Bedtime routines can be overwhelming. Especially if you’re doing them alone… and with multiple children. Here’s how I manage with three:
UPDATE: I wrote this 2 children (and years) ago, but thought it would be helpful to show how a mom can create a routine for bedtime with little ones, even when she does it all.
My husband works 3 or 4 nights a week.
So… on those nights, bedtime routine is all me.
Within roughly a 30 minute period I put all three kids (3 years, 2 year, 1 year) in their beds for some zzz’s.
Some nights I think I will rip my hair out or just make myself faint and pray I wake up to children who’ve fallen asleep in their own beds after an angel brushed their teeth.
Alas… but 90% of the time I have the routine down pat and all get tucked in with very minimal fuss.
This free guide gives you the main 4 reasons little ones won’t settle at bedtime (or stall, keep coming out, cause power struggles, etc.) and what to do!
Here’s how I do the bedtime routine for my preschooler, toddler, and baby alone
6:30 pm – 6:45 pm
While reading individually to children is very important, it’s just not something I’ve found success with at bedtime when I’m on my own. I generally read to all the kids at once on the couch from 6:30 pm onwards.
- I Â try to keep them seated on the couch or the floor in front of me and direct them back if they begin to get rambunctious. This settles them.
- I rotate books between the various levels, board books to easy reads to Fancy Nancy.
The goal is to get everyone into bed between 7-7:30pm most nights. I begin the process a few minutes before 7 and everyone is generally tucked in tight by 7:30pm.
I’ve found that altering this time by even 20 minutes can result in contagious meltdowns. And let me tell you, that’s something I try actively to avoid when I’m on duty alone.
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I’ve found it’s easier to put my youngest to bed first because the older kids are able to sit relatively still during this part.
Certainly if I use calm down tricks.
- I give my littlest a little snack around this time and some milk.
- Then, I change diaper, put on pajamas, and kiss and cuddle until I’ve had my fill, or he’s had his.
- I pray over him and then go to handle the older kids.
- While I’m putting my littlest to bed I have my older two kids either go to their rooms (you may have to walk them there) or wait quietly reading in the main living area.
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When I’ve got the littlest to bed, I move on to the other kids.
Then…
- I get everyone dressed in pajamas, teeth brushed, and ready to go to their respective beds.
- Send my eldest to her room to quietly read a book or play with her dolls while I put her brother to bed. I turn on the fan, monitor, and hug and kiss and cuddle until he wriggles out of my arms. I pray and sing to him and off to bed he goes.
- Then I go to my daughter’s room who, at 3, is the most challenging to get to bed without a million questions. Not only do we pray and sing songs, she wants stories that I start and she can finish.
She likes her clothes, blankets, and nightlight just so.
She wants to drink water. So, I usually give her one gulp before laying down. I tell her I’ll check on her later and daddy will too when he gets home.
Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.
Organized & On Task
I try to be organized, compartmentalized, and about the business of bedtime.
After dinner (before bedtime lead up) we can play and be a bit rambunctious. Then, when it’s nearing bedtime, I get them to remain in one place or do something quiet as much as I can.
I remind them frequently that “it’s almost time for bed” so they come willingly when it’s time.
After dinner I get on to the dishes (that I didn’t wash while cooking) immediately. That way the task isn’t looming over me as I finally get the kids down. Just before bedtime wind down- I get the kids to help tidy up.
Since all toys go in baskets that they are familiar with, this process doesn’t generally take too long once they’re motivated. I direct one to put up books, another to put away toys in this area, etc.
Then, I direct them to return certain items to their place.
It is a tremendous weight off my shoulders to know that – after they’re tucked in bed – I honestly don’t have any household related chores to do.
Sanity Saving Tips:
Here are a few tried and true tips that really have helped me steer away from the crazy:
- Give them a calm directed activity (or do it with them) for the 30 minutes leading up to bed
- Get them to help you tidy up and clean where possible so your recharge time will be maximized.
- Corral the little ones and direct them to stay in one area. This way they don’t go tearing up the house while you’re putting one kid down.
- A small snack goes a long way towards helping them sit still and get calm.
- Use white noise so that the sounds of those still awake doesn’t prevent those already in bed from settling.
So… that’s about it really. Whole house clean, all kids in bed, mommy relaxes. Or, more accurately, goes to bed by 9pm. :)
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Jackie @ Hippie Mumma says
So happy to have found your blog! I love it :)
You are inspiring.. I struggle to get just one child down for the night on my own. Go you!
My little one can’t sit still long enough to let me read her a book. She is almost 2 and it’s been like this from day one! We don’t even bother trying to read any words… now we just point out pictures but she usually just gets up and wanders off which is weird because she really does love books!
