Got a baby with trouble sleeping? Here are some common habits that help and hurt baby sleep including sleep props and sleep associations.
Baby sleep issues can be the bane of any mother’s existence.
If you are tired, nothing else seems to matter. You become nearly obsessed with sleep since you aren’t getting any. You start clock counting at night and start feeling like your life lives and dies by how tired you are.
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The need for sleep is real…
I had a friend who used to crawl under her actual work desk to get some sleep in. She’d literally crawl under her desk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, mama.
Some moms seem to thrive regardless of their sleep levels while others simply must find solutions for their little ones’ resistance to sleeping.
Before you get too carried away in just “solving” you baby’s lack of sleep…let’s talk about some things that may cause problems in the future!
Read: Mom Habits That Are Barriers To Peaceful Baby Sleep
Sleep associations vs. sleep props
First of all, let’s talk about the difference between a sleep association and a sleep prop.
Understanding the difference may save you some headache in the future! Believe me, starting good sleep habits early is good for everyone.
Read: How to Stop Contact Naps (Peacefully)- and What to Do Instead
Sleep association– something a child associates with sleep.
This may include, but isn’t limited to:
- elements of nap or bedtime routine
- white noise
- swaddles (Click here for best swaddles & sleep sacks)
- pacifiers they can re-insert or that stay put
- lovies
- crib/bed
- lights out
Read: 12 Medical Reasons Why Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms of Each)
Sleep prop– something a child needs for sleep that requires you and your presence.
Most of the time, this is something that a child can’t control on their own.
Sleep props can become quite addictive (particularly during witching hours) and we’ll talk about why later.
Sleep props can include, but aren’t limited to:
- nursing to sleep
- rocking to sleep
- pacifiers if they can’t re-insert them- so I recommend these pacifiers which prevent issues
- car rides to settle
- swings or vibrating chairs (if they won’t sleep there every time)
Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.
Both sleep associations and sleep props can become addictive…
Why?
Because even babies love routine! Now some mothers loves the rocking and nursing to sleep, and it isn’t a problem unless it’s a problem for you.
But if you want your baby to learn to sleep well, and go back to sleep well, on their own then you’ll likely need to change some habits.
You’ll need to get rid of some sleep props and add some positive sleep associations.Â
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
1. How to diagnose a sleep prop
If your children are unable to sleep on their own because they need something from you, they’ve got a sleep prop.
Now… all kids need things from their mamas, but I think you get what I mean. It could be you lying with them to fall asleep. This is not bad in itself.
But if they want you to return hourly throughout the night or if you are ready for them to fall asleep alone, it’s a prop.
If you have to go to the crib throughout to put the pacifier back in because they won’t sleep without, that’s a sleep prop.
Now, I do use pacifiers, but don’t let them be a prop.
More on that later…
If they want to be rocked or nursed back to sleep regularly throughout the night when they are clearly old enough to be able to sleep through the night, they’ve got sleep props.
But again, it’s not a problem unless it’s a problem for you.
2. Why sleep props hinder good rest
It’s probably apparent to you why sleep props prevent good rest if you’re still reading by now. +Basically… the reason sleep props are a problem come into play during sleep cycle changes.
As the baby goes from active to passive and back again they go through periods where they’re partially awake. If they have something they’re dependent on to get back to sleep, they’ll wake up fully and demand their prop.
If they are not addicted to sleep props, they’ll transition through the partial awake phrase into deep sleep again on their own.
Another issue with sleep props…
Additionally, sleep props can actually hinder the child’s willingness to sleep. They won’t want to stop nursing or go to sleep because they don’t want you to leave.
This doesn’t mean you stay so they don’t feel sad or anxious, it means you make changes in a way that they willingly sleep. It’ll take some doing, but it’s possible.
Keep reading to find out how to overcome this!
3. The biggest key to overcoming a sleep prop
The one thing you need to make sure of when you begin any form of sleep tweaking is that consistency is a must.
Use consistency along with a timely delivery of change to success in sleep behavior changes.
In other words… don’t excessively drag it out.
I read somewhere and completely agree, that we often do things we think are gentle or gradual and actually end up causing more distress to the baby.
If things are drawn out it can actually be more traumatic for a baby or toddler who is used to a certain thing. If you need to keep a log to be able to nail down what’s going on, use our daily baby logs.
Sometimes cold turkey is best and it needs to be consistent or it will just be chaos for everyone.
Read: Simple Baby Advice That Stands the Test of Time
4. Will it resolve itself?
In a word.
No.
If nursing is a sleep prop that’ll change when you wean them. But… that doesn’t mean they’ll begin sleeping well.
The truth is, if they haven’t learned how to sleep on their own that sleep prop will likely morph into another prop. Without some training, you’re looking at a future of night waking then perhaps getting out of their bed and coming to yours, etc.
Old habits are hard to break! If you want them to begin creating positive sleep associations that don’t disrupt their sleep then don’t wait for it to resolve itself.
Or you may end up with a 5 year old who still doesn’t sleep well and who probably won’t thank you for it.
Create sustainable sleep habits for your little lamb so the whole family can sleep peacefully without the stress, drama, and tears.
Learn More5. Positive sleep associations
Here are some positive sleep associations that can gradually replace sleep props.
- Bedtime routine | Have a bedtime routine that is fairly set, something like “bath, books, bed.” Don’t deviate from it too often, and you’ll find your baby or toddler winds down naturally.
- Baby massage
- Singing | My 2 year old won’t go to sleep until I sing a specific song to him at night. He loves it! It’s our special ritual and he will almost always calm right down after it’s finished.
