/give you the silent treatment/chuck a tantrum if you say no?
  • Are they willing to share their toys with their siblings and friends?

You get where I’m going with this. It is actually a disservice to your children to spoil them in a way that leaves them feeling entitled. Better they know the world doesn’t revolve around them now than find it out the hard way with a future spouse or boss.

kids swing

There are some things you can do to help your kids receive all your special treatment without developing a VIP attitude. And, it must be said, all children will struggle with gratitude. Just like adults.

It’s consistency we’re aiming for, not perfection. 

The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

Let’s not leave the spoiling only to the grandparents, but let’s do it wisely without raising foolish children.

1. Make spoils special

Aside from birthdays and Christmas don’t make a habit of giving gifts every time you go to the store or out in public. If a gift becomes expected or they have a “where’s my present?” attitude then dial down the giving.

When they act appreciative that’s a sign they are not spoiled rotten.

2. You can tell your kids no

You will seriously regret giving your child everything they believe they want when they want it.

Do they get to decide what they eat at every meal?

Do they determine when meal time, nap times or play times start and finish?

Are your instructions carried out?

When you ask them to do something do they comply or do they ignore you or procrastinate?

Currently, I’d class my kids as being spoiled rotten. Yes, I would. This past pregnancy was tough on me and things slid where I normally wouldn’t let them go.

I’m currently working hard to tell them no without being a mean mom.

Related Reads:

  • Consequences For Kids That Don’t Follow The Rules
  • How To Enforce Family Rules

kid washing dishes

3. Guide their actions and habits

Whereas an adult acts based on what they believe, a child simply acts. After they have acted for a while they will then develop their beliefs around your positive or negative reinforcements.

Discipline helps children understand what is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, and just plain not okay.

But remember, childishness is not bad behavior.

They will rise or lower themselves to your expectations and so you should be looking out for their actions and how you may build their character through this. In short, character building is the name of the game.

Give them all the love, attention and time you have, but know when enough is enough.

Related Reads:

  • What Unconditional Love Is And What It Isn’t
  • How To Hold Your Boundaries

4. Spoil with love not things

You can’t ever give your children enough love, acceptance, and time.

A heartfelt conversation at bedtime will go further than a new toy. A trip to do something special together will make memories that last longer than the toy they’ll throw under their bed.

If you know one of your children is feeling left out or lonely, think of a way you can give them of yourself (being a present parent is a good way to start) not just give them something.

Related Reads:

  • Spare the Rod, Hug the Child?
  • The Dangers Of Present But Absent Parenting

calm and steady child feature

5. Notice how they treat things

If your children take care of their things and seem to value them, you know they aren’t taking your gifts for granted. If they get something and immediately throw it to the side, perhaps a gift fast is in order. While it’s normal for children to lose interest in things fairly quickly, we don’t want to encourage an attitude of privilege or entitlement.

Read: How to Raise Grateful Kids in an Entitled World

Basically… let’s give the kids ourselves. 

Our time. 

Our attention. 

They’ll remember that more than any toy. 

::

Want to learn your parenting style?

Each of us have our own personality, temperament, and giftings. And, the truth is, we parent best when we work with these instead of against them. Take this assessment so you can work to your strengths, and be the mom you want to be for yourself and your children.

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

Filed Under: Practical Parenting Tips5

« How to Cope When Your Child Talks Nonstop
The Lion That Wants to Devour Your Family »

Recommended For You From Our Shop

Family Culture Planning Pack

Strong Families Don't Happen By Accident

Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures.

They don't let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.

Families don't need to do more and more things, they just need to focus their attention on a few key areas that make for strong families, then repeat those over and over.

Click to Learn More

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Naomi says

    What an awesome post, really! “Discipline helps children understand what is right and wrong…” Couldn’t have said it better myself! Children need guidance, and that what parents are for. If we don’t teach them, the world will teach them differently. It’s more than ok to say no, at times, it’s actually required. I have two boys under 4 and They are in the spoiled rotten category right now too ? I’ve got work to do! Thanks for such an honest and inspirational post. :)

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Naomi, ha, all of parenting is a big learning curve isn’t it :)

      Reply
  2. Lynn says

    Great article, Rachel. I have guilt, but then I think, man, am I saying no too much?! Just being aware helps. I did however, do something I don’t normally do because I felt he needed it. I pulled him out of school early, so we could go jump at the trampoline park together and I didn’t feel guilty! We both needed it and I knew we were making memories (and my body needed that workout!) No joke, I almost cried when we were about to leave and that Kenny Chesney song, “There Goes My Life” came on! :)

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Ha, great fun idea in my opinion ;)

      Reply
  3. Ritydea says

    I guess I’m not spoiled rotten then… just plain spoiled. I do have a lot of clothing, but I appreciate them.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, cancer survivor, and mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. I love Birth Order, am passionate about parenting and motherhood, and family culture Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2019 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy

164shares