If your baby is taking contact naps and you are ready to wean, read on for how to stop contact naps and help baby sleep in their own crib. Contact naps are, of course, when baby only wants to nap while touching you or another adult. Usually mom. This is precious for a while, but if baby won’t nap in their crib or with another person it can quickly become a nap trap you need some other solutions for. Read on for gentle and effective solutions to weaning contact naps while keeping a happy baby.
Contact napping is essentially when baby only wants to nap if…
- they are on your lap
- in your arms
- on your chest
- being carried or held
- if they are playing with your hair etc.
It’s super sweet special and bonding for a little while. Especially when you’re trying to survive the newborn phase.
But for almost every mom who contact naps, at some point, they decide this just isn’t tenable anymore.
Moms need to be able to do Adult Things.
Because, even though there’s a precious baby and life has now changed, the adult responsibilities of mom have not changed.
And what’s even more annoying is that while you’re contact napping, you can’t nap yourself if you have toddlers or preschoolers running around. So this turns into hours each day when you’re forced to sit.
And, if you’re honest, scroll.
If you want to win your baby from contact napping, you are not alone.
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How to Nap When Baby Naps… In Real Life
Napping Tips When Baby, Toddler, Or Preschoolers Share A Room What's in this post...
Problems with contact napping (both short and long term)
Before we get into exactly how to wean contact naps, let’s talk about how it can become a real sleep issue down the road.
Prevents babies from learning how to connect sleep cycles
This means it they will sleep for a very short time but then wake up midway through the nap. This occurs when transitioning from active to passive sleep because they are not on your lap or in your arms.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
Babies have a “job to do” that prevents restorative sleep
For contact nappers, this job is to make sure that they are always touching you or being held by you.
So if you try to “trick them” and put them in their crib when they want to be in your arms, they will wake up. This is because their “job” is to make sure that you are still holding them.
It’s why they’ll sleep for a few minutes and, as you put them down, wake straight back up again.
Moms get touched out
Another problem with contact napping is that mothers often touched out. This can also lead to nursing aversion and make D-MER worse.
If you are touched out, but have to hold your baby throughout the day for all of their naps, you’ll wear out. Doing something you don’t want to do all day will lead to some stay at home mom depression.
When moms have to hold baby so they don’t become overtired and fussy (which leads to night wakings) then many moms become anxious, stressed and overwhelmed during the day because they have no time alone.
Tried-and-true *hands on* newborn settling strategies that even the most fussy (or wide-awake-sleep-refusing) newborns cannot resist!
Learn MoreFactors that make baby more likely to only sleep well WITH a contact nap.
If baby is overtired
So, if your little one doesn’t have a proper daily routine with age appropriate wake windows then they will be overtired. And it’s much more difficult to get an overtired baby to sleep peacefully in their own space.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
If mom has a lot of guilt around sleep
Mom’s who have a lot of guilt around baby sleep feel that it’s cruel or wrong to put their baby to sleep in their own sleep space.
This means at the slightest protest cry or grunt they will rush in and grab baby and the guilt causes them to actually create unhealthy sleep habits. Habits they’ll only have to break later because sleep is critical.
When baby is strong-willed and fussy
Babies who are strong willed and fussy cry more. They are more demanding and exacting, which can be good for them later on, but can be difficult for mom now. Moms with these precious infants who are not “angel babies” often find themselves jumping through hoops.
They do this to get them to calm down in order to sleep. This ends up with a lot of rocking or contact napping.
Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime – Calm Solutions For Peaceful Sleep
Tried-and-true *hands on* newborn settling strategies that even the most fussy (or wide-awake-sleep-refusing) newborns cannot resist!
Learn MoreReactive contact napping
If a baby won’t seem to nap and is super overtried… moms will try anything. Because babies get in the dreaded overtired cycle. Many mamas find themselves with a contact napper against their will. Meaning they aren’t doing it for the bonding and cuddles.
In my sleep certification program we call this a reactive sleep measure. Moms feel they have to do it but they don’t really want to.
The key? Weaning the contact naps. So let’s get to it.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
How to stop or how to wean contact napping
#1 -Create and keep an age appropriate daily routine
By observing wake windows and tired cues, you can make sure your little one never gets overtired.
This will make it easier for them to go to sleep and settle in their own sleep space. When babies settle in their own sleep space they transition through sleep cycles in their own sleep space without needing you.
This means you’ve relieved them of their “job” so they can sleep peacefully. And if they are not overtired, on a good daily routine, this all goes more smoothly.
A 5 Month Old Schedule (With Feeding & Sleeping Times!)
A 7 Month Old Feeding Schedule That Works Like A Charm
A Newborn Routine That Works Every Time
8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby (And How To Fix It!)
Baby’s First Year: The Ultimate Month By Month Guide
Breastfeeding Schedule By Month — Birth to 1 Year Of Age!
Easy Sample Routine for Babies 3 to 6 Months (That You’ll Love!)
The 6 to 9 Month Routine Your Baby Will Love #2 – Choose a settling method
In my sleep class – Sleep Little Lamb – I go over numerous kinds of settling methods for babies.
They range from fast (which are cry based approaches) to slow (hands-on and in-room approaches).
Choose your settling method. Then, at every nap time and bedtime, settle baby to sleep in their own sleep space.
Create sustainable sleep habits for your little lamb so the whole family can sleep peacefully without the stress, drama, and tears.
Learn MoreI go into more detail on choosing settling methods here in emails that go with this free guide as well.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
#3 – Be consistent, not militant
You don’t have to do the same exact thing every single time for baby. You know what they say…
Blessed are the flexible, they don’t break when bent.
You do, however, want to avoid confusing baby.
Don’t attempt to put baby in the crib for one nap, then do a contact nap the next. You can do this, but baby won’t comply with the option they prefer least.