- Reading books
More positive sleep associations…
- Specific Night-Time Routines- Find things that I can positively associate with bedtime and used them. Here are some examples: brushing teeth, applying bedtime lotion, dimming the lights, and stacking books where they belong.
- Praying-  If your child is anxious to go to sleep because of fear of darkness or nightmares, praying is a great idea and source of strength for kids. When my oldest was having a period of nightmares I taught her to pray if she felt afraid. “Pray, then call for mommy if you are still scared!” I told her and it was a good way to calm down.
- Pacifier-  Pacifiers can be a sleep prop if you have to regularly go in throughout the night and put it back in. Here’s how we do it: I give the pacifier (these are great for newborns because they prop up on their own) to signal “calm down time for sleep” and then I never go back in to reinsert it. It takes a bit of adjustment for them, but that’s it. They learn quickly to keep it in their mouths – plus the stuffed animal paci makes that so very possible – and they don’t wake up for it throughout the night.
- Bottle- Giving a baby a bottle (even a breastfed baby) can be a nice way to indicate bedtime. Here’s how to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
How to phase out sleep props
So… if your baby or toddler has sleep props you have to phase them out.
Or… stop them cold turkey.
I’m more of a cold turkey girl but I’ve taken both approaches depending on the child.
- Identify the exact prop. There may be many, but pick one at a time.
- Add in some new and positive sleep associations that can replace sleep props.
- Determine how you’re going to stop or wean from that prop. If you want to night wean, start offering more milk and solids throughout the day. Then… when night wakings occur, comfort in another way. Hug, pat, kiss, give a pacifier, etc. but no breastmilk.
- Give lots of hugs and cuddles throughout the day so everyone knows you’ll make it through!
Sources:
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Can you come to my house and help me? :-) I night weaned but my toddler uses my HAIR as a sleep prop to get back to sleep!
Okay so if you don’t mind letting her play with your hair then no worries, but if you’d like to get her away from that I have a hair-brained idea. Mwahaha. Twirling your hair is a comfort thing and she loves the association with you I’m sure. What if you start priming her that there’ll be change in the wind about the hair. BUT that you’ll be happy to cut of a lock of your hair (ha, work with me here, maybe from under the back somewhere) for her to hold and know that you are always near. She can cut it, tie a ribbon around it, etc. and then hold it. Then slowly wean her off of it. That sounds kinda creepy as I type it, but it might work?
My little one is bottle fed. He has to be rocked to sleep while having a bottle. He has to be touching me to sleep. If I even get up to go to the bathroom he freaks! He is 16 months old now and this sucks. I have tried everything I have found. Nothing works.
Danielle, this is a VERY tough age because they are old enough to sort of know what’s up but not old enough to reaso and calm down rationally. i would try weaning one thing at a time. I would try giving him a bottle for one week OUTSIDE the bedroom. Right before be let him drink it whiel you hold him outside of the bedroom in a not sleeping position so he can’t fall asleep. Then you can rock him without the bottle. After he’s gotten used to that start to rock him for a week or so but DON’T let him fall fully asleep with you, just drowsy. Then try putting him in his crib while drowsy but awake. He will fight this and freak out, but you can offer comfort and love, etc. until he gets it. Do you tink that’ll work?
I will certainly try!
My LO has been exclusively BF for 16 months. He nurses and rocks to sleep for nap and bedtime. I would like to try your suggestion for Danielle, but as I try each phase I know my LO will cry and fight. This is obviously the hardest part of the translation (for him and me). Isn’t this basically CIO then? When he stands up in his crib or fights to get out of my arms even, what should I be doing when he is upset other than trying to reassure him?
Elizabeth, to me (now every mother is different) CIO is when you let your babies learn to settle themselves in their crib alone. This might mean being right outside the door, etc. But I wouldn’t really classify you being right beside your baby outside the crib as CIO. I’d probably try feeding them well before it’s time to go down for a nap, then rocking until they are drowsy, starting a good nap and bedtime routine, and then putting them down. If you know they only want one thing or they’ll cry, that’s what you have to wean BUT you don’t have to go away. Your husband, perhaps, could offer comfort to your baby. Even holding, rocking, giving the pacifier, etc. He might still cry, but that’s because he’s unlearning a habit. There’s pretty much no way you can change a firmly established habit without some tears (maybe on everyone’s part. ha). If you are right there with them comforting them in a different way then you are not really CIO which implies you’ve left them alone in their crib. But that’s just how I think of it! Ultimately, you must do what you feel comfortable with, girl!
That makes sense. And you are right, every mother sees CIO differently. At 16 months he isn’t at the age to reason with so all the tears makes my heart hurt. Tonight when I put him down he woke up quickly and I tried to settle him for 10 minutes (talking to him, singing, patting, gave hugs and kisses) and ultimately gave in. I will have to build up my tolerance with the tears.
Elizabeth, even by going a few more minutes each time might help him to “get it.” Of course he doesn’t know why it has to change, so don’t harden your heart to his tears, ha, but do just what you’re doing by offering love and comfort to him! Keep me posted :)
I have a 5 1/2 mint old. She can go to bed drowsy but has to have a pacifier. I have a noise machine going at the same time. I have to get up multiple times a night to bottle feed her back to sleep. I try the pacifier first though because she shouldn’t be hungry so often. I don’t think it’s about hunger, it’s about soothing. I want her so start sleeping longer than 2-3 hours at a time.
How much is she eating during the day? I agree that babies like comfort, but before trying to substitute the form of comfort for her, I’d be sure she’s getting adequate milk and solids during the day. When she’s having plenty of food you can try substituting the comfort or even taking away the pacifier.
