• Home
  • About
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A Wife and Mom
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleeping
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Christmas » Christmas Tips For Families » How To Correct Your Kids In Front Of Others (Without Losing Your Cool)

How To Correct Your Kids In Front Of Others (Without Losing Your Cool)

Updated January 13, 2021

64shares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

One of the most stressful times of parenting is when our kids do something unexpected in front of others, and they’re all looking at us to see how we react. Hopefully, this post will help you rock mom life this holiday season. 


I’ll never forget the birthday party we had for one of my boys. And, nearing the end of the party, a scene developed. 

The scene looked like this… my 3-year-old refusing to come to me when I asked (repeatedly) and then…

Me chasing him around the living room couch until my husband cornered him on the other side and picked him up.

(Me, still in disbelief))

It was as bad as you are imagining it. Family staring in shock and disbelief at the scene before us.

Me, chasing around my 3-year-old who is probably going to be a football star when he grows up that can dodge anyone in his path.

It was not a shining parenting moment. I can laugh about it now, but only for like one Mississippi.

Looking back, there were a few things that I could have done differently. Had I done so, it would have been much less of a scene.

Correction Considerations….

With the holidays approaching you will likely be near family and others on a regular basis. Your kids will be kids and so here are some rules of thumb I focus on to correct my children when there are others around.

  1. We cannot control our children’s every move.
  2. We cannot always predict how they will act in any given situation.
  3. Even if they are ordinarily good listeners, you may find yourself in a stand off with your child in front of others.

If Possible, Take It Elsewhere

If your child is throwing a tantrum, refusing to listen, or has done something you know needs addressing – if you can – go to another room or away from the crowd. 

This will help both you and your child calm down, assess the situation, and respond accordingly. If you feel that all eyes are on you, it’s not so easy.

She should spank him!

She yanked his arm!

She’s not being firm enough!

She’s being too firm!

If you’re nervous about onlookers you’ll struggle to maintain control. If your child feels all eyes on her she’ll get embarrassed and shut down.

➡️ Going elsewhere to do whatever you need to do is a gift to yourself and to your child. 

Read: How To Be Confident In Front Of Extended Family: Do’s & Don’ts

Don’t Hand Your Control To Others

So imagine this scenario.

Family is gathered in a living room chatting. A parent tells a young preschooler to stop hitting his brother. The mom turns her back, the preschooler hits his brother again, and the brother cries.

The mom turns around quickly, gets all fired up, squats down, grabs her child roughly, and says, “I TOLD you not to do that, you NEVER listen to me and you made your brother cry! Tell him you’re sorry NOW!”

The child refuses to say he’s sorry and the mom keeps asking him to. This goes round until everyone is awkward and finally she just says, “Don’t hit him again or we’re going home!”

Of course this mother is annoyed because her child did exactly what he was not supposed to do and then would not do what he was supposed to do.

Now, scenario two.

Family is gathered in a living room chatting. A parent tells a young preschooler to stop hitting his brother. The mom turns her back, the preschooler hits his brother again, and the brother cries.

The mom gets up, takes her preschooler’s hand, and walks out of the crowded room with her son. 

What is the main difference between the two scenarios?

In scenario one: the child looked in control and the mother felt out of control.

In scenario two: the mother felt in control and acted like she was in control.

Takeaways from these scenarios:
  • Intervene early when possible. If you see a situation that is likely to get out of hand, intervene earlier than you would perhaps at home without an audience.
  • Don’t let feeling out of control cause you to give control to your child (or others). If you know your normal response might result in a power struggle, just do something different.
  • Bears repeating, handle a tense situation with your child in another room, even if you have to take them there kicking and screaming. Better they kick and scream in another room than right there in front of everyone else trying to open their Christmas gifts.
  • If you freak out and lose your cool and break out in hives and sweats then the child appears in control. If you calmly intervene, react, and take charge of as much of the situation as possible then you are in control. (#askmehowIknow)

Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries

extended family parenting

Don’t Feel Pressure To Resolve It Immediately

It’s easy to think about parenting like a photograph. 

We take one snapshot in time (one negative behavior, one tantrum, one refusal to do what we’ve asked, etc.) and see it as the Always.

In reality, parenting is like a video. There is not one simple moment, it’s a collection of moments that make up the final product.

  • Don’t think you Have To Do Something right then and there if it doesn’t make sense.
  • The stares of others can cause us to do things we aren’t entirely comfortable with or ready to do (like think up some random consequence on the spot we aren’t really behind) so know that you don’t have to respond to a certain behavior right then.
  • In some cases, reparation may be called for (giving a toy back, apologizing, etc.), but otherwise you can address what happened at a later date if you’d like.
  • The truth is even if you let one negative behavior go unaddressed at a special event… generally speaking, one isolated behavior incident is not going to make or break your child’s character.

Read: Boundaries, Family Rules & Strong-Willed Children, Oh My!

Remember Family Relations, Impressions, & Your Child’s Reputation

Imagine that you’re a young child at a family gathering and you’re monkeying around with your cousins.

Things get out of hand.

Someone gets mad, you get mad, they swat at you, you kick them and they hit the ground screaming.

