Inside you’ll find tips on the necessity of a mom vacation and how you can do one on any budget.
I like to do something every so often.
Something I like to call: getting the heck out of dodge.
You may have that feeling rising up inside you as well.
The need to escape.
You can tell that the need for a break is coming because you probably start exhibiting some of the following behaviors. You probably don’t even know you’re doing it. Motherhood is such a full-time hyper vigilant job.
Symptoms include:
- feeling personally offended when someone needs a diaper change (or a drink, or help to reach something)
- loss of patience for normal things
- the constant desire to be alone or incessant scrolling you can’t control
- cutting corners with discipline, quality time and household chores even though you dislike the results
- feeling like no one is respecting your boundaries
Basically, when I sense my normal healthy and positive daily attitude start slipping, I know it’s time for a mommy vacation. My husband is willing to watch the kids so, when budget and scheduling permits, I try to get away for a while and recharge.
When you think about the day to day resume for the stay at home mom, you know that getting some time for yourself is not a luxury but a necessity.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
If a mom vacation is something you are considering, then try these benefits on for size. Truly, time away is not selfish, but one of the best gifts you can give your family. It’s an investment in you.
Here are some things you might want to do on a mom vacation:
- Sleep
- Read
- Relax by the pool / beach / mountain
- Get ahead on a creative project
- Plan the year ahead
- Hang out with friends
- Sightsee
- A lot more!
Read: Strategies For Overwhelmed Moms Who Want To Escape
What's in this post...
Benefits of A Mom Vacation
While most moms would agree they like time alone now and again, I’ve found surprising positive benefits to taking a weekend (and even 24 hour if that’s all you can swing) mommy vacation.
It’s not just being able to sleep in or read an entire book, but actual noticeable differences in attitude and emotional well-being result. Here are 5 unexpected benefits I’ve noticed from my times away.
Read: The Ultimate Guide To Having A Mother’s Helper You’ll Love
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!
Learn More1. Patience returns
As I take time away I can literally feel my patience returning. My previously intense desire to flee and be alone is replaced with a small (and growing) appreciation for normal life with the kids.
Pre-mommy vacation you may be snappy, impatient, and irritable. Post-mommy vacation you’ll feel more calm, at peace, and able to handle the daily snags of life.
It seems silly that a time period as short as a weekend can cause such an attitude turnaround, but it’s absolutely true!
When you finally have time to relax and get “off duty” the feelings that have been stuffed are able to resolve themselves. I’m not saying you’ll feel like a new person, but you’ll feel like you again.
Related Reads:
- Â Why Am I An Angry Mom? 5 Anger Triggers And How To Manage Them
- Enjoy Being A Mom Again With These 4 Stress-Relieving Mindsets
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
2. Delight returns
Mom vacations actually create space for delight in your kids to return.
Responsibilities outweigh cute moments.
The “urgent” takes priority over the spontaneous.
Getting away from responsibilities and obligations for a day or two actually forces you to just “be.” And when you are just being you, the delight with your children comes back full force.
You may find anxiously awaiting your reunion with them and delighting in the things that, two days earlier, would have been inconvenient and annoying.
Related Reads:
- Why Moms Lose Their Identity And How To Get It Back
- Words Every Emotionally Exhausted Mom Needs To Hear
Trying to work through some mindsets that hold you back? These cards will help you get focus on the right things.
Learn More3. Gives the kids a change of scenery
It’s good for your kids to spend alone time with their dad, other family members, or care givers who love them.
The more positive influences on your children, the merrier.
Truthfully, your husband isn’t doing you a favor by watching the kids.
With you out of the way your spouse, family member, friend or babysitter has a chance to spend some time with the kids doing things you’d probably not ordinarily do.
New games, new activities, new vocabulary and just a good old fashioned change of pace.
Sometimes, even for the kids, a change is as good as a vacation.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
4. Brings you back to your own identity
Becoming a mother is a major life change.
If other areas of your life change at the same time as becoming a mother – career, location, etc. – then the transition can really throw you for a loop.
When we’re focused on others all day and barely give our own needs or wants a thought we can begin to lose our own identity.
Of course we must meet our children’s needs all day!
Of course we must sacrifice some of our previous habits by necessity!
However, it’s good to take some time and remember who you are as a person outside of being a mother. What you like to do, what you don’t like to do. Time to find remember passions and time to do the things you love that there aren’t enough hours in the day for.
