If you are having trouble finding time alone each day as a mom, here are my tips. I’ve had 5 kids in 5 years so I understand your struggle. Also, here’s some encouragement for the emotionally exhausted mom.
“Everyone just leave me alone for a few minutes,” I said.
“But, mama…” her sweet voice said in tears…“you don’t want to be alone because you’ll be sad.”
“No darling,” I said gently, “I promise I will not be sad even a little bit.”
True story.
Young kids just don’t get the need to be alone. Even though it benefits them, they can’t articulate its importance. We mothers, on the other hand, we do.
There are times and seasons when we may find ourselves without the outlet of babysitters or family support. If you’ve just moved somewhere, are far from family, or have little money to put towards babysitters, then you need to work out a good strategy to wind down, process and get refreshed.
Part of the blessings and joys that come from a good schedule is the basic strategy of routine and order. You are able to prioritize your day based on the needs of your family. By doing so you can find ways to get small breathers that help you to keep moving.
Read: 5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Mothers Need to Remember
1) Schedule it in
Things like nap time, independent play time, and structured playtime between siblings are great for two reasons. One, they benefit the kids. Two, they benefit you. Since I work from home I absolutely rise and fall with my schedule. Every morning and afternoon there is some allotted time in which I am alone. Whether it’s outdoor play in our holding pen fenced in play area or room time, I need time of peace and quiet.
Read: 7 Things To Do When Your Kids Are Noisy
I lay on the bed and read a book, take a nap or plan out something hobby or project related. I almost never do chores, wash dishes, clothes or do housework during this time. For one thing I like to keep the house quiet, but for another I just decided I wouldn’t. A woman needs a little peace and quiet every now again. Particularly when she’s an only child who is from the country {ahem} and, therefore, used to silence.
Read: The Stay At Home Mom Schedule That’ll Keep You Sane
2) Learn how to lock doors
And I’m not talking about closet doors with your children inside. Sometimes when I need a few minutes I ask my husband if it’s okay if I go into the bedroom and lock the door. Locking the door is key. If not, I will have barely positioned myself prostrate on the bed when the door opens and I hear “mommy, get up, mommy!” That, my friends, is not an environment conducive to relaxing.
Sometimes I’ll take a bath or long shower or go into the barn to work out and, while my husband is on duty, I’ll lock the door. It may seem weird, but it has momentarily restored sanity for me many a time. Sometimes even 15 uninterrupted minutes is the difference between a mother with no patience and a mother with enough patience to be sweet until bedtime. Or, even if I need to bring the babies along, at least I’m getting to do something for me.
3) Don’t throw the time you have into the black hole
By black hole I mean things that may lead you to say “I just sat down and three hours have gone by for nothing.” These things will vary according to the person. Since I do a lot of work online, anything “screen” is typically a waste of time for me. Completely non-relaxing. TV, Facebook, or Netflix may help me escape but, when I’m finished, I don’t feel refreshed.
For some those things may be exactly how you refresh. We’re all different. I try to make myself bake, sew, paint something, or read a book that actually has pages I am turning in my hand. These things help me to feel like I had some of my own personal time. Know what your ‘black hole’ behaviors are and do your best to completely avoid them during your precious free moments.
Read: 60+ hobbies perfect for stay at home moms
4) Find outside help
There are many other ways to get some time to yourself. Whether you hire a babysitter, a family member, a neighbor, your spouse, or you simply schedule it into your everyday life. However you do it, make it a priority. It isn’t the one hour here that gets you down. It’s the one hour here, one hour there, 50 hours later when you are on the verge of meltdown… Working some time to focus on you will make all the difference.
Read: Getting a Grip On Your Emotions
I’ve recently hired a mother’s helper to come to the house two mornings a week. I rarely ever leave when she’s here, but do appreciate having someone to, well… help. She might chase the 1 year old or empty the dishwasher or read to the kids or do awesome fun games with them. I might work, feed the baby, shower, read a book, or put away the laundry. Point is, I use that time to feel space and it’s worth every penny.
If we never get time alone we lose ourselves.
If we lose ourselves we stuff our emotions.
If we stuff our emotions we explode on everyone around us.
It is not easy, but it is simple.
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Rachel
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Ashley says
Great tips! I totally agree with the “black hole” thought. Hours can just fly by on Pinterest or Facebook.
Rachel says
Totally agree, an hour goes by like three minutes!!
Ben and Emma Higgs says
I like the black hole thought too. Sometimes I’ve sat a timer when I’ve sat down at the computer, just to help me to focus on the things that need doing and not to waste hours on nothing. I also work from home and also try to use some of naptime/independent play times to work. When do you find time do your chores though?
Rachel says
A timer is a great idea! I try to do that too, give myself a limit. Chores are relatively new to me since my kids have been so young I’ve just done them in my ‘free time.’ I’ve recently started to do it differently, though. I’d try to do chores throughout the day (mine are just 2.5 and under so they aren’t ‘terribly’ helpful) but I try to do all dishes before they get down from the table. As in, I let them linger at the table a while and I quickly do them. Recently when I was in my first trimester we hired a cleaner because I was having a hard time keeping everything under control and the house being dirty caused stress. Normally, though, I’ve just cleaned things as we’ve seen them throughout the day. I think soon I am going to put into practice a better chore schedule since my 2 year old is actually helpful! How do you do chores, I’d love to hear it??!!!!!