She eats about 5oz of formula every 3-4 hours. I also give her solids (1st foods serving size) for dinner time. We eat around 6ish then do bath time because by 7 she is ready for bed. I make sure to squeeze 2oz before she goes to bed drowsy (with a pacifier). I think she is getting enough during the day.
Kellee, I give mine solids 4 times a day by that point, but mine have very high metabolisms! If she has enough then I’d just try wait a bit before you go in and see if she learns to settle. Have you gotten a pacifier (like the Wubbanub) that she can find and put back in on her own? If you believe it’s the pacifier it may be time to take it away! :(
Hi! I’m kind of in the same boat as Elizabeth and Danielle. My son just weaned and takes an occasional bottle of whole milk (he is 13 months). We have broken the “nurse to sleep” prop to an extent and now are working on him falling asleep on his own. I don’t mind rocking him; however, he will be a big brother in 7 months and he is getting very heavy! Also, at around 1:30 am he wakes up and needs to be held to go back to sleep. To be fair, he was an awesome sleeper from an early age: 11 hrs at night, 2-3 great naps. But over the past 6 months we have done traveling, my husband deployed and came back, we moved, and are moving again in 4 weeks. I miss my sleeping rough the night boy but he screams when I try to put him down drowsy! I’m talking full out hysterics and it’s miserable. I do white noise and essential oils on his feet. I really don’t get how he will ever lay down drowsy and happily go to sleep :(. Sorry long post but man this is rough!
I left out two more details! He sucks his thumb and puts a finger from his other hand in my mouth to fall asleep. I’ve introduced a lovie and no kidding, I’ve been holding the lovie in front of my mouth to try and stop the habit. I really am trying!
Michelle, does him sucking his thumb help him? If it does, can you leave him be for a while – watching in the monitor – and seeing if he gets the hang of going back to sleep on his own?
Michelle, it’s so true that changes and big events can often regress their sleep :(. Mine experienced that as well. When you put him down to bed asleep does he wake up frequently wanting to be rocked back to sleep? Or will he let you put him down to sleep at bedtime and then stay asleep? If you are completely against cry it out then I’d keep doing what you are doing, but instead of rocking him I’d pat or shush him. And, if you start that, don’t do anything different even if it takes a long while. He WILL catch on and he WON’T feel abandoned by you since you are right there with him. If you don’t mind a little cry it out then I’d read this post by the Baby Sleep Site. It might ease your mind and help. http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/
Sucking his thumb helps, but lately he won’t calm down until someone picks him up. He used to sleep through the night after putting him down asleep. Now, not so much. He’s up at 1:30 a.m. like clockwork. He goes back to sleep easily but wakes up every time we put him back in the crib. My husband is great with helping (such a blessing!) so we give each other breaks but we usually get so tired we just go to sleep with the baby. I am starting to think he has a habit of needing us to sleep at night now. He slept 12 hrs last night- the first 6 hours by himself. Thanks so much for your advice, I’m loving your blog. I definitely want to implement other strategies earlier with baby #2!
Michelle, it’s definitely a “sleep prop.” If you search ‘sleep prop’ on my sidebar you’ll have my post on it. Basically the way to get rid of a sleep prop is to replace it with someone else he can do on his own. Or wean him from needing it. So that might be standing by him shushing and patting and singing, but not picking him up, for example. You are still there, providing comfort, but breaking the habit of holding! REad that post and let me know what you think.
Hi Rachel
My little guy is 10 months old and has been sleeping through the night since about 7 months or so maybe earlier. The problem is that it is inconsistent. Some nights he sleeps through the night others I find myself going in 1-3 times in the night to give him his soother. He does use a soother and is capable of putting it back in himself if he can find it or hasn’t pushed it on the floor. If he is unable to find it that is when I go in to rescue him. The other thing is he is capable of falling asleep without the soother as in the middle of the night he has put himself back to sleep without his soother, so I know he is capable of self soothing but again it is very inconsistent. I would like to get rid of the soother altogether and I am okay with letting him cry for a bit and then soothing him (Ferber method) has seemed to work for us before. Any tips that might help him self soothe before bed so he doesn’t need his soother to fall asleep. He will sometimes stick a finger in there but doesn’t really care to soothe that way.
Chelsey, is he a big mover while he sleeps? If not, I’d be sure that you put his pacifier near him before you go to bed. Or else, I would consider taking it away from him. If it’s clearly becoming an issue and you know that’s what it is. One thing to consider is monitoring what he eats and seeing if that relates to him waking at night. For example, does he eat less on those nights he wakes? Maybe he’s kinda hungry but the pacifier will do. I usually wean at 13 months from the pacifier but do earlier if they get addicted. Hope that helps!
Hi Rachel
Thank you so. Much for the tips. He is now sleeping without a soother and not waking in the night. But one thing we have noticed is since we took the soother away he is only sleeping for about 10-11 hours a night. We put him to bed between 7-8 and he is awake every morning between 530-6. I try and leave him in his crib till about 6-630 to see if he will try and lay back down but he doesn’t. Any ideas on how to get him back to sleeping 12 hours.
Thanks again
Chelsey, remind me how old he is? GREAT NEWS, though :) I can’t see the other comments from here so can’t remember his age, but that’ll help me because it could be he needs another day feed? Is he still dream feeding?