Related Reads:
- Awesome Hobbies For Moms: 50+ Hobbies To Cure Your Loneliness
- 5 Signs You May Be A Depressed Mom – And How To Start Feeling Better
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!
Learn More5. It’s for catching up too
When I take the time to go away, I use it for two purposes.
Relaxation and/or getting ahead on writing projects.
Sometimes you’ll be able to do both successfully which means that upon returning home you’ll actually feel ahead.
Ahead and rested!
If you have something you’ve been wanting to do for a while, scheduling time away to get it done makes all the difference. There are no distractions or other practicalities pulling away at you.
Related Reads:
- The Real Reason Moms Never Have Enough Time (Hint: It’s Not Because They Waste It!)
- 5 Instant Stress Busters For Overwhelmed Moms
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
How to do a mom vacation on any budget
Truly, you can take a break and get away on any budget. Here’s how.
1. Get out a calendar
My biggest advice to work your mommy vacations into your schedule is to plan them far in advance.
Get out your calendar or snazzy planner and start thinking about possible months/weekends that would work. You can pencil in holidays and important events to determine when you can block out time for yourself.
If you go away 24 hours at a time (as opposed to a whole weekend), you may be able to go away every other month. I’d aim for at least twice next year at a minimum.
It will be a nice treat to look forward to.
- Decide whether you want to go alone or with friends. If alone, choose a time that works best for whoever will keep the kids.
- If going with friends, start a group chat or message and choose a weekend far in advance.
Your Overcoming Overwhelm Guide will help take you from practical, emotional, and spiritual overwhelm to a place of more peace and calm, regardless of whether your circumstances change.
Learn More2. Reach out
The most inexpensive way to take a mommy vacation is by reaching out to family and friends.
By reaching out to your small group, church community, friends and family you can determine if anyone has (or knows someone who has) a perfect getaway you can take advantage of next year.
Even if you have to pay, it will be far less expensive than paying full price elsewhere.
- Start putting the word out. Don’t be shy! Ask people if they know someone who has a second home, lake house, whatever, and say you’re looking to book something to recharge your life.
- Reach out to friends who you know have done something similar and ask how they did it.
3. Request it as a gift
If you feel uncomfortable asking family and friends outright, why not put it on your wish list?
Time away is a great gift for Mother’s Day (even if you don’t go away on Mother’s Day), birthdays, or other “just because” occasions.
If your family and friends know that your priority is time away, they’ll know exactly what to give you when the giving is good.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
4. Think outside the box
While staying in a hotel may be the first thing that springs to mind, if that is out of your budget then think outside the box.
Do friends have garage apartments or granny flats (a.k.a. mother-in-law suites)? If so, they may be an ideal getaway destination for you.
And, if they aren’t being used year-round, you may find it an ongoing offer of hospitality a few times a year.
House sitting is another option.
If you put the word out soon enough you may snag a few house sitting gigs, and a house is a lot more comfortable than a hotel.
5. Scour the deals
There will always be deals, both far in advance and last minute, so be sure to keep your eye out on various websites for opportunities.
There are tons of money saving sites for booking accommodation, but a few unique ones are listed below.
- VRBO
- AirBnb
- Trivago
- Priceline
- Hotwire
- Last MinuteÂ
While we nearly always use VRBO when traveling as a family of 7, when going alone I don’t want to pay a cleaning fee, admin fee, and security deposit, so I will try to find something without the added fees.
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!
Learn More6. Do spend it if you’ve got it
Lastly, if you’ve got the dosh to spend then don’t feel guilty.
While it may seem indulgent and selfish to spend time away, it’s actually necessary to recharge and refresh yourself.
When you have an all-consuming and demanding job – like motherhood – taking time away only helps you return to your home better equipped to lovingly and patiently carry out your responsibilities.
It’s not stealing from your family, it’s giving back to them.
An ideal mommy vacation will look different to every woman.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
You don’t have to go full on luxury to feel that you’ve been pampered.
In fact, the nicest hotel I’ve stayed in was 4 star and it turned out to be the last wing in the hotel not renovated.
Which meant it was basically a 2 star. And you know what?
It was fantastic!
Why?
Because I didn’t have to do the dishes, laundry, cooking, or any child minding duty. There was a bed, a bath, and room service.
And that was enough.
