• Home
  • About
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A Wife and Mom
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleeping
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Practical Tips for the Home » Meal Time & Eating » Quick Guide: Teaching Table Manners to Toddlers & Preschoolers

Quick Guide: Teaching Table Manners to Toddlers & Preschoolers

Updated January 15, 2021

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want to raise little ones with good manners? Here are some tips on teaching table manners to your toddlers and preschoolers.


Teaching table manners is parenting 101.

It’s long and it’s hard and the road there is paved with a lot of dinner time insanity.

We had to, in fact, make a seating arrangement at our table just to have some peace and quiet. And, nearly every evening with our 5 little kids, we do guided discussions just to keep people focused.

And to prevent 5 kids from all talking at once.

It ain’t easy teaching table manners, mama!

little kids at table with parents teaching table manners

But how should we go about teaching table manners?

Let’s break it down.

Start Young

There’s no reason our children should reach adulthood without learning table manners. In fact, the earlier we teach them, the easier it will be. Once certain habits become ingrained, it’s difficult to rid ourselves of them.

So, go ahead and start teaching your babies and toddlers. Once a child is able to sit in a highchair and feed himself, table manners training should begin.

Read: Baby & Toddler Snacks – Times, Rules & Foods

Set Clear Expectations

As with anything in parenting, we cannot expect certain behaviors of our children if we don’t first teach them what we expect. When teaching table manners, tell your child clearly what you expect.

Does this mean chewing with his mouth closed? Having a napkin on his lap? Using silverware properly?

Speaking of silverware, this can be a sticky issue.

We always want to be consistent, but silverware usage is very inconsistent in our society. Why is it okay to eat a sandwich with our fingers but not spaghetti? For that matter, why is it okay to eat raw carrots with our fingers but not cooked ones?

Be sure to explain to your child when you expect him to use silverware and when it’s okay to use his fingers.

As always, model this behavior for them.

toddler eating at table with good manners

Have Family Dinners

Speaking of modeling behavior, make it a point to have family dinners as often as you can. The benefits of family dinners reach far and wide.

In addition to modeling table manners, family dinners help us make sure we’re feeding kids healthy food. When we feed our kids early, it can be tempting to throw something together quickly rather than making a full meal.

It’s true that dinners with toddlers aren’t always the most pleasant experience. And yes, they need to go to bed early. And yes, sometimes our husbands get home from work late.

As with any parenting situation, think outside the box and make family mealtimes work for you.

Read: Got A Picky Eater? These 6 Tips Will Help

Family is teaching table manners to boy at the dinner table.

Keep Mealtimes in the Funnel

It’s important to not expect too much of our kids when it comes to table manners, but at the same time, we need to give them more responsibility at the table when they show that they’re ready.

Here are some factors to consider when keeping the child in the funnel while you’re teaching table manners at the dinner table:

1. Give Them Real Dishes

Plastic plates, sippy cups, and airplane forks should be done by the time the child is 2 or 3. If you’re worried about him breaking dishes, teach him proper usage and practice with the plastic plates.

If your child consistently throws plastic plates on the floor, he’s not ready for real plates. So, make it a point to deal with this behavior before you move on to real dishes.

Psst… if you’d like to give them a specific placemat that helps them learn silverware placement, etc. these are fun.

2. Give Them a Napkin

Yes, bibs and sponges make cleanup easy for us, but we need to teach our kids how to wipe their hands and faces.

Confession: my 6-year-old has developed a horrible habit of wiping his face with his shirt. I don’t know how this one slipped my notice, but we’re working on it with gusto!

3. Expect Neat Eating

There are some kids who cannot eat a meal without getting the food all over their faces. I, personally, have spilled ketchup on myself so many times it’s a joke with all my closest friends.

If you end every meal giving the child a full wipe-down, start teaching him how to eat neatly.

Here are some tips:

  • Teach letting the food drop off the spoon before putting it into their mouth.
  • Help them while their mouth with napkin after every bite if food ends up on their face.
  • Discourage them from licking the food off their cheeks.
  • Give them napkins regularly and encourage their use.

4. Eat at the Table

This should be a no-brainer, but some parents allow their kids to eat all over the house.

This usually applies to snacking, but in our house, ALL food is eaten at the table.

Setting boundaries as to when and where food should be eaten goes a long way.

5. Make a rule about picky eating

Because I have 5 kids, I don’t require everyone to take a bite of something at each meal.

