What Kids Resist Today but Appreciate Tomorrow

We mothers play the long game. Here are some things children resist, don’t like, or get angry for now that they’ll thank you for later.

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My kids are fond of telling me what they’ll do when they get older.

You know… when they don’t have to do what I say anymore.🤣

When I cook dinner and serve vegetables and they want fast food, I’m known to say something like this.

“One day, when you are older… you’re going to call me from the McDonald’s drive thru and be like MWAH HA HA, mom, I can eat what I want when I want and I’ll be like “Sounds good, baby”… but until then… you eat what I cook for dinner.”

Kids don’t always like what we ask them to do.

Here are some things that – in my opinion – kids will appreciate later. Even if they complain today.

It’s hard to be a mom and much of it is thankless. You do things they aren’t happy about. You have to take hits and keep going forward. But you can find joy in the long game, mama.

Especially when you know the kids will thank you for it later.

Kids will thank you for getting them used to boring (but necessary) things.

Most of adult life, certainly for moms, is spent doing banal and mundane tasks.

• laundry
• cooking
• cleaning
• home maintenance
• lawn care
• paying bills
• time management
• organizing
• caretaking

Imagine getting into adulthood and not having done much of anything you didn’t like.

Talk about a rude awakening.

When you require kids to help out with chores, learn life skills, and generally contribute to family life, you ensure they enter adulthood without much resistance.

When you’re using to things you don’t resist them as much. When your child simply get used to doing things around the house, as adults, it’s second nature.

When the kids resist, are unhappy, or complain about chores… think about their future.

Kids will love that you saw the best in them.

When you see how God made your child, and reflect it back to them, it’s a true gift.

You help them see their strengths. You look under their challenging behaviors, and help them make sense of themselves.

One of my children has ADHD and he often behaves in a way that later embarrasses him. I’m able to point him to the reasons, the whys, and make it make sense. This prevents a lot of toxic shame from landing.

At least that’s my goal.

You can reflect back to your kids their gifts, talents, and good character qualities. You can help them have a positive self-image.

It may feel all uphill now, but later this will bear massive fruit.

Kids will appreciate the hidden things you did they never knew about.

Being a parent isn’t for the faint of heart. We need to parent even when we’re stressed and we don’t get days off. When kids are awake they see us doing many things, but they don’t see everything.

They don’t see the hustle, the bill juggling, the interpersonal relationship stresses, the agonizing decisions about schooling and moving and everything else.

We protect our kids from a lot. We also just don’t tell them things that aren’t age-appropriate. So young kids often think we don’t do all that much.

Until they grow up…

You just keep doing what you do. Even without thanks. Even when the kids don’t know what all went on (the swan under the surface!). Do the thankless stuff.

Your kids WILL thank you later.

Kids will be grateful you held them to a high standard.

I don’t have unreasonable overly demanding pie-in-the-sky expectations.

But I do have high standards for their effort.

For their behavior.

And I generally believe in them and their ability to consistently act right.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that many successful adults had parents who expected things of them.

• Parents who expected effort in school had kids who did well.
• Parents who expected their children to work had kids who held down jobs.
• Parents who expected their kids to help out around the house had kids who contributed without complaint.
• Parents who expected their kids to treat them with respect had respectful children.

There’s no guarantees and we can’t control all outcomes, but generally speaking, holding kids to a high standard elevates their behavior. And it helps them develop self-esteem (which is self-earned!) and confidence that takes them places later in life.

They will wake up one day, look around at their peers, and be grateful you expected their best.

Kids will respect you for holding the line even when (especially when) they fought you.

Just today a friend told me this…

“My kids secretly like my strict tech rules, even when they complain.”

Same here. They complain they don’t have smartphones. They point out everyone has smartwatches (one of their friends gets sent inappropriate pictures from strangers that can be viewed ON the watch). They wish they could play video games at home.

But they know my reasons and they respect me.

For you it may not be tech, it may be sleepovers or some other area where you feel counter cultural.

You may take a stand they don’t want to do with their own kids. You may be a bit more strict than others in some areas. You may feel very convicted to do (or not do) things others around you are fine with.

And when you can hold the line, decide once and for all to go with your gut, and trust you know best for your kids (with a teachable heart, yes, but don’t confuse that with wavering to and fro) your children develop a respect for you.

And you find that you begin to respect yourself more. Your ability to do what’s right for your family – even in the face of *momentarily* unhappy kids – is like having steel poured in your spine.

I cannot tell you how often I’ve looked back at my mother’s rules and been grateful. Thankful. She was right, and I knew it. And it was her sheer will and trust that her wisdom was smarter than my tween or teenage misguided ideas that made a difference.

Kids will be glad you didn’t make them special snowflakes who can’t cope with life.

Caretaking and coddling are not the same thing.

You’ve got to learn the difference, and then avoid coddling.

Caretaking is looking after, nurting, and caring for your kids.

Coddling is treating kids in an overindulgent or overprotective way that limits their development.

If you jump in to make sure your kids don’t:

• feel bad
• get upset
• have to experience frustration or disappointment
• experience negative consequences for their actions

Among other things… you’re coddling. And coddling leads to kids who can’t handle any type of negative emotion in their body. And they are unable to feel responsible for the situation before them.

If a child has spent spent 18+ years with others walking on eggshells around them, then they feel it’s everyone else’s job to make them happy.

I cannot overstate how very disappointing life is for kids who were coddled.

You can validate your children’s feelings, involve them in problem-solving and family plans, and make sure they are well-loved and cared for without coddling.

Kids will be relieved that they understand how the world works, when many of their peers don’t.

Lastly, and this is my favorite, your kids will be so happy you taught them how life works.

Kids need to know so many things about life. And you can start now. Low pressure and low stress, you can simply explain things as they come up. In a way that helps children position their own behavior to be acceptable to the public at large.

For example…

• people don’t like bragging
• you get more flies with honey than vinegar
• assertiveness will get you places, aggressiveness or passivity will not
• you can’t expect others to give you what you want if you won’t ask for it
• working hard trumps natural ability
• consistent daily efforts are better than one-time spurts of action

And so on and so forth. Children really need to learn wisdom and the skills of living well.

The skills required to live well are learnable.

And kids who grow up with parents who live well have a leg up. Children who grow up with parents who explain, equip, and then expect wise living have a massive advantage over children who do not.

Your children will thank you. They will remember random things you said as they grow up. They’ll hear your voice at just the right times.

And it’ll help their life go well.

In short (hardy har har), your children will absorb all you do for them. They’ll absorb the love, the kind words, the high expectations, and high support. They’ll internalize the strengths you share with them about themselves.

They will thank you for things they complain about now.

Parenting is a long game. They’ll thank you for playing it.