FAQs
It’s not selfish to need time away, and it’s not selfish to ask. Simply say something like: “I would really like some time away to (recharge/sleep/catch up with friends/etc.) When would be a good time to be away for (24 hours/a weekend/etc.)?”
Read this blog on mom guilt and use this phrase to banish mommy guilt.
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Wow, I can totally relate to you on ALL ACCOUNTS! I had to laugh at the “personally offended when a diaper change is needed” bit. That’s so true. Sometimes the constant “on-ness” of motherhood is a lot to handle. I am not one of those mothers who can be content to do it day in day out without a break. I need my ME time. I have never considered going on an actual mini vacation by myself, only with friends, but I like the sound of this!
I have friends who like to go away with friends, but perhaps that is what they long for and miss in the day to day? I long for and miss ME time. Ha. Even if it’s eating bacon double cheeseburgers and fries and watching movies or reading a book. Just being able to be… if that makes sense :)
I like taking the mommy vacay but I prefer to stay home and send the kids to their grandparents ;) This way I get time to myself and time with My Man too! When staying home it’s best to make sure the house is clean before taking the kids to Grandma’s ;) I also go away with friends for a weekend every year and I love that too :)
That’s a good point, Rachel (great name!) because sometimes you actually want to rest AT HOME just not with all the normal stresses. And so true, who could truly rest and relax if you wasted half the vacay cleaning. Unless, of course, you wanted 48 hours to actually get things done at home. But I never do ;)
For the last 5 years I have made it a requirement that i am able to get away at least for one night twice a year. Our baby is 15months and still breastfeeds at night…I can tell that I am long overdue for a recharge. :/
Liz, oh yes you are MIGHTY overdue :)
As a dad and full-time educator I find this to be absolutely selfish. I balance work and home. I am with my 3 1/2 year old son as much as my wife is and am able to put him to bed 28 of 30 days per month. I cook with him, play toys with him, learn with him, discuss his challenges and frustrations with him, we shovel snow together, do laundry together, decorate for holidays together, go grocery shopping together and read books together. It was more than 3 yrs and 3 months before I spent a single night in a different building than him. I do not need a selfish me vacation … I think it is petty and arrogant to believe that a parent deserves a 2 day personal vacation from your children and spouse every 3 months. I am not willing to give up 2 days of contact with my son … 2 of 91 is over 2%, but consider 2 weekend days out of 26 … That is almost 8%. Why give that up ever … Are you really willing to spend the equivalent (over 18 years) of every weekend for 17 months? Not me. I am a dad … being a dad is the greatest responsibility and the most rewarding “job” in the world (that I can have … I heard being a mom is just as awesome). We only have so much time here … Why waste it on selfish endeavors.
You indeed sound like a devoted and loving father, Tim. Women definitely don’t “deserve” special time away. But if you get past the point of being able to parent well because you’re dried up and empty, it’s time for a refresh. I hope that came across and not that I was a simpy mom who feels she needs two days of a spa to be a good mom. For I certainly am not that.
Get over yourself buddy. Whenever your dad of the year t-shirt and coffee mug don’t look just like mine, then you can talk shit about how someone else takes care of themselves or their family. Consider yourself lucky to be able to put your children to bed and be there in person so much, not everyone has that luxury.
Tim, what you have failed to realize is that men and women are mentally wired completely different. We men have the ability to just stop thinking about things, relax and recharge quickly. From what my wife has told me, women can’t really do that, so they need a good amount of time away from everything that’s stressful to relax and recharge.
I completely support my wife, who’s with our kids 24/7, having a day or two to go to the spa to get much needed relaxation a few times a year. As for me, I don’t need that. Just let me put on a movie or play a video game and drink a beer or two and I’m set.
Thank you for this perspective!! It helps me not feel guilty because the truth is, it IS hard to shut my brain off when I’m supposed to be relaxing at home with my husband after we’ve put the kids to bed!
When you take time away you are also teaching your children to respect themselves enough to do the same some day. You are showing your children that you are not just a mom (or dad), but a person who has a life that is also separate from that role. It is healthy for moms and dads to have time away. It is not selfish in the least. Particularly for those who do not work outside the home and are already with the children 24/7.
Exaclty!
