Inside you’ll find the real reason you’re a tired mom. Hint… it won’t always be this way.
Mothers of young children – particularly stay-at-home moms – tend to get a bad rap.
Why doesn’t she do her hair more often?
She seems to only wear “athleisure.”
Even though she’s at home, the house still isn’t clean.
She doesn’t even have to go to work… why’s she so stressed?
Sure, mothers may sleep a little less and be busy at home during this season with small children.
We can be so tired even when it seems (to the outside world) like we never do much of anything since we’re home all day.
What's in this post...
Why are moms so tired?
I have a theory on that.
It is this.
➡️ Hyper-vigilance
Hyper-vigilance is defined as an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect threats.
Hyper-vigilance denotes a constant scanning of the environment for threats, exhaustion, and abnormally increased awareness (source).
That’s why you’re a tired mom…
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Normally, the term “hyper vigilance” is used in clinical settings.
In this post. I’m using the term to draw a parallel to parenting.
So, for parents, hyper-vigilance is basically being in a heightened state of awareness, fight-or-flight and protection mode on behalf of our children who are too young to do it for themselves properly, if at all.
Read: The Real Reason Moms Never Have Enough Time (Hint: It’s Not Because They Waste It)
You are in a lot of “Fight-or-flight”
So, how does this concern us? Well, by the time our children are mobile they begin to explore their environments. Things that were seemingly safe, like a chair, suddenly become an opportunity for big falls.
Functional things like toilet cleaners or food processors become objects of potential disaster.
Even after a house is “child-proofed” there will still be many times when your young ones will attempt something (even if they only attempt it once) that is dangerous to them.
Since they can’t register this danger, we do.
Therefore, even when we are sleeping we are aware.
One child is out of sight and quiet.
Oh. No.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Jimbo is halfway up the bookshelf and attempting a Batman-about-to-fly pose. Daisy Mae is trying to lock her 1-year-old brother in the dark pantry.
When we are in charge of little ones we are constantly in high awareness. Physiologically, this is exhausting.
Read: 15 ways to occupy your kids if you need to get things done
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!
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Less time to yourself
Spending all day focusing on other people is just very tiring.
It is a privilege to be a mother and a joy to sacrifice, but the effects do accumulate. From sun up to sundown you are directly focused on others. Up until motherhood you’ve likely had much of the day to yourself.
Even in 9 to 5 jobs, while working, you can go to the bathroom alone. Get a coffee or diet coke when you so desire. Phone calls can be made without worrying that a sudden screech or disconnection will occur.
Commutes to and from work offer time to process, read a book or relax.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Read: The Ultimate Guide To Having A Mother’s Helper You’ll Love
The commute from your bed to the kitchen table is slightly too short to be of good use.
Even with well-behaved children (never mind the strong willed ones!) and a good routine you are still focused on the kids.
That is your job.
It is good and right, but dadgummit, it is exhausting.
This is why we must process, recharge, and get refreshed.
Read: How To Live Within Your Limits & Hold Your Boundaries
Multi-tasking takes its toll
I am a multi-tasker to the extreme.
Why do one thing if I can do 6 and plan another in my head at the same time?
When I walk from one room to the other I put away 3 things in the process. I will make a phone call, change a diaper and hold a baby at the same time. This is helpful in that it allows us to accomplish many things at once.
If you are like me (and I really hope for your sake that you aren’t) then you find it hard to slow down, smell the coffee or roses, and not worry about the state of the house, the children’s faces, or the laundry room.
Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary
It seems to sprite girls in their early 20’s (and men of all ages) that women who are at home all day should not be tired and have no excuse for a dirty house.
Or to not have a perfectly coiffed hairdo.
Oh, and nails to match each day’s outfit.
The simple fact is that the pressures of home are many and they are heavy.
Read: 5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Moms Need To Hear
And so…
We encourage routines , independent play for your children, and a good sleeping system for everyone involved. Don’t forget to incorporate a good Quiet Time schedule.
Still, with all these things in place, a busy life and never-ending piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, and food to cook can wear us out.
The next time someone looks at you with that “why do you seem so out of it when you are home all day?” look… just smile to yourself and know.
- You are tired because none of your children drank bleach on your watch today.
- You are weary because everyday last week you made sure your little ones had food in their bellies, even if it wasn’t mostly organic and preservative free.
- And, of course, you could use a nap because the house has not burned down and the walls are still upright, though perhaps with crayons, markers or fingernail polish you forgot to lock up.
No matter how organized, efficient and structured you are as a mother and no matter how obedient and well-behaved your children, being a mother to young ones requires focus, concentration and a heightened sense of awareness.
It makes us tired.
But, when I’m 95 on my deathbed sleeping half the day away and bored, I think I’ll look back on these trying days with a smile.
Because that’s what mothers do.
We just get on with what needs to be done.
Read: Hard Truth: Tired Moms Make For Fussier Kids (So Rest!)
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
It could absolutely be a factor. Moms make lots of little (and not so little!) decisions everyday, which are often interrupted by the constant demand of taking care of children. This is probably why many moms are “decisioned out” by the end of the day.
Maybe not more rest but self-care is so important for moms to continue in doing the work of motherhood. Find things that fill you up and make time for them so that you are being proactive in taking care of yourself instead of reactive.
While we will always be concerned with our children’s wellbeing, this level of vigilance might not always remain at the same intensity as your child grows and becomes more independent. In the younger years, we are consumed with meeting their immediate needs and maintaining our kids’ safety because they cannot do so themselves. So, this hypervigilance evolves and changes over the years.
Sources:
I. Am. So. Tired!
Me. Too! :)
Me. three. :-P
Me. Four.
Me five. I wish we could all get together in a big garden and share the tasks.
I am a mom of a 3 1/2 year old boy who is severely autistic and non verbal. Hyper vigilant doesn’t even begin to describe what I am all day long. I am in a constant state of trying to figure out what he needs or wants and why he is melting down. There is no escape and it wears you down and to say I’m tired just isn’t accurate enough.
Beber, I believe you are 100% right that the term doesn’t even begin to describe what you live, girl.
Constantly non stop exhausted and always starving. Single mom with no family or baby’s dad to help. If I need help I have to pay a day care. Still nursing at 16 months, I work 2 to 3 nights a week if I’m lucky to find a sitter or the energy, and my off days after putting LO to bed I go to school online all night. At least until next semester I’ll actually go to class which means more money for day care.
Thanks for sharing this. It makes complete sense! It makes me feel like I’m not alone and reminds me to try to take time out for me and be okay with this :)
I’m effing exhausted. I’m lying inbetween my chatty boob attached four month old and my loud ass snoring husband who wanted to stay up late talking and woke the baby up snoring while typing this and making lists in my head for our 16 year Olds birthday party and our 9year old’s school week currently at 6am with 30 minutes sleep for the night and have to do a wedding tomorrow(I’m a part tim+e florist). Effing. Exhausted. I feel you, Mamas!
Oh it totally makes sense when you put it like this! With a 2 year old and a 9 month old I just feel exhausted! But I am constantly on guard for disaster, never really relaxing even nap times I’m aware of every noise! Great post!
Yes it is so exhausting paying such close attention to others all day long! I am with you Karen!
Haha yes, 100% agree! It’s hyper vigilance and now that my theory has been proved I feel better. Ah…. ;) Sometimes I think, “well, I don’t feel like I did TOO much out of the ordinary today but why am I so exhausted?” come dinner time.
I get jealous of my husband, he does not carry this burden at all, He seems carefree and when I try to explain how I feel – hoping he’ll take over for a short time – he thinks I’m crazy. He says kids don’t need close supervision. I feel responsible all the time.
Oh Tammy I feel your pain! My husband is gone a lot so sometimes it feels like I never get to clock off! When I just sit down and try to rest even when I know I shouldn’t I almost always regret it!
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your blog and every comments from the mothers sharing their experiences.. Good luck.
I feel the same way. I feel when I tell my husband I just “need a break” he has no idea what I mean! I just want to NOT be responsible for keeping another human being alive for a few hours. I don’t even need to go out and do something “Fun”. Just some time alone to clean the bathroom by myself would be fantastic!
Ha ha- YES!
Yup, for me. I just some time alone 15 minutes shower would be great. I have 2 months, 3 yr and 5 yr boys and they are everywhere.
My exact thoughts right now. 24/7 mom of a very energetic 18mo
Yes! And then when they finally do go to sleep, I just want to chill out and watch a TV show on the couch or read a book. And he says, “If you are so tired, then go to sleep NOW while the kids are sleeping.” And I try to explain I just need this down time, he doesn’t get it, and only blames me for being so tired the next day (and every day) Sigh!
omg! I get it..you just want to chill and he is like if you are not sleeping how are you resting
I feel for you. My guy is ever so ready to dump a diaper change on his family that I feel guilty if they are like “hey sure I’ll do it” so I can’t even just relax surrounded by sweet helpful family. Cause the first out of his mouth is like “okay, kiddo is all aunties or granny’s etc I’m taking a break” and then he does. This means have to be vigilant for signs that they need a break because he won’t worry about it till someone says something. Super annoying.
You’ve just described me. Thank you for putting it in to words. x
I am so glad I am not the only one :)
Thank you for articulating the why so many of us feel this way, all the time! I was in a constant state of this for 5 years during which I eventually had 3 boys at home before my eldest started school. I could never work out why I was so tired! The good news is that I feel much better (less tired) now two of them are at school!
Oh I am glad someone can tell me it will get better! At the same time you love all your young babies it is just really flipping hard, isn’t it?
Great post! I think this totally nails it and I was such a carefree person, not afraid of much and not worried too much about even looking after myself that the responsibility and the Hyper-vigilance that comes with being a mum was a total shock to my system!
Even when they are at school or being looked after by others, in those small moments we get to ourselves you can’t turn that shit off anyway so I just expect to be tired now for the rest of my life.
Ha! Elle another commenter says it does get better so perhaps when they are older and have better judgment we will naturally turn off a little? Here’s praying!
The only time I feel completely at ease without my kids is when I know they are with my parents. Even keeping them home with my husband I worry if he remembered to feed them, if he’s giving them the right sippy cups, etc. My Mom is the only other woman on earth I can trust to “spoil” my kids as much as I want them to be. Nothing big like buying them stuff but small things like the right sippy cup, letting them pick out their own bedtime stories, kisses at night, etc. And when they start school I still worry if they are being bullied, how their day is going, if they’re getting frustrated with a subject, if everyone if being nice to them, if they will get hurt on the playground. So yes, I expect to be tired the rest of my life as well :P
April, I’m with you actually. I think because I’m very similar to my mother so them being with her is almost like them being with me. Ha. And yes.. forever pretty much the tiredness.
I left my youngest two at home with their father ONCE when my eldest was 13, so I could take her to a coffee shop for the first time. When I came home 3 hours later, (travel time was 2 hrs round trip as we lived on a cattle property), neither child (1 & 3 yrs) had been fed or had their nappy changed or even been supervised as my husband went & had a sleep. So, never underestimate the importance of your role in your child’s life.
The next time I left these two with their father was at ages 10 & 7. He took them to the local pool & I joined them there later. My delight in feeling that I had some support to have a small break from the total responsibility of our children was short lived. I arrived at the pool car park to see my husband on his mobile with his back to the children, pacing back & forth as he also enjoyed his time with no responsibility. Our youngest son was a non swimmer clinging to the side of the pool. So, I know it can be difficult to get that recovery ‘down’ time. It was good practice as I’ve been a single mother of these two young adults now for nearly 7 years, & it’s really been no different than when I had a partner. The best support comes from within, so take care of your health.
Gabrielle, you sound like a devoted and vigilant mother. Your children are so lucky to have you!
I’ve been a stay at home day for a few months now and it is true! It is hard work, I’m usually a happy go lucky bloke who is now the 4th emergency service on red alert
Hahaha! Even the laid back cannot be spared :)
Thanks for writing this article. I never find myself judging other mothers outfits or their hair-do’s. I think to myself, you go sister! I take my hat off to any mother who does what I think is the most important job there is, raising our children. And for all the single mum’s out there with no family support there are no words – you are all amazing women xo
Amen to this, Lisa!
Such a realistic view , lived it and love it andproud if those days , grandma x
I appreciate you saying you are proud of those days. I hope I can extend it to say we can be proud of ourselves too in the thick of it!
Thank you Grandma! Your comment just sent me into tears. I need this perspective right now!!!!
Such good take homes for me from this wonderful article. I’m vowing to be less hyper vigilant as I don’t think it’s needed, that level of arousal. Sure, remove threats and keep an eye out, but for this to ruin my mental health is so not right. Try and work out a less extreme approach now I’m more aware of what’s happening.
