Spot On Advice for Husbands of Stay At Home Moms (That She Won’t Tell You!)

Although they hate to admit it, sometimes husbands of stay at home moms struggle with keeping a healthy relationship with their wife. Here is some spot on advice (that she won’t tell you) for any husband who wants to do better:

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Having been a stay at home mom for many years – and having many other sahm friends as well – the struggle is real.

And one element of the struggle that is particularly difficult is when your husband comes home and thinks… well… what do you do all day?

Of course, most men won’t say it like this. Although some do. But there can be a sense that we are super hyper-vigilant all day but still… don’t get anything accomplished.

She needs to be shown appreciation.

Everyone has a different love language. Do you know hers?

The key to showing appreciation is knowing what her love language is. Let me explain:

• If her love language is words of affirmation, it’s all about what you say and how you say it. She needs to hear you say “you’re amazing, thank you for what you do.”
• Is it physical touch? If it is, body language is everything. Show her appreciation with hugs and kisses. Never receive her affection coldly.
• If her love language is receiving gifts, you better not forget your anniversary or her birthday. These are probably highlights of appreciation for her. Go all out on Mother’s Day…etc.
• Quality time is a real love language. So if she has to nag you to put down the cell phone or schedule a date night she will feel unappreciated.
• If acts of service is her love language, make her requests of you top priority and she will feel appreciated.

Read: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

I have seen couples struggle because they simply aren’t speaking the “same language”. For example, he may be continually buying her gifts and she could care less..

Why? Because her love language is physical touch. She just wants him to hold her hand.

There could be many scenarios of this but the truth remains… husbands of stay at home moms need to show appreciation in a way that she understands.

What a quick tip for learning what her love language is? Just be observant. Watch what she does for the people she loves. This will show you what she needs to be reciprocated to her.

Give her time to herself & don’t make her feel guilty about it.

If she was out in the workforce, she would naturally have some time alone. Take the car ride to work or the lunch break.

I’m sure you’re imaging that she can escape from the kids throughout the day for some quiet time, but that may not be the case. And even if she can, a change of scenery every once in a while is good for anyone.

So, if she wants to go to the park alone or take that spa weekend…

• Give her that time to herself. And, work hard to not make her feel guilty about it.
• It’s healthy for her to be able to relax and reset her mind. I would argue that time alone is actually necessary for her mental health.

She will be happier and the kids will be happier. In return, you’ll be happier. See- it’s good for everyone.

Read: Kids Fighting In The Car? How Not to Get In a Wreck

Be confident in her.

Never, ever minimize her role as a stay at home mom. She has not taken the easy way out.

Instead she has broken free of societies norms to raise the children within the safety of your home. This is big time, super hero, change the world stuff.

And, it’s tough.

But you know what is tougher?

Attempting to accomplish this with a doubting husband. Now, that’s just awful.

I’m not saying to agree with everything without a conversation. But what I am saying is that- she is there with the kids all the time. She probably has a handle on what the household needs to look like.

After all, it’s her job to maintain the environment of the household. Let her do her job and show her over the top confidence that SHE’S GOT THIS!

It’s hard to ask for help, so when she does…

There’s a complex that comes with being a stay at home mom. She thinks she needs to have everything together– 100% of the time.

And asking her working husband for help feels like she has failed.

Well, first of all let me tell you that saying at home is a job. I have done both (working away from home & being a full time stay at home mom). Both are jobs…

But often times mom’s have a hard time asking for help. So my advice is this:

When a husbands of a stay at home mom get a request for help, don’t even look sideways at her… because her guilt will eat her up. It’s possible that she will then implode and begin to feel like she has failed.

Instead, jump to the rescue and encourage her. Make her feel like it’s an honor for you to be there to assist her in what she needs.

Read: We’re ACCIDENTALLY raising entitled kids – Here’s how to stop!

Date her in her environment.

Look, there are day’s when my husband comes home and I’ve got…

• stains on my shirt
• a messy bun with knots
• mismatched socks
• glue and paint are everywhere
• children are half naked
• floors haven’t been swept
• and everything’s a mess.

It’s just reality. Not every day… but it happens.

It’s in these crazy moments that taking her by the waist and telling her how beautiful she is will mean the most.

Sure, getting dressed up for a date night is super important and special. But, when she’s in her environment doing for the children everything she can…

She should be the most beautiful creature on the planet to you… hands down.

For her, it’s the little gestures in her environment that matter.

It’s the…

• smile across the dinner table
• lingering kiss before leaving for work
• hug for no particular reason
• note on the bathroom mirror

Whatever it is for you, dating her in her environment is the key to her moral and self confidence.