Tim, you said you go to work everyday, but a SAHM does not. I started working again recently, and though that is exhausting also, it is a bit like a vacation from my role as mother. Interacting with grown-ups and not having to think for anyone but myself is stimulating in an entirely different way, than constantly having one eye and ear out for dangers and the needs of others. I come home and feel more patient and see my childs good sides more readily after not having to be empathetic to anyone half a day.
Also, have you heard of the mental load? Its where women and moms do all of the planning, researching and organising for everyone in the family and it takes up a lot more energy than only doing chores or playing with kids. Basically, women hold a managerial position on top of their jobs as SAHMs.
That being said, my husband and I also divide childrearing and households chores about 50% over time and I don’t crave a mommy-vacay. Because I get a little time to myself every day… It might even add up to 8%. But I know moms who are on duty for something or other 24/7, so this might be their only chance…
Yes!! Thank you!! That’s exactly it! The constant care and thought that is involved with staying at home all the time with little ones it’s just exhausting! And frankly sometimes a little boring when you have to hear the wiggles 17 times!
There would have been a time when I too would have thought a vacation to oneself would be completely selfish, and while I would never personally choose it, I have come to realize this is not because I am morally higher than someone else, but simply because God put in me different needs; not higher, or better, but a different personality with different, actual needs. The parents taking such reliefs are in no way inferior or underperforming on the whole compared to me. That said, I would encourage you to consider the differing situations facing people; in my home, my husband exclusively works. I used to work and for a long time I held the belief that what women did inside the home was less valuable/stressful and a luxury, and that they should therefore not complain about it at all (much less take a vacation). Gradually, with an increasing number of young children (5 under 5 I would imagine is EVEN harder) – a person’s sanity and ability to endure and perform within the house becomes exponentially tested; each additional kid is like someone fracking a fault line. Though when we had just 1 child, or even 2, I still felt it was “easier” and more rewarding than working, when we hit 3, especially with the pregnancy, and even now – I can honestly say that what I do at home is more fatigue-inducing, and more stressful, than even my former engineering job. But our situation is different from yours in that, because I am at home, I feel personally responsible to handle every aspect of educating the children, establishing a cozy home, taking care of the finances, scheduling any maintenance, doing the budget, planning and packing for any trips, volunteer activities, all food preparation and hygiene…basically, everything except a few outdoor activities that still fall under my husband’s responsibilities. This helps him focus on work, but more so I do it out of a sense of guilt if I do not. And I often can’t even get through it all, which leaves me feeling guilty. My vacations are not planned out…they often result from all of the childcare and housework mounting to the point where I start to lose my sanity with everyone else …well there’s no way to put it but…layering feces and spilt food, clogged toilets, dropped clothes, and failed learning games and toys all over the place. Small things, at this juncture, start to get to me when I am already “behind” on the ENDLESS list of chores and learning activities that are not just not fully done, but continually “falling behind”. It sounds like you shoulder a great deal of the childcare yourself, but I would take a moment to recognize that this may not be the case in all families. I love my husband, even when we argue, but, outside of reading a few books to the kids, and occasionally, if asked, playing a learning game with them, or once in a while allowing me to sleep in during formal vacations by an hour (but still never cleaning up after breakfast) – in our marriage, he is not burdened with the kids (and yes, they are gifts, time with them is precious…but the maintenance activities ARE a burden, getting through a huge volume of ironed laundry IS a burden…I HATE laundry, ironing, sorting it, putting it up, only to have it get back to the laundry room within the span of a week, after I have to go and collect it from all over the house…or peed in covers…there are activities that only a crazy person would say “I love to do that with my limited time on Earth!”) – anyway – he is simply not as burdened with the kids as I am. However, I recognize that he is burdened with having to hold down a job, deal with deadlines and a manager. I try to remind myself of this, because because of this, he justifies being completely lazy at home, stating that he works hard at work. I constantly have to denigrate and suppress my own frustrations and remind myself that it is a privilege to stay with the kids, but I agree with the author in that, if this psychological block does not work perfectly the entire year – it is far better to take a small span of “selfish” time to prevent further breakdown. Here it is nicely portrayed