Train the husband more in potential threats, as I think there is a huge biological difference between the sexes in this area.
And with family and friends – work to tailor their help to take full advantage of it – focus on them taking responsibility of the baby more and for longer. So I get MORE TIME OFF the responsibility. This means increasing their confidence in baby sitting and getting transitions smoother. A winner all round. And pair up with other mothers for baby sitting / time alone. Covid permitting.
For those without the latter options – you are the true heroines of society, and I hope and pray your resilience and love will give you huge rewards, and soon!
I totally agree with this comment besides one niggly point- for a father to care for his child it is called parenting, not babysitting. The responsibility of caring for your children actually lays solely on his shoulders and is then delegated to the mother in her role as the main caretaker. But he is responsible at the end of the day for everyone’s welfare to God for his stewardship as a husband and father.
I’m blessed that my mother-in-law trained my husband to cook a meal once a week, do his laundry by the age of 9, and basic chores since he was able. She also had him be a part of babysitting his little cousins and had him take responsibility of his younger siblings from time to time- responsibility he had to answer for in his teens. She made sure she taught him to respect other needs and basic manners of being considerate. All of this while battling breast cancer until she passed when he was 18.
Now seeing her wisdom, I feel that responsibility myself to ensure my four boys are well trained and disciplined before they leave my home to be truly loving and helpful husbands. I will also teach my daughter to choose her husband wisely so that she marries a man who is capable and self giving passed the honeymoon phase.
But all this said, even when my husband is home my hypervigilance doesn’t turn off until they’re asleep (but even then my ears are listening for a child with a nightmare, sleep walkers or a toddler rolling out of bed…).
It lessens, but not off, as men simply don’t have the same radar that women do. We’re also outnumbered 5-2 but thankfully they’re little and disorganized while being easily disarmed with a snack! Lol
I guess my point is that men need to rise to their responsibilities more and women need to graciously but firmly (and I don’t mean firmly as in nagging, but as in not budging when he shows resistance or lack of interest) require it of them. Even if that means having him sit through some Super Nanny episodes to get the lightbulb to turn on.
Yep. Love it. There is no such thing as downtime.
I even sleep with one ear open…
From the nana, it gets easier every day, mommies! Everyday you are teaching those little ones. They are learning skills and judgement each day! Each day you trust them with their new little skills. You have joined an elite club and earned honors and respect along the way! You are masters of your kingdom, an ever changing kingdom. No one else can replace the mommy for very long! The balance changes daily. Try to keep your wits about you and have a good laugh, if you can. Those little ones adore you!
There is some good points. Im a extreme multi tasker because I also have a job that I do from home with 2 small kids. Im having such a bad day today, I want to cry my eyes out. Im exhausted, my legs ache, 2 large bags of trash stinks by the door, toys everwhere.
I clean my house everyday and next day again. I am so fed up. Really bad day today
Oh Aszee, I have been there on those days when you actually feel like you will crack it totally! Praying tomorrow is a much better day!
This is a great article with the exception being what she just listed above. This is no different for a working mom and somewhat unfair to assume it is because we get to go to the bathroom alone. We carry the same burdens as other moms and that grows as your children grow. What is challenging when theyre small is more challenging in different ways when they’re bigger. This is a mom issue, not a stay at home mom issue.
Stephanie, I agree that being tired is a universal mom thing, I just wrote from my own perspective as a sahm and my job pre-motherhood. I know you have your own unique and serious struggles.
You just described my life. THANK YOU! I stay home with a 3-year-old and 6-month-old. Both wonderful girls. We have a small farm of our own and my husband has his family’s farm AND we help with my mom’s farm. Plus my husband travels a lot for work. I’m a ridiculous multi-tasker, too. Totally understand every.single.point you made. Thanks again. So nice to know I’m not alone.
Laura, oh to be on a small farm! We’ll get there within a year, but I’m imagining long (and stressful) days of letting the kids run wild outside. Ha. Still all points above apply, but nature is nice ;)
Yep. I think you nailed it. And you made me cry. I’m so tired, yet no ones hurt on my watch. xS
Aww, Sarah :) Yes, a mama can’t help but be tired!
4am (daylight savings time just fell back) and my 3 & 5 year old are in full crazy mode… I had to turn to my cell phone internet to not weep while I lay on their floor and they build a cardboard block tower around me. Give me strength… Thanks for the read.
Wren, it won’t last forever! I hope they fall fast asleep by 10am!
Thank you for putting to words what I and many other Moms feel! I have a 5, 3 and 2 year old. I am always ‘busy’ even if I don’t look it. I think also many moms might suffer from a form of Post traumatic stress…if you have ever had to wake to a crying baby after one hour of sleep, you know what I am talking about. Also, for partners who aren’t the ‘go to’ parent, they often don’t get it. Sleep deprivation is non transferable. Thanks for the great read!
I completely agree with the traumatic stress assessment! It is a true shock to the system!
I don’t understand the “stay-at-home” mom movement complaining about being so tired when there are women that do what they do AND work! What stay at home moms do every day working women have to cram in on their days off..
Jessica I never meant to imply that working moms are less busy. I know you are doing double duty, girl. I was just highlighting the nature of watching someone else (or multiple someone else’s) all day. It is exhausting in its own way
But I think that is one of the points of the article… The 24/7 hyper vigilance a SAHM faces is experienced by the working mom in the evening and on weekends, but during the work day, a working mom is able to take a true lunch break or coffee break and just check out if need be. The SAHM doesn’t get that true break. That is the mental exhaustion this article is discussing, not necessarily the physical exhaustion from the need to cram a work week and a week of household tasks all into the same 7 days.
Melody,
It is an assumption to think the working mom can even get a break– I RARELY get a break, mostly eat at my desk. A working mom can take a nap with her children during the day. I am just saying that Stay at home moms have a luxury to working moms and by stay at home moms ranting they have it hard to spend time with their kids!? that is ridiculous. I would NEVER rant that I have it hard to a single working mother, that would make me sound crazy.
Dear Melody. Are you serious? So a career is a way to checkout from home/kids? Oh my god. You really have no idea what it’s like for a working mother do you? If you did you would never have said that. I honestly don’t know what to say….it’s shocking to me someone could say that. I have a career, a huge job I go to everyday where my decisions effect many, many people….I’m never able to checkout….not at work and not on the home front.
Please lets ditch the condescending attitude towards stay at home moms. We gals need to stick together not tear each other down.
Why is it that stay at home moms, for the most part, respect working moms and single mothers because they realize their worth? But, many working mothers get so mad when they read an article like this and put down stay at home moms and show them unnecessary disrespect. Why is there a double standard? The previous posts by Jessica H. should not even be on here, because if she was “truly working”, she would not have enough time in the day to even be on this site. So, what is your agenda Jessica H.? Are you just out to get stay at home moms?
You clearly have no idea. A stay at home mum has no time to work…and no DAY OFF. To go to work is to have a break.
It’s pretty simple really. Mothers who leave the home and go to work are not dealing with yelling, crying and disobedient kids all day long. You literally get a 5-10 hour break from all that during the day. Taking care of kids full time is very taxing on the mind and body. I mean, when I can clean the bathrooms upstairs BY MYSELF while my husband watches the kids… that’s a relief, that’s “downtime”, that’s “okay I can finally relax my mind now” and get a reset. That’s not to say going to work is easy or fun, but compared to watching kids while making food and cleaning the house, it can’t compare.
I think that being a human woman is exhausting no matter what you do!!!!
Any lifestyle… I don’t have kids yet but I’m doing research…. I cannot even imagine what it’s like!
But I can say as a woman that just being a woman is very tiring.
When I had a career, it was very tiring and high energy. Plus all the time and effort to look good every morning in order to be a useful member or society ?. I worked really hard and got burnt out on many occasions. I had traumatic relationships where I felt like so much energy went into them and keeping the person happy that I had very little energy left.
When I got married to a more traditional man I thought I would get a little break. He wanted me to be at home. But since he works from home and is from a traditional culture that has certain expectations … it was so hard… I still had a business but I put it on the back burner and worked more part time, sometimes not at all- and honestly I became even more exhausted from the mental emotional stress of constantly waiting on this person , cooking big meals all day, and revolving my whole life around trying to serve them. He would get upset if I didn’t finish laundry or there was a dish in the sink. I finally had a real breakdown and we are working on things now but I am realizing from this article that I was in this hyper vigilant state with my husband.
Plus the mental stress that you feel because you are not the one making money and you feel guilty and lazy for not working even though you are working physically all day .
So I can vouch that being a housewife is for me much more stressful!!!
I miss working actually. I love the psychological boost it gives me and the confidence that I’m independent. Yes it stinks sometimes of course.
But it’s different for everyone.
I think all moms are such amazing beings, all women really. We have so much stress in our lives also from society and culture. Not to mention if we are a woman of color there is even deeper layers of stress. Women are so strong.
I would like to see men take more responsibility in general, I think they are just not taught to be helpful and are taught that once they get married they won’t ever have to do dishes again. But a woman works 3 times as hard as a man, I don’t see how that is equality, or partnership.
Why are all women and moms exhausted ? Why are all the chronic fatigue and mystery illnesses usually women? Why aren’t men going through this? I think it’s obvious where the disconnect lies- many men (not all!) are not doing enough to help their family. If a woman can work all day and still cook dinner for the family, why do some men complain that they shouldn’t have to do anything when they get home?
I don’t know why everyone seems to think this way of living is fair . Is it me?
imagine working full time then doing all that as well, reading articles about hpw stay at home moms are just so tired gets old. I’ve done both. I stayed home until my daughter was 2 then went back to work, it’s equally hard minus the working mom having to be somewhere not in yoga pants at a certain time!
Hi Lindsey, I don’t doubt it is equally hard, I was just writing from my own perspective which is a SAHM. No one would doubt you are doing double duty!
As a mom of two active elementary school aged kids with a full time senior executive level career I can only say I’m actually offended at the SAHM being sooooo tired story. You don’t know tired. You can’t understand true exhaustion until you have a huge job in an office AND a huge job at home neither of which stops to think about the mom/employee and what she might need. From my perspective the SAHM is obviously oblivious to what it’s like to be a working mom because all I hear is how tiring it is and how exhausted they are and how it’s the hardest job in the world. And for that matter, so is corporate America. It’s maddening. We are told we can and should be using our brains and education and challenging ourselves and challenge the male corporate/business marketplace but guess what???? We also have to keep the house from crumbling, hopefully get dinner on the table and send the kids to school and all their after school activities in clean clothing. My god. Wearing yoga pants with dirty hair must be SOOOOOOOOOO stressful. And now my rant is over cause I have to get back on my laptop to finish up some work because my boss doesn’t care that I have kids with soccer, swim and hockey schedules and one with a birthday this week let alone dust collecting on furniture. Hoping to get to sleep by 1am. And by the way…..I might be sitting in my office and my kids in their class rooms but protect mode doesn’t turn off.
Just because you are tired doesn’t mean we aren’t tired! And I was speaking from my pre motherhood experience which was not executive level. We all make our own choices, but that doesn’t mean that none of us can complain. You too, girl, because you are clearly a hard worker in all areas!
Amen!!!…That’s me & I’m doing it alone…Now single Mom of three boys ages 6, 10 & 12.
Oh Danica, I really pray that you have some other support around you. Boys will give you a run for your money and one coming up on teenage yeras!
I really do get what you are saying. I have done it both ways but I am a little offended by what you said. Not all SAHM stories are the same. I currently stay home with my 3 boys – 4 1/2, 3 and 7 months. I am more exhausted Now than I ever was working. However, My situation is I’m not just taking care of the kids. My husband and I own a trucking company so he is gone and I am in charge of the house, bills, kids, etc. But I also,work for the business as dispatcher, accountant, Secretary, etc. I have never been so busy in my life. My biys are VERY busy and I’m running back and forth to school with the older two and nursing the baby. I try to keep up e house but I’m futile in my efforts as there are two tornados I can’t keep ahead of. My husband is always calling asking “can you do this….”. When he is home I try to keep him happy and spend quality time with the boys.
Regardless, just know not all SAHM situations are the same.
I don’t think invalidating someone else’s experiences makes your experience any more or less real. We can’t say to each other “You don’t know tired!” because it’s all subjective. How do I know you don’t know tired? I can’t possibly because I’m not you, just as you’re not me. We have no idea how bad the other is feeling.
