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Home » Practical Tips for Moms » Mental & Emotional Wholeness » 5 Counter Intuitive Mindsets To Lessen The Stress Of Motherhood

Oct
19

5 Counter Intuitive Mindsets To Lessen The Stress Of Motherhood

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My Rhythms, Routines, & Schedules book and printable routine cards are on sale for 50% off today. Grab yours now!

Do you have some parenting problems or struggles that are bringing you down and stealing the positivity from your home atmosphere? Try these hacks!

Inside you’ll find some parenting out of the box parenting mentalities that will help solve behavior problems in your home. Parenting problems are common, take heart with these tips. 


The other evening I was mad as rip.

We’d gotten the kids to bed and the house was a mess and I knew that meant one thing: I was going to tidy it all alone. 

This made me mad because I didn’t want to tidy all alone with my husband relaxing because every time I walked by him I knew I’d get an eye twitch out of anger. Couldn’t he just SEE the mess and WANT to help out? Couldn’t he just flipping half the job with me so it could be done quicker?

Then I had an epiphany. 

I could do it all myself while stirring up my anger and frustration. I could be self-righteous thinking he could easily help me but chose not to so he’s a big fat jerk.  Or I could kindly connect with him for a minute and then ask him to help me get it done faster.

I had to choose feeling like I was “right” or actually getting what I wanted. 

It’s the same in parenting. Sometimes we can order our children to do what they’re told because we think that’s “right.” Other times we can set them up to succeed, set the scene, and prepare their hearts before hand so obedience is easier and fulfilling.

It’s our choice.

Mindset Shifts To Solve Some Parenting Problems

We mothers often want to just Speak Our Mind and, regardless of the circumstances, expect happy obedience 100% of the time. This is neither possible nor the wisest way to go around it.

This doesn’t teach children to problem solve or make good decisions, it teaches them to stifle their emotions and simply do what they’re told. Clearly there’s a time and place for that, but character formation is the goal, not robotic obedience.

Connect Then Expect

Type A mothers like myself have simple expectations. We want to say Something and have our children Immediately Do It.

While this is – of course – fair enough in some situations, it doesn’t always happen. And it isn’t just because our children are disobedient or don’t care what we’ve told them. Interestingly enough, children want to please parents they are in good standing with.

They are quicker to respond well to family boundaries if they feel part of a positive nurturing family. One of the first Go To methods for figuring out the root of behavioral issues is to connect first.

Read: Want To Stop Your Kids From Rebelling? Research Says Do These Things…

How To Connect With Your Kids:

Don’t make it harder than it has to be.

  • Get down on their level and make eye contact
  • Make a point to show more physical affection
  • Do something with your child they love to do
  • Get on the floor and play
  • Read books together

Read: The Instinctual Reason Kids Don’t Do What You Say

Give Choices Not Total Control

We all know about the parenting extremes. Those who are authoritarian and expect 100% discipline 100% of the time. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, there are parents who are so permissive the children have no boundaries and do what they want.

The goal is a healthy mixture of control and freedom. 

If you tend to give too little freedoms, try offering some more choices. If you tend to be very permissive, offer fewer choices. Surprisingly, children without clear boundaries are insecure and children who know what’s expected of them are more secure. You will know intuitively if your children need some reining in or some setting free.

Read: This Is What’s Really Happening When Your Kids Are Defiant

Fight For Rest

It’s easy to go with the flow and let things happen. That is what’s referred to as the path of least resistance. When babies and then toddlers resist sleep, it’s easier not to fight. But the truth is that humans need restorative sleep to function optimally.

In fact, they need restorative sleep to function, period. Babies develop at a rapid rate during those first few years and research is clear that lack of sleep affects the body and mind.

Find out how to help your tired baby sleep. Help your toddler wind down and then set firm limits around naps and bedtimes. It doesn’t matter whether they act like they don’t need sleep. You are the mother and you know they need sleep. Lead the horse to water.

Read: All The Baby Sleep Advice You’ll Ever Need

parenting problems

Stop Digging Your Heels In When You’e Got Parenting Problems

One of the best things you can do to avoid power struggles is to stop fighting.

Does that make you feel relief?

If not just wait for it. You’ll feel relief soon. Instead of digging your heels in and issuing commands here and there with your children, pull back. You are the parent and you’ve set the limit. Do not try to force your child to do what you say. Instead choose a consequence for not doing what is necessary and communicate that.

Instead of saying, “Get back in your room and clean it right now!” you might say, “We play outside after our rooms are clean.” 

An enforceable statement says, “You can eat dinner once homework is done.” It does not say “Do your homework now!” Enforceable statements give back control to your children while making consequences for their choices clear.

Half the frustration of parenting is the battles. Stop fighting them.

It’s not weak parenting to understand that our children are not robots. 

It’s not weak parenting to give kids control we don’t need. 

It’s not weak parenting to look past some actions to get to their heart. 

On the contrary, a little bit of grace goes a long way.

::

If you are stressed, overwhelmed, or drained… you aren’t alone.

After hearing from thousands of mothers, I’ve narrowed down the Top 5 Biggest Stressors For Moms. Sign up below and I’ll send my FREE series straight to your inbox!

Click here and learn breakthrough strategies that’ll help you feel peace immediately.

End Mom Stress. Live in peace, not overwhelm

Rachel

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Filed Under: Mental & Emotional Wholeness, Practical Tips for Moms3

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I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

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I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

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With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

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“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

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I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

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I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Kim B says

    Hi Rachel,
    Thanks for your timely and insightful reminders to help us through our parenting journeys. I had to giggle when I read this post about you fighting with your husband ‘in your head’ about not helping with tidying up but not saying anything, as I am exactly the same with my hubby! Why can’t they see these things? Are they blind? haha, I will try harder to adopt your approach of gentle and kind requests for my hubby to help out more, although he is slowly getting better at offering his help. :)
    God bless,
    Kim

    Reply
  2. Saima Masood says

    Hey Rachel!

    I am so in love with your blog. Believe it or not, this blog is my second home.

    Whenever I need a parenting tip or have a confusion in mind or even when I want to be motivated your blog is the place where I turn to.!

    I am so glad to have found my way to your blog, btw I am also a blogger mommy but somehow blogging and motherhood doesn’t seem to get along well as far as I am concerned.

    I am in awe of you, the way you handle your kids, come up with coping mechanism and how you manage running your blog is commendable.

    best of luck dear.
    Lots of love.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Thank you so much for your encouragement! It comes with a lot of help, I’ll assure you.

      Reply

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Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, cancer survivor, and mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. I love Birth Order, am passionate about parenting and motherhood, and family culture Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

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