as an exciting vacation, but actually, in our family, what it is is preventing someone who may be frayed psychologically from completely losing their mind and starting to yell at everyone all over the place when a child runs off from the table and plants grease all over the house for the 10th time, etc. But to be clear, I would never leave my youngest child, who is still a nursing baby, nor would I ever go to a hotel, because I would pity my children to be without me – and the youngest two are still feeding of of me, and would be emotionally devastated if I were gone; but I recognize for us this is just because we do “family bed” – if we had a different bed structure, or I were not nursing on demand, I would imagine things would be different. Not that these were sacrifices, I’m just of the emotional makeup that I am clingly and love having the youngest 2 with me all the time. But not all women are of that makeup, and if they are not it very much is a sacrifice for them to be with their children 24/7, especially if they are emotionally independent. That said, I am hoping to take 8 hours today for myself, mostly because I am mad at my husband for being ungrateful (my perception). I feel it’s always on me to be grateful to him for working, but the gratitude does not go the other way; I lost my cool when he mentioned taking the eldest (and easiest) child to Home Depot, and leaving my “carless” on my vacation day (after I was trapped indoors all day while he exercised in the forest deforesting, and then complained about how hard it was…and the next day the house is a complete mess because the kids ran it ragged under his care). No way it is MY vacation and I’m taking the car and wasting some money on my eyebrows or something I would never do, so that I can get a piece of sanity back. I feel 8 hours every half year, or 16 hours per year, outside of bedtimes and not wasting more than 20 dollars is perfectly acceptable. Someone else can unclog a toilet or turn off a light or pick up slobber off the floor in my absence, and I absolutely don’t care how onerous or unfair it is anymore!
Tim, not every mom is lucky enough to have a husband who is physically there and able to put the kids to bed at night. I put my kids to bed nearly every night of the week except the one night of the week when I’m working – and that is a job that involves kids, so not quite as much of a break as a job that involves only adults. So it doesn’t matter how sick or tired I feel after homeschooling both kids and caring for them all day long — I’m still the one who puts them to bed every night. My husband would give anything to do what you do.
On another note, it’s SUPER EASY to care for only one child. Add a second one to the mix and chaos ensues. You don’t think two kids are going to be so challenging but it’s like 4x he work, not twice the work. :)
It is NOT selfish of a mom to take a vacation if that’s what she needs to recharge. In fact, it’s the OPPOSITE of selfish. As my husband is permanently and significantly disabled, I’ve learned from serving as his caregiver (as well as his wife) that you CANNOT help care for someone else if you yourself are running on empty. It’s like being on an airplane when the bags drop — you must first fasten your own mask before you can help someone else. This is VERY VERY TRUE for caregiving — including caring for young kids, who really deserve the best of you and not the worst of you. Trust me, I’d much rather be able to be the BEST mom I can be, and that means I take breaks every now and then.
Unfortunately, our budget doesn’t allow me the opportunity to take vacations, but even the nights my parents babysit my kids allows me a few hours of time to myself and my hubby once a week, and usually that’s all I need to recharge. But you don’t know what it’s like to be home all day with little kids, to constantly have to settle squabbles and ensure that kids’ needs are met. So trust me, most moms are in DIRE NEED of some quiet time and/or refreshment. And the thing is, 99% of us feel extremely guilty and shameful for needing breaks. Perhaps your wife is in that 1% who doesn’t care, especially since you do so much for your child each day, but most of us are not nearly that lucky!
You sound like an idiot…you can’t me that foolish to have really missed the ENTIRE point!
If you really are a full time educator, unless your wife works outside the home also, there is NO WAY you “spend as much time with your son as she does!” It is flat out not possible, so I’m calling bullcrap. Good for you for being an involved dad. You should be, but how dare you tell women who are home with their kids ALL THE TIME or even if they aren’t, do outside work AND the majority of the housework that their need is “selfish”. You know, that comment says more about you than it does about us. That you have an opinion on a topic you don’t even truly understand. Like being too ignorant to know you’re ignorant. I’ve been a single mom of one working full time and a stay at home, homeschooling mom of three (two are only 14 months apart). I’ve went YEARS without a kid free moment or date with my spouse. You have child free time every damn day if at no other time, your daily commute. I reckon you get to use the toilet without it being a family party also?
Are you serious!?! Until
You can get pregnant and carry a baby for nine months and go through hell in labor and delivery, shut your selfish ass up!
