You may be asking yourself: what do I really need to teach my kids before school? What do kids really need to know before kindergarten? Well, it all starts with a good foundation for learning. Here’s how:
I don’t know about you, but I often feel guilty that I’m not teaching my children enough.
Only having 7 flashcard decks seems pitiful somehow. I’ve never bought an expensive educational DVD to teach my kids Mandarin or multiplication.
I don’t do a daily “lesson” with my 2-year old.
Of course, I read to my kids a lot. I let them watch kid shows, ask lost of questions to provoke critical thinking, etc. But, it has just somehow never seemed enough.
I feel a pressure to have them reading at a third grade level before Kindergarten. This day in age, I don’t think I’m alone.
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Learn MoreWhat's in this post...
The pressure is on…
Do you ever feel pressured to be a mother, referee, MENSA tester and 5th grade teacher all at once to your 3-year old?
Are you distressed that your child doesn’t know that the animalia vertebrata reptilia testudines cheloniidae lepidochelys olivacea is – in fact – a ninja turtle, like your neighbor’s kid?
If you are taking the time to read this kind of blog, then you can probably relate.
In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.
I read this article recently saying research shows that bright children shouldn’t go to school until they’re 6 because forcing it earlier can have counterproductive effects.
I don’t know about that, but I do agree on principle that the earlier you force information into your children’s head does not equal the smarter they become. I’ve touched on that a little in my post called Are Smart Children Naughtier?
I think that providing a foundation and framework for learning are way, way better.
I will repeat in case you looked away to sip your Diet Coke – way more important than giving your young children information in the early years.
The Barn Illustration
Barn #1
We will call this unorganized barn…
It is being constructed. During the process supplies, tools, and scrap lumber are put haphazardly inside along various walls and on the floor. Sometimes things are hung on pegboards, other times they’re thrown in the corner.
As the barn is constantly undergoing construction the stray debris keeps piling up until there isn’t a clear pathway through it all. You aren’t really sure where to find the things you know you’ve left there.
Barn #2
AKA the organized barn.
It is also under construction, but in contrast to Barn 1 the tools, supplies, and lumber are placed purposefully and carefully in good order. Things are separated into easily identifiable and organised areas so they can be retrieved.
Pathways are created, not blocked, and shelving is created so things may be stacked with precision and care.
The Purpose
Now, both barn owners need to store a lot of bricks (I’m not sure why, you’ll have to ask them yourself). That is why it’s being built.
How will these barns handle their bricks?
Barn 1
It is now being filled the bricks, and while they can go in quickly, there is little organization.
- A big pile is created in one corner of the barn.
- Soon there isn’t any way to continue stacking the bricks higher than arm’s length
- The farmer can’t find his ladder – so they go to another area of the barn to stack some more.
- The farmer quickly moves a pile of scrap lumber to one side and creates another haphazard brick pile.
- This goes on until there is even less room for manoeuvring in the barn.
- Quickly piling up the bricks becomes a very big chore.
- Space has been wasted.
- It’s impossible to find anything.
Barn 2
It is also being filled with bricks. They can go in quickly and efficiently because the space is organized optimally for storage.
- Stacks are made along walls meticulously according to size, shape and use.
- The tools and equipment needed to stack and sort the bricks are readily available
- Certain areas are designed as pathways so that trips in and out with the bricks can be done with ease.
- Scraps of lumber and materials that are no longer necessary are discarded so there is more room for what’s necessary.
- There is little wasted space.
- There is more capacity for stacks and stacks of bricks.
- Things are easily found.
Though bricks can surely be brought in and stored, it is haphazard and random at best. Bricks of a particular kind are not easily identifiable.
Furthermore, instead of all the energy being used to actually haul in and stack the bricks, energy is being wasted trying to figure out where to put and stack them without them falling or blocking the pathway.
Organization helps build a foundation for learning.
Because the barn is organized, clear of debris, and made ready to store as many bricks as possible, the energy spent is in the brick transporting, not figuring out where things go and how to find them later.
When the farmer needs a certain type brick, he simply goes to that areas of the barn and gets it.
