• Home
  • About Rachel
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleep
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Mom Life » Mental & Emotional Wholeness » You’re Taking It Personally… Here’s How To Stop

You’re Taking It Personally… Here’s How To Stop

Updated February 19, 2021

736shares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Do you take your child's behaivor personally? Here is how to stop doing that so you can discipline and love easier. Good read for moms of toddlers and preschoolers.

When we take our kids behavior personally we stop being calm moms and we become angry moms. Also, here’s some encouragement for the emotionally exhausted mom.


One of my sons has a problem. This problem is called Coming Out Of His Bedroom When He’s Not Supposed To And Sneaking Around “Collecting” Things.

This problem turned me into a mad woman. A mad woman with an axe to grind. The first few times it happened I was a calm mom. I handled the situation with ease and without yelling. I didn’t even consider it an anger trigger.

Then it happened another time. 

And another time.

And another time. 

little girl hugging a teddy bear

And I could tell my consequence wasn’t working and became convinced my child had it out for me. He was trying to give me gray hairs.

He was trying to make a fool out of me for having a blog about being a mom when my own child doesn’t listen to a word I say and “borrows” jewelry from the women of the household to hide behind his rocking chair.

Read: 5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Mothers Need to Remember

I’d gone off the deep end. 

Then somehow someway, I remembered I’m the mother. The more mature one. The one who’s supposed to realize we cannot take our children’s behavior personally.

We can’t assume our children are doing anything “to” us just because their behavior is striking a chord.

How to Not Take Your Child’s Behavior Personally

It’s a struggle, for sure. But we are reasonable moms and I know, with encouragement, we can stop making it about us and realize it’s about them.

Remember They are Not an Extension of You

What, you say? They actually, uh, are an extension of me. Well, yes this is true! They are Mini Wes. But they are also their own individual people. They exist completely apart from us. If we were not here, God forbid, they would continue on.

They will make choices and think thoughts completely based on their own impulses, preferences, and compulsions. They may have personalities like us or they may not. They might look like us or they might be completely different in every way.

The fact is, just because we birthed them and have spent countless hours on their personal hygiene and feeding them… they don’t actually think about us that often in their decision making.

It’s not about us, it’s about them. 

Read: 

5 Days to a More Peaceful Home
two boys with their mom who takes their words personally

Stop, Pivot, and Breathe

This is the biggest one for me. In my head I can conjure up “all the right answers” but in the moment Emotions Are King. If I can stop even just One Mississippi before exploding, I’ll make good choices. I’ll use proper tones of voice. I’ll get a grip on my emotions and be the calm mom I know I can be.

If you tend to overreact when something happens you don’t like, the best thing you can do is turn around. Physically turn around, take a deep breath (this will help get your heart and breathing rate back down and get the adrenaline to stop pumping), and think before you react.

If you do this you’ll have plenty of time to realize they are not trying to annoy you, give you a migraine, or multiple your gray hairs.

Read: 5 Anger Triggers and How to Manage Them

Their choices are not about us, they’re about them. 

Repeat to Yourself

I’ve read a few books lately that discuss the power of Affirmations. This is basically saying positive things to yourself until you believe them.

I believe this can be effective provided what you’re telling yourself is actually true. So if your child does something for the 15,356th time that day and you’re sure they’re just trying to make you nuts… tell yourself out loud.

“This is not about me. They did this because they wanted to. That is all.”

Read: What You Need To Do (Over and Over) to Get Good Behavior

toddler climbing into toy car

Get a Life

I am typing this to myself. Boy howdy do I need to get a life outside my kids. Not a life that prioritizes Things over my family.

Not a life that over emphasizes entertainment, fun, or selfishness… but I need to have enough of a life that I’m not completely emotionally intertwined with my kids’ actions and behaviors.

I know I do. Maybe you do too.

Connect and Discuss

I have learned, from my 2nd born child, that kids do have reasons for what they do. And, contrary to what we believe in the moment, it’s not usually related to us. My kids know they aren’t allowed to come out of their bedrooms after we’ve done the wind down and bedtime routines.

Until they’re not afraid to walk down a dark hall to the bathroom, they have their own potties. One evening I was Past the Point and my son came out. He saw my face was about to transform into something not pretty and he said, “I needed to get my potty!!!“

This was a good idea. Yes.

