Here are some strategies you can use in your own home when you have siblings fighting nonstop threatening your very sanity. Trust me… we’ve been there.
We imagine siblings playing together, laughing, and becoming best friends.
Then we have kids who fight over LEGO, argue over leg space in the van, and who got more milk in their cup.
HEAVEN HELP US ALL.
Of course, it’s natural for people who live together to get on each other’s nerves. And it doesn’t mean they won’t get along later.
In fact, a book published more than a decade ago said it isn’t how much siblings fight that determines their future relationship, but how much fun they have together.
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Strategies for when siblings fight all the time
You know it when the arguing is getting out of hand… there seems to be no peace and everyone is at each others throats all the time.
This can be very frustrating for a mom, and she can begin to wonder what she is doing wrong. For some, this can even lead to The Feeling of Being Overwhelmed.
When siblings fight all the time, there are often triggers that can be managed and conflict resolution strategies to “nip it in the bud.” Here is what I recommend to end the siblings fighting:
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
First, identify triggers
Take a step back and evaluate…really look and listen to what triggers the arguing outbursts.
As moms, we tend to tune some of this out. For this reason, some of the triggers may go unidentified which can lead to long-term fighting.
When you identify what the triggers are, you will be more equip to take action to end the siblings fighting. The following are some common triggers that I have experienced:
- toys
- name calling
- he said/she said
- roughhousing
- clutter
- discontentment
- over-tiredness
- dishonesty
- jealousy (over things or Parents Attention)
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Learn MoreManage the siblings’ environment well
I have been told that I have a “peaceful home“. This didn’t happen on accident. Let me tell you, controlling the environment of your home is within your power and ability to do so…
In fact, it’s necessary to manage your home environment in order to control siblings fighting.
Tips to managing the environment:
First of all, make sharing rules for items that cause conflict. Remember to stick with the consequence if the rule has not been followed. Followthrough is key to avoiding siblings fighting over toys.
Name calling and he said/she said can be so annoying and really bring down the peacefulness of your home. If this is causing fighting, ban negative talk about siblings and stick to whatever consequence you lay out.
Boys especially love to roughhouse. And, sometimes it may be ok. If roughhousing is a trigger for siblings fighting, it may be time to set some guidelines for when/how roughhousing can take place.
Clutter can be a trigger for siblings fighting if there’s not enough space for organized play or Independent Play to take place in the living areas. Try using a Basket System or encourparate in a Sweep Through daily into your schedule to help.
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Learn MoreWhen the overall environment seems to get less peaceful in my home, it usually starts with discontentment. It starts with a little whininess, then leads to arguing and fighting.
As soon as whininess leaks out of my kids, I combat it with words of encouragement.
Sometimes, I even model what I would like them to say instead of the complaint that just leaked out. For example, If one my kids said “mommy, I don’t like this day because nothing is working right for me.”
I would immediately retaliate with “Oh, did you mean to say that you are going to find a way to be creative and make the most out of what day you have left today?”
Over-tiredness makes even the strongest of us cranky. If this is a trigger, add in a quite time or nap into your daily schedule.
More sibling fighting tips…
Dishonesty can be a real trigger for siblings fighting. If dishonesty is an issue with your kids, I recommend consequences that require honesty.
For example: you may have your child apologize openly to his brother and then give him whatever it is that they were fighting over.
If you feel like jealousy, or seeking attention for your time is a trigger… I believe it’s time to step back and organize your day allowing for one-on-one time with each child.
It doesn’t take very long to make a big impact. But, it does take all of your attention at that time.
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Teach conflict resolution
When it comes to conflict resolution, each situation and child may need to be handled differently. Knowing when to stay out of it and when to intervene can be very useful.
I believe that a crucial part of child development is learning how to handle conflict and problem solve… think on their own.
That being said, as long as your children know the rules and consequences, I recommend staying out of conflict for as long as you can.
This builds their people skills and problem solving abilities.
If you’re still working on how to active this, start by training your kids these skills:
- Giving other’s the chance to speak without interrupting
- Sharing how they feel in a calm way
- Explaining using kind words instead of pointing the finger in anger
- Proposing solutions to the conflict before mom suggests one
Certain siblings always seem to fight?
Certain siblings can have a more contentious relationship due to personality, spacing, etc. With a large family, this is probably unavoidable. Don’t be dismayed…
Siblings fighting does not mean that they won’t be friends as adults.
In fact, the opposite is more likely to be true. Siblings that are more prone to arguing probably do so because they are so much alike and but heads because of it.
- Take two particular siblings who tend to fight and do something fun together. Shared experiences can help feeling connected
- Team them up for some chores. Put the together working towards a common goal.
- Separate before things get bad. Early intervention is key.
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Learn MoreGeneral tips to help reduce sibling fighting
Siblings can go from best buddies to “enemies” in a blink of an eye. The following list has tips to try to minimize and avoid opportunities to fight:
- Make sure each child’s needs are being met
- Set clear family rules
- Establish routines
- Teach teamwork.
- Maintain your family culture and values
- Catch your kids being good and verbally praise them
- Model getting along in how you handle the people in your life
- Provide and allow cool down spots/times during the day
I hope you realize how much power and ability you have to manage this siblings fighting business. The things discussed can be done to effectively minimize/cut out the arguing.
Have you tried any of these tips? How did they work for you? What is something that always works to avoid siblings fighting in your household?
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
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