Got teenagers? Here’s an awesome alternative to curfew. Post contains affiliate link.
My oldest child is only 3 years old. But I’m writing this post, see, because I like to plan ahead. Okay, I’m kidding. This was just too good not to share. Plus, I know many of you have older children.
I follow an amazing Christian writer and speaker who is a mama to 4 boys, the youngest now a late teenager.
When I heard her speak in Sydney, Australia I remembered a lot of what she said about spiritual life. But this curfew business was what I thought about for days. Days, see. Why? Because I tend towards worry and it’s genius.
So let’s talk curfew. Most parents put boundaries and parameters on their teenager’s activities both to protect them and teach them responsibility. And as my mother always said…
“Nothing good happens after midnight.”
Of course that isn’t strictly true. Lots of good things can happen after midnight. But if those things are really good – and good for you – they can probably wait until the light of day. Under supervision. In a group. With everyone wearing True Love Waits rings. Read this on that subject.
The genius alternative (although you could also do this in addition to a curfew) was this.
A kiss good night upon returning home.
What's in this post...
Why this is genius
Oh there’s a few reasons why this is great. If you’ve done your best to train your children in good decision making and wisdom, then at this point you are giving them some freedom to make their own choices. However, there is still oversight.
When they kiss you goodnight you’ll see the time they got home.
If you go to sleep and they’re still out, then they wake you with a kiss when they get home. There’s no fudging the time and you don’t have to wait up for them just to monitor it. You’ll know exactly when because your bedside clock will tell you so.
You’ll be able to smell them.
If they smell like alcohol you’ll know they were underage drinking. If they smell like cigarettes you’ll have to give them a four hour slideshow on lungs and addiction. If they smell overpoweringly like perfume, cologne, spearmint, or strong coffee you’ll know they are hiding some other malodorous substance you probably wouldn’t approve of.
Speaking of coffee. She once tweeted that coffee was, yet again, proven to be amazing because research showed coffee drinkers had more “marital relations.” I replied, “Well, what else are they going to do when they’re still awake at 2 am?” Read her book on the marriage story here.
Anyway… another reason it’s awesome is this.
They’ll know they are coming home to you.
When they know they will be coming home and kissing you goodnight, it is also a heart issue. Your teenagers won’t be able to slink into their bedrooms at 4 am after a night full of bad decisions without having to look you in the eye. When they come in and go to your room and kiss you, their conscience will be very awake.
Of course we cannot and should not micromanage every aspect of our kid’s lives, yet we should provide guidance and wisdom. We train our children up in the way they should go, and then we have to let them go it. But they don’t need to go it alone. No matter what type of curfew, or non curfew, system each family has, one thing is universally true…
Who doesn’t love a good night kiss?
Note: she only shared about the good night kiss upon arriving home, the rest are my own thoughts.
I really like this idea, although I don’t know if I could deal with the being woken up part of it! Some of my best hangouts happened ’til 4:00am… And we were just chatting, playing board games and chilling.
Yet, the very fact that I got to do that was a good thing, and the fact that a teenager could make that choice and you still be a part of that decision is a good one too. *sigh* Looks like mama’s going to have to sacrifice her beauty sleep.
Ha, mamas always have to sacrifice their beauty sleep :) I didn’t stay out until 4am, but there are plenty of things you can do after midnight that are perfectly fun and reasonable! Ha.
the kiss is a sweet thought. I am a mom to a 22 g, 19g and 17 b. Each child is and was different about coming in at night. I have to say I don’t agree with not giving a curfew. One of mine was always late and the later I would give a curfew the later she was. I decided not to give a curfew once and she didn’t come home till the next morning. I don’t know many moms that can go to sleep at night till their children return home. I am not saying it’s wrong but you will have to see what works with each one. I was lucky enough to have one always on time, one was early and the other always late.
I actually agree the more I think about it. Perhaps a better title is “in addition to curfew” :)
Nice thought, but I don’t know that it would actually work. My husband was expected to do something similar when he was growing up and he’d just say “I DID wake you up–you just don’t remember it” and it would work.
Ha, i hear you Brittany, but I assure you that would NOT work with me. Was his mama a softie? On another note, I actually think I’d do this in conjunction with a curfew. I always had one and didn’t even mind it really! Only my friends who got into trouble didn’t have one. I think that wasn’t a coincidence?
My wife sent me this link to read. As I scrolled down I saw a USLawns add. We have a local USLawns Franchise so I thought that was cool. I have never commented on a site before but I think your site is great. My personal thought is that we need the Holy Spirit to lead us in these decisions. He knows best for each of our families. I also think it helps for the parents to be in agreement on these tough decisions. Thanks for taking the time Rachel to encourage mothers.
Darrick you are very right about following the leading of the Holy spirit for each family. Even within each family! Thanks so much for your kind comment :)
The best suggestion I received when my children were young was to establish a curfew and then set an alarm for that time. (This particular family used a clock in the parents bedroom.) In order to make curfew meant that you needed to be home and in the house with enough time to turn off the alarm before it went off on its own. Accountability and no “I did wake you and you don’t remember” nonsense.
Oh that sounds good! I used to pull into the driveway at 11:53, ha. I like that idea actually, particularly if you have a few kids. Plus that whole “I woke you but you didn’t remember” business would not fly over here.