We’ve talked about the positives of the choleric Confident + Take Charge, so here are some ways to make the best of your personalities and overcome your struggles.
If you are new here, go back and read the four mommy temperaments to determine yours.
- Strengths of the Confident + Take Charge Mom
- Strengths of the Fun + Energetic Mom
- Strengths of the Strong + Deliberate Mom
- Strengths of the Calm + Steady Mom
A few people said they had a hard time deciding which personality they had between two choices, so I think this week will help. I’m going to give specific and actionable tips on overcoming the struggles of each of the temperaments as they relate specifically to mothers.
This week I’m going to write on:
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
- Overcoming the Struggles of the Confident + Take Charge Mom
- Overcoming the Struggles of the Fun + Energetic Mom
- Overcoming the Struggles of the Strong + Deliberate Mom
- Overcoming the Struggles of the Calm + Steady Mom
Mama, you are extroverted, quick thinking, practical, self-confident, and self-sufficient. There’s not a problem you can’t solve, nor a situation that can’t be managed. You are busy, fast, and quick to see what needs to be done. You are an opinionated visionary with lots of energy.
You are a good decision maker, leader, and you just want to get it done.
Read more about your strengths here…
But as we all know, our greatest strengths can be our greatest weaknesses. I am a Confident + Take Charge person myself. This temperament is the easiest for me to write about because I live it.
While pregnant with my third child I experienced extreme hormonal swings and was referred to an anxiety counselor. She told me something I’ve never forgotten.
It is the go-getter, success driven personality that finds becoming a mother the most challenging.
This goes double for being a stay at home mom. Why? Because the duties of a mother and homemaker are on a hamster wheel. They go round and round and round and never finish, they just start over.
It is the choleric Confident + Take Charge Mom’s worst nightmare.
That said, we can learn to manage these struggles of our personality so they don’t define us nor make motherhood less enjoyable. We’ll always have a drive towards success and excellence, and that is good, but we can also learn to smell the roses.
You struggle to relax.
“How can you relax when there is so much to be done?” I asked my husband, apparently oblivious to the dishes and toys strewn everywhere. “Because they’ll get done,” he said. “Yeah, by me at night midnight tonight if you make me watch this stupid movie. I’ll be tired all day tomorrow! Can’t you just help me now?“
The problems of a Type A wife married to a Type B man. Good news. You can learn to relax.
The way for a Confident + Take Charge mom to relax is to have the other “urgent” elements of the day organized and planned out. If you know things will get done, you can relax.
- Have tidy up routines so the house is always a few steps away from clean.
- Schedule in time for yourself in the everyday.
- Get exercise. Our personality more than any other needs exercise to release pent up energy.
- Delegate chores and tasks to the kids (with clear consequences if they go undone) and spend time throughout the day getting things done.
You struggle to leave things “undone.”
This is incredibly difficult for our personality because our entire temperament is bent towards “finishing.” It’s why we rush through, leave some details at half quality, or rush into projects before proper research.
Because we’re confident we can figure it out and, by golly, it needs to just get done.
By learning to leave some things undone, or mid-process, we can ratchet down our speed from full out to steady. Here’s how to manage the constant stress of Finishing Everything.
- Learn not to start projects until you have all the materials and a clear plan. We are starter finishers and if it’s started, it’ll consume our minds until we check it off the list.
- Create realistic time frames based on real life expectations. You can’t sew a quilt in a day, write a book in a week, or make handmade Christmas presents on Tuesday. Stretch out time frames because the one in your head is, almost certainly, unrealistic.
- Create an “out of sight” work space. If you pass by your project or task 56 times a day, the desire to finish will eat at you. By using space away from the central hub of your home you can utilize the out of sight, out of mind principle. And if you can’t move it, cover it up.
- Don’t leave your pile of “things to do” right there on the kitchen counter all day. It’ll eat at you that you can’t focus on the list and finish it. Pull it out when it’s time to tackle it.
You struggle to manage your expectations.
Unrealistic expectations are the bane of the Confident + Take Charge mom’s existence. We have high expectations of ourselves and others and end up disappointed a great majority of the time.