Hi, my four month old used to be a great sleeper but now has regressed and I’m desperate! I have a five year old who goes to school and was a great sleeper too but now wakes as my lil girl wakes him….I had them both in bed for half 8 and that was it, well Eva would get a dream feed at 12 but then sleep on till 7. It’s a month now and it’s snowballing into a big problem. We’re all exhausted! She now fights her naps during the day and bed time….the most she sleeps is 45 mins at 10am and that’s it ….I’m worried about her as I know the reason she fights sleep is because she’s over tired and only sleeps if i nurse her but the second I put her down she howls. I’m a big baby whisper fan as the EASY method worked with my son but not so much this time. I’ve increased her feeds during the day as her appetite has grown with her and thought maybe she was waking because of hunger, then i thought teething but now I believe it’s just habitual and she needs to nurse to sleep. I’m afraid her regression has got her in the habit of nursing to sleep I’m so confused and worried about her and my lil boy not getting enough sleep. She hates the soother btw and will get worse if suggested. Please help! how do I break the habit of nursing her to sleep!
Siobhan, I would google “4 month sleep regression” because IT IS A THING. Actually let me link a friend’s post here. http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2014/12/dealing-with-4-month-sleep-regression.html
I hope that gives you some ideas. Are you keeping a consistent schedule or have you changed it? Also, I’d see if she has something like an ear infection, etc. because my 9 month old started sleeping badly and he had one :(
Oh my gosh!! My son is sleeping with us and has to wake up every 3 hours or so to get his bottle. I think the bottle is a prop because 99% of the time, he won’t go back to sleep without it.
We are also trying to figure out how to get him sleeping in his own bed. Right now, one of the side rails are off and it is pulled up to the bed, but he won’t have that. He has to be between his dad and me. He’s only 11 months old and because he was born 4 weeks early, our pediatrician says to think of him as a month younger than his ‘real’ age. I seriously don’t know what to do! First baby and I know his needing to sleep with us is our fault and maybe even the sleep prop is as well. How do I correct this! Please help. I’m so desperate that I was actually going to pay a sleep consultant ( The Baby Sleep site?) even though we’re struggling financially.
Beth, I’m going to email you.
I have the same situation as Beth and I would love to hear the advice :-)
Ack, can’t see Beth’s comment :(
I’m sorry, but this article is ridiculous. Nursing your child to sleep is not a “crutch” or “prop”, it’s biologically normal! Also, babies wake up…ALOT, they are wired that way. CIO has been proven to cause trauma in children. Babies do not “self-sooth”, they stop crying because they realize no one is coming to help them, if they are scared, want to be close to mama, they go into extinction mode and shut down and fall asleep. Perhaps people need to have realistic expectations about infant sleep, and realize that sleep deprivation is part of being a mom!
I had 3 babies that didn’t cry it out, didn’t wake up a lot, didn’t get nursed to sleep, and none of us were in sleep deprivation. So, I have to say that it honestly depends on your baby’s personality, your personality, and good habits you put in place.
Some of us really do not function when severely sleep deprived. Like hallucinations and thoughts of self harm or harm to the child. How dare you, Mollie, accuse mothers who are taking care of themselves through sleep training their children, of being callous or having unrealistic expectations of motherhood. YOU have unrealistic expectations of every mother having your tolerance for sleep dep!
Hi Rachel,
Thanks so much for your article. Our daughter is 5 mo and has been able to sleep long stretches at night since birth. She also has had pretty active reflux which a pacifier has seemed to help (sucking helps with some reflux cases). Her reflux has now gotten a lot better but she still loves the paci. I’m fine with it except that I have to get up 1-3 times a night to replace it. She is swaddled so getting it back by herself is impossible. I have tired leaving one arm out (she just rips wubanub out and can’t replace), or unswaddled altogether (same result). I’ve tired putting her down without her paci in hopes she will use her hands (which she sucks on while sitting all the time), but she can’t/doesn’t seem to be able to suck on her hands lying down (?). Part of me feels like once she is able to use her hands lying on her back, it will resolve itself but since I know she must transition between some sleep cycles without the need for the paci, I’d love to just ditch it altogether. When I’ve left her alone to CIO, she just escalates and I can only hold out for 15 min or so. Advice? Strategy? Thank you in advance!
Lindsay, to be honest I love the pacifier. HA. I don’t like to get rid of it until 1 year so I try my best to keep it in use. That said, I hear your worries. I use wubbanub as well and swaddle wean at around 5 months or so and then they are able to get their own paci. Before bed I’ll go make sure the pacifier is sort of near their face and that usually does it. If you want to get rid of it, just cold turkey ditch it and do some version of comfort/cry it out. But I try to hang on to it, personally.
My daughter just turned 1 yesterday and I feel like I need to ditch the pacifier. She only uses it for sleeping, and to be honest, I don’t mind her having it but am afraid the longer she has it the more difficult it will be to give it up. Do you have a post outlining how you get rid of the pacifier? Thank you!
Rachel, I need to do a post on this. Honestly, I usually just take it away and give them another paci they don’t like. Then they sort of fuss but try to use it then fuss then ditch it on their own. It’s not so pretty around the house for a few days then they get it. I have cut holes, but I find cutting a hole in a pacifier they like just makes them mad. Ha!
Hi Rachel,
My almost 8-month old son nurses to sleep, which doesn’t bother me…he is my last child and I’m just thankful we are still exclusively nursing at this point! What I am having trouble with is his current sleep schedule and patterns. From birth to about 4 months old he slept great, sometimes waking only once to eat but most of the time would sleep a good 6-8 hour stretch. Nowadays he is so unpredictable from night to night. He is almost always still awake (drowsy, but awake) when I put him down, both for naps and bed, and I never usually have an issue with him drifting off to sleep himself. But most nights he’s waking around midnight wanting to eat. I have two older children but I wasn’t successful breastfeeding either of them for long so I’m new at this…but I’m assuming comfort nursing is different than nursing to eat? Some nights he will sleep through until 8am and some nights (last night for example) he was up at 11pm, 1am and 5am! Those nights are exhausting even though he’s not up for long. I’m just wondering what is going on. He is obviously capable of going long stretches but why does is vary so greatly from night to night? Is there anything I can do to get him on a more predictable schedule? Thanks in advance for any advice!
