Inside you’ll find some parenting out of the box parenting mentalities that will help solve behavior problems in your home. Parenting problems are common, take heart with these tips.
The other evening I was mad as rip.
We’d gotten the kids to bed and the house was a mess and I knew that meant one thing: I was going to tidy it all alone.
This made me mad because I didn’t want to tidy all alone with my husband relaxing because every time I walked by him I knew I’d get an eye twitch out of anger. Couldn’t he just SEE the mess and WANT to help out? Couldn’t he just flipping half the job with me so it could be done quicker?
Then I had an epiphany.
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I could do it all myself while stirring up my anger and frustration. I could be self-righteous thinking he could easily help me but chose not to so he’s a big fat jerk. Or I could kindly connect with him for a minute and then ask him to help me get it done faster.
I had to choose feeling like I was “right” or actually getting what I wanted.
It’s the same in parenting. Sometimes we can order our children to do what they’re told because we think that’s “right.” Other times we can set them up to succeed, set the scene, and prepare their hearts before hand so obedience is easier and fulfilling.
It’s our choice.
Mindset Shifts To Solve Some Parenting Problems
This doesn’t teach children to problem solve or make good decisions, it teaches them to stifle their emotions and simply do what they’re told. Clearly there’s a time and place for that, but character formation is the goal, not robotic obedience.
Connect Then Expect
Type A mothers like myself have simple expectations. We want to say Something and have our children Immediately Do It.
While this is – of course – fair enough in some situations, it doesn’t always happen. And it isn’t just because our children are disobedient or don’t care what we’ve told them. Interestingly enough, children want to please parents they are in good standing with.
They are quicker to respond well to family boundaries if they feel part of a positive nurturing family. One of the first Go To methods for figuring out the root of behavioral issues is to connect first.
How To Connect With Your Kids:
Don’t make it harder than it has to be.
- Get down on their level and make eye contact
- Make a point to show more physical affection
- Do something with your child they love to do
- Get on the floor and play
- Read books together
Give Choices Not Total Control
We all know about the parenting extremes. Those who are authoritarian and expect 100% discipline 100% of the time. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, there are parents who are so permissive the children have no boundaries and do what they want.
The goal is a healthy mixture of control and freedom.
If you tend to give too little freedoms, try offering some more choices. If you tend to be very permissive, offer fewer choices. Surprisingly, children without clear boundaries are insecure and children who know what’s expected of them are more secure. You will know intuitively if your children need some reining in or some setting free.
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Fight For Rest
It’s easy to go with the flow and let things happen. That is what’s referred to as the path of least resistance. When babies and then toddlers resist sleep, it’s easier not to fight. But the truth is that humans need restorative sleep to function optimally.
In fact, they need restorative sleep to function, period. Babies develop at a rapid rate during those first few years and research is clear that lack of sleep affects the body and mind.
Find out how to help your tired baby sleep. Help your toddler wind down and then set firm limits around naps and bedtimes. It doesn’t matter whether they act like they don’t need sleep. You are the mother and you know they need sleep. Lead the horse to water.
Stop Digging Your Heels In When You’e Got Parenting Problems
One of the best things you can do to avoid power struggles is to stop fighting.
Does that make you feel relief?
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
If not just wait for it. You’ll feel relief soon. Instead of digging your heels in and issuing commands here and there with your children, pull back. You are the parent and you’ve set the limit. Do not try to force your child to do what you say. Instead choose a consequence for not doing what is necessary and communicate that.
Instead of saying, “Get back in your room and clean it right now!” you might say, “We play outside after our rooms are clean.”
Half the frustration of parenting is the battles. Stop fighting them.
It’s not weak parenting to understand that our children are not robots.
It’s not weak parenting to give kids control we don’t need.
It’s not weak parenting to look past some actions to get to their heart.
On the contrary, a little bit of grace goes a long way.