I’d need a nightly spreadsheet to keep track of it all.

Instead, we made an easy to remember rule of thumb, or rather two ones we use interchangeably the kids know well.

  1. “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.”
  2. “You have two options: take it or leave it.”

If they don’t want to eat what I’ve cooked that’s fine. Because I know kids who are truly hungry will eat.

6. Discipline Behaviors You Don’t Like

As with any habits we teach our kids, we can start disciplining if we’ve done everything in our power to curb bad manners.

If we’ve set expectations, kept the child in the funnel, and modeled good manners, there still will be times when our kids make bad choices. So take the time to discipline them for it.

Maureen’s example…..

When my youngest was still in the highchair and drinking milk from a bottle, he had this horrible habit of launching his bottle across the kitchen when he was done.

He did it night after night, no matter how much I told him not to.

I set up a pack-n-play around the corner from where we sat and I would swiftly take him out of his highchair and plop him in there every time he threw his bottle.

We would do this routine, which included getting eye contact while offering and acknowledging the unmannerly behavior. When we were done, I set him down and had him pick up his bottle off the floor.

Start teaching table manners today

Teaching table manners is important.

Start today.

If you’re unsure how to start or what to expect, sit down with a pen and paper and jot down what you think are the most important rules for table manners.

Eating with mouth closed? Swallow before you speak? Proper silverware usage? Whatever it is, decide what good table manners means to you and start teaching!

FAQs

What age should you teach table manners?

Ideally, as soon as your child starts eating at the table! It’s never too early to start teaching children what utensils to use, how to wipe their faces, and which foods they can eat with their hands or not. You can get more specific and refined as your children get older, but it’s never too early to start.

How do I teach my toddler table manners?

You model behavior, explain it clearly to your child, and guide them at the table as they eat. Have clear rules and expectations, then follow through with those at the table. Children also appreciate knowing exactly what you expect.

What are some bad table manners?

Little kids often have “bad table manners” without really knowing it. Babies may stand up in their seats, throw things, or smear food. Toddlers or preschoolers may eat with their hands instead of a spoon, get up and down from the table, talk over others, or wipe their hands on their clothes. Older kids may blow their nose at the table, speak with a full mouth, talk or reach over others, etc.

Are table manners important?

They are important in that they guide normal behavior at the dinner table. And eating dinner together as a family IS important for many reasons. It builds connection, relationships, and gives each person a chance to be heard and understood. It is family strengthening so, if table manners help this, then yes they are important!

::

 

You are NOT lazy, disorganized, or unmotivated. The fact is, if your home feels chaotic,it’s your systems. With easy efficient systems, habits, and routines you can start to have the home (and home atmosphere) you crave without working yourself into a frenzy.

Take this quiz to see how well your home systems work then get free and easy hacks to help make your home more tidy, peaceful, and organized.

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

Filed Under: Meal Time & Eating, Practical Tips for the Home4

« The Best Walking Shoes for Babies & Toddlers: A Quick Guide
5 Surefire Ways to Survive the “Tough Phases” With Little Kids »

Recommended For You From Our Shop

The Organized Mom Book Of (Editable) Checklists

A Big Fat Book Of Checklists To Decrease Stress & Streamline Your Routines

All over the world checklists save lives. ER doctors, airline pilots, and a whole slew of other professions use checklists to make sure they don't forget the important stuff.  In the spirit of streamlining life and cutting down on stress, I've created a book of checklists (with your own copy to edit as you'd like) for all types of home life.

Click to Learn More

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Kelli K Fogelberg says

    I love this! We are starting to establish more dinnertime rules with our 1, 3, and 4-year old kiddos. One thing we are trying to work on is having them stay at the table until “mealtime” is over, not just jump up and go play after they take two bites and are “done.” I’d love to hear more ideas about guided discussions, especially for little kids!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Oh man, mine love to jump up too!

      Reply
  2. Susan Moreland says

    I feed the kids, then escape to the living room for a quiet dinner in front of the TV. My husband comes home later and does the same. Yes we should eat together and when we do it’s a treat. But many days I need a break. Mother of 13y/o 8y/o and twin 5y/o.

    Stay strong, keep smiling and take a break!

    PS your words of “treating yourself and taking care of yourself are not the same” Thank you. I didn’t need a spa day, I needed a bike ride.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Susan, keep doing what you have to do to take care of yourself :)

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x
close

Download, print, and have calmer, more peaceful meals!

envelope
x