You’ve reminded me I’ve let her bedtime slip lately. She used to go to bed by 7/7.30 and now it’s by 8.30! Time to scale back. xx
Rachel Norman says
Hi Jackie! You know what I found with my son? He was THE SAME! My daughter naturally sat still for books, but my son kind of wanted to wander and roam a little but yet was still listening. I decided as long as he was roaming around me and calm then that’s fine. If you think about it, some kids are just more active aren’t they? I read you’re in the Blue Mountains… I’m in Glenmore Park :)
Lauren Tamm says
I too spend many evening flying solo, as my husband is gone a lot for work trips. We read books during the day and skip books during our bedtime routine. No good reason. We opt to do a bath instead. I often wonder how that will change if we have more children. Like you, our bedtime routine is about 30 minutes. And bedtime is 730 sharp, sometimes earlier if it was a busy day or naps were off. We also do a “clean up” before bedtime to maximize recharge time.
Rachel Norman says
Reading doesn’t have to be only at bed! !
Rachel Norman says
That was agreement :)
Mel says
Thanks heaps for this story. My husband has trouble leaving for bible study at 7:15 so I think I’ll try your method for a bit and see if that helps those nights. We have a little girl who is 3, a little boy who is 1 and little 6 month old girl. Thanks for the advice and keep up the awesome job your doing!
Rachel Norman says
Best of luck, Mel! Having a plan helps me mentally. . Even if I don’t always stick to it :)
Elisabeth says
I put my 2.5 year old in her bed for some independent reading time while I get the baby settled in her bed… I found that if the big sister is around, things are just too exciting for my 2 month old baby and she has a much harder time getting to sleep at night :-) This way, we can have some relaxing cuddles and a song and I know big sis is safe :-)
Rachel Norman says
Great advice! The babies get riled up with even one sibling around, huh?
Rochelle says
Oh yes. Ours is similar but more “unified”, for lack of a better word. We read together on the couch and then sing one hymn and pray. Then we all head upstairs to brush teeth and dress for bed (we line up for teeth) and they all kids each other and I tuck them in youngest to oldest. They are 6, 4, 2 but we’ve had this routine for years. Last week we had our fourth, so I’m not doing bedtime alone for a few weeks, but when I do I plan to feed the baby, do big kids bedtime, then (feed again?) and tuck in the newbie. :)
Rochelle says
They all KISS each other. :)
Rachel Norman says
Awwwww
Rachel Norman says
I like that lining up. I am going to use that :)
Jessica Nguyen says
I love your blog and love getting the emails. When do you bathe the children? Do you have a sample schedule that you use day to day?
Rachel Norman says
Hi Jessica! Thanks so much! I either feed them after dinner sort of before the bedtime routine (they like 30 minute tub baths if I let them, more if the water didn’t get too cold) or after breakfast. Not sure why I do it in the morning sometimes, but I find bath time a bit tedious when it’s only me so I try to do it when I’m in a good mood. Ha! I don’t have a sample schedule right now, but maybe I’ll work one up :)
Jessica Nguyen says
Thanks for the quick reply. My husband works 6 nights a week, so bedtime can be a challenge. Maybe I’ll try moving bath time. Turn bedtime into a half marathon instead of a full;)
Rachel Norman says
Yes, at least try it a time or two and see how you go. Bath time added to the whole rest of the bedtime routine really does make it seem very long! And bath time in the morning isn’t something that needs to be rushed so, if they’re having fun, they can just stay in it for a while!
JC says
We have very similar schedules and my LO’s are 3, 2, 1… Yea crazy right!! Well at least everyone looks at me crazy haha. My 3 year old and 2 year old share a room and I am having a hard time with waking each other up. Any tips? My 2 year old goes to bed at 7p then by 7.30/8p my 3yr old goes in the room. My 2yr old wakes up 6.30a (which is really not my ideal wake time) and wakes his brother up. My 3yr old barely takes naps which during the day so I feel like he is not getting enough sleep. Do I make my 2yr old skip his nap? I tried to look up for some ideas at babywise mom website but I couldn’t find anything. All my three boys are Babywise kids.
Rachel Norman says
Ha, so crazy we are in the same boat :) One thing I’d suggest is separating them for naps during the day based on their needs. Also, perhaps you could shorten the 2yr olds nap so he sleeps later? I HEAR YOU about the earlier wake time. My 2 yr old is currently waking earlier on days he’s cold so if his room isn’t the perfect temperature, to him, he wakes early. You could try moving your 2yr olds bedtime back a little also? Another suggestion is white noise of some kind. Fairly loud so that your 2yr old has to really make a ruckus to wake the other. And, of course, being very stern with your 2yr old so he gets in trouble if he wakes. I wouldn’t suggest them all at once, ha, but let me know if you see any changes! Also, to be honest, my 1yr old sleeps in a non-bedroom room on the first floor nearer to our master because I didn’t want him to be woken up or wake the other up. Ha!
