How to Meet Everyone’s Needs with Multiple Children

As a mother with multiple children, it’s sometimes difficult to meet everyone’s needs. Here are some key points and strategies to help.

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While pregnant with my third, fourth, and fifth many people asked how I was going to do it all…

I soon realised that “all” is a word that can never be defined except by its user. To some people doing it all means getting to keep all of their personal endeavors.

To others, it means staying home with kids and working from home as well.

Still…to others it simply means making sure your children are fed and alive.

Whatever the definition, a mother has the wonder and difficult job of making sure all the children’s day to day needs are met.

I won’t go into the difference between needs and wants here, but want to focus on how we can incorporate the basics of our family into our daily schedule.

Now, here’s how we can be sure to meet everyone’s needs and still have energy left to make it to our own bed at night:

1. Determine Basic Needs

To me, basic needs include eating, sleeping, hygiene, and loving interaction with parents.

Maslow has a good triangle that helps us to determine what comes where. In short, the basic needs of our family must be met before we can branch out and begin to incorporate and work on other areas.

For example, if our children aren’t fed, they aren’t interested in stacking blocks. If they didn’t sleep all night they won’t be able to sit through an educational activity.

Once we’ve listed your family’s basic needs, which will be fairly obvious, we should try to incorporate them together as much as possible.

For example at one point this was my situation.

I have 3 children 2-years-old and under who nap for 2-3 hours each day at the same time and sleep 12 hours a night. That makes for a rested mother.

Well, as rested as a mother can be!

How is this possible? Similar mealtimes, bedtimes, nap times, etc. make for an ease of scheduling.

2. Find Individual Needs

After we’ve found basic needs for your children, it’s time for us to note individual needs.

Need might be a strong word here, but I believe that each child has things they really require to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Obviously, not every child is created exactly the same.

• Some children need a lot of touch
• Others prefer their personal space
• Some need more time alone
• Others require more people interaction
• I could go on and on…

My children always loved independent playtime. This is true particularly with my son. Maybe because then no one is stealing his toys or bossing him around.

Personally, I need a good bit of time by myself. The majority of this comes after the kids go to bed, obviously, but I do try to steal away time during the day where I can just be.

It’s important to learn to understand your children’s unique personalities to better meet everyone’s needs.

2. Keep a Good Routine

I’m obviously a fan of a good routine…

Now, you can keep a routine without having a “schedule” per se. If you aren’t a clock watcher but do enjoy doing things in groupings or in a particular order then that’s great for your house.

I tend to go by the clock because I’m one of those people who can say “We’ll do that for 20 minutes” and look up at the clock exactly 20 minutes later.

However, I know some people don’t want to be restricted by the clock, but still crave routine. Whatever works for you will work for your family… do that!

The important thing is that you’re not losing track of time and forgetting to meet everyone’s needs.

Sometimes I struggle to find a consistent time for chores, so I have the kids doing various things at various times. I don’t think this will work too well as they get older (when they are less eager) so I’m trying to find a time I know I’ll stick with.

4. Wach Out for “Redflag” Behavior

When one, or all, of your kiddos starts acting a little off… then it’s time to start troubleshooting.

I could usually tell when my oldest didn’t sleep enough or was missing her quality time.

If she got particularly defiant or mean towards her brother then I know she needs more time with me and probably an early bedtime.

Or maybe a child has been very fussy the past week and you can see teeth coming in.

I like to always rule out a few things:

• Hunger
• Tiredness
• Sickness

5. Be Loving and Transparent

One way to help meet your children’s needs all day long is to simply be present with them.

I’ve written on being present but absent, and it can become a habit quickly…

I have to try to sit down and talk with them at lunch sometimes instead of cleaning up, doing the dishes and folding clothes.

If I make an effort to truly be present with them, to sit and play with them, and to try to decipher what’s going on then the day goes better.

And… I normally find I can still get that cleaning done and the clothes folded too, and with happier children to boot.

How does this relate to parenting?

• If a child is tired then forget about teaching them self-control.
• If they are hungry then they won’t give a rip about building blocks.
• What about misbehaving? If they don’t feel loved they will have a hard time obeying.

In conclusion…

It is tricky to manage multiple children, ourselves and the household, but starting off by knowing what is most important and prioritizing it will surely help!