Had I taken the time to ask (which I do now!) then I’d have known his behavior was perfectly legitimate. It wasn’t about me. It was about him. And that’s good, frankly, because I’m encouraging my kids to think on their own.

Kids are their own people. 

They make their own choices. 

If we’re too worried about ourselves, we can’t effectively connect with them. 

::

If you are stressed, overwhelmed, or drained… you aren’t alone.

After hearing from thousands of mothers, I’ve narrowed down the Top 5 Biggest Stressors For Moms. Sign up below and I’ll send my FREE series straight to your inbox!

Click here and learn breakthrough strategies that’ll help you feel peace immediately.

End Mom Stress. Live in peace, not overwhelm

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

736shares

Filed Under: Mental & Emotional Wholeness, Mom Life18

« How to Teach Kids About Emotions When They’re Losing It
White Noise: How to Help Baby Nap With Loud Older Siblings »

Recommended For You From Our Shop

The Everyday Mom Super Bundle

Want a harmonious home where the kids follow your lead, emotions are under control (theirs and yours), everyone is sleeping well, and your family culture makes everyone feel loved and secure?... Grab my Everyday Mom Super Bundle which has nearly ALL my shop printables in ONE place at a fraction of the price!

Click to Learn More!

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Anna says

    I agree! I’ve found that ANYtime ANYone gets under my skin that quickly, it usually has very little to do with the other person. Usually they have touched a nerve they knew nothing about, or I am running on empty to begin with!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Yes!

      Reply
  2. Lizzy says

    Oh wow yes, I react way to quickly often, if I just give her a chance Miss 3 often explains herself, but other times she’s deliberately pushing boundaries, like this morning when she picked up noodles off the floor to eat when we were all recovering from gastro after I already told her not to. I told her they had germs on them and she said ‘But germs are my favourite friends!’ Gosh don’t we have enough of a social life to have favourite friends beyond germs???

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Hahaha. Yes sometimes they push it! It’s still about their own desire to do what they want though, huh? Ha. Not because they think we’re bad moms!

      Reply
  3. Megan says

    Good reminder. I think I struggle most with this when my kids lie to me. However, I think they tend become more secretive when I freak out on them for lying! It’s a process.

    Also, is there any way to tweak the ads? I’m all for making money from home but I found it difficult to focus on the first part of the article with an ad whooshing every single paragraph.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Oh Megan I am trying to get the dadgum ad swooshing fixed. Sometimes it does sometimes it doesn’t. I’ll give them feed back though, thank you.

      And I agree, I think because lying feels like a betrayal so when they lie, even though it’s a developmental milestone, it’s super hard to detach.

      Reply
      • Megan says

        Thanks! Yeah, sometimes I do well staying objective, sometimes not so much.

  4. Rachael says

    This is something I need to make sure to remind myself of as my LO gets older! At 18 months we haven’t had to deal with this much yet, but I remember several times as a kindergarten teacher when I struggled not to take it personally when students did something they were not allowed to do. Pinning this!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Yes, Rachael, it’s so hard sometimes. You almost feel their choice to misbehave is a direct insult to your own personhood!

      Reply
  5. Leigh says

    Wow! I needed this reminder! Thank you!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      I needed it myself :)

      Reply
  6. C says

    This article was an answer to my prayers today. Thank you! I think this may apply to out-of-sorts husbands too…

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      YESSS I think so

      Reply
  7. Aprill says

    How do you deal when you’re on empty because of a newborn?

    I know my daughter’s behavior (she did not want another brother) is partially a regression for attention but I have no patience and very little sleep.

    We have 5 kids under 6.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Aprill, when I’m on empty I just try to sleep more. Honestly tat’s the best thing for me. I also cry and journal a lot :)

      Reply
  8. Rachel Roff says

    did you mean Mini Wes or Mini Mes?
    aside from that i love this, it resonates with me so much!

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      AGH. Thanks for the typo spot :)

      Reply
  9. Brenda says

    This is what I needed to read. Something I have been trying to figure out is the “Get a Life” part. What can I engage in that is worthwhile, uplifting, doesn’t detract from family, and I don’t have to feel guilty about…still trying to figure out what that means for me. Thank you!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x
close

Download, print, and become a more peaceful, less stressed mom!

envelope
x













Transform your home (and emotions) from chaos to peace...

"Thank you so much!  These  are just what I needed!"  :) ​Lauren

envelope
envelope
close
x