Kim, is he on solids? Do you think he is getting enough? I think babies at that age eat way more than you’d think an perhaps he’s legitimately wakig from huunger? http://www.justmommies.com/drupal/sites/default/files/admin_images/firstfoodschart.jpg
He is on solids, but just barely. He only does good with purĂ©es and gags on anything with the slightest bit of texture. I’m lucky if I can get him to eat a few ounces/day…he’s just not interested! It’s not from my lack of trying, I offer twice a day and most days he only eats in the evenings. When he wakes at night it’s solely to eat, he’s all business then goes right back to sleep.
Kim, he’s probably definitely waking up from hunger. Offer puree, make smoothies, applesauce, yogurt, whatever. I’d bet good money once he starts eating more solids he’ll sleep better. Perhaps you can nurse on one side, offer solids, nurse on the other. Or offer solids first! Let me know how it goes.
Rachel,
Just found your site and am grateful for all of your insight. I’m looking for help and ideas! My almost-8-month old wakes up 3-4 times a night and will not nap longer than 30 minutes at a time each nap (unless I am with him.) We have a great routine for bedtime, but he doesn’t stay asleep. Also, it takes him forever to fall asleep–he will only lie in his crib if he’s completely out, not drowsy. I have tried to phase out certain sleep associations/props (bouncing, breastfeeding) with things like music/white noise, baby massage, etc. But instead of being able to replace an association, I’ve just added an additional one until we have like 7 (help!). I’ve tried to stay consistent (though I know I could do better with this) but sometimes there are days when he’s only napped for 30 min total where I cave and return to the old ways. How long do you think is too long, where you reach a point that you just need to help your little angel get some sleep? I know over-tiredness can hinder a baby’s ability to sleep. Also, do you have any suggestions for the best replacements for bouncing and nursing props? I can do them no longer. Almost 8 months out, and I’m still recovering from labor/delivery (prolapse) and the sleep associations I’ve made have made it physically easier on me–but now that I’m almost recovered, I’m ready to change these sleep props! Thanks for any insight you have.
Katie, I encourage you to sign up (it’s free) to this 3 email video series I created. http://coostosnooze.com/free-sleep-tips. It will give you a slew of information that I hope will help. I know you must be really struggling right now. The series has 3 of the main reasons babies struggle to sleep and I think it wil make a huge difference.
I can’t believe I’ve mad it this far. I breastfeed our daughter for 9 months and she shared our bed with us. After suffering from severe ppd I got her on formula and in her crib. I’ve always had insomnia so that doesn’t help the matter. She is now 21 months old and can’t go to sleep without a bottle. She always wants a bottle. Our night consists of waking like clock work. She goes to bed at 9. Wakes first about 12:30/1. Has to have another ounce (or just her sleep prop) to put her back to sleep. Then again about 3/3:30. Same thing with bottle again. Then again about 6. Same thing with bottle. Then finally wakes up about 8. By this time she is soaking wet. She throws a histerical fit if u try to change her diaper throughout the night. I’m so severely depressed and sleep deprived it’s affected every single aspect of my life. Please help
Here girl! http://coostosnooze.com/free-sleep-tips That’s my free video series I think will REALLY help you.
Hi Rachel!
First of all I am loving your site.. thanks for posting all of this helpful info!
Hoping you can help me with teaching my newborn to sleep.. My first baby is 5 weeks old and will only sleep on me. He won’t take a pacifier at all. He only falls asleep nursing or being walked and rocked, then immediately awakes when I put him down. I have tried letting him fuss a bit to calm down and sleep on his own, but it turns into all out screaming and crying after awhile. I swaddle, use white noise, sing to him… but no luck unless he is in my arms. At night I can sneak him into his rocker once he is in a deep sleep. Sometimes. I seriously need to put him down so I can shower! All I have found is advice to let him do this and be a baby but really it is not practical for me personally. Is he just too young?
Phew, thanks in advance!!
Johanna
Johanna, I’d first recommend you take my free baby sleep video series! http://coostosnooze.com/free-sleep-tips Then I’d also check out my newborn schedule, often a little schedule tweaking can help :) https://amotherfarfromhome.com/sample-newborn-routine/
We have a bedtime routine for my 4 month old daughter of bath, jammies, story time, feed, and cuddles for one song of her ‘sleep musc’, and then down to sleep. She is asleep by 8 each night. I am able to put her down awake to fall asleep on her own for naps and bed time. My question is about night time wakings. I’m trying to cut them down. If it were up to her she’d eat every 2 hours! It’s not because she’s hungry either. Some feedings she only eats maybe 6 or 8 minutes. Ideally, I’d like to feed her in 4 hour intervals (10pm, 2, 6) since I know she can last that long. I feed her at 10 before I go to sleep and she’s up at 12. I’m not sure how to settle her. I go in and give her her pacifier then and play the sleep music. This always puts her back to sleep but only for an hour. I can’t get her to sleep for more than a half hour after that unless I feed her (which I do). She’ll sleep another 2-2.5 hours before I have to go back in and try to settle her back to sleep. I don’t want to keep giving her her paci and create a nasty habit and I don’t want to keep having to get up every 1-2.5 hours just to put her back to sleep. She doesn’t use a paci to fall asleep ordinarily at all. How did you drop night feedings and settle your little ones back to sleep?