The pathways are clear, unobstructed, and not cluttered with un-useful and out of date equipment and debris.
Since I know you guys are sick of my country girl barn analogies, I’ll bring it back down to earth. Even if the farmer in Barn 2 started storing bricks years later than the farmer in Barn 1, Barn 2 will ultimately end up with a lot more bricks and a lot more usable space.
It is far better to create a structure that supports efficient storage than it is to start shovelling bricks into a space without a good method for store and retrieval.
Basically, it’s far better to give your children a good foundation for learning than facts and info.
It’s worse to attempt to shovel lots of trivial and factual information into them so they impress their Kindergarten teacher.
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn MoreWhat is a framework and foundation for learning?
I must say that I don’t have Ph.D. in education here, but these are my thoughts:
I believe the foundation for learning a mother can lay that will help their children learn to their potential are developed in the following areas:
- critical thinking,
- independent reasoning,
- self-control,
- patience,
- focusing skills,
- being starter-finishers, and
- the ability to follow instructions and directions.
This is clearly not an exhaustive list, but these are characteristics that will help your child be able to absorb and learn optimally.
And – most importantly – these are things that school won’t teach them.
These are things they need to know to excel in school!
With these characteristics and skills learned, they’ll be able to…
- sit still,
- focus on the teacher’s instruction,
- finish assignments,
- think for themselves, and
- be more self-motivated.
In in my opinion, it’s a teacher’s job to pass on information. It’s a parent’s job to train their child in a way that they can receive and retain that information successfully.
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreFactual knowledge will not make them smarter in the long-term.
Intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.
It is not how many states and capitals you know or how may different types of extinct dinosaurs your son can name.
Of course, these things are great and it’s not wrong to teach our children. But, I believe the goal is to help our children reach their potential. Force feeding trivial knowledge and information out of our own sense of guilt or neurosis won’t ensure they get into college.
Sure, they might know more than the rest of their Kindergarten class for a few months, but the children who will genuinely learn and excel steadily will be those who can continue to retain more and more.
Release yourself from the idea that you are your 3-year-old’s only hope.
Their acceptance into Harvard does not depend on whether you have had them memorize 100 animal names and sounds.
If you don’t teach them to read by their 4th birthday this does not mean they will not graduate high school.
Be released! Know that these young years are a time where you can teach valuable life skills (that you are probably already teaching), and leave the burden of teaching on the teachers.
Unless of course you homeschool then, yeah, you’re both.
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In fact, young children can’t help but learn. I’m simply saying it’s more important to focus your energies on the bigger picture.
Focus on a (solid foundation) instead of the smaller picture (facts and figures).
Focus on being a mother, not an educator, and then you’ll naturally become both.
Now, life is about learning. I’m 31, ahem, and still learning everyday.
Society, culture, and our own desire to give our children the best possible future often combine to create an unnatural and burdensome idea that we should do everything and be everyone all the time.
- Mothers train in life skills,
- critical thinking,
- thoughtfulness,
- self-control,
- self-discipline,
- responsibility, and
- beyond.
These things will stay with a child for life. Out of these things will flow lessons and opportunities to teach about other things.
Your child will learn many new things by going to the zoo. However, you don’t take them to the zoo just so they’ll know more facts about animals, do you?
Don’t feel the pressure to have your child reading, counting to 500, and knowing their multiplication tables by Kindergarten simply out of fear that they’ll be at a disadvantage. They’ll be at a far greater disadvantage if you don’t help them to become the type of children who learn well.
Make your activities twofers.
Many times throughout the day you’ll have the opportunity to build a framework and teach things.
Structured activities like memory, reading books, and talking with your kids after TV shows or movies not only helps build skills of critical thinking, focusing, and growing their attention spans, it will also inevitably expose them to new things and ideas.
Here you’re doing both. But know, that even setting up an indoor bowling alley in your hallway and playing with it for 20 minutes can be just as developmentally important.
- They learn how to focus,
- they learn they cannot flit from this activity to the next after 3 minutes,
- they learn hand-eye coordination, and
- they are exploring and having fun.
We mothers put so much pressure on ourselves to be the ‘saviors’ of our children and protectors of their future.