What I do know is this whole being a mom thing? Kinda sucks sometimes. We are always on alert, noticing, thinking ahead, watching out, planning, remembering, putting others first and at our own expense…the mental load is incredibly large and overwhelming and we can all do with a little more compassion. So how’s about we remember that ALL our experiences are valid and treat each other with the respect and empathy we deserve? Because if we as moms bash each other, who’s there left to support us? Society is hard enough as it is on mothers; we can do no right and face criticism and judgement at every angle. So let’s stop mistreating each other and letting others think it’s ok to do so. It’s not a competition, no one is going to win any award by knocking anyone else down.
It’s not a competition girlfriend. Everyone deals differently, some could even say the same to you! How do you know how tiring it is being a SAHM when you haven’t done it?? Clearly you have a lot on your hands and I wish only rest and happiness in your life. I have done both, working mom and stay at home and I have to say I was happier and less stressed when I worked. Being a SAHM is much more stressful (for me personally) and I am riddled with anxiety. Check the statistics on this and you’ll see the proof for the majority of the SAHM population they report higher levels of anxiety, exhaustion and stress than working moms, not my opinion-FACT!
Ok, to all the moms on here I respectfully say we are all tired obviously. This is to help those who are stay a home. If you want an article on Workin moms, find one. Anything to help you. But don’t come on to an article to support certain situations if it does not pertain to you. The exhaustion is very real and people seem to forget those with anxiety or depression in which they have a very hard time controlling. It is not something that you can just “shake off”. When I worked, there were days when I was super tired and missed my kids, but then there were days I was thanking the lord to be able to drop them off at the babysitters house for 8-12 hours. Sometimes everyone just needs a redirection of focus for a small amount of time, and that is 100% ok to feel that way. It not a matter of being a good or bad mother or hard working or stay at home. It’s all hard but mentally exhausting, for all of us. But the truth is, on top of all the stress we get from the kids all day, we stress about everyone else too. Husband’s, grandparents, parents, financial struggles, health problems, the way people view us, sometimes even a struggle just to put ourselves in a clear mental state to get out of bed without force, staring at the window wishing for some fresh peaceful are and to breathe without having that ongoing feeling of a panic attack. This may not make sense to anyone but i hope someone can relate because these are things I go through constantly and bottle up as best as I can because another stresser I have is that I don’t want to push all these problems on my spouse and children. And sometimes I feel like I fail them that way because I have my limits and meltdowns. I love them all with my whole heart but sometimes I don’t feel like it’s enough and I just want them to have the best life possible and to breathe a little easier. (Currently locked in my bathroom while my 2 kids are constantly beating on the door asking how long I will be) Searching for my peaceful place.
What you just described is exactly why I am a stay at home mom! I have no desire to live your kind of life! My mother did it and I missed her sooooo much!
In the name of “keeping it real”, it doesn’t really get any better, it just gets different. I have 5 kids, from 6-18 years old. Right now my 18 year old is the most trying… And he’s really a very good, responsible young man. I’m always on alert, I’m the only one who knows where anything is, I’m the default parent for everything. In addition we own our own business & we (I) home school my kids. Thank you for this article. Nobody gets it, husband nor kids. I’m exhausted.
Margo, I had a feeling it didn’t get “better” but only got “different” :)
I appreciate your blog and, as a working mom, was hoping there would be a little encouragement for us too…and I noticed it in your responses to others. Thank you. I am tired of the battle between working outside home moms and stay at home moms. that is just old. It’s ALL HARD. I always thought to myself if I could just get past the ‘little’ years, I would be worry free. That was before I had a teenager with a boyfriend and a driver’s license and an opinion. Ha! I actually had my boss’ wife ask me how I ‘dealt with the guilt’ of being a working mom. I worked my butt off for HER HUSBAND. Nobody ever asks teachers and nurses how they deal with working mom guilt. That is weird to me. We all have our reasons. Unless you’ve done both, it’s hard to keep perspective. It is not a contest. Don’t complain about being with your children, don’t complain about not being with your children, don’t ‘one up’ or compare, don’t wait or bait for appreciation, find the positives.
I agree, Renee. Thanks for noticing that I do try to validate everyone, though I can only write from my own perspective as one who stays home. I don’t know the challenges and triggers and crazy comments that working moms have, but I know that NO MATTER which side of the fence we’re on, we are all exhausted. Ha!
Well said & perfectly put! Ive noticed through the years & age change of the kids & my own. That As we progress everyone’s needs are different. Things don’t necessarily become harder they’re just different. I have 2 littlest of my own, Jameson 5, Audrina 7 & I legally adopted 2 of my siblings who are Madison 16, Samuel 15. The age gap between them is a constant struggle. I am beyond a nervous breakdown, the thought of breaking down Gives me anxiety in itself. Talk about a vicious cycle! My brain is on overload and my body can hardly keep up. I had a very unfortunate upbringing, no good example of family, or values, to keep it short. So creating one for my own family hasn’t been easy. I struggle with, am I doing this right?. The uprising of my kids is my ultimate struggle daily. There’s not enough of me to go round to fit each of the individual needs. They are what seems to me crucial stages that need nurturing and areas that need improving that I just can’t do all on my own. I cry myself to sleep most nights once they’re asleep and I noticed I forgot to hear out maddie so then I notice her distance and I have to pull her back. Or my son was begging for begging for attention and all I did was yell & scream. I know I was short tempered from exhaustion and he’s been coupled up & full of energy. I have no one to turn too for the advice or positive reinforcement nor a break. I am 29 & have been married for 8 years. There is pretty much no need to even include my spouse as he lacks in many areas than I can mention. Which has caused a lot of trauma to our marriage & my mental health. Reading these post have made me feel much better with a lot I’ve been experiencing. It’s made me feel human. I only hope my kids turn into respectable citizens of our community, work & thrive to be their very best. Above all else that I love them unconditionally.
?????!!!
so good to see we are all in the same boat. i have 3 children 19yrs 10yrs and 2yrs. i worked full time with my two eldest and this time around and over 40 im home in the day being a full time mum and my gosh its so hard and i realise now how much easier it was for the head space working. however the guilt i had then was dreadful. It is so emotionally draining now im home with my little one and my ears are hypersensitive that some days its too much. we all have a tough job and all wish and yearn for more time and help but we have all done it and are doing it and are being the best we can possibly be for our children.
I am a stay at home Mom of three and a full time student, granted all three are in school, the youngest in half day 4-K, but if I could I would sleep 24/7. This post was eye opening and should be given to every Mom out there. My husband use to say things like why are you so tired until he had all three for ONE weekend and he was a mess when I got home, the first words out of his mouth were ” how do you do this” my answer was ” You just do” Thank you for this, it put a smile on my face.
Great! I am glad some found encouragement!
YES!! I have 4 kids: 8, 4, 21 months and 7 months and my brain is NEVER slowing down. There are days I even wonder why the house looks like a bomb went off, and then I remember “oh yeah, maybe because 2 of the kids had a stomach bug and the baby is bent on eating dog hair”
Ha! Exactly!
I wish all husbands with litle kids or babies can read this! I remember my husband saying “well what do you do hime all day”. Then when he was at vaction n saw hiw much work was taking care of the baby n home he was shock. But then he forgot. Now i have two todlers but im a fulk time student at college because for me stayung at home is too stressfull, thats why i admire stay at home moms, the ones thatbdo this 24/7
Thank goodness this is making the rounds again!
Now I get it —- 2 kids of our own nearly grown, and countless others during 20+ years of being in the family childcare business has taken its’ tole on me in ways I couldn’t put into words. I used to explain it as always being responsible, but that term means nothing to many of the current generation. “Hyper-vigilance” (or DefCon1) is where it’s at.
Bless you!
DefCon1 hahaha
I have three children a 12yr old a 5yr old and a 2yr old and I am exhausted always if I manage to get a nap it’s that really light sleep that when the wind blows a little bit you hear it and wake up I thought that it was just me that did it because when my son who would be 6 now passed away I became like super Paranoid mom who still gets up at least 3 times a night to check to make sure my kids are okay even though it’s been 5.5yrs since he passed. Luckily I have an amazing husband who always gives me 30mins to an hour every evening when he gets home to unwind and decompress and he also takes the kids every Sunday away from the house for a few hours so I can get a break take a bath or shower nap scream cry whatever I want cuz it’s my time lol
Oh Maggie I am so sorry for your loss and you have a good man there!
I agree with your post. Mom’s and Dad’s are always on alert. No time to relax because someone could get hurt. I am going to use this the next time someone tells me I look tired. Thanks
Thanks so much for posting this article. It really helps tremendously just to know that someone knows where I am coming from. This past week has been a bad one. After coming home my husband saw how distraught I have been and said, “I think you have it good… You get to spend time with our son and not worry about working. If you are so exhausted, throw him into daycare..” What kind of comment is that? Anyway, thanks so much for posting this! :)
Thanks so much for posting this article. It really helps tremendously just to know that someone knows where I am coming from. This past week has been a bad one. After coming home my husband saw how distraught I have been and said, “I think you have it good… You get to spend time with our son and not worry about working. If you are so exhausted, throw him into daycare..” What kind of comment is that? Anyway, thanks so much for posting this!
You are so right… stay at home mothering is a really tough job. I have been there with 2 littles, and it does get easier as they grow older and don’t need such constant supervision. So yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you and other moms out there can get some support for getting some self-care in.
I also have the experience of suffering from PTSD in recent years. I think it’s important to be very careful with how you use terms like PTSD and hypervigilance. The vigilance I had in making sure my children were safe when they were small is completely different from the hypervigilance, fight/flight, and plethora of other symptoms I have suffered with PTSD. The former is an alertness that is very tiresome, but the latter is something that is crippling and painful in ways that are hard to even describe. Just wanted to chime in, as there are many of us with PTSD who are fighting for hope and understanding and healing. Thanks for listening. :)
Thanks for that, Linda. You are so right that a heightened sense of f-o-f souls not be compared to true PTSD. I hope I was able to compare the two without undermining the true nature of PTSD!
I just found this article and just about died. Like every other stay at home mommy I AM THIS. Between homeschool and littles and SO MUCH CHAOS I just feel drained. My husband wondered why I wanted another baby (we are expecting #4 and my others are 5 and under). I told him “what’s the difference?” I am outnumbered and out gunned most of the time so what’s one more gem? I felt a little better when I read your post about how much I do already just keeping them alive and happy. As I am typing this my kiddos are in a bedroom playing together and
giggling. My kitchen is a mess and there is laundry on the floor but I must be doing something right.
Leslie, I feel so much the same. What’s one more in this chaos when they are really so loveable and wonderful? Sure, it’s exhausting. But somehow amidst it all it’s worth it :)
We in SA have school holidays. I have a maid that comes in tomorrow (I hope) but she was off for a week so I had to do the chores around the house, remembering to make food for girls aged 5 and 3 and then remembering by 3pm I havent had anything to eat all day. Was lucky to take naps with them for 2 afternoons but thought ill clean up so we can all get tot bed early as its my Birthday tomorrow. Need to fone courier people early first as takealot lst his Christmas gift and want to go collect it as its finally in our town! Then be at salon at 8 to have my hair blown so I can at least look like a woman for one day. Nails not painted cause wont last long with dishes etc but I dont mind. Need to also get to the office to do our business month end but seems that has to wait as daddy has his off day with friends on Thursday. I made the girls bed, pillows and dolls how they must be, gave them baths and got clothes ready for everyone. Sat for one minute and heard commosion. Daddy and them having bed fight in their room. Chased them all to bed now as daddy went to bed to sleep. I tidied up inside and came in their room. Bedding everywhere, dolls and pillows. So I had to make up the bed again. If I complain im ‘mean’ or dont appreciate my husband. But flip doesnt anyone care? If I complain my husband says I must ‘chill out’ abit. If I chill out, no one has clothes to wear or food to eat and who do they come asking then? Next week its back to fullday job and the worries of our own business to keep afloat. I love my kids to bits but do you also wish you can just take the day off. Still be at home but just lie on coutch and watch a movie!! Not an animation or pg. Build puzzle, read a magazine(not that I own any) but just relax without ‘mommy I want cooldrink’ mommy im going to wee wee now’ mommy sissy took my toys. When daddy walks in from work I think yay, ask him! The run to him and say Daddy!!!… wheres mommy? I was in hospital about 2 months back for 2days, stomach problems. First thing when I came home, my little girl asked mommy, can I have oros? I said yes you may and hello to you too. Misd you too.