All eyes are on you. 

Your parent comes over and (mad as rip) lays into you about how you need to apologize and that’s horrible and we don’t do that, etc.

Are you thinking about the fact that you shouldn’t have kicked?

NO.

You’re thinking about all the family members staring at you… so you’re embarrassed and angry and feel stupid and – of course – do wish you hadn’t kicked, but you’ll never admit it now.

The next time you see these people, the next Christmas, birthday, or random family dinner.. what do you think of?

How embarrassed you felt last time you saw them.

Being told off and humiliated in front of family over something that all the rest of the cousins were doing too, by the way. 

This is not helpful for comfortable family connections.

Duh, we handle situations where our children do things that are against the rules. Of course. That’s a given.

But remember that these incidents are a drop in the bucket of our child’s whole life.

Handle it privately.

Go away from the crowd.

Don’t say things you’ll regret. Don’t tell everyone your child is a hellion.

It doesn’t help. It’ll just make you stressed. 

Anyway, the most savvy and wise family members will simply look the other way and pretend they didn’t see anything.

After all… who doesn’t want to kick someone who just hit you? 

parenting in front of extended family

So the next time that happened…

After that chasing around the couch event… I started to become more aware of a few things.

Knowing we’ve got 4 kids who make us look like great parents and 1 kid who makes us look like amateurs… I knew I needed to more attentive at family events.

I intervene early.

I take a child’s hand and walk them where I want them to go instead of telling them to go somewhere I know they won’t like.

I take them aside so misbehaviors aren’t the focus of the crowd. 

I am mindful that one behavior doesn’t define my child, and I don’t blow it out of proportion.

No matter who is watching.

::

Related Reads:

  • A Crucial Conversation To Have With Kids Before They Open Their Presents
  • How To Have (Or Be) Flexible House Guests While Keeping Your Routine
  • “Is Santa Real?”
  • Free Printable Advent Devotion For Moms & Kids
  • How To Be A Confident Parent With Extended Family: Do’s & Don’ts
  • How To Get Ahead Of The Holiday Rush & Slow Down
  • How To Write A Christmas Card People Want To Read
  • Tips For Hosting Holiday Parties With Kids
  • Family Christmas Traditions That Won’t Break The Bank
Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

64shares

Filed Under: Christmas, Christmas Tips For Families9

« 10+ Interview Questions To Ask Your Potential Mother’s Helper
The Dream Feed: The Why, The How, & When To Stop »

Recommended For You From Our Shop

‘Tis The Season (Holiday Planning Pack)

Stop The Stress & Slow Down The Season

It's shocking to think we only have around 18 Christmases with our kids at home! Instead of having a holiday season that rushes past without having time for memory making nor lesson teaching, why not get ahead of the season by doing a few key things now.

Get The Pack

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Cristina says

    I really loved this post! I couldn’t agree more. I totally have that one family member who judges your every move. And I’m that member who looks the other way. No worries I got you 😉.

    Reply
  2. Racheal says

    This was a blessing

    Reply
  3. Sarah says

    Yes! I agree so much! I KNOW that I am hyper aware of people watching me and judging me and it usually only negatively affects how I react – especially in an already high energy gathering. I do this, too, taking my kids aside. I know how I would feel and have felt being put on the spot in front of a crowd. I can’t focus. So it is for my child and for me that I intervene quickly – before tensions are so high – and get away from those other eyes and ears. Then we can more accurately assess what went down and what needs to be done, even if it’s just a reminder, “Don’t do that again, yeah? Next time, ____.” I’ve even had the rare occurence where we both just needed a time out and that’s what we did. We hung out in the other room for maybe 10-15 minutes so we could be more kind and gracious afterward.
    What a great reminder, especially in this season.

    Reply
  4. Dalia says

    I just realized my current main parenting problem is that I only have one child. And he makes me look like an amateur. We do attachment parenting at home, I kind of manage the eye-level, patient communication etc. but I am a mess when it comes to being around groups of people, especially if I know they are not of the wise and calm kind, but very judgemental and I will hear about his “misbehaviour” later, how I let him get away with things etc. He is three years old now, and I feel now that I overshared my struggles with him as a baby and toddler, because I was desperate, and branded him as a hellion and myself as a weak mother. And that puts me under even more stress now, especially around the holidays.

    Reply
  5. Lori says

    Thank you!! I trying figure out how to approach 4 year old daughter if she melt down or refused listening. I know my daughter will be excited to see in laws family which I do not like. They can put her to hyper and tease her even I am deaf mom and my hubby is a hearing. It is very tough approach at Christmas party at in laws house.

    Reply
  6. Amber says

    What do you think about the controlling family members that will jump in and start trying to ” fix” the situation in a way that is not comfortable for you or your child? Any ideas?

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      I think that’s highly annoying. HA!

      Reply
  7. Lindsay says

    Thank you!! I’ve already had a couple of “stand offs” with my 4yo daughter, and she’s getting wise enough to know that it makes me uncomfortable in front of others. And she plays it to her advantage. I needed this tonight. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Ahhh, yes the ole power play, great notice!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x