Beth says
We have a morning routine that we all do chores straight after breakfast. My 4yo unloads the dishwasher, my other 4yo sorts the laundry into family piles and places it in the appropriate bedroom and the 3yo puts wet washing into the dryer while I clean kitchen counter tops and then re load the dishwasher and washing machine with dirty things. When they were little it took a long time to teach them these skills but now they’ve got them down it means in 30 mins in the morning we have a clean kitchen and a load of laundry done. They then get dressed, put away their clothes and make their beds while I do a sweep of downstairs and pick one job like steam cleaning kitchen floor or hoovering through. Then I let the other stuff build up a bit and around every 3 days they’ll get a choice to have a job or play upstairs while I clean and tidy for 2 hours; I can get the whole house done in this child free time / with them helping with simple jobs like dusting or wiping down the table.
There are seasons where it’s really hard, but I would say kids are capable of more than we think, and if we teach them obedience then they will pay their part well and everyone is happier :)
Rachel Norman says
Beth, this sounds amazing. I’ working on getting ore ‘daily routines’ down with cleaning as opposed to ‘stop what we’re doing, time to clean.’ I think they fight it less when it’s like that don’t they?
Susie says
Good ideas. I find it difficult to find (literal and mental) space at times as my older childno longer naps which means long days, and we live in a small house so it’s tricky to find ways to carve out time for myself away from constant noise. I think I’ll have to bite the bullet and hire a babysitter!
Rachel Norman says
I had to!
Krysten says
I try to take a nap every day when my children do. My husband can tell when he walks in the door if I’ve had my nap for the day. I am a morning person to the extreme so I try to get all my chores done before lunch and then I can take a nap guilt free.
Rachel Norman says
I love that, girl. I find taking a nap so refreshing when you’ve planned for it and know you don’t have anything you “should” be doing.
Njoora Lucy says
Rachael, I would say finding time for yourself it’s not easy if you are full-time Stay-at-Home Mom. Sometimes I try to lock my bedroom door, but my kids knock the door until you open they even cry while standing beside the door. I make sure in a day while my children take a nap I create “me time.” I don’t attend house chores at this time. Thanks for sharing various ways for finding time for yourself they are all applicable to a busy SAHM
Rachel Norman says
Oh it’s super hard, girl!
Sarah says
I so wish for this! but I can’t see how to make it work. I can’t seem to leave my 4yo and 2 yo alone for 2 minutes before they are hitting/biting/kicking etc. If they’re not doing that then they are getting into something or wrecking something and it it so frustrating. I can’t even put my baby for a nap because I have to leave the room to deal with the other kids before he gets a chance to fall asleep. It happens so often that I find I am monster mom! The only thing that keeps them out of trouble is TV time and I really don’t like that I have to use that. But also it has helped me be able to make dinner so I accept it . 🙄 I’ve read so many articles from so many sites and nothing has worked. Feeling pretty discouraged and emotionally drained…😢
Rachel Norman says
Sarah, why don’t you put them into their OWN rooms so they won’t end up fighting? Or if they share, put one into one room and one into another room in the house, like yours!
Sarah says
Hi, they share a room (baby is in our room) I have tried putting one in their room but it doesn’t take long until they go looking for the other.
Rachel Norman says
Ha! If one leaves the room and you put them right back (even if you do this 10x in 10 minutes) do you think they’d eventually get the point?
Sara Wasser says
This was so validating. Thank you! Sometimes, as a mother, we need to hear these exhortations to honor thyself from someone else. I recently had to do a check of my emotions for the very reasons you mention above. I ignored my needs in the name of being a good mother but ultimately to my children’s detriment. Thank goodness a fresh start comes with each new day.
Dotty says
You made me cry…really you did! I’m 50 years old, married for 30 years and have a 2 year old! I struggle! Guilt is my company all day and night! For 28 years I was able to start a task and finish it. For over two years I can only look at the chores that need doing and wish I could do some of them…clean windows, wash out my cupboards and garden (my passion). Am I allowed time to myself? Would I be a bad mum? I love the idea of a mother’s helper but I’ve never heard of this, not here in the UK anyway. I keep trying to think of an excuse as to why I should need my own time…i just know I need some to be human again.
Carly says
I feel you Dotty, there was a time when i was in the same situation. I was a working mom who just had my 2nd baby at the age of 39 and it become very hard for me to keep track of time and manage my routine chores with ease. I dont want to rely on a nanny to groom my children so i quit my job and start my own online business to earn while keeping an eye on my kids and household work. Life is not easy when you have the responsibility of these tiny souls on your shoulders but that makes us mothers what we are MoMs.
Nicole says
How do you find a mothers helper? I’ve tried on various websites, but can only find “professional” Babysitters (like a career) not like a young lady with a few hours of free time looking to make a little spending money… I also tried the app “bambino” but it isn’t popular enough in my area yet. Any tips?