This is my only time off in a year. Having our own business I work from 7am to 6pm then have to spend time with kids, cook and get suitcases and clothes ready all before bedtime at 8pm. Then need to be a good wife and be all cheered up when husband comes home. Im not sure of money everymonth as finances are not what it must be so those worries too. Arranging all my moms things too as shes 72 and needs her medical aid updated, her other things also. Has a sister who doest care and brother neither. Had her car fixed now and I feel im going to loose it. Have been to dr but sending me to phsycyatrist who charges R1600 for 30min session. Now I must tell my whole life story in 30min to a total stranger AND pay him as much as I nearly earn per month?
I agree! Not only are you tired, but I also find that I haven’t got the energy or motivation somedays. As a stay-at-home Mum for nearly 6 years, I you also get very lonely and crave adult company. :)
I did a survey once and one of the biggest ‘complaints’ of SAHMs is loneliness! You may feel alone, but in feeling so, you are definitely not alone.
I agree with most of what you said, however, to say that working moms have “time to themselves” would not really be accurate. When I’m working, I am engaged in my work as a teacher, I’m not sipping coffee in the lounge. When I have lunch break, I’m pumping breastmilk. Also, I disagree that my ride home is a time to relax. Usually I’m making calls that I couldn’t make while I was working. And I still think about and worry about my son the whole time. I still get up in the night during his growth spurts and then have to get myself out of the house in the morning. I still have to get dinner, the housework, and appointments done when I get home. Still, I do understand your points and agree that being a mom is tiring because it is an act of selflessness over and over again as you care for your children.
Kate, as a teacher, you are STILL on hyper-vigilance all day aren’t you? I definitely didn’t mean to offend, and would say that teaching in and of itself requires constant paying attention. I suppose I was more thinking of jobs I’d had prior to being a mother where I could find minutes and moments throughout the day to be alone!
Haha…the height of exhaustion I hit at one point was falling asleep in the dentist’s chair while she filled my cavities!…twice!!
But hey, at least I made it to the dentist appointment! … So hard to take care of ourselves when we have little ones and their daddies to take care of!!
And their daddies.. pahaha!
Now I understand why I am exhausted until the kids are sound asleep in their beds at night and then, miraculously, I am wide awake. And I thought I was just a “night owl!” Ha!
Haha maybe both :)
I am a single Mom to 5 awesome daughters. I have 2 in college and 3 in elementary school. I have learned with my older girls that time is so unfair to us “exhausted” Mothers. Although, I have raised independent, athletic and intelligent girls I have to look at pictures to remind myself and to remember the early young days. I was always present but it was like a fog. I truly enjoy the 3 youngest now because I am so afraid of not remembering those best moments. I know it is cliché but really do not worry about the dishes or the laundry. I would give anything today for those baby days when I could nap with my twins or just smell a clean baby just out of the bath LOL I know I am crazy…these crazy days shall pass all too quickly. Enjoy those babies every stinky messy one of them. It will be gone in the blink of an eye :)
Wow! Amazing Lisa! Idk how long ago you wrote that but hope you have lots of wonderful grandkids by now! : )
I could never do what you ladies do. I’m already hyper vigilant with everyone. And I only have a dog! I can’t imagine having my own child. I’d lock that poor kid away from danger and everything would be padded.
Haha. It is a tendency!
I’m not sure mothers do get a bad rap
I think my exhaustion stems from not only the hyper vigilance regarding their safety but also their discipline. When I was a working mom, I still thought about my babies when someone else was taking care of them, worried about their safety, etc, but I could still think about other work things and focus on them successfully. Staying at home full time I feel like my brain is on constant overdrive, thinking about the safety worries while also dealing with every tantrum or potential tantrum or even good behavior moments. I’m running through what I’m going to say to calm down the screaming toddler or whether I should ignore her this time or whether how I can prevent this tantrum next time. When they are good I try to be conscious of what I’m saying to them trying not to over praise or praise for the wrong things, trying to raise kids with good character. It’s this 24/7 thinking, sometimes overthinking and something regretting the choice of words I’ve used, etc, combined with the vigilance on safety that drain me so much more than my job did. Even when I had stressful projects there or frustrating customers, there were certain things I knew for a fact I could do right and wrong, and no one was throwing a tantrum screaming at me hoping I’d just figure out what might be wrong with them. I didn’t have to think with such focus and then wonder if I was screwing up constantly.
Great points. Kids are more a mystery than some grown up things we pursue. And I am similar to you!
So true – trying to choose the very best words all the time no matter what else is going on to occupy your brain.
Oh how I needed to read this today! Stay strong, mama! We are all exhausted because our kids didn’t drink bleach today. :)
I’ve worked full time and had children, I’ve been a STAHM, and I’ve worked from home with small children…I also worked part time for just a couple hours a week after my husband was home from work for 4 1/2 years. That was nice because it gave me a couple hours away but then I was answering a phone and dealing with other’s problems! But I have spent the majority of my Mommy years home with these kiddos (9, 7, 5, 2) To answer the comments about a full time working mommy being exhausted too: I don’t doubt that you are!! There is a hardness (albeit different) to every way we choose to parent because simply put, parenting is just hard! But I think the point to the article is not that working mom’s aren’t tired but that many people assume because a mom gets to stay home that she has it easy. For me, I do not want to work and be a Mommy. I am so thankful that I get to stay home and that my hubby is good with that! But Lord have mercy I am exhausted!! And most days I just can’t figure out why! It often hits me in the morning. Sometimes I doubt the validity of my exhaustion and I’ve wondered if there’s a physical problem wrong with me. Because many days I’m looking at laundry and dishes and vacuuming that didn’t get done and I think what in the world did I DO today???
My biggest beef, or trouble is when moms of older children tell me to enjoy it while I can because they grow up so fast! Leave the laundry and dishes, etc etc etc. Come on folks! That’s impossible to do. If I leave the laundry or dishes long enough…don’t keep a fairly picked up home, then eventually no matter how much I’ve played with my kids and just enjoyed them, children’s services will show up at my door because I have not cared adequately for my children. (the 2 yr old is trying to lay across my lap while I type this) That drives me nuts. I KNOW kids grow up fast. I have a 9 yr old. I would give anything to go back and hold him as a baby or 2 yr old again just once. I spent most of his first year in a fog. So I know. But please, to the grandma’s and Mom’s of older children, I beg you to stop saying this! It simply incites guilt in us Mom’s who can’t wait until “next year” when said child is fully potty trained, feeding himself, can dress herself, etc. It makes us feel guilty because nope, I’m not fully enjoying it all. I love these littles with all of my being but I don’t enjoy it all. Nor will I. And somebody has to do the laundry, the dishes, the picking up and the bathroom cleaning after the 9 yr old boy. :)
Great article!
Thanks for your thoughts Julie!
Julie; When us “Mothers of older children” tell you not to worry about the small stuff and that time does pass quickly so enjoy it…we are trying to help not make you feel guilty. You cannot unring a bell. We are saying it not to piss you off like I seem to have done but rather to let you know that the hard days will pass because we have lived it already. You are lucky to be able to stay at home with your children while your husband works. Your children are lucky as well. Your frustration seems to be misplaced. The truth hurts and no one enjoys every minute of it but some of us who have children are the only providers and income earners in the home. Some of us miss the milestones and the firsts because we do not have the luxury of being able to watch our children grow. Yes, we have made choices but to us Mothers who have to work 2 jobs to take care of our children women like you appear as high maintenance whiners who complain about no time and being exhausted yet you are still able to fire two paragraphs in response to a simple comment. ???? Hope you get the rest you need :)
I think your article applies to more than just SAHMs. I’d like to argue that working moms are just as tired! I don’t have the luxury of not showering and wearing yoga pants all day.
My “9-5” job is a frantic 8 hours of trying to get everything done so that I can get out of the office in time to pick my daughter up from daycare, take her home and get her dinner, put her to bed, and then log back into work to finish what I didn’t get done during the day.
Talk about hyper-vigilance? I spend my working day thinking about what I am not getting done at home, and my evenings/weekends worrying about what I didn’t get done at the office.
Talk about multi-tasking? I have the same pressures at home (laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes, etc), but squeezed into only a few hours during the day when I’m home. I’m making playdates, organizing schedules, and everything else during the day while juggling work. I try really hard not to spend my weekends doing all of those things, because it’s some of the only real quality time I get with my family.
My SAHM friends plan playdates and zoo/museum visits during the week. I don’t get to participate in these. That’s one of the tradeoffs I have to make for having a career. But I want to be able to provide for my family, and my husband’s salary wouldn’t cover it.
Motherhood is difficult no matter how you do it! Big props to all the Moms out there. :)
You are too right, Erin! Never meant to alienate or divide just can only write from my own perspective!
@Erin, yes! I feel like you would appreciate this, ever had something like this happen?
After being up all night with new baby, getting pre-schooler to school and then pumping breast milk WHILE DRIVING (thank God I didn’t get pulled over) to be clocked in at 8am….rushing in to beat the clock and my boss says, ‘wow, you look tired’. HAHAHA laugh or cry
Pumping while driving is SKILL, Renee!
Could you hire a maid? It would really help. My mom did that because she was working.
This make so much sense. I have 9 months old twins who are always crawling and climbing in different directions. Not to mention teething so up all night crying! And somehow I feel resentful when my husband comes home from work and says how tired he is from being at work, but our work doesn’t clock on and off!
This is spot-on. I loved reading it. Thanks for putting into words the reality of our days being hypervigilant!
Hi! Great article! Now I know why I feel this way and that I am not alone! I have two boys 2 &6 that I homeschool and I work full time for a corporation from home. Despite cleaning everyday, The house is always a mess and it seems my husband is never pleased and believes I am lazy. :-/ anyway it’s good to hear this because I do worry about them constantly and have to be vigilent because my husband is no where near as watchful and safety minded as I am, in fact I feel like I have to watch him too! Plus I do not have family to help out since they all live far away.
Absolutely! I am exhausted in particular by outings. Between the potential for car seat meltdowns, explosive spit-ups and disastrous diaper blow-outs it has me on edge every time we leave the house in the car. Luckily we live in a walkable neighborhood so I take a few days a week to be car-free!
Rachel I so agree. People are always like “oh do you want to get out of the house and do x” and I’m like NOOOOO. Ha. It is usually not worth it for me!
thank you so much. fabulous post.
Hunh… this actually make a lot of sense. I’ve noticed that anytime we leave the house, I always look around and if I see some one strange walking by the road I watch them until they are out of sight. And I seem able to hear little noises my kids even when no one else can. My husband still thinks I don’t watch the kids like I’m supposed to, though. I get blamed for anything broken or damaged because I wasn’t keeping a good enough eye on them. Never mind, they’ve never had a broken bone, concussion, or injury serious enough for a hospital visit. Also have never drunk poison, been kidnapped, set themselves or anything else on fire, and not killed either of our pets. Thanks for this awesome post, it really does explain a lot. Go Mamas!
Okay. That pretty much explains it all. Fine piece of writing thank you. As a husband and dad its sometimes hard to understand why my dear wife is so tired. But I know our youngest little monster just sucks oht every last bit of attention that at night, all my wife wants is to drop down and sleep. 10 hours… that should be enough right? Now I understand that sleep will not solve it. But a short holliday without th kids might help.
Andi, a short holiday wouldn’t hurt ;)
I am a full time oncology nurse and new mom. Trust me, I deal with way more stress and hyper vigilance caring for my patients than when I’m at home doing house-chores and playing with my 1 year old. I think clumping working moms into a 9-5 business lady who gets 1 hour lunch and wear cute
Clothes, is ignorant. I work 14 hours, barely get 10 minutes for lunch, and have to now take time to breastpump 3 times a day (if I’m lucky). I get home and do all the same laundry and dishes as everyone else. Guess what, I’m tired too. Maybe my career helps me appreciate the laundry and mommy time, I’m sick of hearing SAHMs talk about how stressful their lives are all the time. Almost all of my coworkers wish they could have your life.
I was only speaking of my experience working before children, most certainly not all jobs! Never meant to invalidate all you do, girl! Just speaking the truth from my perspective.
woah…my mum had three children-one with behavioural issues- under 3, worked full time in Sydney waking up at 4 and getting home at 6 and had an abusive husband she had to run away from. I am now a stay at home mum with a far more peaceful life and she NEVER shuts me down when I complain. Everyone’s situation is different. Don’t be so bitter.
I started a small blog about just finding 5 minutes for myself ever day. Sounds insane but when you have small kids 5 minutes for yourself is actually hard to find and I found it really did help me when I did. I started making lists of small things that take 5 minutes or less to feed a mothers physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I was so disconnected from myself.