Have you done my free video course? If not, I’d recommend you try that one first! If you go to my homepage (https://amotherfarfromhome.com) scroll down a bit to the Free Email Series and choose the sleep one :)
my baby girl is 10 months old and i am still breastfeeding, though started baby led weaning at 6 months. She seems to go through the night on constant snoozefeeds, which affects my sleep quite a bit, and obviously she ends up in the bed too. I need to feed her to sleep, and would love to be able to wean her off the dependance on feeding to sleep, and comfort feeding. Even if the feeds were to reduce, so the frequency of being woken was less, its as though she isnt consuming enough during the day.
I’d most definitely start upping her food during the day. Offer solids a lot more and see how that helps! Mine always ate more during growth spurts and sometimes adding in a yogurt or applesauce snack was enough to help.
Just reading your article as I’ve come to realize my almost 5 month old has a sleep prop for nap time… And that is me rocking her to sleep in my arms and then putting her in her crib. I’ve been doing that for months with no issue. It hasn’t really been a problem at night since we have an established bedtime routine (bath, bottle, bed) but she has been waking more often suddenly the last couple nights when she’s tried to roll over in bed. Ive had to go in to calm her by rocking or feeding her more. I know I need to come up with a daytime nap routine to signal it’s time for sleep but she screams as soon as I put her in the crib :(. If I stop the rocking cold turkey, and have tried giving her something else positive, like a stuffed animal or something, and she still is crying, what then? Do I leave her to cry it out? I’m not a fan of that method especially when her crying is quite distressed sounding. Thoughts? Thanks!!
Jen, often that 5 month age is tricky because they are learning to roll. I’d probably practice rolling with her during the day and see if you can get her to finish the roll, so to speak, so she’ll be able to do it at night. Don’t bother doing cry it out if you aren’t fully on board cause you’ll never stick to it and then you’ll feel rotten and it’ll all be bad news. Ha. I’d probably try doing a shorter routine for naptime like reading a few books, singing, turning the lights low, rocking and putting in drowsy. But, side note, if you rock her down to nap how long does she sleep for?
When I was rocking her to sleep she would more often sleep for 30 to 45 min by then she sometimes would decide to nap longer than that, like an hour or more. Since I wrote my initial question to you, I tried a new routine which included letting her cry it out. I change her diaper, close the blinds, put her in her crib with her stuffed toy, mobile on. I promised myself that I would let her cry for 10 min before going in and I was able to stick with it. She fell asleep within 7 min the first time. I’m on day two of doing this and it’s working so far. She hasn’t cried for more than 10 min so I haven’t had to go back in her room. Her morning naps the last two days have been 2 hours and afternoons are shorter. Now I just need to work on getting her wake time in the morning to be around the same time so that I can better predict my day (her naps!) I have been putting her down for a nap approx every two hours as I’ve read that’s a good wake time for a baby her age.
Jen, that sounds awesome! I wonder if pushing back her afternoon nap a tad might help the afternoon ones be longer as well? anyway, they say that the morning naps are the most important. WOOHOO! Glad things are improving.
Hi Rachel,
I came across your Blog and now am sleepless because i am trying to Read and soak it all up to make Some serious changes in our lives. I have a 21 month year old where I did everything wrong in terms of sleep training. She needs a Stroller walk for her nap….they goes to bed Around 9 pm, she lies in an co sleeping crib next to me. I Give her a bottle and she Passes out only if she has her sleep Prop…which is scratching my arm Pitt!!! She gets furious if i am wearing a Long sleeve Shirt so she cant scratch my armpit and wont go to bed. Now i have a newborn, and my toddler Wakes several times At night and wants to scratch my arm Pitt, sometimes i m turned the otherway nursing newborn and she Wakes up and gets furious. What should i Do ?
Anna ,have you taken my free 3 day course on sleep? Look at the bottom of this post and click on the image that will help you sign up! I feel your pain, mama.
I have a 5 week old baby that needs her pacifier (the wubbanub) to fall asleep, but wakes up every time it falls out (5-10 min, max 30 min). I tried calming her down without the pacifier but she just continues to cry until she gets the pacifier. So the pacifier has become a sleep prob for her, and I’m at a loss for how to remove it from her sleep routine. We have a routine, and I’ve tried rocking, singing, patting, and white noise. And I’m sure she’s full. This is mostly a problem during nap time but also some times before bed. Then she can sleep 6-8 hours before waking up again. Any suggestions on how to remove the sleep prop?
Oh girl we have this problem at times as well. I think with your 5 week old they’re still so tiny. I’ve often just propped it up best I could to keep it in adn waited a bit. Now my 3 month old (who previously did just what you described) now goes to sleep without it. He just needed to get a bit older!
Hi!
My 3.5 month old definitely uses the pacifier as a sleep prop. Night time after the first hour (normally two re insertions) she is okay when it falls out, until maybe several hours later when she wants it. She still sleeps fully swaddled which I have attempted to wean a bit but her startle reflex is still in effect and it definitely calms her. I feel like I’m counting down the days to lose the swaddle, have her be old enough to re insert it herself, or let her cry it out. Do you think she’s a bit young (and the swaddle) makes letting her cry a bit cruel? Naps she basically gets through one sleep cycle 35-50 minutes and sometimes popping it back in gets her through but more often I’m in and out a thousand times and she just has a few minutes of sleep here and there for the next hour.
