As mothers, we desire to lead our children into truth, success, and happiness. But what happens when we become off balanced with our mothering? Here’s how to avoid becoming a mom dictator:
I often give the kids commands and then feel like…. am I giving too many orders?
And then I think on it and realize… as a trauma therapist once told me…
Parents are benevolent dictators.
So much of life is about keeping a healthy balance and wanting to do good.
Here are some tips on how to lead your children into excellence- instead of ruling like a dictator:
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting chaotic or
- you need a reset to connect.
Leading moms see & celebrate the best in their children.
A successful leader in the secular world cheers on, believes in, and expects their employees to be the absolute best.
The same is true for a mother who is leading her children.
When a child experiences (on a daily basis) a mom who cheers on and believes unconditionally in them… amazing things happen in the heart and mind of that child.
Not only is she leading them, but she is teaching them by example how to become leaders themselves. It’s about setting a family culture or a way of life for them.
Let me explain:
A child who watches their mom positively encourage them through tasks will be more likely to show this behavior to other children in their class, friends, or whomever.
Where as a mom dictator would angrily demand something to happen… a mom who leads coaxes and encourages. This not only builds independence in children but also increases happiness.
Should kids get away with disobedience?
Not at all. Children should obey their parents.
But what I am saying is that it’s often more beneficial to point out the good things than to dwell on their failures.
So, celebrate their successes. You’ll see that this brings out the best in them. Children will flourish under approval and encouragement when given directly and honestly.
Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?
Moms that lead look on the heart of their children.
When a situation arises… it’s helpful to look at the motives and intentions of the little one behind the behavior.
A mom dictator controls with force without understanding. She doesn’t stop to analyze why the child might have behaved a certain way before making a judgment.
A mother who leads in love asks:
- Is my child being disobedient or do they simply not understand?
- Was their heart being in the wrong place the cause of this infraction?
- What is the root of the issue? Maybe something from earlier in the day is causing this behavior?
- Is there something that my child needs to confess or talk with me about?
- Was my child’s intentions correct, but a mistake was made?
Emotions are a H U G E part of a young child’s life. These “I Am Feeling” cards will reduce tantrums, meltdowns, and help your little one learn emotional awareness.Learn More
Instruct children on what they should do… instead of what they shouldn’t do.
For example: If your child is running somewhere they shouldn’t, tell them to “walk while in here.” Do not say “stop running!” This technic helps build a child’s understanding of expected behaviors.
It makes the mom a leader in excellence. It doesn’t sound bossy, harsh, or confusing.
Often times, a mom that is leading is a mom that is sacrificing.
Kids love what their parents love.
A mother who is leading by example shows her children how to care, give, and be there for others in need. Yes, sometimes a mother loses herself in the act of parenting…
I firmly believe that our children will look back on their childhood and think- my mother sacrificed so much for me. She shows me how to truly love by example.
If a mother loves serving and taking care of her children… her children will see that. If she leads them in love and affection… her children will feel that.
Moms that lead set expectations & stick to them.
A mom who leads is firm, consistent, and fair.
In contrast, a mom dictator is harsh, quick to make decisions, and is prone to changing her mind.
We are all teachers whether we want to be or not. Our children are watching us and emulating what they see. This very statement makes me want to be a better mother. A mother who leads…
There have been times when I have made mistakes. Making mistakes is part of life. However, I am striving every day to set clear expectations for my children. And, sticking to them.
Children learn by clear expectations.
- Teach Biblical/moral values in daily life.
- Give simple instructions verbally.
- Clearly define family rules.
- Discuss expectations for when you’re together in public.
- Set routines into daily life that are manageable.
Children grow because you stick to what you say.
- Always follow through.
- Be consistent in the form of consequences and overall response you have to disobedience.
- Be slow and decisive when giving a consequence. (Don’t give an unrealistic punishment such as “never coming here again” or “leaving right now” if you’re not going to stick to it.)
- Treat your words like they are leading your children. Your words are the rule to guide and instruct your children to greatness.
Start brainstorming rules to make your family life more peaceful, connected, and strong!
It takes presence, awareness, and time to lead.
There’s no substitute for being present.
A mom dictator barks commands and leaves the room. She sets her children in front of devices and then demands that they know how to play without arguing.
A mother who is leading her children makes time for special moments. She is aware of how they are feeling and what is going on with them each day. She takes the time necessary to fully understand and appreciate her calling.
That being said, there is also no one better equipped or qualified to raise your children. You are it. Your presence in their life is the most influential thing touching them.
And, you got this mama.
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