This is a right and normal instinct. If you’re still reading then you obviously care enough about your role as a mother to do what you think is best.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
I hope you can feel less pressure, less stress, and less responsibility to shove facts, information, games, DVDs, TV shows, videos, and flashcards into your child’s brain “just because” that is what is supposed to help make them smart.
I hope you feel released to just be a mom, teach the moral lessons that teachers aren’t paid to impart. Teach the character building lessons that aren’t the teacher’s job to teach anyway. Love them, play with them, and help them learn to think for themselves.
That will be far more beneficial to their futures than the latest over-priced educational toy.
I grew up in Germany where a child doesnt start school untill age 6 or 7, so I started school at 6years. at the age of 16 I lived in the USA where I graduated from high school, went to university in the states as well as Germany, got a degree and never ever had a disadvantage cause I started school late. I even think it was better for me since more mature with 6 than 4 and more able to handle class room situation, social aspects of school etc. It’s a big thing for a child to start school and I agree with you Rachel that we mothers can implement good foundations for learning. So in my opinion the more time we have to do this
before our kids are off to school the better.
Such a great point, Hannah! You started school one to two years later than some but were not at all behind others your age upon transfer! I heard in Japan the children start at 5/6 and the first year is purely relational skills based like manners – behavior – etiquette. I’m not sure where I read it but think that is a great idea too!
I really like this post and your analogies are totally going to be stolen (by me…didn’t mean to use passive voice there). When people ask me for some hot, new tips on prepping kids for school you should see the look of disappointment when I don’t even mention Mozart or Shakespeare, but trim it down to three things: 1) Read to your kids 2) Talk to your kids 3) Teach them to obey. We’ve had to answer a lot of people recently when asked why Jackson wasn’t starting pre-school (the kid looks like he should be going into Kindergarten, anyway). I just can’t trade the value of one-on-one (okay, I have three kids…one on three) with a nanny or me every day with the so-called social skills received from a room of other 3 and 4 year olds. In fact, I’d argue it very well may be the last thing my kid needs! Plus, it’s not quite accurate to say these skills are “developed” so much as they are caught like a nasty cold. Ewww. I’ll keep my kid at home, thank you. He may be the odd man out on the first day of Kindergarten when he looks confused about standing in line, but if I’ve done my job well, then #3 above should take care of that. Good post, Rachel!
Thanks, Christie. I agree with your 3 points on school prep. If they are prepared in that way they will easily pick up how to do basic things like get in line, particularly if they can follow instructions!
Interesting points Rachel. I really agree with you that giving our children a solid foundation is key. As a mother, aunt or mentor in a child’s life, we can really help provide that foundation for setting them up to be inquisitive learners and enjoy learning. Teaching a child to listen well to instruction, finish tasks and be critical thinkers are essential for building a good foundation to weather all sorts of times at school. I would also add that when a child knows they are loved regardless of their performance then they will be more likely to explore when learning and enjoy the process as they are not pressured by expectations. When a child is secure in themselves they are more likely to learn. When stressed and insecure, maybe from an unstable home life this has been found to carry over into the classroom. Stress reduces as ability to learn as we are more in survival mode rather than relaxed.
As an educator myself in the 21 st. Century my experience is more and more seeing mothers who are anxious about their child succeeding instantly and their child needing to be good at everything. Thesis unrealistic.
In my experience the happiest kids as learners are those who are allowed to learn and explore at their own pace and have the opportunity to learn through things they are passionate about. Not what they ‘should be expected to be achieving’.
I was given this opportunity growing up. Never any expectations from my parents to perform. Just as long as I tried my best. It laid a strong foundation for me to be free to explore in my learning. As eventually what is deep in our heart comes up.
Lisa, thank you SO MUCH for bringing this perspective. I think you are so right and am glad that you’ve added that love as a firm foundation gives kids the confidence and security to be willing to “take a risk” and “try something new” or give tasks or assignments a go that they might have felt really anxious about before. So I suspect that when parents themselves feel anxious to really instruct their children then that anxiety can pass on to their children who in turn go into that ‘survival mode’ and find it harder to pay attention and focus. Stress does that, doesn’t it? Thanks for these thoughts, Lisa, honestly they are enriching!