I am also just plain tired. Seems like there is always someone awake in this house.
Libby that is an awesome idea. A lot can happen in 5 minutes to help you make it through until the next 5 minutes. Feel free to put up a link!
Wow this is pretty sexist. You don’t have to be female to experience what you’re talking about here.
Of course not, Graham!!!! But I’m only a female so that’s the only perspective I can write from :)
It was great to read all of your posts. I understand everybody of you. I live in Germany and have two kids. I expect German mothers to write similar things. I think, it all depends on the help you get from your husband, family, friends or neighbours. Some mothers here have so much help from most times the grandparents. Often, I want that, too. But on the other hand, I say to myself, that I raise my kids, and can do it nearly 100% my way, because, the contact to the grandparents is not too close. Sad are the nearly daily discussions with my musband, I: “Look, this father spends much more time with the kids than you do.” And he: “Look, this mother, she has got more kids than you and she seems to manage it all much better than you.”, and our sadness about getting not much help of the grandparents of the kids. This negative discussions do not help and are exhausting. What I did not read in your post is the topic “working part-time or full-time”. In Germany, mothers often work part-time, and often they are so clever to work for example two full-days and one half-day. The other two days they have for housework and so on. Sometimes when they have their full-day, at the same day, their husband has got home-office, that means, brings the kids to kindergarden and back again. My situation is different; I work every day. But I work part-time, and that means, I do not miss important steps in the development of my kids. An important factor is the kind of job. Yes, there are plenty of jobs that are far away from career, and I often hear the mums say, that their job as a mother is much harder than their paid job. What makes me really angry is, when my husband says – and he does not stop saying this! – “I work 10 hours and you work 4 hours!” I always answer, that this is sooo unfair, and that I work 4 ours paid and the rest is unpaid family and house work. Sorry, for the numerous writing faults in my post.
Thanks Eva for sharing. I am with you about being far from family, it is really difficult when there are no breaks isn’t it? I pray you guys find some peace during this season!
Reading through the comments, it makes me sad and frustrated that working moms like to slam SAHM’s. It happens on every blog posts that talks about this. I could come back with lots of snippy arguments as to why they are wrong in their assumptions that we are not as tired as they are, but I’m not going to stoop to their level. Shouldn’t we as moms all be encouraging one another? Not dragging each other down. I don’t care what your job is in life, this competitive crap needs to stop.
You wanna know why were tired? Why we are ALL tired? Because were grownups. We are no longer children. We are people getting older, with not as much energy that we used to have, we are tired cuz were grownups doing grownup things. As soon as you get married your life changes. It is going to be tiresome looking after others as opposed to looking out for only yourself. It is called growing and maturing. And guess what? That tired feeling? It may seem to lessen with time (as your children get older) but truth is that we just get used to the tiredness. It becomes who we are and we learn to deal with it better.
Let’s all just stop comparing our lives to duke it out and see who “has it the hardest” and just love on one another. Take off your diapers and quit being competitive babies, let’s put on our big girl panties and grow up.
Great, well written article by the way!
Love this. We are ALL tired aren’t we? Part of life! ! Thanks for the comment
thumbs up justme! Was exactly my thoughts while going through the comments. this competitive crap is stupid and childish. These articles about sahm’s are not there to pretend we have it tougher than working moms, they are written for US, sahm’s, to help us understand WHY we are so tired at the end of the day, because when we look back at most of our days, we took care of the kids, did a bit of laundry, a bit of dishes, a bit of cooking…. when put like that doesn’t seem that a productive day! But then again I haven’t stop 2 minutes to breath! I am so exhausted!!!!
We’re not pretending to have it tougher than you, working moms, so let’s please stop fighting among each other, we just sometimes feel like we have to defend and prove ourselves, thanks to society’s expectations..
Working part time or full time, sahm, single parent or not, everybody adapts their lifestyle to their situation, every situation has it’s challenges. This parenting thing is hard for EVERYBODY.
And to the ignorant idiots out there who wonder what sahm’s do all day and seem to think we have it easy and we have no reason to be exhausted, screw you.
I think the reason why working moms are offended is the way this was worded. “Even in a 9 to 5, while working, you can go to the bathroom alone. Get a coffee or diet coke when you so desire. Phone calls can be made without worrying that a sudden screech or disconnection will occur. Commutes to and from work offer time to process, read a book or relax.” It sounds like working a 9-5 job is easy and relaxing.
In my experience both are difficult and no comparisson should even be made between them. I’m a working mother and my job is taxing. Sometimes there’s no lunch. I used to work 9-8 with no issue and now I have 3 less hours to cram everything in. Rush to the door and face traffic, get home and be on time to play with my kid. Do some dinner, bath, songs, reading and then spend time with my husband. Plan fun things for the weekend. There’s also times where I have to work again after the baby is asleep because there was no time during the day.
As many others have said, we work on work and also half our minds are hoping for that small break where you can make an appointment, call someone to ask for weekend plans, call other places because stores/doctors are closed at 8 when you’re home. You worry that you cannot be with your kid is sick and spend energy thinking on how you cannot be with them (sick or not) and wonder if they are being fed right or if they are watching too much tv! Then also.. what plans you can make for the weekend or night to make it fun. Or cram appointments for Saturday morning you have yet forgotten to do because a call/email came at the wrong time.
SAHMs have it hard. Sometimes it is even boring. No intereaction with adults cannot stop the kid from climbing that bookcase for the 100th time. You need a break and they follow you to the bathroom. Yes, all that.
I suggest: Just don’t. Don’t compare, expose your feelings but try to make it about the topic you are writing about. SAHMs are tired yes. SAHMs are tired because they don’t relax at work? Just no.
The asumtpion of working mothers having all the time to relax, do calls and get a diet coke is as horrible as the assumption of SAHMs having time to nap, clean, and rest at hom.
I should go in and clarify that that was MY working experience, most definitely not everyone else’s!
You are right. That was MY experience, I will go in and edit it. I can COMPLETELY see how that’s offensive.
I so LOVE you for this!
I have an 8 y.o. girl, 6 y.o. girl, 5 y.o. boy and 21 month old girl!!!!!! On top of that I homeschool……yes I like torture! But seriously, what you say is soooo accurate! I have gone to the doctor and tried many different things to help my fatigue. The truth is, I need to just help myself and continue to pray to my Lord and Savior!
Arshella, that’s about the sum of it. Help yourself, continue in prayer, find time to rest, and know that we all are with you :)
hank you for the article ..even though I have no children myself I can most certainly relate and appreciate your point. I have seen many of my contemporaries display that heightened awareness to ensure their children’s safety. I would also suggest as a response to the “why exhausted” question to tell the person to just imagine spending their day been the CEO of a largely creative enterprise with unusual work hours and moody child size workers. I am a home based worker for a market research firm, even though I have no children, I can relate to the stress of Hyper-vigilance a mom suffers. During my workday, I have to minimizing any external distractions, while in a mom’s case it may be ensuring no one disturbs a sleeping toddler. In my case the aggravating neighbour or city worker loudly banging away at my door disturbs my client call quality. I have to spill proof and sound proof my environment and ensure that all my technical equipment is working. It is a rather frustrating day when I wake up and there is a internet reception issue in my neighbourhood. I also spend my day wearing yoga pants for work as any other pants would not work well when you have to sit in the same spot for four hours straight. Try wearing a belt when you are carrying a child or sitting at a desk strapped to a headset at home. I feel drained and exhausted from trying to ensure that my voice comes clearly across but at the same time I am neither too loud or there are any other noises around me. I can’t relax from the stress until the last call is done and I know I performed well in my project. The last thing I feel like doing at the end of a day is going online or making a phone call. There is no purpose to doing my hair or make up as I have a headset over my head and I am sitting all day typing. Mom’s lead a similar lifestyle as any entrepreneur except they don’t get the office or the credit. They fulfill the far more valuable job of nurturing children but are still required to do the dishes. During my work day I barely get 15 minutes to eat my food without it been deduced,while mom’s without pay sometimes have to eat theirs in several intervals. No one makes comments if a yoga trainer, gym personal trainer wears sweats , so next time they comment on what you do all day, tell them to try it themselves and see how much time or care they will then give to work clothes or make up.
Great point, Kamala, that really it’s the hyper-vigilance that we can put into ANY situation that is exhausting. Stay at home mom, work from home entrepreneur, working outside the home. Any situation really. That constant focus is draining!
Today I said I feel so crazy to my husband, while we were eating dinner. I had my month old on my lap, eating with my food two feet away from so she would not swipe my plate off the table. My son and daughter were thirsty or wanted more of something. And he replied “yes you do look frazzled.”It was in a loving way And he said “one side of your hair is braided and is not”
I replied “my left braid keeps coming out so I decided to leave it like that. when I leave the house I just put a hat on. while I type this my 6 year old and 3 year old are fighting and my baby is crying because I took away my laptop power cable from her mouth.
Lol
http://homeschoolingmamacita.blogspot.com/
Ha, the half head braid. Been there, done that!
Hi Rachel,
I just read your post and its amazing!!! I have been a stay at home mom for a little over two years now. My husband thinks I’m totally crazy and paranoid, every noise wakes me and silence scares me death! Haha. I have a 3 almost 4 year old daughter (Kalysta) then a 21 month old daughter (Gillianna). My awareness ifs in over drive! Gillianna has cystic fibrosis, for you all that don’t know what that is it is a genetic disorder that causes the body to over produce mucus and lose to much salt. Thus mucus builds up in the lungs causing lung damage and unable to breathe it feels like your breathing through a coffee straw. The mucus also builds up in the gi tract causing malabsorption, the body can’t feed itself. Cf causes many other problems, pancreatitis, cf related diabetes, tracheomalia, ephoghitis, brain lesions, compromised immune systems etc. Gillianna has all of these problems and many more, cf is incurable and is terminal. So as her mother making sure everything is clean and all treatments and meds are done on time is exhausting in itself! So my alertness and awareness of dangers are to the extreme, even the common cold could be the death of a cf patient i feel that I’m constantly looking to avoid the danger. Your post explained how i feel perfectly. I do feel that the community wonder why my hair isn’t done? Lol i really appreciate your post and hope to read more!!
Oh Kaitlyn, what challenging days you have! Even more than the regular day to day hyper-vigilance, the health issues. Bless you, tired mama. And don’t worry about your hair. I know I don’t! ;)
I actually always feel guilty because working moms covertly keep judging SAHMs. I just wanted to stay home till my youngest starts full-time school. I have two boys, 7 and 4 and cooking, cleaning, medicines (my younger one needs them everyday), outdoor play are strictly followed everyday. Still, everyone, including my husband, think that I’m leading a luxurious life; I end up feeling guilty for even *thinking* that I’m tired. So a big thanks for this article!
sorry, meant to write ‘thinks’.
I agree that sometimes you can feel as though you are “getting away with something” by staying home. But it is just a different kind of tired and a different kind of exhaustion, isn’t it?
Oh my goodness yes precisely describes my life to a T, I am always so tired I don’t sleep well at night on top of it all because even at night your still worried about the kids, or the house or upcoming event etc…and a lot of people don’t understand that your constantly watching, listening, taking care of everything never a moment to breath and if you do happen to doze off on the couch your pretty much still listening to what the kids are doing, I have 4 children(5,5,5,9) 2 of the 5 year olds are mine the other 5 and 9 year old are step children- we don’t have all 4 all the time but I always have 2 of 5 year olds and sometimes all the 5 year olds and every summer all 4 kids. I wear yoga pants, hardly brush my hair or get a shower or bathroom session to myself, my husband is the sole money earner in the family, I cook, clean, take care of bills, doctors appointments, school things its never ending. this article was very spot on thank you.
and not only that but one of our 5 year olds is special needs has a undiagnosed genetic disorder and autism.
THREE 5 YEAR OLDS!!! Whew. And one with autism, girl I know you are so so exhausted. I wish I had life changing advice about how to not feel tired, but all I know that really works for me is consistent time alone and breaks from the responsibilities of life. I hope you – somehow – are able to find that for yourself!