I have 2 daughters, ages 4 and 5. I schedule 2 separate days a month for myself. I currently work full time, so these 2 days are not just away from my family but away from my day job as well. I schedule all the days an entire year in advance, and my husband or a babysitter helps out on those days. Each month, one of the days is for a personal retreat, and the other day is for “deep work” where I can work on a project without distractions. Since I started doing this it has literally changed my life. Two years ago I was depressed and felt like a bunch of labels, e.g. “wife”, “mother”, but without my own definition. Having these personal days on the calendar gives me so much to look forward to, like anticipating Christmas all the time. My heart breaks for Tim’s wife, by the way.
Becky, thank you for sharing your story because this is a great testimony!
I love this Becky! What are some of the things you do for your personal retreat day?
Thanks for your post. I only have a 3 year old kid, and she literally drove me crazy every morning & night for a consecutive of 5 days (Monday- Friday), from not willing to brush her teeth (she is brushing just fine normally), making bad faces towards her grandparents, not going to bed while requesting for 2nd bottle of milk, asking me to apply lotion to a mosquito bite area, and playing with anything within her reach, she is driving me crazy and I ended up yelling at her before school and before bed. I feel so bad that I will talk to her about it after both of us calm down but I could not understand why she is repeating the actions daily. Then I found your article on Pininterest. Perhaps, I think it’s not her problem, just that I have lost my patience. Every little thing that does not go my way will trigger my anger almost immediately. ME time? Well my only me time is when I am in my dream, just kidding. I have me time when I send her to my mom when I will have a cup of coffee at home & continue with my colouring book, that’s provided she is willing to go over. I have not send her to my mom for a few months, for reasons I do not even know, she just wanted to cling with me all the time. Perhaps its time for me to take a break.
TAKE A BREAK, JENNIE!
Everybody needs a break!
I am a mother of 8. This comment that it is “selfish” to take a break is like a knife.
Please do not make blanket statements about people you do not even know; people who are obviously giving their best, their all for the people they love. AND they are struggling.
Take a break moms! I do believe we DO deserve it and NEED it.
AND I’m not going to apologize for my words either. Tim is obviously a great dad, that’s great, wonderful. But leave off condemning others who are clearly in need of encouragement.
Put your oxygen mask on first-then you can help others! ;)
I’ve taken 3 mommy vacations I the past year and it makes all the difference! One more benefit that I’ve noticed is my kids are super excited to see me when I come home. Everyday I watch my kids run excitedly when daddy comes home and I never get that! But when I get home from my time away they run to me and are so excited I’m home! It gives us all time to appreciate one another. I will continue to make time for myself and I found your article very validating. I must confess I tell very few people that I take time for myself for fear of being judged.
YES I love when they are running to you MOMMY MOMMY. So sweet! I am with you but I now, in my old age, am starting to care less and less what people think.
I have recently expressed to my husband that I need a vacation alone and it was NOT well received. My husband is the main caretaker of our children as his job hours are flexible and mine are not. My job also requires me to be out several times a month, but it is a high stress job. In addition to my 60 hour a week job, I am caring for my ailing parents. I also have a part time job that takes around 10 hours a week. We have four children and it kills me that I’m unable to spend the amount of time with them that my husband does because even though I work long hours, I still have the maternal instincts to want to care for my children. However, I’ve found that by the end of the days, my children keep getting what is left over of me…not my 100%. I am exhausted. I battle depression and now even when I do have the time to spend with my family, I can’t be the fun person I once was. I have expressed my need to get away for a few days to my husband so that I can recharge and then when I return we evaluate how I can adjust my circumstances in order to be a better wife and mother. He feels it is because I don’t want to be with him or our kids, that I’m just trying to get away from them. He also feels I am undeserving of this time away and it is selfish of me to ask since he is the one at home most often (and because HE doesn’t desire to “get away” from our family). How can I explain this to him? What do I do?
Liz, oh man it sounds like you’re in such a difficult position right now and feel misunderstood by him. :( Do you have a friend or counselor you can talk to that will help manage your stress?
How old was your youngest child when you stared doing this? I have a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 2 month old. I got pregnant with the second while nursing the first, and pregnant with the third a month after the second weaned. We have need able to get away as a couple during each pregnancy but I’ve never gone away by myself (besides a few hours for shopping, and that is definitely NOT restful! Lol). I’m wondering how soon I can take a 24 hour vacay. Maybe once the baby sleeps completely through the night. I thought I was doing pretty well emotionally/mentally but today was a rough day for me and then I read your article and it totally hit home.