JC says
Thanks for the quick response :) I am totally going to try shortening his nap, thats the only one I haven’t tried so far. They all sleep with sound machine as we have ministry nights with a lot of people at our house so that has been a life saver for us. I have always used it for them. This whole sharing room is such a huge challenge :) phew!! :) thank you for your advice though
Rachel Norman says
Do the kids sleep through the ministry nights? I’ve often wanted to host things in the evenings, and occasionally do, but not regular things with many people. I’m about to shorten my 3.5 year olds nap too because she’s started to wake 45 minutes earlier each morning which, again, is NOT ideal. I’m wondering if it could also be related to time change which happpens in about 5-6 weeks here?
JC says
Yes, we haven’t had any problem with that which has been a blessing, it gives me a chance to serve with my husband too which has been great. we have a house full of college students every week and they all love to stay late and talk…. The two younger boys are usually in bed before anything starts, my older one get to hang and mingle for a little bit before I put him to sleep and I usually put their sound machine really loud and turn it down before I go to bed. There has been a couple times I put an extra sound machine in the hallway (our house is two levels and the kids room are upstairs with a door by the stairs – its a really old house and you can hear a lot but the sound machines have done their tricks for us :) Yes totally try it :) I think it gives me a chance to mentor some of the girls and just have some good conversations.
Are you planning to have some quite time once your 3.5yr old stops napping? Mine only naps maybe once a week, he still has to take some rest time..I give him an option to take a book in his room but he doesn’t want to..he just likes to lay down and just talk to himself..should I change his nap room? So far my 2yr old naps in our room and my almost 4yr old naps in his and his brother room..
super grateful for your blog and your words of wisdom
Rachel Norman says
I just put my daughter in her bed and give her a few books and some toys and say she can either read/rest or take a nap if she wants. I work during this time slot at home so I don’t give her the option to skip it. Not yet anyway! I’d leave him where he is. I mean these ones who are nearly 4 and 4… they are almost in school :(
celeste says
HI THERE RACHEL JUST WONDERING YOU MENTIONED YOUR 1 YEAR OLD SLEEPS NEAR MASTER BEDROOM NOT IN A BEDROOM, HOW DO YOU COPE WITH GETTING YOUR 1 YEAR OLD IN HIS ROOM EVENTUALLY DOES IT TAKE TIME OR CAN HE PICK UP ON THAT WHEN HE IS OLDER, ITS JUST IM STRUGGLING MY 3 YEAR OLD CO SLEPT WITH ME SINCE SHE WAS A BABY AND NOW I HAVE A 6 MONTH OLD WHO CO SLEEPS WITH ME SINCE HE WAS A BABY AND SO I HAVE 2 KIDS IN MY BED AND MY PARTNER sleeps in another room, how do I get my 3 year old who is deaf to stay in her room , ive tried so many times but everytime im either waking lots or she runs in looking for me , any tips would be great. she spends a lot of time in the lounge room in the day to would it be weird to put her bed in the loungeroom which is right next door to us and see how she goes
Rachel Norman says
I think putting her to sleep i the lounge room might be a great idea. If she’s feeling more secure there then I do NOT think you have to force putting her into her room. Perhaps you’ll just have to take it slow and when she tries to come to your room, walk her gently back. And do this oer and over again until she gets it!
M says
Do you have suggestion for a newborn and 2 year old?
2 year old has routine, used to reading 2-3 books before bed. Changing routine is not optional.
Baby maybe sometimes falls asleep at 7/730. Toddler needs to be in bed reading at 730. If baby isn’t asleep, can’t leave her but I also can’t do the bedtime routine holding the baby.
Theres Just One Mommy says
So important for that calming activity before bed! If they start to get a bit wound up and playing more actively I’ve found it is so much harder to get them down that night.
Rachel Norman says
EXACTLY girl!