Wonderful article. I found my self guilt for thinking that I’m tired but that is the truth..I’m a stay at home mom plus babysitting. I have a 3 and 1/2 years old girl, a 15 months old girl, a 12 years old boy oh yeah and a 14 years old brother plus the 2 years old that I babysit. Well my 15 months old is the quiet one but most of the days she just want to stay in my lap, my three years old is a thumboy really yesterday she opened the drawers of her wardrobe and try to climb on them because ” see momy they are like steps” and she is really a bossy that sometimes I don’t know how to control her how to make her understand that she need to stop. The one I baby sit is a whiner she is whining for everything (eating time, nap time, for go outside and play, for go in the car, for use the potty, for watch tv….she whines all day and she is with me 8 am 7 pm) my 15 months old just start to do the stairs by herself up and down ( I have fates everywhere) but she is not talking yet (except for mom, dad, grandpa, grandma) so when she want something and you don’t get it at the first time she screams but she is the quiet one, she can play alone for hours. Time that is 4 pm I’m already tired but that is the time where the boys with the ten eager attitude are coming home…… By 9pm when everyone is a sleep I’m so ready to go in bed and yet I have my husband looking at me like ” I work all day what have you done” . Sorry for my English but is only two years that we are leaving in USA.
Ilaria, your day sounds exhausting even to me. Do NOT feel guilty for being tired!!!! I guess it’s just part of life as an adult, when we give so much energy to things we end up tired, huh? Bless you, girl!
Between blogging and mommying it’s as if I can never catch up on sleep. Thanks for sharing :)
I hear ya, girl!
Yes yes yes! I love this! Made me thing this: http://parcelandfrock.blogspot.com/2015/01/parenting-bermuda-triangle.html
Will check it out ;)
This very much resonates with me. I’ve been a full time mom/caregiver for my special needs kiddo for 13 years now, and her healthy sibling (when she needed more from me than she does now at age 15). There were years I was certainly hyper-vigilant round the clock because my daughter has epilepsy and is most prone to seizures overnight. This took a huge toll on me in every way and thankfully, my life is more managable at the moment, but still I have a full day’s work to do everyday, and I’m still recovering from the more intense times. I’ve always actively looked for opportunites to have breaks, to do something fun for me, to socialize and even so I’ve often felt very isolated, overwhelmed, just fried. I took what opportunities there were, always, but if it’s not there, or it’s spotty and not offered in ways that really work for me, then it’s not there….
We live in a society that doesn’t recognize any caregiving as valuable. People who are not able-bodied adults are overlooked, and their care is largely left on the shoulders of family members who often don’t have the resources to do it well at a reasonable workload for the caregiver…..”You are tired because none of your children drank bleach on your watch today. You are weary because everyday last week you made sure your little ones had food in their bellies, even if it wasn’t mostly organic and preservative free. You could use a nap because the house has not burned down and the walls are still upright, though perhaps with crayons, markers or fingernail polish you forgot to lock up.”…
This is all work, real work. Because it doesn’t create a product (certainly not in the short term), and because it’s rarely been a job that comes with any meaningful status (Has anyone else had the experience of telling a new aquaintance you’re a full time mom, having the aquaintance say how great that is, while at the same time they immediately look over your shoulder for a different conversational companion?), caregiving as work is so easy not to see. There is in actuality so much daily work that goes into making sure anyone incapable to care for themselves has some sort of food provided, is dressed, bathed, groomed, just stays alive if there are medical issues, etc…
Way too many moms/caregivers and those around us don’t view what we do as work. We often neglect the breaks necessary to be rested and re-energized for each day because we ourselves don’t understand the full value of being rested for what we do and because we sometimes don’t have good choices for occasional respite off our jobs. We don’t usually recieve financial pay, status or kudos from others. We tend to add to our workload pressure to make the cutest craft on printerest, home looking like a magazine, all home-made from scratch food, etc. I think mostly we expect (maybe many of us just actually like these quality of life artsy things as a break from our maintenance of life tasks.) those things of ourselves and feel bad when we don’t do them because they are something that can be seen physically (an actual product) and it does feel good to produce something readily visible, especially in a culture that only values that kind of work.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This was such a profound comment and so true!
“The simple fact is that the pressures of home are many and they are heavy.” Totally agree on this, though each time I look at my 2 little daughters I know it’ll be worth it! :)
So true! I try to explain to my husband why we go to bed at the same time, but I don’t “sleep”. He is out in minutes and sleeps like a log. But with 4 under 4 there is always someone crying, needing a bottle or the potty, or making noises that make me sit up (out of a dead sleep) and listen closely until I know they are not getting out of bed. I may be “in” bed for 7 hours a night, but I probably sleep about half that time. I’m tuned in to every little noise. This is a good explanation for that. :)
Tiffany. SO TRUE! I’m with you.. it’s like a sleep that is just under the surface so a slight shifting in bed or a foot hitting the wall is enough to wake you. Ha. What’s that saying… “I don’t want to ‘sleep like a baby;, I want to ‘sleep like my husband.'”
This explains alot. I get about 7 hours at night and am still so exausted. I have two special needs kids 4yo dd and 5yo ds. With special needs my son is more severe than my daughtor and takes so much focus to keep him “making good choices.” He had showed delays just before two years old and was very violant from around 2 to just after 4. he is doing so much better in most areas but still has control problems. My dd was so severely ill as an infant it caused delays in everything else. She jsut truned 4 and (after us learning ASL to help her communicate) is finally learning verbal words. It is so nice to know that this exaustion is “normal” and will gradually get better.
Christina if you weren’t exhausted you’d be completely in lala land. That sounds like you have so much on your plate and are working so hard with your kids! Well done, mama!
Thank you for this!
As a stay at home mom to 6 that are 9,8,7,6,4 and 1 I am so tired. I hear those questions and they make me crazy! Some nights like tonight it’s 1am and I am up to enjoy some peace and quiet. My husband doesn’t understand the hyper vigilance. You put it perfectly!
Amanda, bless you warrior mama! Last night I had a bit of work to do and I thougt, “I shouldn’t go to bed… it’s finally quiet!” ha!
I’m a single mom and every weekend when the kids are with their dad I do nothing but sleep! Thanks for writing this! I’m glad I’m not the only one so tired!
Some of the comments make me feel how much better my life is and how much more thankful I should be. Hard work was never an issue but when there r no perks.. Neither appreciation ( from spouse especially) nor money makes it frustrating. Every time I think I need to go back working, the instances when something went really wrong reminds me that I still have to safeguard my little ones a little longer.
Makes sense! My boys aren’t little anymore… but I definitely remember those days! Pshew! Yes, they were exhausting! I’m here to tell you, moms, that it does get better as they get older. Try to hang onto all the positive memories and take lots of pictures and video. Also, write stuff down. You think that you’ll never forget any of it… but you will unless you have little momentos to help jog your memory.
Great advice, Michelle! I always think ‘I could never forget this…” but you do. :(
Ok ladies, try raising two girls who’s mother passed away and living on a working ranch feeding cowboys every two full meals a day, having the kids go to school 60 miles in opposite directions and being pregnant. And being from a totally different country. I spent all day today on a horse working on the ranch with morning sickness. Yes I’m still riding while I’m pregnant, *cringing while all the judge mental women tell me I’m not caring for my inborn child as I’m putting it at risk.
I look like a zombie, I’m wearing sweat pants and I borrowed (yes borrowed) frozen pizza from the neighbor. I have not made my bed.
But my life has never been better. I am not a SAHM I am a ranch wife, and my job is never done, I may be required to go fix a prolapsed cow in the middle of the night. Or drive to the sale barn or ride colts. Life is an incredible ride, if your not tired your not living.
Angela this is the best comment on this whole post. What a woman! Sounds exciting and I agree, it’s a blessing to have enough to do to be tired!
I was a stay at home mom of young children, I was a working mom of young children and I am now a working mom of older children. I agree with this article however feel working mothers get a bad rap and/or forgotten about. We spend all day thinking about work AS WELL as our children. We manage to do our job while making sure everything is organized so our family is taken care of. Then we come home to take care of all those things that didn’t get done while we are away, organize for tomorrow, run errands, transport children and hopefully steal some time for ourselves (any our spouses). This is simply a fact for MOTHERS in general. I would love the target of stay at home moms to stop. Mothers, whether of young children, older children, stay at home or working all experience the same thing: we put our family first, we juggle and reorganize to make it all work and we get played out.
This post nailed it. I also read your post on multitasking, and man, that info came at a good time. I’m crazy about my lists, and following through on things, but lately, my mind has been running me ragged. Starting today, no more mental-multi-tasking, and the silent unwinding thing is going to be my new favorite time of the day.
I just recently found your blog, and I have to say it is one of the best mom blogs I’ve come across. I know all about a lot of littles in a short amount of time (I had 4 in 4 years, and now we’re thinking of going on to our 6th). And you describe the life quite accurately.
Can’t wait to read more! Your writing is fantastic.
Kit you are so encouraging! Thanks so much for your kind words. I think the multitaskin realization (physical multitasking is one thing, mental is another) was so important for me and I feel less strung out and ragged as you said. 4 in 4 years seems to be my limit. At least for now ;)
This article gave me a heads up. As an expecting first-time mom, I fear a lot of things that may change my routines like getting enough sleep, my work, my obligation as a wife, etc. I have to admit it could be overwhelming at times. So I ready myself and follow tips from super moms out there from getting baby stuff that may be helpful like a baby monitor, apps for babies that I can use on my phone, strollers, etc. I just hope I have prepared enough. I stopped thinking about those things and just enjoy this stage of pregnancy.
Gloria, that’s EXACTLY what I recommend. Prepare yourself as much as you can without getting obsessed, then relax and enjoy. You said it perfectly. No preparation will leave you nuts, but obsession will mean you don’t get to relax. Thanks for sharing that!
Thanks Rachel. Keep up the good work! :)
My agreement with your article and what is behind our tiredness lead me to happen upon the HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) research by Elaine Aarons several years ago. Those of us that fall in the HSP category no doubt feel the overstimulation of meeting the many needs of our little people even more compounding then those with genetically “less finely tuned” receptors. I have seen it as a blessing and sometimes, when it comes to energy levels, not so much. We do see the beauty in the everyday more so, but we wear out quicker too. Being a mom just takes it to the next level for sure! Thanks for your great article.
Katherine, thanks for sharing that. I am definitely highly sensitive to my environmental stimuli which, with lots of loud kids, can be so trying. Glad you added that to the comments! Ha, I’ll try to think of my finely tuned receptors as a blessing :)
How do you know my life! LOL. Great article. Spot on.
I am SO TIRED right now! Thank you for this :)
As a Preschool Teacher, it is exhausting taking care of and paying attention to not just one or two children, but a classroom of 24 children. There is the benefit, that I can leave the room for a short break and one of the other Teachers will watch them for me, not so when you are the mother and she is the only one there. Another benefit is I get to go home at the end of the day and be by myself, whereas the mother cannot, she has them in her care for 7 days a week, 24 hrs a day, 365 days a yr. So I understand why the parents (mother)goes to work, so they can get a break and someone else watches them, me the Preschool Teacher, and I would not have it any other way, because I love them.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. Trouble is, very few of us live in a village.
Very very few!
I’m a SAHM, and homeschooling mom, and a big time multi tasker! I put decent clothes on in the morning, my hair goes into a ponytail, if I fix it different, my kids ask me where I’m going lol! My kids are 19, 17, 14, 12, 9, 5, and 7 months. Life is very interesting, very busy, and never dull! I nurse my baby while planning my son’s graduation party, listen while my 5 year old talks about Frozen and barbies, while I listen to my 19 year old talk about her job. Fit 4 hours of home school in there too. Somebody’s always hungry, not all of them at the same time though. Somebody has somewhere they need me to take them, wash 4 or 5 loads of laundry most days, at least 2 loads of dishes each day, constant decluttering, picking up toys, then they want supper for some reason! We won’t talk about yard work! I skip lunch many a day, I actually do forget sometimes. I’m always tired! But I wouldn’t take anything for the time I get to spend with my children! They are precious times and gone so quickly! Good article, thank you!
Whew, you are a busy blessed mom! :)
Very nice. This is exactly what I feel but cannot express. Everytime I try to tell my husband that I need to watch the kids because they can end up doing anything, he just laughs it out and calls me an over protective, paranoid mother. But that’s the truth. Even if I go on a girls day out for an hour I am consently thinking about my daughter. The funniest thing is that my husband will put her to sleep or put her fav program on TV and do his work and then tells me that it was so easy to take care of her. But I cannot do that, I have a schedule and she needs to eat on time, watch TV for just an hour and sleep when it’s nap time. I guess mothers will always be mothers :). Loved the article.
Oh Melissa, I so relate :)
What role does the time some mothers spend on social media (while at home with the kids) have to do with this?
Great point, Peter! Sometimes being distracted by social media makes you more irritable and even more ready for a break which compounds it all!