Kassia, I did it while pregnant and probably my youngest would have always been weaned. So I didn’t want to take a baby with me but didn’t want to leave them home since I Nursed. If baby is sleeping through the night and you won’t lose your milk (if you’re nursing) then go for it! If you’re bottle feeding then whatever your partner feels comfort with. I’d go home feeling SO REFRESHED.
This is interesting. I do agree that an occasional recharge is good. Getting away from the family now a big trend amongst moms though..and I have many friends who spend 4-6 days every month away from their families. As someone who heard her mother talk about her mother who left her and her siblings alone to go travel all the time- my mother and her siblings were very resentful and still are…The kids notice.
So everything in moderation..
I also want to promote Mini-Vacations, like Afternoons or Evenings off, if you are still nursing but have a nice rhythm, especially if your baby takes food. I remember feeling very guilty, because I knew the kid would be upset, but going for a coffee with a friend, a casual stroll through stores or simply going to a cafe with my notebook to jot down all my thoughts and plans and to-do lists once a week is what I need to be a good mom. I feel like old me, I even start missing the kid after a few hours, I was very patient coming home and became more creative with him too.
(BTW, I do not condone saying “my husband is looking after my child”. I hand OUR child over to my teammate.We are like Tims family, in that my husband takes care of my son 40% of the waking hours. So I get real time off more than most, hence maybe I don’t need a mommy-vacay as badly? Though I do have the firm plan to go to a spa for a night or two after I finally stop breastfeeding after 3 years.)
Thank you for this article. I didn’t realize how much I needed this.I have always been an introvert and needed me time, but having little ones changes that.
Having a family is amazing and I am truly grateful for them….but I am so irritated lately.
I want to pee in silence.
I want to run an errand without my husband asking my daughter “do you want to go with mommy or stay with me”, which causes a meltdown if I then say “mommy needs to go alone”.
Today I realized since my daughters been born(shes 5 years old), I have never taken a hot bath without her climbing in. I end up having to take cold baths as is to hot for her.
I wake up when she wakes up and fall asleep after she sleeps. I get up in the middle of the night when shes screaming.
I just want a hot bath and to watch a mommy movie.
I just want a little bit of silence to think, to cry, to nap, to laugh and or to figure it all out.
Maybe just so I can be a better mom and wife.
Thank you so much for this article. I believe I am in desperate need for ME time. I am a lone parent as my husband works abroad and I am home with the kids 9 months out of the year. I have a 6 year old and a 22 month old. Both my children are exhaustingly energetic. Tired? That is an understatement.
I also run my own business on top of it all and my son only goes to daycare once a week. I have to manage my business calls and meetings around nap times and meetings all packed into the one day he is at daycare.
I am so stressed that I get offended whenever my daughter calls me. All she has to say is “mommy”
And I snarl back, what do you want!!
My husband is coming home in a few weeks and I am taking a mommy vacation for a full week. I have not had a break in almost 7 years…
I have depression and severe anxiety on top of all this. Thank you for this article because this will change my life.
I saw a comment from a dad about me time being petty and selfish. He is obviously a very devoted dad but I think it is unfair he made such a blanket statement as he does not know the circumstances of others.
Thank you for this article! As a stay at home mom of two under two this is what I needed to see and read today.! The days have been feeling like years and I’m living for bedtime. I’m drained. My tank ran out a long time ago. I’ve been wondering what happened to my patience, why am I so grouchy my kids deserve better. It’s so nice to read this and know I’m not alone. Women feel everything and see everything differently then men. My husband has suggested I go to a hotel take a weekend off for awhile now get caught up on sleep eat a hot meal and just rest. I was offended by this. I am a mom is that even allowed!? I needed to hear this from another mom. Thank you!!
I think we all need some me time once in a while. I need it right now. I’m taking time off to visit my parents with my kids so I believed this was going to be awesome and a great vacation. It is a vacation, but I need one without the kids. Right now, I’m hiding in the bathroom because that’s the only place I could get away to. It would be sooo much easier if my husband was here. My mom has her own thing so I can’t really ask her to watch the kids (4 and 5) while I go somewhere else. I also need to do the laundry because my daughter couldn’t wait until her brother was done in the bathroom. Ugh! I miss my husband. If only he was here to watch the kids so I could go have ME time. I just remembered a bunch of my mom’s friends are coming tonight. I really need to get out of this house. I will be taking the kids with me though. ?
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing the knowledge and keep up the good work.