One of the most stressful times of parenting is when our kids do something unexpected in front of others, and they’re all looking at us to see how we react. Hopefully, this post will help you rock mom life this holiday season. 

I’ll never forget the birthday party we had for one of my boys. And, nearing the end of the party, a scene developed. 

The scene looked like this… my 3-year-old refusing to come to me when I asked (repeatedly) and then…

Me chasing him around the living room couch until my husband cornered him on the other side and picked him up.

(Me, still in disbelief))

It was as bad as you are imagining it. Family staring in shock and disbelief at the scene before us.

Me, chasing around my 3-year-old who is probably going to be a football star when he grows up that can dodge anyone in his path.

It was not a shining parenting moment. I can laugh about it now, but only for like one Mississippi.

Looking back, there were a few things that I could have done differently. Had I done so, it would have been much less of a scene.

Correction Considerations….

With the holidays approaching you will likely be near family and others on a regular basis. Your kids will be kids and so here are some rules of thumb I focus on to correct my children when there are others around.

1. We cannot control our children’s every move.
2. We cannot always predict how they will act in any given situation.
3. Even if they are ordinarily good listeners, you may find yourself in a stand off with your child in front of others.

If Possible, Take It Elsewhere

If your child is throwing a tantrum, refusing to listen, or has done something you know needs addressing – if you can – go to another room or away from the crowd. 

This will help both you and your child calm down, assess the situation, and respond accordingly. If you feel that all eyes are on you, it’s not so easy.

She should spank him!

She yanked his arm!

She’s not being firm enough!

She’s being too firm!

If you’re nervous about onlookers you’ll struggle to maintain control. If your child feels all eyes on her she’ll get embarrassed and shut down.

➡️ Going elsewhere to do whatever you need to do is a gift to yourself and to your child. 

Read: How To Be Confident In Front Of Extended Family: Do’s & Don’ts

Don’t Hand Your Control To Others

So imagine this scenario.

Of course this mother is annoyed because her child did exactly what he was not supposed to do and then would not do what he was supposed to do.

Now, scenario two.

What is the main difference between the two scenarios?

In scenario one: the child looked in control and the mother felt out of control.

In scenario two: the mother felt in control and acted like she was in control.

Takeaways from these scenarios:

• Intervene early when possible. If you see a situation that is likely to get out of hand, intervene earlier than you would perhaps at home without an audience.
• Don’t let feeling out of control cause you to give control to your child (or others). If you know your normal response might result in a power struggle, just do something different.
• Bears repeating, handle a tense situation with your child in another room, even if you have to take them there kicking and screaming. Better they kick and scream in another room than right there in front of everyone else trying to open their Christmas gifts.
• If you freak out and lose your cool and break out in hives and sweats then the child appears in control. If you calmly intervene, react, and take charge of as much of the situation as possible then you are in control. (#askmehowIknow)

Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries

Don’t Feel Pressure To Resolve It Immediately

It’s easy to think about parenting like a photograph. 

We take one snapshot in time (one negative behavior, one tantrum, one refusal to do what we’ve asked, etc.) and see it as the Always.

In reality, parenting is like a video. There is not one simple moment, it’s a collection of moments that make up the final product.

• Don’t think you Have To Do Something right then and there if it doesn’t make sense.
• The stares of others can cause us to do things we aren’t entirely comfortable with or ready to do (like think up some random consequence on the spot we aren’t really behind) so know that you don’t have to respond to a certain behavior right then.
• In some cases, reparation may be called for (giving a toy back, apologizing, etc.), but otherwise you can address what happened at a later date if you’d like.
• The truth is even if you let one negative behavior go unaddressed at a special event… generally speaking, one isolated behavior incident is not going to make or break your child’s character.

Read: Boundaries, Family Rules & Strong-Willed Children, Oh My!

Remember Family Relations, Impressions, & Your Child’s Reputation

Duh, we handle situations where our children do things that are against the rules. Of course. That’s a given.

But remember that these incidents are a drop in the bucket of our child’s whole life.

Handle it privately.

Go away from the crowd.

Don’t say things you’ll regret. Don’t tell everyone your child is a hellion.

It doesn’t help. It’ll just make you stressed. 

Anyway, the most savvy and wise family members will simply look the other way and pretend they didn’t see anything.

After all… who doesn’t want to kick someone who just hit you? 

So the next time that happened…

After that chasing around the couch event… I started to become more aware of a few things.

Knowing we’ve got 4 kids who make us look like great parents and 1 kid who makes us look like amateurs… I knew I needed to more attentive at family events.

I intervene early.

I take a child’s hand and walk them where I want them to go instead of telling them to go somewhere I know they won’t like.

I take them aside so misbehaviors aren’t the focus of the crowd. 

I am mindful that one behavior doesn’t define my child, and I don’t blow it out of proportion.

No matter who is watching.

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