As one who has had 8 years out of the last 30 when I didn’t have a child under 5, I totally agree with your idea of hyper-vigilance. Worry wears you out, but what is worse is when you forgot to be vigilant and suddenly remember you let down your guard. That guilt surpasses the stress. Hopefully you find all is well when you drop the ball, but when you snap out of it your relieved because you know what could have happened.
Such a great way to put it… worry wears you out!
You do have a exhausting, difficult job! Just know that if this grandma (and a lot of other grandmas) looks wistfully at you it is out of envy. Oh, how I’d love to go back for just a day and have a sweet one nuzzled on my chest as he sleeps, laugh at a toddler toddling, see that little fist with the just-picked wild flowers and a child smiling up at me! And so many other precious moments. I was mostly a stay at home mom too. A lot of the reason was that I didn’t want to miss a minute. I know you appreciate it too. Don’t let folks intimidate you and try to run your life.
Oh Jan, you are so right about those moments. I actually am simultaneously thinking about how hard it is with little ones and how wonderful it is. Pretty much all the time. Ha!
My dear women, I have been where you are. T’was ever Thus. Don’t be surprised if when you are about forty, and finally life is a bit more sane, you start to relax and have heart palpitations. This too shall pass. Love you all
Carolyn…. the other day I actually thought. I know people say this too shall pass but I’m so IN IT that I don’t even believe it. Ha. I mean of course it’s true, but you get what I mean.
I’m going to post something completely different here, in the hope that new mums especially read enough comments to find this. Yes, parenting can be exhausting, but it isn’t always. It is possible to do it and NOT BE TIRED. This does not apply to single mums, mums of higher-than-average-needs kids, or multiple birth mums. But if you are a stay-at-home mum with kids born one at a time, it is possible to live in a way that isn’t tiring. I was 30, 31, 33 and 35 when I had my four. I was not particularly fit, and definitely overweight by the end of it. I stayed at home mostly, as we had no friend or family network nearby, and had my local mothers group for support. My husband worked full time, and I did a bit of online work for a university sometimes. I had realistic expectations and I changed the house/routines to suit babies/toddlers. Nothing breakable in low cupboards, so no childproofing latches needed. Baths happened when they were dirty, otherwise a washcloth would do. One room was kept nice for visitors, the rest waited until the weekend. Cooking went from complex to simple – not so many dishes. I slept when the baby slept. Often this meant on the couch while the older ones played. But here is the real secret…..I bottle fed my kids. The first two I didn’t have a choice, but I perhaps could have for 3 and 4, but chose not to. So this meant that my husband could do one nighttime feed. I would stay up until the last late feed, say 11pm, then I could go to bed and sleep all night. Meanwhile hubby went to bed earlier, did the feed at maybe 2 or 3 or 4am (a very special bonding time), then we’d both be up in the morning, both having had enough sleep. And that was while they were babies. The night feeds don’t last long. Once they were older, a restless child at night came into bed with us. When I finally felt tired (kids were aged 3 -9), I went to a doctor, who said, “of course you are tired, you have four children”. I kept hearing this until I found someone who ordered blood tests. I was suffering from severe aenemia. One iron transfusion later I felt great again. I have since had one more transfusion, and am going to get my iron checked again soon. My kids may not have benefitted from being breast fed, but they sure benefitted by having two relaxed, well rested parents ( not a mother and a father who “helps”). I’m not saying this is a winning formula, only that you do not HAVE to be exhausted. Be flexible and think outside the box, and do what’s right for your family, and you’ll find something that works better.
AND get your iron checked!!
I agree with what you said, actually, having a system, creating reasonable expectations, and the iron. Oh the iron. I’m telling you that I have low iron usually skirting the healthy amount and when I take iron supplements it makes all the difference!
I’d add to get your ferritin levels checked too. Ferritin is the iron store in the body and it can cause symptoms even if it’s on the low side of the normal range. Mine was low post-childbirth and I had months of rubbish and not realizing it wasn’t just because I’d had a baby. Breastfeeding also depletes your iron, make sure you keep taking a prenatal vitamin if you do.
Pregnant with#2 and the levels have dropped again,starting to feel tired and breathless again.
Thanks for the post. I nearly killed myself pumping/feeding last time and this time I’m aiming for a little breastfeeding and supplementing to give myself a break for looking after the rest of my family. I need time for my 3 year old too.
I agree with this for the most part. As the 9-5 parent in the house, my husband has brought much of this up (he stays at home). But, I am on a personal mission to disabuse nonworking parents of the notion that commutes are equivalent to “me time.” Depending on where you live and the route you take to work, they can be the most horribly stressful part of your day. Mine is. That’s all, though. The rest I can see and I feel to varying degrees even as a working mom, especially on the weekends.
Oh how much I loved reading this post, especially the part where your say “You are weary because everyday last week you made sure your little ones had food in their bellies, even if it wasn’t mostly organic and preservative free”
I am weary and sensitive over everything.. then I see their smiling faces and joyful (sometime rough) playing and I relax with a sigh, saying Thank you Lord for my perfect healthy children. So i guess it’s about taking it day by day and enjoying this season as they won’t be toddlers forever.
And for those who say why does she look so run down.. I actually like it this way, my time to shine and “look good” will come again, right now I’m just busy with children.
Yeah, in the real world, we just call that stress. But it’s not something to martyr yourself over if it’s only called stress.
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that such a great article has been turned into fuel for a debate of who’s more exhausted- working or stay at home moms! Really?! Truth is, LIFE is exhausting! We all have difficult, all-around exhausting things we go through daily, whatever our situations are. I have been blessed to experience many different situations as a mom- working, staying home, working while staying at home- and let me tell you they all have their many unique challenges. I just hope each of us moms, no matter our situation, can have a little more compassion and understanding when we see another mom having a hard time, no matter the cause of exhaustion.
Great article. I just flipped Mom for Dad and vice-versa for the breaks. My wife suffers from mental illness I’ve been the more prominent care-giver. We both work and I find I just don’t have the energy that I used to. With our first child, I was able to get up at 5 am for her feeding, then do P90X and/or Insanity while she slept and bike to work. We have a 2nd child and he’s far more rambunctious and fearless so I’m always on alert. This article really gives me something to think about in terms of how to get motivated again to work out. – Thanks!
DJ, so true that you can substitute dad for mom here. It is certainly different depending on child dynamics as well!
Thanks for this article! I kept wondering if I was inexplicably pregnant or something because I was feeling so tired each evening. ;-)
The most important point to me (particularly after the comments) is that anyone caring for a child carries a big, very tiring, responsibility – no one is getting off easy. So you don’t need to feel guilty, about “just” staying at home, “only” working part time, having an “easy” kid, “only” having one child, having a supportive husband, or even using pre-processed food. Everyone is doing their best, and it is utterly exhausting! ;-)
Exactly!
Just wanted to let you know that there seems to be a minor typo under the headline “Multi-tasking takes its toll”
I am a multi-tasker to the extreme. Why do one thing if I can **DO** 6 and plan another in my head at the same time?
Thank you, changed ;)
“You are tired because none of your children drank bleach today.”
Yes, this is The Truth. I am posting this in my house where I can read it every day – thank you!
I am a physician but now stay at home for sometime . My toddler is 16 months and I do agree parenting is difficult !
Yes–this is it, exactly. And also this is the road to burn out i think; i feel for three years i have been in his very state if hyper vidgilence just as you describe and now with a “just turned” three year old ans an 18 minth old i feel burned out physiologically! And to add to it, those of us who are intraverts, are getting NO tome to recahrge from the constant “buzz” Need to recharge —
Exactly, well said!
I do not get a break when I drive to work. I deal with peak hour traffic. I don’t get a break at work. I run to the toilet and I am busy all day. I am on my feet and I don’t get a break. I get my 6 year old ready every morning on my own and take her to out of Hours school care. Straight after work I pick her up from out of Hours school care and then my second job starts, housework, cooking, homework, bath, bed. I feel the guilt of putting my child into child care everyday. I have to deal with days when my child is sick and also try to juggle school commitments. I raise my daughter on my own. My friends that are stay at home mums do work hard being stay at home mums but I’m sorry, I really am exhausted and I do not remember the last time I had 5 mins to myself.
Bianca, you surely are doing it all! I didn’t mean to imply all working moms have breaks, simply that in my work experience it was drastically different (based on my job) than it was at home. Hope that helps!
There are a few reasons you are feeling tired without any reason. One of them is anemia, which is a lack of red blood cells and conversely, oxygen from the lungs is not properly brought to the tissues and cells. Anemia may be caused by deficiency of vitamins or minerals, internal bleeding or chronic diseases. Women who are at “that time” of the month are susceptible to anemia as blood is lost during menstruation. Still, iron deficiency due to menstruation is less than in pregnant women or lactating mothers, as their body needs extra iron to maintain healthy blood levels. Things may also go wrong when your thyroid glands refuse to cooperate with you. Thyroid hormones, thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3) are responsible for metabolic processes in the body. Too much thyroid hormone causes hyperthyroidism which speeds up metabolism while too little thyroid hormone slows down metabolism. Hyperthyroidism causes fatigue and muscle weakness and starts in the thighs. Doing energy demanding activities become difficult and other symptoms include weight loss, feeling warm, shorter menstruations, increased heart rate and thirst. Hypothyroidism also causes fatigue and muscle weakness. The symptoms are reversed to hyperthyroidism such as weight gain, feeling cold and longer menstruations. Diabetes, notorious for causing a range of problems in the body, is also related to fatigue. As glucose is the staple fuel of the body, it is not utilized properly in patients with type 2 diabetes as the absence of insulin causes the glucose to build up in the body. Without its staple fuel, the tissues of the body are not nourished properly and causes fatigue. Sadly, being sad can also be the reason you feel tired. Depression induces negative feelings and also has negative effects on the body as it causes a reduction in energy levels, changes in sleep and eating patterns, decreased concentration and overall laziness and worthlessness which keeps you in bed all day.
Reference: http://bit.ly/2f9bC1e
This is exactly what I needed today – it did not make me feel any less exhausted but slightly less guilty about being so tired to begin with. I have one 13 month old daughter and work part time, she has recently started waking up at 6:00 AM on the dot and has dropped her afternoon nap. Our house is on the market and has to be perfect and ready to show at all times. My daughter is very mobile and in to everything, she is a climber and I seem to have pulled something in my neck from all the lugging bags and the baby around and constantly picking things up or retrieving her from whatever piece of furniture she has found to crawl on top of. My husband is extremely helpful when he is home and would never make me feel bad about being so tired, but I cant help but feel horrible when he gets home and has to help me with laundry or dinner when I’ve already been home for 3+ hours but I’m just too tired to do anymore. I have absolutely no idea how people manage 3,4,5 kids and work full time stressful jobs, I just don’t think I mentally or physically could do it. But maybe that is just the exhaustion talking today. Thank you for the encouragement and it really does help just knowing I’m not alone. I was really starting to worry about how I’m feeling and thought I might need to go to the doctor and see what is going on, but I’m now thinking the feeling is normal. I don’t know, all I know is that I need a nap.
I am a single mother of two little guys – 6 and 8. Some months my ex pays, some he doesn’t. I work full time.
I have zero understanding for stay-at-home moms, who complain that it’s too much for them.
Sorry, ladies – I know I’ll get a bashing, but, come on – get your act together.
Lucyinmunich, a single mom in conservative Bavaria (that’s in Germany), where there are plenty of stay-at-home moms who stop working with the first pregnancy and get the shock of their lives when their husbands leave them ;-)
Being tired is definitely no fun. I have been tired since my son was born and that was 15 days from being a year ago lol.
Ha. You need a good nap ;)
I was a single mother at age 19 to a baby boy… those first few years were one of the toughest years of my life… it came back when he turned 13 and life spun out of control… however, i met a wonderful man that I ended up marrying.. i promised to have at least one child for him and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl… however, my son followed my footsteps (even after the 100s of speeches and warnings to wait until later in life) and also had a baby young. I now have a 22 year old son, a 3 year old grandbaby and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My house was made for two people so five is tight. I work full time and my job is almost an hour away. I am a supervisor and the job is stressful and tiring. My husband and I are pretty much raising both girls together because the situation with my son and the grandbaby’s mother is not ideal to raise a toddler…. I’m 42 and I’m exhausted. If anyone would have told me what my life would look like this today, I would have laughed and told them they were crazy.. I’m going to try to find time to read you blog… I need all the help I can get! It feels lonely some time even though I have friends and family, but from what I remember in raising my son, by the time he was 5, it got so much easier! As sweet as this age is, I look forward to that stage.
This was life changing to read, thank you!