Lindsay, if she’s needing the pacifier all the time and you think it’s really disruptive I’d just give it to her to fall asleep and not go back in repeatedly. Or I’d offer my finger or something to help her ease that transition. I often let them keep it but try not to go put it back in, if you get me. Hope that helps :)
ah! Desperate mom needing some advice! What would you recommend doing for a 1 month old who is veryyyyy dependent on the boob/nursing to sleep! For his naps, bedtime and to soothe himself in the night! Sometimes I just let my husband take him and let him cry but he will cry forever until I give in! I don’t know what to do! Any advice is appreciated :)
Kaylee, do you think he’s getting enough milk when you feed him? Is he staying awake an getting a full feed? If he isn’t then he’ll likely sort of be continually hungry. Think that could be it?
Hi-
My daughter is 4.5 months old and goes to sleep w pacifier. During the night I have to go in and give it to her a few times and then starting four o clock she CONSTANTLY needs it and it seems never fully goes to sleep until we take her out of her crib at 6:15. I am exhausted – do I have to take pacifier away from her or do you think she’ll be able to grab them on her own soon?
Lori, this is up to you. If I have to go in more than once or twice (total) to put it back in I’ll take it away only because I start losing my mind with tiredness. :(
Dear Rachel.
My little son is 4.5 months old. He has never been big eater or sleeper but for the past couple of weeks he has been a nightmare. Last several night he has been vaking up every 30-90 minutes..all night long!! Only thing that sooths him is a bottle. But I can’t feed him 7 x a night! So I keep feeding him every three hours and I just bounce him every other time at night he wakes up. But he freaks out every time I bounce and offer pacifier…for good 15-20 min and then he gives in.i don’t feed to sleep during the day and try to limit it at night to 2-3 feedings. I was wondering if I should just dreamfeed and never feed on demand..but that makes it very difficult night for me. Especially if he still wakes up 7x..and I sooth him 7x from screaming without the bottle…and then I should fit dreamfeed in between ? I am a military wife and I spend alot if night by myself…and it is honestly physically impossible to survive ..without sleep, listening hours of crying,,pumoing…without a support. I need to solve this asap. Please any ideas. I recently started to feed some solids because he just doesn’t take enough milk during day…I keep trying. Only at night while pacifying himself with bottle he finishes big portions…never during the day.
oh Michaela… okay so you’re saying he won’t take a full feed, right? He’ll only snack? I think the key is to get him to take a FULL FEED. So this may mean for one day you only feed fully and then wait for two hours, say, until he’s hungry enough to take a full feed again. You may not want take that tack, but if they are used to snacking they’ll snack all the time and it’s EXTREMELY STRESSFUL to feed a baby all day long day and night with no resite, especially if your support syste is far away.
Hey, my son is 11 weeks old and has accidentally gotten into nursing to sleep. It started when he was newborn and couldn’t stay awake after a feed. Now he cries and cries until I nurse him and nothing else seems to calm him. He even cries when just hold him in a cradle position without nursing!! I worry that this will become more of a problem as he gets older. He is a terrible napper during the day. Often it takes me an hour to get him to sleep, by which time he’s hungry, over tired and needs his nappy changing. During the night he’s great and sleeps for 6-7 hours, wakes for a feed and sleeps another 5-7 hours!! But his naps are anything between 10-60 minutes and wakes up still tired. I’ve tried everything to get him to sleep but it seems like I spend longer getting him to sleep than him actually sleeping. When he does wake I’m never sure if he’s done napping or just having trouble resettling after a sleep transition.
Helen, do you think he’s gettinge nough milk? I only ask because I wonder if he’s fussy after feeds maybe he’s hungry? How’s your supply?
Rachel!! Praise God I found you. I desperately need your help. My son is over 7 months old, he’s our first and I’m a FTM. Basically I have created a terrible situation, I am his sleep prop and so is his pacifier (he can put them in himself mostly but plays with it nonstop). We’ve tried CIO multiple times but I’m never able to stay consistent because I don’t understand the intervals etc. He’s dramatic and works himself up to vomit and poop within a half hour of put down usually so it’s hard for me to just stay away. He cries for hours every night for weeks on end and I end up giving in, I know if I just pick him up to calm him he’ll settle and sleep but that cycles quickly to not letting him cry and learn. Just ordered a video monitor so it’s coming after Christmas, I’ve started to severely limit daytime pacifier use and offer him a lovey blanket instead when he needs comfort. He still gets paci at sleeps and co naps often. His naps are awful at only 3 at 25 min each and each day is a fussy nightmare. Can you tell me how to successfully teach him to sleep on his own?? I’m desperate!
Toni, have you read my post 28 things to do if baby won’t lseep? Google that and read it. Also have you taken my free video course that is offerd at the bottom of this post?
Hi Rachel, thanks for this article! I’ve got a four-month old light sleeper, and I’m wondering what kind of white noise to use. Is there a specific machine or CD you find best? Also, do you play it throughout the entire nap/night or just for a short period of time to help them fall asleep? Thanks!
I actually use the white noise app free on my phone :) I play it all night and at naps. That said, I also have a boom box or two from like the 1990’s that my grandmother had lying around and I put those on FM stations that play fuzz. Ha!
I have 11 month almost 1yr old twin girls and every morning at 10:30am i give them yogurt and pedialite in a bottle, then i burp them and rock them to sleep. The problem is one twin will sleep up to an hour or more but the other twin will only sleep 30-45mins and wakes up screaming, but then when i cradle her in my arms she will fall asleep again. I dont know what to do.
Hmm… do you think she’s in pain or is it just a habit at this point? It is good, however, that she will go back to sleep because the goal is for her to sleep!
My baby just turned 2 months yesterday but has in the last week become exceedingly addicted to the pacifier to go to sleep. He can barely nap at all because during any transitions he moves and knocks it out and screams (wubbanub doesn’t work, he prefers MAMs). It has been helpful at nighttime to an extent to calm him down when he wakes but isn’t hungry, but the reinsurting drives me nuts. Is he too young to wean? Will I regret weaning him when he teeths or has sleep regression? HALP ?