Kate says
I came across this post while searching for bedtime routines for a preschooler and baby and have to say that I’m impressed! I did want to ask, though, whether you ever encountered bedtime resistance with your older kids? I’m still a bit shocked that your 2 and 3 year olds complied with their nighttime routine of pj’s, tooth brushing, bed so easily that it could take just 20-30 minutes after putting down the youngest. Even with a well-worn routine, my 3-year-old often resists various steps of bedtime resulting in a lot of energy (and therefore time!) spent motivating him to do certain things without a tantrum. Despite using routine cards, it seems as though some nights he’s just not capable of brushing his teeth, going to the bathroom, or changing without some sort of elaborate game, pretend play, or various positive/negative consequences. Any suggestions? Although I will say he’s in the process of dropping naps and also has been far more clingy to me of late so maybe that has something to do with his nighttime coping abilities… but it’s been this way from age 2.5 on.
Rachel Norman says
Kate, I HAVE DEFINITELY experienced resistance to bedtime. I just wrote a whole post on it too and it should be on the homepage :)
Lena says
I loved this! I think we just might be bloggng sisters. I recently wrote a blog post entitled, “Dear Mom of a Preschooler, a Toddler, and a Baby” (linked above) and I have a category of posts under the topic of “Overwhelmed.” :=)
I am bad about procrastinating on bed time, but when my husband travels, which is quite a bit, I definitely move up the goal time. When he’s gone, we’ll do at least one special movie night where I ut in a favorite (usually Frozen) and let them watch it during dinner so I can eat in peace and quiet and think to myself before doing the bedtime shuffle. LOL
Rachel Norman says
Haha, the other night we had a Frozen movie watching pizza eating on the floor night :) Ah well… they’re only young once!
Jennifer Elmore says
Hi, I read some article about baby health and baby sleep at night. I got some information about importancy of drinking fresh water before going to bed. They always advice that, before sleeping time at night drink 1 glass fresh water. I read all your article and got some more information about baby sleeping time. This is good article. I will visit again for new one.
Thanks
Rachel Norman says
Thanks, Jennifer, good info about the water too!
Stacie says
You are doing such a good job and I feel like a mess! I have a 10 year old, 2.5 year old, and a 7 week old. You would think I’d have this down. :) My 7 week old loves to be held and rocked and does not like to be put down, even to sleep. He used to sleep through noise, but now is a pretty light sleeper. I have to rock him for a long time to get him to go down for naps and my toddler wakes him while she is playing. I have to keep an eye on her as well and can’t be away too long from her to rock him. I don’t even know where to start to get him to sleep easier. We do use white noise for him too. I have to rock him in one of our bathrooms with the fan going. Do you have any suggestions? :)
Rachel Norman says
Hi Stacie, I see this was a long time ago now, but I hope you’ve made some progress. I’d make sure and use a lot of white noise because that’ll help keep out the siblings loud noise!
Mag says
Hi! I’m struggling BIG TIME with bed time with 2 young kids, I have a soon to be 3 years old son and 3.5 months old daughter. They both go to sleep VERY LATE, just before 11pm. My toddler takes a very late nap (3-6pm) so he won’t go to bed before 10pm. He still needs his nap, I tried to skip his nap but this didn’t work. I tried to cut his nap too, but he won’t wake up when I wake him.
My little baby takes long nap in the morning only. But she won’t take a long nap in the afternoon – she sleeps mainly in my arms while I breastfeed her. When evening comes I am lost WHAT TO DO. Who should go sleep first. They aren’t ready to sleep before 10 and then they are both desperate for mummy putting them to sleep at the same time! (toddler won’t let daddy put him to sleep, it HAS TO be me!). Because I breastfeed, I need to be with the baby. Daddy can’t help. I’m on my own with bed time and I feel lots of pressure on me. I want to satisfy both kids but it’s so hard. When toddler wants to read books, baby starts screaming and daddy brings her to me to breasteed her because nothing else calms her down.Then toddler goes nuts because he gets jealous and wants ONLY mummy!
Oh please your advise will be so much appreciated!
Thanks for reading.
Rachel Norman says
Will your son take a nap earlier int he day?
Dani says
Hiya! This is so good to read. Do you have any suggestions on a routine for a nearly 3 year old and an exclusively breast-fed 9 week old?? I struggle to do it alone and rely on grandparents to help when daddy is away. Keeping the toddler entertained while I breastfeed the baby is the problem as the feeding can take between 30-60 minutes. Thanks for some great blog posts btw, glad to have come across your blog x
Julie says
Ditto, Dany. I have a just turned 4- year old son who I need to be preoccupied while I am putting down his two year old sister for a nap. He constantly interrupts me if I don’t put him in front of the TV and we are trying to keep their TV down to a half hour a day, which is the Daniel Tiger episode before we start nap time. Thanks.
Rebecca says
Great article! How do you put your kids to bed at 7/7:30pm when it’s still light outside? Or do you change this in spring/summer?
Rachel Norman says
Blackout blinds and curtains over them and I let them read, etc. until they get a bit more tired :)