There are many ways to relieve stress. Many methods, habits, and tips that will help get you out of survival mode into thriving. But there is one that will help you be less stressed, regardless of whether your circumstances change or not.
With 2 of my 5 pregnancies, I absolutely lost my marbles.
Yes, I say 5 because I am, surprisingly, pregnant again. For anyone else who studied Liberal Arts out there like I did, 99% does not mean 100%.
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Anyway, I lost my marbles and thought I would never recover. My first pregnancy was a piece of cake. My second one as well. By my third pregnancy I had two toddlers and was working from home for a finance organization. My working hours were 1:00 pm to 3:30 pm. This meant I could not take as much as a catnap when I had to work. Which was Monday to Friday.
Since we didn’t have family nearby and I’m not good at asking for help, I became more exhausted than I can even describe. I’d get headaches, the shakes, my entire face would start to swell, and I’d get panic attacks.
This pregnancy, none of that. Even though I have 4 kids ages 4 and under, I have not become hyper stressed. I have not experienced extreme hormone surges, nor have I become so exhausted I sob and sob and sob. The difference?
I have been sleeping more. A lot more. I average at least 9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
I am not joking.
I am very serious.
And this with 4 kids 4 years and under.
Without a doubt, the number one thing you need to do during seasons of high stress and overwhelm is to get more rest.Â
What's in this post...
Why Rest Changes Your Life
That is a huge statement, but it’s true. Getting enough rest will make a huge difference in many areas of your life.
You are better prepared to cope with life
If you are exhausted then your brain doesn’t work properly. There are so many bajillions of studies that show highly successful people have healthy amounts of rest. You are less focused, more distracted, and higher strung when your body does not get the amount of sleep it needs. Period.
You cannot control all of your circumstances and sometimes we find ourselves in bad situations that are not of our making. It is particularly important in these seasons, when there is little else we can control, that we take hold of our sleeping habits. Even if you have to go see someone to help you sleep better, it is a must.
Read –> How to be a calm mom
Your emotions are not in control of you
When you are exhausted, every single emotions sits right under the surface. You have a full and overflowing emotional basement. If one child throws a tantrum, you throw an even bigger one. One kid spills some milk and you lose your head and scream. Overnight, you become an angry mom.
When you are lacking sleep your adrenaline is pumping which causes your body to be on high alert. You become hyper-vigilant. More so than normal. Quite simply, you’re not able to be a level-headed reasonable person when you are beyond the poing of exhaustion. It’s not your fault, it’s just how God made us.
By getting more rest, you have margins and you’re able to make decisions without letting your emotions take charge.
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!
Learn MoreYou become more self-disciplined
When you prioritize rest, day in and day out, you build up your self-control and self-discipline. This will particularly come in handy if some of the overwhelm and stress problems are due to a lack of self-control on your part. By focusing on getting more rest you’ll learn to let other things go and do what you need to do.
And the best part, every night that you get more sleep and feel better… the choice to go to bed early the next night becomes easier.
Read –> How moms can sleep more, better, and longer
It helps you prioritize the things that matter
When you start to realize that you absolutely must sleep more or you will completely lose the plot, you start paring down the unnecessary. Is the playroom still dirty? Close the door. Do you have two seasons of Gilmore Girls left to watch before they release the big finale? It’ll keep.
There are books to read, people to call, dishes to put away, lunches to pack, etc. But if you can manage to do some of the urgent stuff during the day and forget about the extra, you begin seeing just how much you were doing that doesn’t matter. How much busy work or mindless tasks that created stress but produced no benefit.
Like sweeping.
Okay fine. Sweeping is important… if you have a baby who eats off the floor.
But in all seriousness, things that can be done during the day will leave more space at night to relax and then go to bed early.
Read –> 21-day go to bed early challenge
I know may of you are thinking, “Yeah, Right, Whatever, I can’t sleep, I’m a mom.” But I want to tell you that you can. Even if it means you have to hire a maid or forget about cleaning for a short season. Or better yet, give these responsibilties to the kids.
- pinpoint an issue
- draw out how it’s affecting you
- label what you don’t like about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it’s showing up
- say what you’d rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
How to get more sleep even if you think you can’t:
- Go to bed early. Choose a time goal and, when it gets there, drop whatever you’re doing and just get in the bed. Get one of these
and you’ll find it easier to fall asleep. - Don’t just get up because tiny ones wake at 5:30 am. You can teach kids to sleep later and babies or toddlers who are in their cribs can play quietly or sing to themselves for another 30 minutes if you don’t rush right in. Ask me how I know.
- Beg someone to watch the kids so you can nap. Even a power nap can help you get back on track.
- Hire help. If you can afford help for a few hours a week, get it. And then don’t be crazy like a chicken when they get there, just sleep.
- Take daily naps. Sleep when your babies or toddlers sleep. If they don’t sleep a lot, put them in their cribs to play and doze off right beside them. You probably won’t even fall asleep, but will just rest your eyes, but every little it helps.