Choose a sleep location and 8/10 put baby to sleep there.
#4 – Do not stop and start
Get set on what you want to do before starting to wean contact naps.
When you decide you’re ready to wean baby from contact napping, then do it. If you’re not fully ready, then wait. It is more confusing and traumatizing for you (and baby) to waver.
Do not stop and start and stop and start and then act like it didn’t work. Baby will cry and protest the to and fro.
Read: The Nap Trap – How To Deal With It & Not Resist It
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
Let’s recap…
- Keep baby from being overtired
- Create an age appropriate daily routine
- Ensure you have a sleep environment conducive for naps (didn’t mention that above, ha, but couldn’t leave it out!)
- Decide when you’re ready to stop contact napping
- Choose a settling method based on your and baby’s personality (mine are available here)
- Settle baby to sleep in their own sleep space
- ENJOY FREE TIME DURING NAPS!
Create sustainable sleep habits for your little lamb so the whole family can sleep peacefully without the stress, drama, and tears.
Learn More
I find your information helpful, but as a stay at home dad I find your writing non-inclusive. A simple change from exclusively stating “moms” to “parent” and you begin to include not only stereotypical heteronormative couples but parents of all types.
I’m a woman so I write to moms, most the information IS swappable but I’m sure you can find a lot of SAHM sites too!
I really appreciate it written for and to moms! I relate way better too. I appreciate you, Rachel!
I am a dad and I very much enjoy and appreciate that you write for and to moms. Thank you for the wonderful and helpful information that you provide.
You being a woman shouldn’t stop you from being a little more inclusive.
I’m a dad of a new one seeking advice too. I appreciate the article and tips, and never thought once, or even noticed, this article was addressed to moms. Honestly. We’re living in a time of inclusivity and frankly I really don’t get dads that are obsessed over stuff like this. Thank you!
Thank you for supporting for mothers! ❤️
The world doesn’t revolve around you, she wrote what she wrote. You pretend she said person. Fact of the matter is usually it’s women or moms that stay home. It’s ok that every article doesn’t include you.
The website is “herfarfromhome” and you’re really going to bring up father inclusivity? Understand the context of this website.
As a new dad it’s rather frustrating, and I feel rather left out to read nearly every article around newborns and childcare addressed to only mothers. I’m sitting here bouncing my newborn to sleep, trying to find out more ways to calm them and get them into crib so that their mother can rest but this and every other article is basically reinforcing the stereotype that its not my/the father’s role to be putting the child to sleep (or frankly anything else related to childcare on that matter). I would really hope you could reconsider your writing style to be more inclusive and supportive to parents in future articles. (Btw you already include inclusive elements into your writing by referring to *the baby” instead of the too common “he/she”. So thank you for that!).
Anywho at least my baby went to sleep while writing this comment :).
I agree with you. Dads are as responsible for baby’s well being as moms. And even info about breastfeeding should be non gendered, as I’m sure there are dads that breastfeed as well. I understand that the writer is “a mom writing for moms”, but that’s not much of an excuse. You can be “a mom writing for parents”. And I, as a cis woman, find as easy to relate to being mom as to being parent.
The website is “herfarfromhome” and you’re really going to bring up father inclusivity? Understand the context of this website.
When is it age appropriate to try to mend contact naps?
Whenever you feel like it’ll be beneficial for baby!
Thank you for creating free and informative resources for parents! I’m sorry that readers are so caught up on the usage of “mom” that this is lost on them. I have spent anywhere from $75-$150 on different resources about sleep only to leave me with unanswered questions that led me to your site!
I didn’t realise it was just Mums who raised children! Fascinating
How do I adjust the baby’s schedule if he is only taking half hour naps during the weaning process? Recently, I’ve tried to start weaning but he just wakes up 30-40 minutes later and doesn’t seem tired.
Hi Rachel,
I relate to what you have to say so much. I’m in the throes of 5 in 5 years. My oldest just turned 6 and the youngest is 9 months. I’m trying to refresh my tired brain on sleep training. The last baby was easy with sleep and this one is a ‘contact napper’ did you call it? Like baby 1 and 3. Babies 2 and 4 were easy to train with sleep. Anyways I find your blog refreshing and so beneficial. I’m an Aussie and my hub is American and I’m a mother very very far from home, doing it all mostly alone, hub helps when he is not working, but many hours it’s just me trying to do a good job and at times trying to stay sane. I appreciate what you have to offer. Thanks so much.
Can’t believe the weird picky comments from some people. Thanks for sharing your experience with what works. It totally helps.
May the All-Merciful grant you goodness in your life always.
I’m currently feeding to sleep and then contact napping, I’m just wondering where I would breastfeed? Would u still do it before bed then put baby to bed kinda drowsy?
That’s exactly what I’m struggling with! Please answer us! We need help.
This is very helpful advice but there are a few things I feel are missing. What about when you’re starting a routine and baby is fighting naps? If baby does not nap during the allotted nap time (yes, put down before fussy/upset) then that runs into the wake and feed window. My baby currently nurses to sleep and I am desperate to get out of it, but he will not fall asleep without at least being held (can get away from feeding mostly) and will cry the whole nap window. Then when I try to “wake” and feed, he falls asleep because he’s so exhausted. This throws the whole routine out the window. If there is only an hour and a half for a wake window, how am I supposed to do wake, feed, play AND have time for wind down?
Rachael, yes this is the overtired cycle essentially. Too hungry to sleep and too tired to eat. First, I’d space feeding out so baby is actualy hungry and will actually feed. So you can decide not to feed to sleep and then when you feed and baby falls asleep you stop, wake baby up, and then go like that. You also can feed every 3 hourly or so, depending on baby’s age, and that gives you plenty of time for the window.