Pleasure Rachel. It is a topic close to my heart. So much to write about. I want to throw in the extra dimension. What if your child had a disability of some sort? More and more common these day. Attention Deficit Disorder, Aspergers or Autism. I work on a weekly basis with precious kids that struggle to learn ‘normally’ and these kids struggle with things we would take for granted our kids would learn. My 3 year old niece is more advanced in certain areas than some of my students.
This poses the question then for the mothers I support, how do they manage this, their dreams for their kids in the future and which way to turn now to get the help their child needs.
In all of this, the most beautiful thing parents can offer their child with a disability is love, acceptance and encouragement.
I have the privilege of coming into their homes and working one on one with the kids to help them reach thier potential.
It’s a community effort to raise the child. The mothers realise they cannot be everything for there kids to succeed. But what touches me most is when the kids get the complete acceptance and love from mum and dad to keep trying at their own pace. Again the foundation of nurture and love, I believe is key to our children reaching their potential.
I think that in learning and pretty much just about everything else in parenting, if we don’t have a foundation of nurture and love then it all gets skewed, don’t you?
Yes, Rachel in response to anxious parents, it does impact the child. It binds them into a state of pressure and limits freedom to just learn as they grow.
Teaching colours for instance, does not require flash cards but tying it creatively into every day play with the child before they go to school. What does the child love to play with? Lego? Ok, so talk about one colour at a time using lego as the child plays. No stress involved in that surely.
But we are living in an age of instants. And it is rubbing off onto our kids that by 6 they should be doing x, y & z. Research shows kids learn at their own pace, they learn predominantly through a certain style (kinaesthetic, auditory or visual) and predominantly through play. Lots to think about. If I would be able to pass on anything to my child to set them up for a good future, it would be building them up in love security and acceptance to know that it is okay to explore opportunities and it is okay to fail. How else do we learn and develop character? It is about how we handle the failure and learn from it.
Hi Rachel, Loved your farming lingo and barn 1 verses barn 2. You made some very interesting points and caused me to stop and think several times. I guess my view is (like Lisa) the most important things we should be teaching our children in preparation for Kindergarten, Pre School, School (what ever applies) are the things that make teaching easier upon the teachers and learning easier upon the children…. I am talking about basic good behaviour, if our children are well behaved in the class room they will be more likely to listen to the teacher and absorb the lessons being taught and of course they will learn…..
As parents we should read books with our children (for entertainment and one on one time) and encourage your children to learn what ever they show an interest in learning. For example my 2 and half year old daughter counts to 10, but she dosnt realise they are numbers….. she thinks its a song. My partner has played little games with her for months, and his constant 1,2,3,4,5…….. 6,7,8,9,10 has a bit of a beat (Rhythm) to it which our daughter loves and hence she can go from 1 – 10 (when she wants to)
I guess l am saying teaching good behaviour in my view is number one, and any counting, reading ability etc etc is a total bonus. But certainly nothing to be worried about as most kids catch on pretty quickly (when they are ready to)
I completely agree with you, Nanny P! I think that the basic good behavior and helping encourage an environment of curiosity and thinking for them is really a great path. So many moms feel so much pressure to teach teach teach – pressure coming from a desire to help their kids succeed of course – that it can often be overwhelming for both child and parent. You and Lisa are totally onto something!
i a also agree
I might be an outsider here, as I don’t have any children of my own. But even without having any, I still feel anxious about what I could do in order to help any children I might have in the future, do well.
I myself have disabilities , and struggled in school because of it. Because I understand my children could have the same problems, I have found myself day dreaming about fun activities we could do together, in order to protect them from that stress and anxiety. And I am afraid that I might go too overboard with preparing them for school because of that.
In the end, I can’t know what difficulties they maybe faced with, they could be worse of than I am or they could have nothing wrong with them , I’ll love them no matter what . But all of that is a long way off from now.
Still this post has helped me out a lot by reminding me that mothers have a way of passing down information unknowingly and by showing me that you don’t need to teach them everything for kids to do well.
So thank you :)