Oh girl, yes the pacifier can be love and hate. I wonder if he’s getting enough food do you think? I know mine went through growth spurts and then they’d act like starving little things sucking on that pacifier and I’d feed extra for a few days then they’d go back to normal. Could it be a growth spurt?
Hey Rachel!
My LO is 8.5 months old and the only way he falls asleep is if with a bottle in his mouth… if I pull the bottle out before he falls asleep he wakes up instantly crying! If I put him in his crib without being fully asleep he’ll cry, cry, cry.. I feel terrible letting him cry it out… so I don’t know how I can actually fix the problem… also since he’s 8.5 months old is he too old? I just hate to hear him cry I don’t want to break my baby’s heart ❤️
Melissa, he’s not too old at all and it’s actually a very easy and prime time to start teaching him how to sleep. HE cries cause he’s used to it and he wants it. If you know he needs to take it away he’ll just have to get used to it and you can still help him do that with lots of cuddles asnd kisses and time!
Hi there! My 2 year old (yes, 24 months) STILL nurses at night!!! I’ve tried to stop multiple times but then something comes up – she gets sick, or teething, etc. and I’m so exhausted I give in. Well NOT anymore!!! Im SO done!! The trouble is when I try to tell her no and put her back to sleep (I refuse to CIO) she still resist hard (obviously) and then she will STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Literally, she will NOT go back to sleep. After 3 nights of her NOT sleeping, I couldn’t do it and I couldn’t make her do it, and I gave in!!! So that’s where I am now!! I don’t know how to wean her because it’s so brutal but it has to be done. Any tips? Thanks!
Amanda, why don’t you give her something to drink in a sippy cup or cup/bottle instead of feeding her? It’s been a long time now, how are you going?
Hi Rachel.
My baby is 2.5 months old… During the day it is very hard to get him to fall asleep on his own in his crib… Usually we use the stroller(thi would be a prop then?) , sometimes put him on his tummy in crib and if he is very tired he would fall asleep almost right away… When he is very sleepy putting him in the crib only makes him cry cry cry and then fall asleep when its soon time to nurse again so he wakes up tired… As far as night time goes our routine is bath, getting dressed, groomed, cuddle and nursing…however he always sleeps for hour or two before the bath… by the time he is done nursing he is almost asleep and i put him in the crib and walk out no problem… I worry what will happen when i stop nursing… So far he goes to bed at 9,wakes up at 1 and 4,and finally at 6:30…
So sounds like most of the issues come with napping, right? IF he sleeps well at night firs toff, that’s great! Now you can focus on naps more. Do you give him a full feed and then not let him stay up much past the appropriate time for his age? So probably no more than 1.5 hours?
My little boy is 9 weeks old, and has started napping for 30-45 minutes only unless I’m holding him. At night, he is put in his Moses basket drowsy but awake by 8pm, and goes to sleep on his own, waking at approximately 1 and 5 for a feed. He generally uses a pacifier to go to sleep both at naptime and bedtime.
He seems to constantly be yawning during the day, and his lack of sleep is making me anxious. Any suggestions?
Sounds like he’s getting great night sleep which is amazing! I wonder if he’s learning how to transition from active to passive sleep during naps so after 45 minutes or so he is waking up. Is that it?
I think so. Will he just learn in time or is there something I need to do to help him? I’m a very confused first time mum!
Babies will surely learn in time! They are learning everything, sweet things and you’re doing a grea tjob!
Hi Rachel,
My LO is 16months and completely addicted to nursing as a sleep prop. She wakes up more than 4 times in the night to nurse despite having eaten 3 solid meals in a day with snacks and enough liquids(so its just comfort sucking). It’s exhausting and my back is getting worse everyday from sleeping on my side so she can feed. She is still in our bed as i gave up waking up numerous times to nurse her then put her back in her cot(this is even more exhausting i would be a walking zombie at work the foll.day). So am currently working on establishing a sleep routine for her(on day 3) but we always end up with her nursing or crying till she gets her boob and no form of soothing/cuddling/singing has worked for her. Even when her dad tries to help she cries so hard we give in. then she’s able to remove my boobs from my nightie on her own without my help and even alternate so sometimes i wake up to find she’s already helped herself. i need your help on how to wean her off this prop without too many tears and a rough idea on how long it will take us.
PS:am so freaked out by CIO!! i tried it once and she cried and would’nt sleep till i gave in at 3am in the morning out of frustration. then i ended up feeling like am the worst mum in the world?
Rita, definitely don’t do any type of CIO if you are feeling fidgety about it! Steady and consistent will win the race too.
Rita, since your baby is a lot older and her will is now involved, it might take a week or two. If you are not able to be consistent and give in it may take even longer. You have two approaches. 1) pull the band aid and put baby in her own crib so she can’t do it. 2) have her sleep with your husband so she’s able to feel comforted but not get milk. Or, I guess, you could give her some milk from a bottle? The fact is she won’t decide to stop on her own so this is VERY HARD, Rita, big hugs!
thanks Rachel. i think i’ll take the first option. So if i put her in her own crib then she wakes up i dont give her milk at all? only soothe her back to sleep/have someone else do it?
Rita, if you are night weaning then don’t give milk just comfort her. If you have a partner who will go in instead of you, this really works because he can comfort and soothe back to sleep and baby knows he doesn’t have milk :) After a few nights, baby shouldn’t wake at all if enough food (or milk) is given during the day.