Thank you, thank you. I’m a stay at home dad to two high maintenance kids, and there are no words for the exhaustion that I feel on a daily basis. And then after the exhaustion comes feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I can’t be more fun and playful. My wife works a demanding job and comes home with more energy than I have, and it made me think there’s something physically wrong with me. But after what you said, I can now articulate why being a stay at home parent is so thoroughly exhausting. You totally nailed it. Thank you so much.
Adam, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. Nothing. You’re being a fantastic dad and it’s draining. :)
I raised my two kids alone while working a full time job that included taking call two nights a week from 11pm to 7am. I almost always got called out of bed at least once, usually it was twice. I was still expected to work my day shift the next day even if I had been up all night. I managed to do this job and get my kids to school each day, pick them up from school and get them to all the music lessons and events etc.
My kids are now grown. I am now a stay at home caretaker for my 85 year old father and I am raising my granddaughter who is now 6. She has been with me since she was a year old.
I say all that to tell you this : of the two, staying at home has been harder in every way. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Even though my job was terribly exhausting , working with others was energizing and I had people my age to talk to. Staying home is isolating and in my particular situation there are no peers. Being “older” I don’t have anything in common with the young mothers out there. As I am raising my grand I find it necessary to take on the role of being responsible parent instead of doting grandparent. Making all the decisions from food choices to discipline by myself is exhausting.
Parenting is a hard job whether a parent works or stays home. They are each exhausting in their own way but in my experience being a stay at home parent is much more isolating and difficult.
Yes, working with small kids is a great combination!
With both kids I went back to work at 3 months. Best decision ever – doting delighted grandmas/aunts/friends’ parents take care of the baby, and I get to have adult conversation and fun projects at work, learning new skills. And no shouting!
There are some downsides – the continuos breast pumping, angry customers or bosses, sudden deadlines, all-nighters, kids’ tantrums, and kids being looked after a bit differently than I would do it.
But my mental health is better than ever, I feel so happy and confident, and see my kids growing up happy and confident too.
I had to prepare years in advance, though: help relatives with their issues, build a network of older friends, read a lot on how to raise kids that sleep/eat/play independently, support husband in learning childcare, find a job that allows for flexibility and acquire the skills necessary….
Thank u so much for this and your post on pre-k as I have been feeling so guilty for not wanting to send my daughter…. your words are so moving I can’t stop crying but I am so happy to read that other moms are not doing pre- k either and I want my girls 3 and 4 to have more experiences with me like nature and travel etc right now than a classroom! Also this post is amazing as I have been suffering from extreme panick attacks after my second girl was born and I am a therapist and even with my knowledge and tons of advice etc here I am with your post finally understanding why I am having so much anxiety … and this helps me so much so I can be more forgiving of myself for being so worried all the time ugh I’m writing so much but I just want u to know u have changed my life with ur words and I will be following u and reading everything!!!! Thank u
Chana, I just want to give you a huge hug right now!
Chana-i suffered terrible with PTSD ,anxiety, panick attacks after my first. She was born with an u detected heart defect and so was admitted very urgently at 3 days old to a childrens hospital. Cutting a very long story ahort she eventualy recovered and we were sent home after 8 weeks of constant care. I was on auto pilot the whole time until i got home and life was supposed to just go back to normal. However- i coukdbt return to work as i had to be a medical mum. I began feelibg as though i was blacking out and falling into a hole and so i would take myself to hospital thinking i was heading somewere very svary. Turns out after many visits to hosps and docs i had ptsd. Im a very anxious person anyway due to my mum and her mum..(massive OCD the pair of them because of controllibg behabiours by their partners) Its been so difficult trying to explain myself and understanding myself too. The best thing that helped me after 18 mo ths of counselling was being told that it is the bodys natural way of protecting itself if something is feared and to not put pressure on myself thinking otherwise. Also we are only human and there are many things that can tweek out thought patterns.
I hope this helps a little. Take care.
Omg..tonight i am so bored. The kids are asleep..the other half is in the bath and i feel so bored. Tv is crap…yes i could clean a little more. Its rainibg so i cant ho for a run but i feel so bored. My brain is mush and has bren since my first was born 5 yrs ago. Im currently post c section of 8 months. I feel ineed to burst into tears bit i cant even manage that…its so hard to cry. Its the rediculous 6 wee holidays and im dreading another day of shear energetic kids from 6am onwrds…BUT im not ready to sleep yet :/ …’what the actual f$#*!’.. and to make mTters ten times worse im feeling so self conscious and seco d guessi g if my partner (who i know deeep deeep down would never be unfaithful) however im second guessing him anyway. Motherhood is a right pain in the head when you get time to stop and think. Perhaps auto pilot is the only answer! Everything is making me frown today
Thanks for sharing this!
Interesting, thank you for sharing!
My kids are teenagers, so I have the pleasure of having my nephews 18 month old daughter and nieces 24 month old son during the day. I use be an educator in early childhood classrooms and I loved it but it was exhausting for this 43 year old. You are absolutely right in everything you said! I’m now a certified health coach and would love to help all if for free if anyone’s interested I feel 15 years younger these days have mental clarity and am always happy. It’s super simple. I hope you dot think I’m trying to spam you. Just sharing my knowledge free of charge. Email me if you would like . I can write a guest blog or something
Wow yes!!!! Everything is so very very true. Ive always felt this way but finally a post about it! I think others might not see it like this though(well non sahm). It’s the constantly being “on” is what is very draining. I know many husbands that think having a full time job requires more relaxation compared to a full time mom lol.
I Love this article, I have 4 boys 12,5,4, and 2. I am a stay at home mom, and though I don’t work I have been a part time care giver to my mom who in 2012 became a quad amputee. Also from 2014 to 2016 when they passed away helped care for my grandparents. Who lived with me and my small children while I was pregnant with my youngest. I understand no sleep multitasking and while it wasn’t and isn’t a 9 to 5 job. It sure has taken alot out of me. The job of being a mom is very hard for anyone no matter how many children you have, but the rewards are worth it. ♡
Your perfect description of Mothering life brought tears to my eyes. I say Mothering as I am a Grandmother raising a grandchild alone while living with and care taking for a parent. Fortunately my parent is still independent. But caring for 6 year old and 85 year old takes it toll. Seems everyone gets their needs taken care of except myself. And while yes I have time to do some things during school hours its not truly being off duty.
Thank you for this post and I am looking forward to reading the helpful resources.
I was just thinking this is why I’m exhausted all the time.. some is not enough sleep but most of it’s mental tiredness. Constantly being “on”. Being a parent is tough work! Thanks for writing and sharing with us!
Wow. Now I finally understand why I am so tired all the time. I never have an “off” moment. I am always on, always aware, always on duty. I am 48 years old raising my 4 almost 4 year old grandson. I love him dearly and my granddaughter who I keep every 2 weeks,also. But my goodness…I pray things improve with my energy level!
I tried to go back in an edit that comment…i have one 4 year old grandson, not 4 of them! Wooh! LOL.
Wow. Now I finally understand why I am so tired all the time. I never have an “off” moment. I am always on, always aware, always on duty. I am 48 years old raising my almost 4 year old grandson. I love him dearly and my granddaughter who I keep every 2 weeks,also. But my goodness…I pray things improve with my energy level!
Even when we do get to sleep, we’re still hyper-vigilant, sleeping with our ears tuned for little voices crying out for us in the night!
Wow, I am not the only one! . It is such a relief to find comfort in knowing that it is normal to feel this way. You can extremely tired but happy in the long run. It feels so good to connect with people that are on the same page. Thanks for this post! It made my day
Oh I just got me!!! Thank you so much for putting these together.
I have 3 children and I’m always on the move.
Btw, I also write a blog to share my experiences while raising my kids, how I overcame all the difficulties. Y’all can go check it. Hope you like it!
Xoxo
It really blows my mind how the working moms ALWAYS have to jump in and tear down the SAHMs and invalidate all of their struggles. I don’t know how many times the writer commented “I can only speak from my perspective” because …. She can only speak from her perspective. Just like you can only speak from yours.
It would be like me saying “my back hurts” and someone attacking me saying “your back can’t possibly hurt, because mine hurts! And it hurts more! and I deserve more pity! even tho I can’t feel your back and have no idea”
No one is saying that working moms have it easier! But consider the following:
-if you aren’t home (ie. At work) that means your children aren’t there either. Using dishes ,making messes , etc. So you walk in the door at 5:00 or midnight and it looks the same as when u left. unless you were a victim of a break and enter
-no matter how stressful any job you could possibly have, you have one thing that I envy: the ability to clock in and out . No matter if u just pulled a 16 hr shift, you STILL get to punch out and walk away from that building .
-not to mention other incentives that paid employment provides …such as a paycheck???
and in most jobs , most employees have a basic understanding of what is expected of them and how a typical day should look.
You also get performance reviews, feedback, raises , and oh ya, adult conversations.
And if your job doesn’t give you a lunch break, that is illegal first of all, and something you should probably take up with HR.
Considering no one was bashing you in the first place, the high and mighty attitude is unreal. I wouldn’t say these things to a working mom just to be an asshole, and if they complained about their work day I would not be replying with “wow ! So u think just because you work you’re special? Listen to how hard I have it! You couldn’t possibly know stress!” Get over yourselves.
But since y’all wanna go there……
love it, very helpful, thank you
Do people still say that to mothers? It seems to me that the times have changed a bit, but maybe it’s just the type of content I’m exposed to.
Wow, thanks Rachel. I needed to find this conversation tonight. All the comments were as well comforting to read. Nice to read about others going through this roller-coaster journey as I navigate mine;)
Sending strength (and some energy) to you all as you raise those little big hearts and souls.
And to you too :)
Great info! Multi-tasking and not having enough “me time” really hit home for me. I’ve gotten better with both lately however I always have so much to do that I try to get it all done.
Yep, gotta have that me time :)
You hit the nail on the head! I haven’t been able to explain these feelings to my husband because I didn’t really understand them myself until reading this. The best way I could explain it was telling him I needed “breathing room”, but when he would offer to babysit our little one for a while, I didn’t think that would really help either, so I came across as confusing. And consequently, he was flustered because I couldn’t come up with a way that he could help. Now, I realize that the constant presence of my baby isn’t what’s making me tired; it’s the mental weight of the responsibility and concern. There’s still not a perfect solution for this, but at least I know how to communicate it now! Thank you!!!
I will be interested in seeing if any working moms have a different view of SAHMs now with all this COVID-19 “shelter-in-place” going on. Although, they will probably say “ well, we still have to work our normal jobs AND balance being a SAHM AND balance homeschooling. Smh. Why cant we all just support each other in this amazing, tiring and exhausting journey called motherhood. I was a special education teacher for severn years before I had kids and now, I stay at home with my three kiddos, three and under. I also have a learning disability on top of it. Because of this, I worked 80+ hours a week when I was teaching and now I spend all my time being a full-time mom, with a learning disability that makes me feel less than qualified to be a mom. For me, the hardest job I have ever had is just BEING a mom. Hear that. JUST BEING A MOM IS THE HARDEST PART. Not being a working mom or a SAHM. Just being a mom. Lets support each other and hold each other up, regardless of whether we are working moms or SAHMs.
I’m beyond tired.. at 50 we are starting over having gotten custody of grandchildren, one of which is a newborn.
Michelle, you are going to do just fine and I will help :)
Hi Rachel! You are such a wonderful breath of fresh air! So so thankful for you and your life and all of the things you share here! Blessings over you and your family!
Thanks, Rachel for this beautiful post. This is really informative. It is really helpful & praiseworthy. These techniques are really working. Thanks a lot for this type of article. Great job & Well done.
This post made me cry. I feel seen! I work part-time in an office, so I get to see the best (and worst) of both worlds. The 20 hours I spend at work each week are far less exhausting than the days I spend at home with my son, however. For sure.
But my favorite, most satisfying days are the ones I spend with my kiddo. So I’d say it’s a fair trade. :)
Oh my goodness, what an amazing piece of work to read. Not many have the courage to outright speak the truth about motherhood, and you do! Thank you! 👏👏 others are too busy putting on a fake show hoping nobody notices. Reading this article put a smile on my face because no matter who denies that being a stay at home mom is extremely challenging, I know the truth because I live it everyday. Your articles are truly empowering. ❤️ God bless you!
“I am tired because none of my children drank bleach.” Hahaha, yesssss! So many of the things we do look like things NOT done – because we’ve prevented and cleaned them. 🤷♀️ I’ll admit, I wondered how stay-at-home moms filled their days until I became one and said, “Ahhh, now I see!”