- Take 48 hour mommy vacays. I talk about it all here. I know this is a luxury everyone doesn’t have, but if your husband is willing to watch the kids, go for it.
- Prioritize it. As with anything, if you prioritize it, it begins to happen.
and you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.
Love, love, love. Especially the part about begging someone, so you can finally get some rest. I REFUSE to cut corners when it comes to sleep. I know it will make a difference tomorrow, and of course, in 20 years I’ll be thanking myself times one million.
Exactly. EXACTLY. I ain’t too proud to beg.
Yes, to ALL of it!! Such a short season of life. I don’t want to look back and think I didn’t enjoy it because I was too tired and stressed!
That’s hwo I feel when I’m tired, I get so upset with the kids easily for nothing :(
Sleep and I have been on a bad relationship spin for awhile now. But I think for me it’s the anxiety while trying to sleep. Not being able to fall asleep properly and then eyeing the alarm clock like a mad man. :( What do you do when you just can’t shut off? Soft music just gets me fixated on imagining, reading books actually gets me more awake- even boring books turn into ‘things I have to think about right now’. I notice the only time I actually to knock out is the days I have no neck pain :(
I think you’re super amazing for holding your marbles together! You’re really inspiring!
Lazina, that is SO TOUGH when we want to sleep but can’t turn our minds off. Have you asked your doctor for something that might help? Not necessarily medicine or anything, but ways to turn off the mind? Or maybe make a list of the things on your mind before bed to do tomorrow?
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Sleep also helps you fight & curb off illnesses, always a good thing! The kiddos sure bring enough of them home with them!
Life is just one big juggling act – it sure helps if you can have help carrying some of the balls every once in a while
That is the truth, Amy, it definitely does!
Congratulations on the little bundle!!!
Oh, I totally agree with this! Last year we had a LOT going on, both my husband and I and by fall I was exhausted and felt like I was losing my marbles. And then bam, we had a surprise pregnancy. :) I got bad morning sickness (make that all day sickness) and it lasted longer than any of my other 4 pregnancies. I felt so bad that I was forced to just slow down and I rested and slept a lot. Now that I’m feeling better, I still am making it a point to get plenty of sleep and it makes such a hug difference! Everything you said in this post has been exactly my experience with being more rested. Anyway, I’ve determined to keep making sleep a priority for the rest of my life, because it makes life so much easier to enjoy…and it makes me a nicer mom, wife and lady. :)
Everything you said, yes yes yes
Congratulations! Hope this one is smooth sailing!
I like your blog, and agree more rest is great, but I disagree that it should be #1. I am a physician who had 2 of my kids while I was an intern and 2nd year resident (read: I worked 100–ONE HUNDRED– hour weeks and was on my feet all day long). I also miscarried 4 times during my 5 years of residency + fellowship, so to say I was exhausted is an understatement of epic proportions. I slept when I could but that doesn’t relieve stress, it just makes you slightly less exhausted. Because your stress levels are high, your sleep quality is in the gutter. The number one thing that will reduce stress is…wait for it: PRAYING.
There are countless studies to support this; prayer and meditation slow your heart rate, decrease blood pressure, decrease blood sugar, even slightly lower your resting body temp as well as decrease resting levels of cortisol (the “stress hormone” and my specialty in endocrinology). All of these things are conducive to decreased anxiety and stress levels, and thus people who pray and/or meditate have better quality of sleep & are more well-rested (even if they sleep for shorter periods), AND live longer to boot! Congrats on #5!!
Girl, you are TOO RIGHT. I should change the whole title and don’t actually disagree with you at all. And plus, praying calms you, gives you wisdom, helps you prioritize, see what you need to do and not do. Thanks for this comment and I agree with you, I should change sleep the #2 thing. ;)
I so needed this! I committed to myself today to go to sleep earlier because I am such a night owl but it precludes me from being bright eyed when my children need my help in the morning before school. It’s hard fighting my natural tendencies, but something’s gotta give! :)
Oh girl, I’m not a night owl but I’m a workaholic so I FEEL YOU :)
I love this post but what happens when you’re a mom who leaves for work at 6:30am, picks up her child(2 y/o) at 5pm and then after he’s in bed (7:30/8) has to teach an online class, grade papers and still find time to clean the house, meal prep, pack lunches and shower? How does a mom like that get sleep?
Brittany, girl, you are an amazing woman and you just do the best you can. You do what you have to do, get help when you can (hiring out or asking for it, etc.) and then you take advantage of the hours you have. I hope my post didn’t make it seem like you’re doing something wrong for being busy!
I totally agree that sleep is the most essential to our wellbeing and is usually the first thing to go out the window when times get hard. I know for myself after awhile of disrupted sleep I start to forget how much lack of sleep effects me and my emotional reactions, and start to think that how the world “feels” is how it actually is, which is usually not true. Thankfully I have invited the adults that are trustworthy and close to me, to remind me of this if start to forget. I also write myself reminder notes, so when my son has a few nights of rough sleep, then I don’t forget this is a phase and to be gentle with my expectations for myself and others.