Mostly with other people who don’t have our same drive to finish, get it done, excel, and win at everything All the Time.
Since we don’t want to raise downtrodden children with a fear of disappointing us, we must learn to form healthy and appropriate expectations.
- Learn to praise and encourage effort, not performance.
- Create and discuss clear expectations for children and spouse. Before cementing these in your mind (as we do) take feedback as to whether they are too ambitious.
- Lower your standards. This is bad advice for some but for the choleric Confident + Take Charge mom, it’s good. Your standards are too high for toddlers, preschoolers, and mere humans to attain.
- We must learn to find joy in eternal things, not the temporal ever-changing whims of small children.
You struggle to be empathetic.
Empathy and sympathy are not our natural gifts. But our no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is personalities can hurt others and make them feel both ashamed and disappointed they can’t be as “strong” as they perceive us to be.
- Practice saying, “I know you must feel sad right now, I can understand!”
- Get on your knees and speak eye level to the kids.
- Learn to hug and comfort without offering “you should do this” or “you should have done that.“
- Establish on your heart that your gift is the ability to separate feelings from the situation, but others cannot.
You struggle with impulsiveness.
Because we are passionate go-getters, we’ll often jump knee deep into situations, activities, or commitments that aren’t thought through properly.
With small children this can be a serious burden as our family schedule becomes full and there isn’t downtime. It also comes out in the day to day hodrumness of routine.
- Keep a good routine, but know change is as good as a vacation.
- When feeling the urge to shop and buy, stand back and determine if you’re being influenced by a “today only” sale. If so, abandon the shopping cart and walk away. You’ll likely forget about it and if not, you can buy tomorrow.
- Think about the costs of an action you find yourself maniacally drawn to. Just yesterday I packed up 4 kids to drive 45 minutes for a 5 minute errand during lunchtime. Am I stupid? Yes. Sometimes. We should avoid this.
You struggle with humility.
Pride, arrogance, and vain conceit are weaknesses of the Confident + Take Charge mom. In addition to the Bible labeling these sins of the heart, they prevent us from being wise parents who make good decisions.
In order to be wise, knowledgeable, in touch mothers we need hearts that can say, “I was wrong. I don’t know all the answers. I value your opinion.” Again, I am this personality so this is not me preaching to you, but me preaching to us.
- Continue reading books of all kinds. They remind us we don’t know everything.
- Practice saying “I am sorry” daily.
- When others try to correct us or give their opinion, first repeat what they’ve said and help them prove their point before you try to prove yours.
If you aren’t sure this is your personality, scroll to the top and read the 4 temperaments’ strengths. This week I will address the struggles of all the temperaments so stay tuned!
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
Gina Davis says
yup that’s me. Thank you for the encouragement
I struggle with all of these things. Sometimes daily. But by far the worst, is relaxing when there’s dishes in the sink, boxes to unpack, laundry to do, etc. When really…my priority should be laying on the floor with my one year old to play cars. I see him and my hubby play and catch myself being jealous of that fun relationship they’re building. And sometimes even worry if I’ll become the “boring parent” while my husband is so fun. Don’t get me wrong, my son and I have our little moments where I stop and hang with him, but I always find myself itching to get things done.
Rachel Norman says
I am exactly like this!
Oh, this is 100% my aunt, whom I constantly clash with, so much so I really avoid her and her “advice” (which really is just “Do as I do or I will bully you”).
I wish she had your advice when she was a young mom, because I see where her children are “downtrodden and afraid of her disapproval”, really they have no choice but to fight with her a lot because she never has praise, only criticism. She even told me, if she doesn’t say anything it means she approves.
I am the strong+deliberate mom, btw, so you can see how I would annoy her by refuting her advice with studies I read… :-P
Rachel Norman says
Dalia, ha! I hear you, the struggles of certain personalities are real and when you grow you can phase out some of those weaknesses and really raise well balanced kids!
P.S. Did you read the “Child Whisperer”? It has similar categories for personalities, but for children (and parents).