Here’s how to meet all of baby’s needs in a timely way so you have a happier more at peace baby that turns into a calm and peaceful toddler vs a bossy baby.
My fellow mama, let us take a sneak peak into something fascinating. We want to look at this from an alternative perspective. We want to have some scales fall off our eyes.
Are you ready?
What's in this post...
A day in the life of a bossy baby.
Baby is sleeping soundly then wakes up. Mama is not there so baby screams bloody murder until she comes. Mom thinks it’s too early to start the day and tries to soothe him, but baby sniffs that game out quickly and refuses.
Baby decides it’s time for breakfast. Arms raised up, asks to get in the high chair. Eats until baby is done, then arches back and demands to get down. Throws food sometimes, if mama is distracted and not picking up on the signals.
Baby grabs for the phone and demands access. When mom is busy baby demands to be held or paid attention to. Baby doesn’t nap when mom decides, baby only naps when baby wants to nap.
Baby get strolled, pacified, or comforted when baby wants which is whenever baby is bored. Then, baby goes to bed when he wants, not when mom wants.
And if mom tries to put baby in bed before baby wants.. he just resists until mom gives in.
Help your little one sleep longer and later with our handy dandy checklist.
In short… baby decides what happens at every turn, every day
There is a difference between making sure baby’s needs are all met in a timely and loving way… and responding frantically to every move the baby makes because the baby is the one who directing mom’s entire day.
Babies who get to decide every aspect of what happens to them often turn into tyrant toddlers who are difficult to deal with.
Difficult to deal with isn’t the worst of it, though.
The worst part about having bossy babies and tyrant toddlers are that moms feel so utterly powerless that they resort to more harsh forms of discipline to cope.
Or they simply become super permissive… and the out of control behavior gets worse. Because kids push the boundaries hoping you’ll prove yourself in charge.
Learn how to avoid power struggles, constant stalling, drama filled evenings with our simple to implement bedtime routine strategies.Learn More
How to meet all of baby’s needs without moving into Bossy Baby syndrome
First, let me reiterate so people don’t slash me in the comments… it’s a mom’s job to make sure all of baby’s needs are met.
- nourishment and nutrition
- a calm safe environment
- attuned parents
I’m sure are more, but those above will consume a mother’s life so we’ll deal with those. This post assumes you are meeting ALL of those without falling prey to being a Reactive Mama who only does whatever it is you think baby is crying for.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.
Proactively feed baby
An easy way for moms to feel more in control of their days is to make sure baby is having full feeds at every feed. If baby has a full on feed at 9am, then you know they aren’t starved at 10am. So if they’re crying and whining for you, it’s likely for another reason.
Perhaps they need a nap.
Want a cuddle.
Or feel over stimulated.
Shoving them on the breast to shut them up is not meeting their needs, it’s actually suppressing their communication. Onto my second point about bossy babies…
Don’t view crying as a disaster, but as a communication
Crying is a form of communication for babies.
For adults, crying is indicative of some inner things going on. We cry when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, adapting to something we don’t like, or even feeling joyful about something we do like.
But babies? The only way they can get our attention is crying. Since they can’t talk. If you feel that you’ve got a bossy baby who is constantly demanding something from you then ask yourself…
What do I feel compelled to do when baby is crying?
If you view crying as a 🚨🚨🚨 and you immediately try to feed baby then you’re missing out on learning what baby is ACTUALLY crying about. If you try to feed them and they don’t or snack for a few minutes and stop… they weren’t hungry.
Babies who are fed regularly and sleep well are typically just not that fussy.
Create a flexible daily routine
Babies who have a consistent routine are generally well rested and well fed.
When baby isn’t hungry, isn’t tired, and is getting a lot of cuddles and love from their family, there’s not much to cry about. Unless they have a medical issue.
The key to daily happiness and preventing a whiny baby? A good daily routine!
- Newborn sleep schedule
- 3 month old sleep schedule
- 5 month old sleep routine
- 6 month old routine
- 9 month routine
- 12 month routine
- 1 year old sleep schedule
Easy to implement routines, rhythms and schedules from birth through school-aged kids to help you streamline day-to-day life with kids, including a step-by-step guide for getting started.Learn More
Be proactive not reactive in general family life
When moms feel like a leader of the family, they take on a certain authority. With this authority you learn what’s great for family life and what isn’t.
From this place you are able to create daily rhythms, routines, and practices that are best for everyone in the home. With everyone’s needs being met in a timely way – no one left out – but not one person at the expense of another.
You don’t need to jump every time baby makes a grumbling noise. This reinforces that your bossy baby can grumble and everyone runs to them. This creates a feedback loop that reinforces the very thing driving you nuts.
Instead, meet baby’s needs, be curious about their communications, but don’t jump and run just because you’re worried baby will cry.
Even babies can handle some frustration.
Take our 3 day challenge to create life-giving family, child, and self-care routines.Learn More
Get in touch with your own boundaries so you don’t end up with Postpartum PTSD
I often hear from mothers who are so far at the end of their rope, they don’t even know what to do.
They feel at the mercy of a little bitty baby they love dearly, but…
- they want to escape
- Dread and Doom appear at morning
- being a mom starts to feel like a punishment
I could go on, but won’t. Moms need to be in touch with their own boundaries and not avoid taking care of themselves during this pivotal time. If you have no breaks, no help, no sleep, and are swirling with Raging Hormones then you’re in a dangerous spot.
I encourage you to discover your boundaries and start honoring them, mama! With your bossy baby AND yourself!
Neglecting your own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long―in an effort to be a selfless mother―leaves you depleted. Being well blesses your family! Learn WIN WIN strategies in my upcoming book!Learn More